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Tuesday * What Iranian men offer I've been thinking those same thoughts for a long time, myself ["What have you to offer me?"]. As attractive as Iranian men are, I can't for the life of me, warm up to them (or perhaps the true story is that they don't warm up to me), but let me tell you what they have to offer. I'm only going to concentrate on the positive aspects: 1) On balmy summer nights when you're taking a walk through a residential neighborhood and you smell something that reminds you of back home, you can tell him about your feelings and your memories and he will understand. 2) When you talk to him about the types of fun you used to have as a kid, growing up in Iran, he will understand. 3) When you talk to him about your frustrations about your culture, your people, your rituals, he will commiserate. When you tell him you love it all despite your frustrations, he will still understand. He will not hold the hate, nor the love against you. 4) When you look into his eyes, you will see yourself. 5) When you take him home to your parents, he won't constantly look at you for "translation" because your parents have an accent, or they are being "Iranian," and offering him to eat too much, to drink too much, to be involved, too much. He will understand. These are just a few items on an endless list of music, food, dance, poetry, etc. If you grew up here and don't have those feelings, then nevermind. :-) And Good luck! Bahar M. Jaberi * Abbas-Agha / Khadijeh-Khanoom In reaction to Azadeh's "What have you to offer me?", I would like to express the following, aimed at my beloved expatriates: 1. We Iranian men and women have an inner psyche embedded in us, called "Abbas-Agha" and "Khadijeh-Khanoom", respectively. This is what we have in common with our ancestors who accumulated a code of behavior to protect their financial and social interests in this unforgiving land. That makes a man eager to marry a virgin bride, approved and shipped to him by his family. That makes a woman eager to win herself a providing husband whom she serves obediently, without any social or professional interactions outside the sanctuary called "Andaroon". 2. If you think that you are culturally mature enough to break this cycle of Abbas-Agha / Khadijeh-Khanoom-ism, go ahead and do not restrict yourself to Iranians in your search for your soul-mates. Otherwise be prepared to pay the emotional price. * Women are at a disadvantage Dear Azadeh, Since you asked the question, "What have you to offer me?", I think it's my moral responsibility to provide a reply. I'm just kidding. The truth is, you struck a chord, and I can't help writing back, at the risk of becoming the target of all sorts of slander from zealous Iranian "feminists" out there. Anyway, I wish you had mentioned your age, because it makes a huge difference in how to address your question. You may well not be able to afford the luxury of waiting to meet the "right" person, Iranian or else, as it is quite well rooted in Iranian as well as Western (and in particular, American) cultures that when it comes to mating, women are at a disadvantage, no matter however much the feminists have tried to ignore the elephant in the room. This has been the case, I'm afraid, throughout history and across geography. If you don't believe me, please go to a decent bookstore and see for yourself how many books aim at consoling the single 30+ women >>>> FULL TEXT * Mr. Perfect is out there Dear Azadeh, I read your short article, "What have you to offer me?" and enjoyed it. At the end of your article you ask "Is it really better to be with an Iranian man?" Well, let me see if I can answer! First, I am an Iranian man. I was born and raised in Iran with Iranian values and attributes. I have been living in the U.S. for about 19 years now, and am married to an American woman. Before I married my wife, I dated several Iranian women, and I can say that eight out of ten of them were not compatible with me. To make a long story short, I dated more Iranian women, I dated women from Canada, Peru, Russia, France, Australia, Sweden, and the U.S., and decided to keep an open mind in evaluating their individuality. It just happened that I found myself closest in personality to the one who is an American. She has many many countless wonderful attributes that I could not find in any other women that I met, but that does not mean that all American women are good for Iranian men, and/or all Iranian women are not suitable for Iranian men. That would be a generalization, and we all know that all generalizations are false! >>>> FULL TEXT * Hamdeli khoshtar ast Dear Azadeh, Just listen to your heart ["What have you to offer me?"]. Rumi says: Ey basaa Hendu o Torke hamzabaan * You've got a point, but Hi, I am a 21-year-old boy from New York City (Big Apple). About you article ["What have you to offer me?"], you've got a point there, since most of us (Iranian men) don't have the apperance of men from other nationalities; we've been misjudged. But, as I learned from the last generation, we know how to talorate life's hardships. We usuallay last longer in marriages, and also in ups and downs. I might be wrong because of my age, but I have seen a lot of non-Persian friends going down because of thier unstable cultures. I am not saying we are all "IT", but we work our way towards it. * I'm different This comment is for Cyrus Raafat on his story titled "Real Iranian girls?", first of all let me introduce myself. I'm a 19 year old Iranian/Persian (whatever you want to call it) girl, who has been living in Australia for 15 years along with my mum, dad and two sisters. Both my parents are Iranian, and we have travelled back to Iran many times. I would like to tell Cyrus that yes to some extent I agree with the fact that Iranian girls in Iran, are more modest, and have more self-respect, but again one can not be judgmental, and think that all Iranian girls living in kharej have no self-respect or they are all non-virgins, as I don't live in America I don't know what the Iranian girls there are like, although I have heard some pretty interesting things. But as for myself and many of my friends here, we are Iranian, just because we are living in kharej does not mean we should loose our self-respect, because it is that self-respect that Iranian girls/women have for themselves that makes us so unique. Cyrus jaan, I don't blame you for looking for a girl in Iran, especially after what people say about Iranian girls in America. But the one thing that gets to me about you Iranian guys is that you have your way with all types of girls, even Iranian, then you insult all of them, by saying things like you can only find a potential wife in iran! And making comments like "maa dokhtare paake iraani mikhaahim" when you yourselves are going out and doing all this "kesaafat kaari" with the girls, and you expect to have an Iranian girl respect you! Over my dead body that I will marry a guy who has slept with a girl, or has had a girlfriend. If I didn't why should he? It's utter nonsense, because even in Iran there are the girls who have lost their morals , and self-respect. So please do not be judgmental towards Iranian girls in kharej. There are still some of us here, that are much better than some of the girls in Iran >>>> FULL TEXT * Camaigns, not flags, make a difference I read the article on Kilimanjaro ["My flag"] thinking I can get away from a political discussion, and well, nice try Mr. Amir Khosrow Sheibany. I have two comments on the surprise ending to the story. First, if you pick your flag, you have automatically picked your cultural / ethical / religious beliefs. The two are not separable, and so your concluding argument does not hold. Second, though I have nothing against the Shir-o-Khorshid, I think polarizing around any flag is childish. Like in the case of Russia where the old flag returned after an experiment with revolution, the flag had nothing to do with fighting the lies and corruption of the C.C.C.P. It was a grass root campaign by opponents inside and outside the country that made any difference. * Googoosh documentary My name is Farhad Zamani and I am a filmmaker who very recently completed a feature-length documentary about Googoosh which took me over two years to make. In light of the project that has consumed so much of my life the past few years, I find the dicussions which have been generated by Ms. Sabety's piece on Googoosh ["Googoosh, the myth"] -- and Mr. Tabib's response to it ["Romanticizing the past"] -- very interesting. And in fact, my film is thematically made very much in the style of Ms. Sabety's article. It is an exploration of Iranian culture and history through the prolific life of Fae-gheh Atashin (Googoosh). It uses Googoosh's life as a metaphor to locate roots of malaise in our society. I guess what interests me most with these continuing discussions is what happens to someone when they achieve icon-status. Specifically, the Googoosh story -- for me -- has always been about a woman who was forced to live out her life in the public arena (by the father who turned her into a child-performer and then the husbands who built their careers around her, etc.), only to be forced to live a life in seclusion and silence (i.e. the Islamic Republic which forbade public female performances in Iran). A fascinating story by itself >>>> FULL TEXT Farhad Zamani * Hell of a lot more, elsewhere I usually mind my own business. My philosophy in life is if they step on your tale step on theirs. However, all these recent commotion about couple of articles titled "Baharam" and "Dariush" have given me the urge to want to interfere and address those people who were so extremely opposed to those stories. I don't understand how is it that we come here, we live here we deviate from our culture by doing so about 960 degrees and still have a problem with a little bit of adult material in some article. I just don't get it. Don't you people have cable in your homes? Or do you turn off the TV in the middle of a prime time show when Victoria's Secret commercials or some perfume ad comes on? Or do you make your wives and kids close their eyes? And what about the internet? What are your kids and relatives exposed to on the net every day? If you are letting your 16-year-old daughter to explore the world on her own then, I've got news for you: she is exposed to a hell of lot more than what is written in "Baharam" everywhere else, and frankly what are you doing letting your 16-year-old daughter browse the net on her own; aren't you supposed to be supervising her? Well if you are supervising your children you would have seen that on top of both those stories it is written loud and clear that you should not to read this if you are under 18 >>>> FULL TEXT * Rather have prophet of peace This is really very annoying to have adults putting down sacred things such as religion! We must learn that ignorance is not a virtue! Every once in a while some arrogant fanatic who has nothing to be fanatic about comes around, and in this case it is Cyrus ["Bahaullah schizophrenic"]. Cyrus, the Bible says nothing about Mohammud being a prophet of God, so please next time be accurate in what you are saying becasue someone might actually assume you know what you are talking about. Are you asumming that the Koran is correct? According to your definition, Mohammad too is a schizo, claiming to hear God, and to be a propht. Hypothetically speaking, if Bahaullah was a schizo, then Mohammad was a pedophile, taking a nine year-old wife when he was in his late forties. In case you think I have some prejudice, I am actually not Bahai. I think that Cyrus has just been raised in a fanatic family that has not taught him all aspects of different religions. If you ask me I wouldn't care if my prophet was mentally unstable. I would rather have a prophet who promotes peace rather that one who promises a great war to come. * Centuries of nonsesnse This is very typical of all religious zealots ["Astounded by Bahaullah"]. Whatever happens in the world, they say, "our prophet predicted it" or "his holiness's word is the answer to all the world's problems". What empty words. Muslim and Christian fanatics have been saying this nonsense for centuries and now it is the Bahais' turn. Shias believe that an imam has been hiding for over a 1000 years and hence his representative on earth should rule as Vali e Faqih. Bahais believe that this hidden imam appeared 150 years ago and promised a new prophet who promptly appeared one year after the hidden imam died. Shias are pissed off with the Bahais, because they believe that the imam should still be hiding. All these stories were made up and acted by mollas and are believed by people with the same sort of mentality! What is the difference between Molla Bab (12th imam) and Molla Khomeini (13th Imam)?! The only difference is that they executed Bab when they captured him, while the poor Shah let Khomeini go so he could come back again after 15 years! God bless Ahmad Kasravi who managed to unite Shia and Bahai fanatics against himself. I refer the interested readers to his books regarding this matter, Shia-gari, Babi-gari and Bahai-gari. Excellent work indeed for people who are interested in history, unlike Mr. Mansuri who is captive of his dogma. * Arabs or Aryans? I have been looking at your web site, trying to understand the issue's on the political agenda in Iran. The article by Mr. Sheibany interested me, in so far as it focused on Arab versus Aryan identity of Iranians, rather than specific political or Cultural values. However, this is the only article I have found on the subject on the various web sites I have visited. Would you, or your readers, be able to point me in the right direction in learning more about Iranian Identity and exactly at which point Iranian identity is at odds with Arab identity. In America we generally view Iranians as part of the Arab world, and yet my Iranian (Persian!) girlfriend is much offended by such a categorization, and further more I see many an article by Iranians offended by the term Arabian Gulf. What is going on here? Why have Iranians not accepted the Arabic tongue, the language of God in the Koran, as their official language, just as the Egyptians and other Arab countries have.
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