Negotiating with hookers during economic downturn!


by Siamack Baniameri

PART 1 (2)
Like many of my Iranian compatriots, I frequent Las Vegas for three primary reasons: gambling, alcohol and a hooker named Seema.

If hookers were rated based on appeal and performance, Seema would have been up there with the best of them. Seema is beautiful -- damn beautiful. She looks something like a malnourished Bollywood star blended with Selma Hayek and a drop of Kate Moss. If that look does it for you, Seema is your girl.

Her best features, by far, are her eyes. They are dark and mysterious. Her long legs, perfect nose (nose job) and bodacious tatas (implants) make her stand out in the crowd.

Seema came to United States from Iran when she was fourteen. With IQ of a cotton ball and self esteem of a door knob, she dropped out of high school and partied with rock stars. She went on road trips with rock band wannabes and slept in tour buses and cheap motels with anybody who resembled John Bon Jovi.

Becoming bit of an old face in the Rock and Roll landscape, she eventually was replaced by younger girls eager to make their marks on the groupie scene.

Short on cash and already a hardcore drug addict, Seema moved back to LA and took on exotic dancing.

Dancing brought her cash … lots of cash. Not knowing the value of hard-earned money, she blew her currency on drugs, fast cars and fast guys. Life was almost perfect for Seema. She had her own place, a German car, worked only three nights a week and slept all day. Dancing was so easy, even she could do it. Seema learned to hustle older guys for money and occasionally fucked rich guys for additional perks and travel.

Seema’s divorced parents blamed each other for her lifestyle. Her mother worked at a Supercuts store in West LA and her dad owned a gas station nearby. Starting from zero and working every day of the week to chase the American Dream left no time for Seema’s immigrant parents to nurture a young, occasionally impressionable offspring. But her father simply believed that Seema was a bad seed and she would have ended up a hooker no matter how much time and attention she received from them.

As far as Seema was concerned, life was peachy.

Working in a club in North Hollywood, brought Seema the unwanted crowd … the Iranian crowd. Older Iranian men from Beverly Hills to as far as south Orange County came to see the goods.

Some Iranian men came to see her dance to gratify their deepest fantasies and some came out of curiosity. No matter what the reason was, Seema didn’t seem to mind—as long as they brought in the dough.

Drinking, drugs, age and nonstop parties took their toll on Seema’s good looks. That and boredom pushed her to give prostitution a try.

Seema joined a classy Escort Service in LA and started to cater to sexual needs of Hollywood celebrities. Occasionally she performed at high-end nude clubs for additional cash and PR.

The more Seema drowned in the world of prostitution, the more she enjoyed the work. It sure wasn’t as easy as dancing, but money was better and the Hollywood crowd was nice, clean, loaded with cash and always a phone call away from quality drugs. But the best part, by far, was the celebrity gossip.

Seema specialized in threesomes, bondage, fantasy roll plays and bestiality. She seldom agreed to do anal, unless she was treated to a weekend of resort vacation with full spa treatment.

But since Hollywood has a short attention span and always searching for new faces, Seema’s loyal clients (as she liked to call them) eventually moved on to newer, fresher talent, leaving Seema cash strapped and mostly out of work. The adult movie industry in LA was pumping out new faces everyday and everybody wanted to fuck a Porn Star. Since Seema never performed in adult movies, her status as a working girl was reduced to the “flavor of yesterday.” Things started to look grim.

Like any desperate hooker, Seema decided to jump start her career by relocating to a more desirable location. Las Vegas, here she comes…

Seema worked the strip and hit ten to twelve casinos per night. She also worked for an Escort Service that served Japanese businessmen and CEOs of high-tech corporations on business trips. Las Vegas was her kind of town. It was easy, drugs were plenty, clients were there to blow money and the cops were friendly.

I met Seema at Bellagio on one of my frequent runs to the ATM machine. Being a lousy poker player and not knowing my limit, I spent more time pacing to the ATM machine than at the poker table.

One look at me and Seema knew she had a customer (sucker) for life >>>Part 2


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Flying Solo

Pandora's Box

by Flying Solo on


You and I may open a pandora's box on this 'humorous' piece.

Some early feminists did consider marriage a form of prostitution.  Some called it slavery. let's not forget that it has not been that long when women were bought and sold (not just in Iran) for the purpose of keeping house and breeding. 

Fact remains we all have to make a living - man or woman, and , in one form or another we all are prostitutes.  Society gives those of us with 'respectable' professions a 'respectable' title and we also get the carte blanche to make fun of the ones who sell their bodies.  Ultimately the system of the jungle prevails and we are all exploited.

Najeeb is a great word - right up there with 'normal'. Woudl love to hear what everyone has to say about that word!



long live Islamic republic Iran

by hajiagha on

and  Iranian so lucky such people or regime (shah) and mozdoran shah

get out of Iran, life is not all about hookers or gambling, which for you are, do not care about any things just your own ?

47 years old women homeless burn life and she die in corner of vancouver bc , do you have any ideas why we should so negative about Iran, what you creat for your life and in your brain, same as fundamentalism religion do .

Shazde Asdola Mirza

Moment Agha Moment

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

سیامک جان، این همه مشخصات و نشونی و اندازه‌های این خانم رو دادی، ولی‌ شماره تلفن یادت رفت داداش!


A Normal Girl

by blogger (not verified) on

I agree with Flying Solo on two points.

One, what is the definition of a "normal girl"?

Second "A liking for money and men is universal among us women; though some of us don't have to work as hard for it as hookers do."

I often think about the non-working women who merely see their job as keeping a warm bed in order to sit home pretty and not having to work outside of the home (in the name of the kids)and wonder how do they differ from the hookers. Most of these women talk behind their husbands back and don't care for them much. They're just hanging in there in order to have someone put a roof over their head and bring them the comforts of life. So, how are they different than the hookers. Maybe the only difference is that they have one paying client instead of several and hence they are "najeeb". For me, the fact that they see the "sexual" act as a form of job security puts them in the category of whores, irrespective of the number of clients. They shouldn't down at such people. They too are trying to put a roof over their head and that of their family.

Flying Solo


by Flying Solo on


American Wife

funny but sad

by American Wife on

Funny because of the great style of writing... sad because it's become a source of humor.  It's kind of hard to argue that it's not a man's  That advice from a mother seems a little odd but not without some validity. 


Flying solo,those night girls are tax exempt !

by Anonymous Iranian 123 (not verified) on

Prostitution is the oldest profession.It has been been since the beginning of creation of humans.It is legal in Las vegas and I believe they are tax exempt.They collect all the money and all the sickness that comes with being night girls.Of course they are not normal girls.They normally drug addicts and in order to support their habits they have to work the night.


get a real job like this rest of us.

by persian dude (not verified) on

i do not see how this was funny in the slights way. this is a very sad story of how women are abused by men for their fun. siamack Baniameri it is sad u find this story funny. would like ur close family to be treated like this addict to drugs and selling their body? i think u would not. i advise you to be more understanding and care about women's rights more, they do make half the population of the world! they should be treated with respect.
i am a male and i am not gay to make matters clear for you.


نظر ِ شخص ِ بنده

مدير ِعامل ِ حزب ِ ايران ِ نوين (not verified)

والا چاره اين مسأله آب ِ توبه است
من خودم دفعه ديگر كه به لاس وگاس برم، تو يه همون استخر ِجلوى ِ بلاژ يو
يك آب ِ توبه به سر ِ سيما جان ميريزم
و بعد از چند قول هوالله، يك زن ِ پاك و خانه دار و حرف گوشكن از ايشون مى سازم


Marge. No. It is SOO not a

by kouroshS (not verified) on


No. It is SOO not a man's world anymore.There is no such thing as Good hooker advice. You are basically Justifying prostitution and giving it a good appeal instead of being against it wholeheartedly.
Your friend's young daughter could have easily lied to you about what momie had told her. No decent and wise mother would ever give her child such an stupid and f**d up advice, Hell, they would not even imagine their daughters becoming a Prost... much less giving them guidance on how to becoming agood one,Unless of course she is one big Wh... herself. A RARITY.
I am sorry that you never got to meet a man who was not after anything but sex and may god bless you with a great man someday, But men nowadays are a whole lot more sophisticated and mature that you like to give them credit for,

Recommended: please stick with being a political commentator on this site.

Flying Solo


by Flying Solo on


I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek

I had a friend whose mom gave good hooker advice once

by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on

She sent her daughter here alone to be free and hopefully marry a nice American man. She was drop dead GORGEOUS but unless you want to strip and strap it won't pay the bills alone. This was during the 80s and I remember she told me that her mom said "if you are forced to be a prostitute one day, be a high-grade one. all men are after sex anyway, at least take one who will pay a lot for it."

It's a man's world baby. You guys should never complain. 

Marjan Zahed Kindersley


by Marjan Zahed Kindersley on

That uncanny way of educating and hilarity again. ;)


true or fantacy!

by Anonymous iranian (not verified) on

Prostitution is real in USA and other countries for Iranian compatriates.Some leave Iran just for this purpose,some run out of money,some get involved in drugs and to support their habit their take this route.There was a famous Iranian topless dancer in Dallas who went to a Dallas Cow boy football player home and she claimed that she was attacked by several of the players and they took pictures of their act.She could not prove her case because she was arrested for prostitution before.


Who is the poor girl in the pic?

by Anoooooo (not verified) on

Who is the poor girl in the pic? I hope either she gave you her permission or this is not just some random woman's picture you selected for this story.

No matter, your writing rocks as usual.


Siamak jan

by Souri on

Are you changing your style of writing ? No more satire ?

This one made my sad insted of laughing. Good story though. Thanks.


good business decision

by Nader Khan (not verified) on

Can't wait till the end of story,in this economic turmoil i had to bring my prices down and I am not even in that business now if she has too then I don't feel bad


thanks sbglobe!

by Monda on

I just read Mr. Baniameri's Art of Kissing. Now that's one fantastic piece! :o)) 


agha where's the humor?!

by Monda on

Will I read the punchline in the sequel? or is it a man's thing?! Your title's catchy though.  


Art of Kissing

by sbglobe on

A Very Good Story and Writing! But…….I think someone put it under a wrong category (or maybe I am taking life a bit too seriously). This is what I call humor - Art of Kissing – in my view still one of your very best pieces and no matter how many times I read it, I laugh so hard that bring me tears! 



by Khar on

You were one of great reasons I started visiting this site to begin with, Thanks.....Keep on writing Bro!

Alahazrat Hajagha


by Alahazrat Hajagha on

I love you I love you I love you siamack......