The Mrs

Choosed?

We get it very well, ThePope. Becase we are intelligent enough to know it's "chose", not "choosed". lol.

:)

PEACE

Raast-raasee yaadeh bachehgiat be kheyr...

The Title is not confusing at all. Actually, it's a perfect title for HER blog and it makes totally sense. The author choosed the best possible title for HER article but you guys just don't get it! :)

Yade bachegya bekheyr or yadeh bachegya be kheyr?

Maybe theMrs tends to say bee kheyr like without kheyr. Otherwise the title doesn’t match the article at all. As everybody else said, it's very confusing.

Disjunction between the promise and the actual content

Hi,

I wouldn't criticize the content of this personal essay, since by definition a personal essay is always about the memory of the author, and not the memory of its readers. So I agree with theMrs. when she defends her essay by saying it is her story/memory and not ours, and so she has the right to feel whatever she feels or remembers. 

But, I think the only problem in this blog is the disjunction between its title and the actual content of the blog."Yaadeh Bachegia Be kheyr" gives its reader the promise of something sweet and innocent like childhood memories, especially that it is stressed out with "Awww childhood is so sweet" ...I think the negative comments we see here is due to the feeling of betrayal the reader feels at the end of the piece. As after all, the main conflict in this essay is the conflict between a child and a pedophile...even if there's a happy ending to this story, still it cannot be considered like the representative of this child’s sweet childhood.

To be honest, I don’t find anything wrong with this disjunction, and it is the author’s absolute right to shock and to provoke, but it is also the reader’s freedom to take it lightly or not!

Azarin

You're right Iva

The blogger and Souri who agrees with her are khaharane Zeinab. They repeat what Seda O Sima of the IRI has injected into their little brains.

They think it's ok for men to molest children because like Souri says "It's hard to control the sex drive and desire for a young man 20's, under the horrible restriction".

TheMrs (NazaninCanadai) calls her molester "a decent man" because she thinks it was natural for her to be molested. She calls her experience "Yaadeh bachegia be kheyr". Does she know what Be Kheyr mean? She's happy about her experience. I think that's very very sick. 

I was a basiji in Iran and touched any girl or boy I saw in masjeds. The difference is that I now sort of know it's bad to molest kids, but chicks like TheMrs and Souri insist that this is not a big deal. Their words are very violent. I hope Iranian kids don't read what they have to say.

Homajoon from a jail in Orlando

To: The Pope

LOL; your comment was hilarious. I had totally forgotten the zarbolmasal kerm az khodeh derakht boud. Farsi shekar ast, as Majid would say.

Confused

I am not sure if I understand why the writer is upset from reaction of some of the readers when they showed their disgust of violators and disagree with the writer who thinks that particular violator is "decent" man. I reckon Seda & Sima of IRI teachings were not so useless after all!!!!

Ummm....

A most revealing post.So much is making a lot more sense now.

And it looks like except for Souri and Kaveh, too many of us are "getting ahead of our very small selves" here.

I wonder if Thursday night blogs get deleted, too, just like all Friday night blogs by TheMrs do.

I hate to break it to you

I hate to break it to you folks. But here are the facts. This was my blog, about my experience and my feelings. Not abot rape victims or child molestation. And this isn't a support group or a forum for social change.

I didn't make light of child molestation and didn't say I supported anyone's natural urges. Be man che aslan? Doesn't everyone have at least one funcitonal hand?

What people like Homayoon and Disgusted don't get is ... their own violent words.

Peace Out

What's your problem? Don't be angry! Relax! Get a life!

I love the way TheMrs and Souri talk to Shirin and Derakhshandeh. I love it when chicks fight over my sex drive and my right to touch any one of them with or without their consent.  I agree that Shirin and Derakhshandeh should relax and get a life, 'cause I am the real victim here. I'm the one with trauma, called names and put in the Big House. As long as I have supporters like TheMrs and Souri I feel powerful and keep doing what is my natural urge.

I have two other buddies:  ThePope who says "Are you 100% sure
kerm az derakht nabood ?!!" and RedWine:"Then you are a bacheh tehroun, isn't it :D ?" I mean with these guys and gals who think girls are the problem or should submit to boys without a word, I don't feel lonely in my cell. 

Power to TheMrs and Souri who have absolutely no empathy with Shirin and Derakhshandeh. Hehe hehe.

XOXOXOX

H.

Yeah, child molesters are victims, lol! pathetic

Listen to what Souri says:

"Those men are somehow the " victims", themleve. It's hard to control the sex drive and desire for a young man 20's, under the horrible restriction which affect their normal human behaviour."

Yeah, it's NOT hard for a young WOMAN of 20's to control herself under horrible restriction because Souri knows that women have no sex drive. lol

People: this is about aggression, violation of other people's rights. It's not about sex. Wake up people. EVOLVE! Don't stay backward like Nazi or Souri. EVOLVE!

Thanks TheMrs and Souri for supporting starving men

I'm doing time in Orlando. They call me convicted child molester. Not fair. Like TheMrs and Souri say I was starved and couldn't help myself. Chicks don't get sexually starved, only dudes have sex hormones and get aroused and must discharge themselves. Chicks are around to satisfy decent guys like me. Listen to these two cool and clever chicks.

Like they say it's not a big deal, it's normal to touch kids when you're starved and have no money to pay for young Ho's. I'm still starved. When I get out, I'm gonna go into little girls pants like I did when I was in Iran. Next time when the judge wants to sentence me, I'm gonna quote TheMrs and Souri who understand decent men so much. I've been touching every boy and girl I saw in the park or masjed when I was in Iran. These westerns are too much on the side of chicks and kids.

Thanks TheMrs and Souri for supporing starving men.

XOXOXO

H.

Shireen, Derakhshandeh

Unlike you I'm not being judgmental about what TheMrs went through. Unlike you, I'm not invalidating what she experienced. I'm not analyzing her either. What I mentioned does occur, and if you have an issue with the fact that I brought it up, ....oh well.

Shocked and disappointed? Where do you get the right to be shocked and disappointed? Are you suggesting that TheMrs doesn't have the right to feel the way she does? Are you so special that you are entitled to some sort of dispensation to invalidate her feelings?

Wow, lady, you are really full of yourself.

Derakhshandeh if you knew my opinion on cherry jam, you would know I like cherry preserves. Organic, of course. Worth the extra cost. Jam has high fructose corn syrup. Blecch.

Yes, I have an opinion. So what? If you don't like it, well, I guess that's my opinion, and your problem.

If it makes you feel better to take a condescending tone, then be my guest, the door is wide open. Your sarcasm preceded your comments about my having many fields of expertise and many talents. You were probably too preoccupied with passing unqualified judgment that it probably didn't occur to you that I enjoy reading on a variety of subjects. I never claimed to be an expert.

(Although I never read about cherry jam or preserves. That's from trial and error).

So, if taking a shot at me will bring a smile to your face, then have at it. It's not my idea of a hobby, but to each his or her own.

I'll sit back and watch while you run down your list of judgments.

Shireen : You look mostly frustrated and angry !

You said you are disappointed, but mostly you look frustrated and angry.

Violation of all kind is to be condemned. Verbal violation like you do to TheMrs, is the same act as that indecent man did to her when she was young. What's your problem ?

To feed you curiosity : I don't know TheMrs personally. I said I know her personality, and that's through what I read from her in this site.

Satisfied ?

Hmmmm...

Are you 100% sure
kerm az derakht nabood ?!! :)

Shirin, Now you're

Shirin,

Now you're getting way ahead of your very small self.

- I have no personal relationship with souri, not that it's any of your business or would have any bearing on my story.

- I never commented on what I did or did not report to my parents and what their reaction or actions were. What is your problem? And whether they are or are not educated is none of your business.

Kheily nafahmi. One would expect someone in your situation to leave blame and shame aside and not be judgemental. Thank goodness I wasn't traumatized like you.

Get a life, seriously.

در

فرهنگی که دختران 9 ساله از چنگال گرگهای سی چهل ساله در امان نیستند به بهانه آنکه سن بلوغ دختران 9 سالگی است تنها راه نجات اطفال، تعلیمات اجتمائی در خانه و مدارس است و آشکارا آموختن کودکان و بیداری آنها (در حد امکان در یک کشور اسلامی)که چگونه مواظب آن گرگها باشند.

مطلب دیگری که ارتباطی با این بحث ندارد ولی ذکر آن ضرری ندارد آنستکه چند روز پیش از رادیو شنیدم که درظروف ملامین و پلاستیک مقدار زیادی از ماده شیمیائی "ملامین" وجود دارد که بتدریج وارد غذا شده و به بدن وارد میگردد. علاوه بر ایجاد چندین بیماری کبدی، یکی از عواقب مصرف ملامین زود بالغ شدن دختران است. و بیماری دیگر که ملامین در شروع آن نقش مهمی دارد "آتیزم" میباشد. ظروف ملامین و پلاستیک را به دور بیاندازید .

Souri

Does your personal acquaintance with Nazi extend to her family, too? To her educated parents? This happened under their very noses and they went on to gossip and laugh about it later, the story goes.Hard to believe, and my disappointment mounts.

Satisfy?

Say what?  You know better than that! 

I hope Old Abe will forgive me for the variation but:

"You can satisfy some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not satisfy all of the people all of the time."

To sweet and shiny

Delbandaanam. next time, I'll write something more victimish. It might satisfy your need for lumping everyone in one basket and expecting reactions and trauma you see on Without a Trace or CNN.

Meanwhile, I suggest you both relax.

...

Thanks for sharing your memory. Then you are a bacheh tehroun,isn't it :D ?

TheMrs

Thanks for sharing your memory.

I believe every word you said (as much as you remember the details of course) because knowing your personality, I can imagine you were a brave and smart girl even at 12.

But I think that he was (at least) an indecent man, maybe more than this, but you can't say it for sure as you didn't know the man really, neither do us !

One thing that surprise me all the time is the fact that, people make the accusation and judgement about those kind of person who were doing these acts in IRAN and in some WHILE AGO...without considering the restriction that our culture and religion bring to the people there.

Those men are somehow the " victims", themleve. It's hard to control the sex drive and desire for a young man 20's, under the horrible restriction which affect their normal human behaviour.

We seem to look at those guys in the same way we look at a pedophile today and in the West. What I can say is like you :

" I'm not convinced that just because he tried to get a feel, it puts him in the same category as monster "

Shirin I think TheMrs may be

Shirin I think TheMrs may be confusing a starved teenage guy, maybe a few years older than herself, with a 21 year old man.

If he was a young cousin I'd have agreed with TheMrs but since he is 21 I'd have to agree with you.

Although I must say that he may not have done it as a pedophile way that pedophiles do it with premeditation and this may be the reason TheMrs is forgiving and the whole incident didn't go too far anyway.

As for Mr. Nouraee you are right, his psychobabel is always around and he has an opinion on everything from cherry jam to United Nations!

you're all right AND wrong

First of all... it's a shitty thing to have happened, period.  I have personal experience with something similar.  I agree with theMrs in part by not jumping into the pedophile bandwagon.  It was improper... it was sexist... but I'm not sure it's more than that.  He was a 20 year old horny guy... maybe theMrs was a hot 12 year old.  He figured he could cop a cheap feel.  I am NOT CONDONING it.  Not for a minute.  Yeah, I've seen the guy in my experience since then.  Only once as an adult and yeah, it gave me a creepy feeling.  But I never made any accusations... I think I told my brother though.  And if you develope a normal sex life afterwwards and continue to enjoy a healthy sex life, why should it have be traumatic.

I'm not sure I'd want to address it with him but you do what you gotta do.  Good luck and I hope it doesn't backfire. 

mr. nouraee

Thank you for your psychoanalysis of Nazi and myself. You are truly a man of many talents and fields of expertise. You did manage to portray Nazi as someone who continues to suffer from an untreated trauma, hence her misplaced goodwill toward her predator, but I doubt she would agree with you that she is suffering from anything.

I am disappointed because a perfectly good chance to talk about a taboo was turned into exonerating and romanticizing the predator. Nazi's generous stance toward that man gives the notion that in retrospect, she doesn't mind helping out a starved young man. That is shocking and disappointing to me.

Shirin This isn't your

Shirin

This isn't your story. It's mine. And what can I tell you, I don't have any hard feelings toward the guy. It never became the central focus of my life. I rarely remember it. I wasn't happy but not traumatized either. Your experience may have been different.

The story is true. I didn't want to get into it but at that time, when the lights would go out, other kids would make fart noises and after ward, hich kasi be roo khodesh nemiavord. Saying things in the dark was common place. So being brave and saying something you normally wouldn't was no biggie. And I was a very zaboon deraaz and poroo child.

I should add that even though we expected lights to go out in Tehran, in our temporary city of residence, black outs weren't common. So the adults were litereally falling over things trying to find candles. It was very busy. I blurted something out and it did the job.

I wondered how he remembers it because I'm curious. You don't have to be.

I said he's a decent person because I'm not convinced that just because he tried to get a feel, it puts him in the same category as monster. I can tell you that next time I go to Iran, I will arrange to see him. I will bring it up.

Thanks for sharing

It can't be easy to share an experience like this in such a public forum. It takes a lot of guts.

Mash, you're right. He's a pedophile. Unsuccessful in this instance, but still a pedophile.

Shireen, you shouldn't be disappointed. With all due respect, it's honestly not your place to be disappointed. Despite your own experiences, you really cannot put yourself in the shoes of TheMrs at that moment in time. This is how she remembers it.

There have been many instances where people who have been molested adopted a measure of sympathy towards the molester. Usually it's a subconscious defense mechanism designed to assuage feelings of guilt the victim may have. It's still such a taboo subject that no one wants to deal with. Many victims often end up feeling like they are at least partially to blame for what happened.

Rather than being disapointed, be supportive, as I'm sure you would want support from your experience. 

a childhood memory?

I was improperly touched and intimidated by older men when I was a young girl, so I know the feelings you described. Your story's ending sounds far fetched. A 12 year old girl does not have a voice which could be easily mistaken for just anybody else's, worthy of "very naughty gossip" by adults later. When a 12 year old girl shouts something THAT serious, people take notice, even in Iran.

And where did you learn to say something like that to a sexual molester? I mean that is not just gutsy and clever for a 12 year old, it is a bit surreal.

Last, Nazi Khanum, you were 12 then and in Iran. You are an adult and living in the west now. By now you probably know a whole lot more about child abuse, sexual molestation, and Pedophilia. What EVER makes you say the following?

"I have no hard feelings toward this guy and I’m sure he’s a decent person who was probably very starved."

Trust me, Aziz Jan, people who were sexually molested as a child have no such generous thoughts or ideas about their predators.

And why in the world would you wonder how he remembers the incidents? Even if he were questioned by others on the scene right then about what had just happened, he would not remember them the way you did! That's the nature of the beast.

I am disappointed.

A pedophile

Thanks for the story. But I do not agree that the guy was/is a decent person. He is a typical pedophile. No matter how "starved" one is, a man does not go try to molest a child. No excuses.