The Wrath of the People


Multiple Personality Disorder
by Multiple Personality Disorder

I untied Jane Goodall's bra from the back, and she undid her pony tail and let her hair hang on her neck and shoulder. I turned her around and kissed her lips. She looked twenty-six, a byproduct of watching a documentary program about her life on Discovery Channel. With a lot of help from some angels who were looking after me, I was having a sexual fantasy at 37,000 feet above sea level at a speed of 600 miles per hour on my way to Europe, the first leg of my travel to Tehran. Up to that point, watching the documentary on the airplane, I always thought she was only interested in chimpanzees, but when I heard she was married twice and had a son, and her husband was dead now, all of a sudden she looked very sexy to me.

The temperature is just about perfect here in Tehran. The air is clean and crisp with no signs of smog, but in the evenings during rush hour air pollution becomes apparent.

Most people here have two toilets in their houses now, in two different places, a squat toilet and a sit-on toilet, toilet farangee, both of them come with a flexible hose. I know how to use squat toilets with a hose. I know how to use sit-on toilets with toilet paper, but I have not yet figured out how to use toilet farangees with a hose. Water gets all over the place, on my ass, my pants, and the whole bathroom.

It won't be very long before I'd figure out how much to pay for things. For now I take out the largest bill I have with me and hand to vendors and watch the expression on their faces to see if I have not paid enough, or if the bill is too large and they might prefer a smaller one. I hardly have any fear of the nightmarish traffic here now, having gone to Iran before, and having done all my screaming already. From what I heard, my brother screamed a lot on his first outing during the rush hour, too bad I wasn't in his car when that happened. A couple of times when there was a close call with the car I was in, specially with crazy motorcyclists, a passenger in my car made a comment, ahmagh'ha ra'aayat remikonand, stupid people don't follow the rules. To which I calmly said, nah negeran nebashid, hich etefagi nemiyofte, no, don't worry nothing bad will happen.

Everyone here dislikes Ahmadinejad. Okay, let's make it clear before I go on further. By Everyone, I don't mean a scientific survey of the population has been done by a credible polling institution and I am giving you the results. I mean it as a way of expressing the feel I get for this place, so far. Everyone dislikes the ruling government. Everyone has an LG flat TV screen with a satellite dish in their houses and watches satellite TV, anything other than what the government broadcasts. When I tune in to programs from seda va sima people wonder why. Everyone says lying is a normal way of living in Iran. The government fears the wrath of the people. People are in control. The people will choose where and when to voice their frustration.


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more from Multiple Personality Disorder

Thanks Multiple Personality Disorder

by Farnoosh on

Most of us miss the Iranian life very much. We can get the political stuff from news sources, but it is a rare treat to have a writer we have come to know and like go to Iran and report on things with a great sense of humor. Thanks for sharing.


Travelling MPD

by divaneh on

Seems like you are having a pretty good time there. I have to salute your courage to drive in Iran. When I went there I could not see myself driving more than 100 meters before having an accident, and avoided it.

The hose in the toilets with the toilet seat has only got one function and that is to quench your thirst. Enjoy the rest of your stay and be safe.

Anahid Hojjati

Dear MPD, be safe. Write some stories now and some upon return

by Anahid Hojjati on

Dear MPD, I feel somewhat guilty telling you to report everything. By all means, be safe.  As yolanda wrote, you are one of mainstays of IC and we all care for your safety. Maybe, now you should write stories about traffic, funny toilet stories and reporting on general life observations and keep the biting pieces about politics for when you return.

Nazy Kaviani

Thank you, MPD!

by Nazy Kaviani on

This is great and very funny! I feel like I am there, experiencing the sites and sounds with you!

Please be careful MPD! Stay with family tales and descriptions of your environment. That's what I miss the most. There is plenty of time for commentaries later.

Be well, be safe, enjoy your time, and write again whenever you can.



by yolanda on

Hi! MPD,

     I got confused with your 1st paragraph...the last blog you said that you arrived in Tehran...... there was a river of tears of joy.....but the 1st paragraph said that you were still in the were on your way to Tehran...

     Please be very careful with the traffic in Tehran......IC does not want to lose one of its mainstays...

Thank you for telling us that nobody likes AN......please don't tell people you wrote this piece:


The toilet part is really funny!

Look forward to your next blog!




by timothyfloyd on



You are so lucky!

by Monda on

Evidence of your good fortune with creativity: You can find Goodall sexy in high altitude :o)

Have a blast bro!

How much Does a good filter shekan cost these days? (Thinking of sending a present for a young relative)

Saccharine Annie


by Saccharine Annie on

yeh do beytee bedeh beeroon. albateh bad az khordan kabab va piaaz.

Anahid Hojjati

thanks MPD for writing another blog about your trip

by Anahid Hojjati on

 Thanks MPD for this new blog. By the way, I am also curious about how accessible is to people in Iran?  Do people have to have really good filtershekan to be able to see  Any way, enjoy your trip and keep your blogs coming.