Souri

Souri khanoum

I am truly sorry for contributing to the way you feel...

As you know my intention was to stop the baseless personal attacks and character assassinations. I guess I should not have replied to the ones directed at me. I even mentioned in my comment that it was against my better judgment...

Most of the time I try not to respond to accusations and insults. It happened before and some friends suggested I'd chime in and defend myself.  I guess ignoring them was not a bad idea after all. I am still trying to figure out when it's ok to defend myself and when it's not. This last one was just too weird, I wonder why nobody even asks this lady "therapist" to show what I had said to her that got her so wound up! nobody asked, and nobody cared. I should have let it go too. Sometimes people attack others just to become popular. Unfortunately attacking Jaleh and me and even yourself has proven to be a sure way to become popular with a small but loud group of people here.

Thanks for your efforts in trying to slow down the huge downward spiral that we've taken! 

IRANdokht

thank you for the response Souri khanoom

And I'm glad you are interested and concerned enough to continue this discussion.

So, let me add to my words.  You have made a personal distinction between the two groups.  Is this not, although in a kinder fashion, the same thing you're concerned about?  People making judgements based on their own personal reaction????  Do you think Fateh is less worthy of respect than say, Jaleho?  And I am using specific names because you did.  We can easily NOT use names if you wish.  But once the genie is out of the bottle, it's damn hard to put her back. 

You ask "how can we denounce the bad acting and bad behavior...."?  Who is "we"?  And whose is this "we" that should have the power to denounce anyone?  Because they disagree with "we"?  In that case, "we" is going to change a whoooooooole lot....LOL. 

I am 100% of the mind that no one here has the right to denounce anyone else.  You can disagree and debate and argue and even get angry.  But no one here has the right to state their opinion as "fact".  There aren't two people here who agree about everything.  Maybe 99% but not every single thing.  So when they get to that 1%, hell, let's throw all the rest out the window and denounce them because I don't like what they said.

You seem to contradict yourself a bit when you say that sometimes you have to make examples.  You either DON'T use personal names or you do.  Or is that one of those decisions that "we" gets to make?  :-)

But please... let's continue if you disagree with my words.  Let's "talk" about why we differ instead of attacking one another as being "wrong".  Tell me what you disagree with and why.  And let me respond with my explanation.  One of two things is going to happen at the end.  We, as mature and respectful people, are going to say "ok, I disagree with you and we have discussed this and neither one is going to change our minds but I still respect you" OR you're going to say "Yes!  I see the light now and you're right" !!!!!

And before anyone wants to jump my ass, I'll be the first to say that I've not always followed my own advice.  I regret that and I hope I'll never lose my temper again even when it's something I feel strongly about.  I hope I will sit back and take a deep breath before I come back and make a comment that will forever remain to be read and re-read.  Will you join me?  :-)

dears Kharmagas and Faryar

Thanks to both of you, I am embarassed (happily of course!)

Kharmagas: Your Persian is perfect, but I'm afaraid you'd called me wrongly, as I am not a Shirzan :) Not at all. In fact I am very vulnerable and sensitive person. The internet, make us look anything but the real us :)

no comment

no comment.

This is a general topic

Please do not take it personally, even if we have to mention some names. This blog (and specially this post) is not to POINT  anybody in particular.

Response to Mme Che Khabareh:

Yes, I did differentiate two persons from others, because there is a total difference between these two groups:

1) the ones whose only job in the site is to spread hate speech

2) the ones who occasionally get too emotional and act or re-act badly to another member of the site

I put myself in the second category and also in the section of (re-acting) people

And as you may have noticed it even in my blog, I said that I regret it too.

But, when you talk about "underlying" means, just tell me please, then how else can we denounce the bad acting and bad behavior or false statement of the other members? Tell me how you would do, I am really interested to learn it from you. Blogging is the only way of expressing our ideas and feeling, and I think the best way, is to keep the identities as anonymous as we can. Of course sometimes it is not possible because we have to give some examples ...........

Even when I mention very straight signs and example in my stories, still some people come and ask for names!

How do YOU, deal with this?

AS  I said in my blog I feel completely disarmed now and don't know how/what to do.

I chime in with you faryam

Souri is definitely a shirzan (*), although I think her wishes are not realistic......,.. 

(*) Souri my Persian is getting rusty as you know, I hope I did not use the word shirzan (couragious woman) wrongly.

helpless and hopeless

I feel both sometimes.  A lot of good comments here.  Frustration is taking its toll on everyone.  The situation in Iran, the situation in the US, the situation in the world.  It's just a bad time all around.  And people do attack when they feel threatened.  I'm not sure I blame the ones who attack anymore than I do the ones who provoke the attack.  Some people encourage that just so they can sit back and go "poor me".  Everyone has buttons that can be pushed and everyone here knows exactly what those buttons are.  I also don't think the ones who use crude language are any worse than the ones who use a more subtle approach.  The intention is the same.  I think that's worse in fact.  To hide behind false kind words when your intention is every bit as ugly and offensive. 

But Souri... I think I want to point out something.  It might seem very insignificant to you but I think it's exactly the kind of example I'm talking about.  You mention (very kindly) several people who you feel are getting picked on but when you include Fateh,  you made a side and snide comment.  So you have (very subtley) insulted him.  I'm sure you don't even realize that you did it and I'm sure you didn't mean to.  But that kind of "differential treatment" is exactly what offends some people.  Do you think Fateh is going to read this blog now and say "yes, I agree with Souri"?  No, he is going to read it and think to himself "so much for being nice and fair to everyone".  So he now has a little resentment because you have singled him out.  Do you think his supporters are going to be as nice when Jaleho makes some outrageous comment like "Iran is a democracy" again?  No, because once again, the lines have been drawn.

This is said with the same intention of your blog.  To make everyone aware of the effects of their comments and actions.  I personally think you are a kind lady who maybe doesn't realize how her own words sound sometimes. 

But I think it's lovely that you have expressed your own frustrations so well.  Let's hope that word-by-word we can all change!  Yes?

Souri has been a voice of Justice and Reason

Souri has been a voice of Justice and Reason, even for the outright divisive and irrational characters on this forum

and for that , she has my and hopefully many others respect.

Sooner or later , regardless of the name people choose to hide behind, their words and intentions becomes their "calling card"; we have seen thiis again and again.

faryarm 

.

.

Mr or Ms Cyrus

First you don't need to insult me for that, did I insult you ?

You had criticized people abroad as to why they cover their face when they go to the street protestation, I told you : for the same reason that you are here with a fake name and no picture!

Where's the relation to "Savaad" ?

Where's the relation to "insulting post" ?

See, this is exactly what I was talking about : Revenging a past hurt!

Souri ; you are adame 2 roo

Sour khanum;

jedan khejalat nemikeshi as hame iraad migiri vaghty khodet por az IRAAD hasty?

man ye bar 2 mah pish neveshtam ke iranian kharej az keshvar khoobe ke az mardom dakhel keshvar yaad begiran ke bedoon eynak doodi va neghab mian to khiaboonaye keshvar tazahorat mikonan vali ma irania

kharej az keshvar ba eynak doodi soorat khodemoon ro penhan mikonim.

TO natonesty khodeto control koni va nisheto zadi dar comment ke chera man ba esm va address va axe khodam  comment nemizaram.

akhe bi savad mage nemishe man ye esm va axe alaki inja bezaram va comment benevisam??

ageh in karo bekonam doroste ? mage in axy ke TO inja gozaashty

hatman axe khodete? ma az koja bedoonim?

hala root ziad shodeh va omadi az mardom IRAAD migiri vaghty khodet

por az IRAAAD hasty?

khjalat khob chizie ke bazi az irania nadaran. yekish TO

Souri Jan

I like and respect you.  I have been the object of personal attacks, many times.  I usually ignore them.  However, sometimes you need to set boundaries, on people who do not know their place.  My response to this person, was due to an unprovoked insult on me.  Sorry, I do not have more time to expand. 

Have a good day.

Thanks dear friends

I agree that :"the one who does the assaulting is the one who gets debased not the one who is assaulted."

But I do respect most of the people here, even if I don't agree with their political ideology. Some members get so much assaulted that it make them embarrassed and they don't come back. They leave or they rarely contribute after that.

I don't like this.

I don't like, what people do to Jaleho. Last night I had seen insult and curs words in every where. Ms Mina Dadvar (whom I respect) has insulted another person, dariush was insulting Yolanda, Mr Fateh....oh let leave him aside. Same thing with Nur and his many other accounts!

It is unbearable. I can't stand it . Too much is too much. People don't want to respect the limit. There's a limit to every thing. When they insult one person in this way, they are insulting all the readers who take time to read them. Just think about that.

And also there is this gang who is always there to: gather around each other's blog to cheer up even the most vulgar and insulting blog some of them is posting. Then they gather all together to bully one single person who eventually has a difference with only one of them. Most of them also come there with their twin (their other username)All this to give the impression to the readership that they are very numerous and represent a majority in the site while they hardly reach to 7/8 persons in all.

As you have noticed (dear Anvar) it is impossible to flag and delete all those offensive comments, because it will damage the whole content of the discussion.

So why people don't want to respect themselves and respect others?  Specially this gang who think they are really funny here. 

This is not funny at all.

Souri Khanoum

I share your emotions but like Anvar I think the solution does not lie in stopping the flow of communication.  I think it was Javaneh who said on a separate blog about how these angry and venomous communications reflects the political/social scene in Iran.  I would add, with some help from other 'friendly beneficiaries'!  I think routine and diligent removal of personally directed offensive remarks and removal of the repeat offenders could go somewhere towards addressing this problem.     However, as Anvar says, there is a lot to learn even from the interactions and "The one who does the assaulting is the one who gets debased not the one who is assaulted".  Thank you all for wishing for a civil discourse.

Self Debasement

*Souri* - I agree with the essence of your message but I don’t agree with your proposed or wishful solution.  For one, disabling the comment feature of the blog does not solve the problems you mentioned.  People would still use their 2 daily allotted blogs to insult others and others would use their 2 blogs to insult back.  Granted that it may reduce the quantity of the insults but it will not eliminate them.

Besides, how do we judge the character or integrity of people if we don’t allow them to show it?

I personally learn from both the blog and all its associated comments so I wouldn’t want it disabled.

I don’t enjoy personal insults and ganging up on individuals either but it doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers you.  Even the most vicious attacks against me personally, or my beliefs, don’t bother me that much.  I tell you why.  In my opinion:

The one who does the assaulting is the one who gets debased not the one who is assaulted.  If there’s any shame involved in such interactions it goes on the ones who cause the injuries not the ones who get injured.

Anvar

Souri jaan

I share your wish.

Its so sad and we see so much of it here. I dont understand why there is so much anger in people here that they feel the need to be so destructive and rude to each other.

Good manners and kindness cost little but it seems for many the cost is too high or some.

We have already seen people leave the site because of the nastiness here. Its really very sad. 

Javaneh