bajenaghe naghi

BN

"With the monsterous success of this blog, I am going to stay with this
theme for my next blog which is going to be called: Bullying in Public
Baths. I am just hoping that souri will also take that blog as a
personal attack on her and we will have another wopper! :-)"

Now if that ain't being a 'Grown Up little Brat' then I don't know what is!

Thanks to those who addressed me either agreeing or disagreeing

Friends, I will not be able to comment for a while today and I see some of you have addressed me.  Some have written that they disagree with what I wrote and some loved the analysis.  Either way, thanks for responding and sorry that for now, I cannot devote more time to this blog.  But with "monstrous" success of this blog, lack of my presence should be no problem.  Best wishes to everyone and don't forget to do some Moshaereh today when taking a break from all this back and forth on this blog.

EPC

Hey!  master of exaggerations

Well, I am glad that it did work for you. You seem to be the one with the aggressive mentality. I however, do not.

You are not sure, because that is not what i said. You do not go out and get people, when you are not even sure something might happen down the road. That is totally paranoid. No. I don't like bullies, and what i also do not like is those who perpetuate the bullying mentality under the guise of pre-empting it.

I was not there. So how i can i testify to you having that many friends? If that is what happened, then i guess that is what happened.

I am so happy that you finally were able to get into their heads and figure out what was up with the way they think. You ought to be proud of yourself!

Thank you dear ex programmer

I am humbled by your words, really. You are one of the most impartial & objective person in this site.

Do you know I'm another ex programmer too ?Another reason for me to be flattered, lol

BN

So, now you even try to bully people with the success of your blog!? Your blog is nothing! Nothing I tell you! If I made even a single blog post, I would get so many comments from Q alone that it would dwarf your so-called successful blog! Either that, or my blog would be deleted by the site administrators. But oh well.

Souri

I can tell by the way you interact with people on this site that you are a social person. You don't seem motivated by spite at all, which makes you quite different than some of the people who say those things about you.

BN

Happy to see that you realized that your boring blog would never get so many hits, if I hadn't commented on it!

For the information of those people who think that "number of comments" is a sign of their success:

If you are so desperate that your 2 blogs/day never get success, don't worry at all! Just bring my name in your blog ;)

Lol, I think J must pay me for being here.

Anahid Hojjati & Holly

Thanks for explaining a bit about Iranian culture. We have many subcultures in the US and I've found different parts of the country to be quite different from eachother, especially in the schools. I was in New Jersey and New York from 6 to 14 and public schools there can be a complete nightmare for kids who don't stand up for themselves. Theres also a lot of racial violence (or there was when I was a kid at least) in schools that have a very mixed student body which is most schools in those areas.I spent the last couple years of high school in the Los Angeles area and it was a night & day difference. I thought Californians were so friendly and peaceful by comparison... and I still do, even after all these years. Califorians have their flaws (they tend to be a lot more stand-offish than people in otehr parts of the country for instance) but I really admire their (our) courtesy, even amongst kids.

Holly,

We don't have to join and we always have the option of disengaging or firing back tenfold. 

Doesn't feel very good when you decide to "fire back" and all your comments where you are trying to defend yourself are getting deleted within minutes of making them! That's like a kid who tries to fight back against a bully getting sent to the principals office and suspended, while the bully is let off the hook and continues to bully other kids. No problem?

Thanks for explaining your position, and I'm sorry your blog got shut down... but I still have to disagree with you if you think the bullying on IC hasn't gotten out of hand. As long as my comments don't get deleted I can put up with it, but I know of people who used to be regulars here and left because of the abuse. That hurts this site. It also hurts me, because most of them were people whose opinions I liked to hear.

daruis jan

Thank you for your comments.

With the monsterous success of this blog, I am going to stay with this theme for my next blog which is going to be called: Bullying in Public Baths. I am just hoping that souri will also take that blog as a personal attack on her and we will have another wopper! :-)

KouroshS

Just because it worked for me doesn't mean it would have worked for you :p

Not real sure why you are objecting in principal to a bully getting the tar beat out of him, though. You like bullies or something? One of the upsides of my strategy is that I instantly had hundreds of friends, which kinda helps in a new school, eh? Downside is that it got the attention of the tough kids (and the bullies are never the tough kids) as they tended to wnat to figure out where I fit in their pecking order. But that always happened sooner or later anyway.

XPC

I'm fairly new here and haven't seen comments being deleted and/or accounts shut down. But I'll take your word for it that they are. And if this is being done in an inequitable manner then shame on IC. Now that you mention it though, a recent blog of mine where people weren't behaving too admirably, got closed to further comments AFTER JJ's warning that it would get shut down if there was more abuse AND there was no more abuse after the warning. But it got shut down regardless. I didn't give it a second thought but I guess it is possible that someone ran to JJ and kicked up a stink. However, I still don't care because all it does is reflect on the rat and the administrator's objectivity (or lack thereof depending on the details). So again, if the intent was indeed to 'bully', no bullying has actually taken place and won't, unless the intended target allows it to.

Joining an online community is a voluntary act. We can not as adults, commit a voluntary act, the possible ramifications of which we should be well aware of and then continue to complain.  We don't have to join and we always have the option of disengaging or firing back tenfold. And if we are amongst the "people susceptible to being bullied" then may be we should fix that internal issue before freely putting ourselves in harm's way. I know it isn't ideal or agreeably suited to all; almost nothing in life is, but it is reality and we do need to, as grown up individuals (and I use that term loosely!), take some responsibility for what happens to us at some point.

I'm not defending the 'bullies' or their condoning their behavior, I'm just saying that at the end of the day all they are capable of is showing the rest of the world what pathetic creatures they are and that is all that they are capable of. Don't give them credit for more. Their actions, at least in this type of setting, should not make a difference in anybody's life one way or another.

Bajenagh

I feel your pain.   As someone who has been ganged up on many times on this site, and accused of being things that I am the farthest from just becasue they they disagree with my point of view, I can tell you that these bullies not only suffer from immaturity, they also suffer from many other clinically diagnosable ailments such as low self esteem, inferiority complex, etc. 

I disagree

With anahid.

Having the potential to be Zerang or Sadeh could not have much to do with being a victim of Bullying. These are mutually exclusive events. Although the perception is there, But either one of those individuals could have enough wisdom and intelligence to resist being bullied. So there is nothing in culture that really encourages bullying.

bajenagh jan congrats...

for hitting some nerve in the iranian.com psyche. I'm impressed with the number of reads your blog has received.

Bullies exist every where and in different forms, true. We had bullies in school who traumatized some conflict-avoidant kids to like there was no tomorrow- but still nothing like the ones I experienced in my adult life; which makes sense, because when the environment demands a child to bully, after so many years of practice of course one becomes a bigger bully. Therefore we can conclude that age does not necessarily bring wisdom to everyone.

And to those who can hear this: Do not knock the wisdom of an ordinary person...wait, ordinary as opposed to what? extraordinary?! and who would that be?..

EPC

Thanks a lot for sharing:)

Yeah. You are absolutely right. One should follow your advice, be it in a new college, neighborhood, and go through the trouble of identifying the worst  bully, and basically start shi... in hopes of stopping shi...in the future by other bullies and sorta keeping them at bay, Just brilliant.

Wow, I can just picture peaceful neighborhoods and consequently a much much more peaceful world, had people followed your precious and priceless advice.

OMG

kharmags agha says:

I confess that I will attack and I have attacked those who have attacked me. That is part of life and that happens no matter what, it is done by high level politicians (Bushes, Obamas, Clintons, McCain ... etc),  I confess that I will attack and I have attacked those who have attacked me. That is part of life and that happens no matter what, it is done by high level politicians (Bushes, Obamas, Clintons, McCain ... etc), it is done by monarchists, leftists, Muslims, Zionists, Jews, democarats, republicans,...etc.

So Now i can see the source of all that vigor and energy and people bashing.

"that is part of life?" you mean a NORMAL life or just any kind of life? No it does not happen in a NORMAL life, that is why there is such concept as "negotiating" and "reconcilliation" or trying to work out our differences (to put in a most khaki and layman's term so even you will have no excuses understanding it).

Prove your point without putting the "innocent" on the spot.

dear Anahid and ex programmer

Yes I am tough but only at work.  Usually I'm considered as a nice ;) and generous woman among my friends and acquaintances. I don't think I really deserve so much love and appreciation from the people around myself. The most surprising thing is that my parents-in-law just love me like their own daughter!

Sometimes when I see the free analysis about myself, as being someone who is not loved and has trouble at home or/and else, I call my husband and children to come and read the comment and we joke about them ;)

My sons tease me and say: Mom, told you, you are too controlling! and my husband says: I'm released at least I have no reason to be jealous, because they won't be interested to you ;)

And when I tell my friends, they say that they don't understand why I'm wasting my time here while they know my environment is much more productive intellectually!

Anahid jan: I loved your analyze on Iranian culture. Yes, I agree with you, some aspects of our culture is encouraging bulling. And I think it is the same in some other cultures too.

Ex programmer: And I loved what you have said earlier. It's so ture! This is exactly how I think about the bullying gang of IC:

"I disagree with you that repeat offenders (anyone can lose their temper
once in a while) were or are bullies in real life, though. I think they
are more likely to have been the victims of bullies. The anonymity and (physical) safety of the internet encourages people to act in ways they would never act in person. In the case of people with a lot of pent of rage and resentment (victim mentality) they have the perfect opportunity to do to others what has been done to them all their lives."

Those who try to bully women in the site, could be the most intimidated and bullied men at home who are using their anonymity, to get the revenge by bullying other women.

Of course, we are not psychologist and can't analyze them ;)

Thank you again dear friends and have a wonderful Sunday.

any good video clip Kadivar?

Kadivar, do you have any good video  clip for Conflict Management Training?

pir shi (one of my favorite complements I relearned from BN, it means have a long life )

bajenaghe Jaan Keep up The Good Posts ;0)

Congratulations when a blog gets so many hits and comments (Good or Bad) its a good sign. You have made in the Iranian.com's hall of fame ;0))

Warm Regards,

DK

Dear ex programmer, interesting comment that you had

Dear ex, one thing that just came to my mind is that some aspects of our culture actually encourages bullying.  We all know that Iranians who are not sincere and instead are "ahle kalak", are referred to as "zerang".  However if someone is honest, Iranians call them "sadeh", as if the honest person does not know any better.  Basically, in our culture if someone is nice, many times, it is assumed that the person does not know any better. 

I also agree with you that online bullying can be even worse.   Majority of writers/commentators on this site do not use real names so they avoid much consequences of their online actions.  I believe if people had to use their real names, they would think twice about some of their online actions.  And yes, Souri is one tough lady.

Holly (and Souri)

Are some people consistently rude and 'parkhashgar'? Yes but they are at their peak, no more than an annoyance.

It's quite a bit more than an annoyance when moderators mass delete comments and then resort to deleting entire accounts if that doesn't work. It doesn't seem to happen as much as it did about a year ago, but many of us remember.

Harassment? ehhhhhh may be if you really wanna push it.

lol. I'm very tempted to publsih teh email JJ sent me to explain why my account was deleted. I'm kinda worried my current account would get deleted if I did, though. I'm giving JJ the benefit of the doubt and assuming somebody was whsipering lies about me in his ear. Because if he genuinely believed my comments amounted to what he accused me of, he's pretty far out there.

But Bullying?
Adults? Online???? Gimme a break people. I wonder how one functions in
the real world if they can't take a few cross words online

Personally, I don't generally worry about bullies. My family moved aroudn a lot when I was growing up. I figure I went to over a dozen schools before I graduated from high school. As the perpetual "new kid" I learned early on that life is a lot easier in a new school if you identify the worst bully and go after him before he gets a chance to go after you, and you really make an example of him. They don't come back. Ever. And the other bullies stay far away from you too. But a lot of people are susceptible to being bullied. Even as adults. I'm surprised you don't know that. If anything, the bullying is worse online because there aren't any consequences for bullying people...like the exxcellent technique I just described... how is somebody supposed to do that on the internet?

PS to Souri: you are one tough lady! I'm glad I never tangled with you! At least, I don't think I have :)

What a difference a day makes!

Holy mother of God! I read the first few bland comments on this blog this morning and took off for the day, and look what hell broke loose in a few hours and over WHAT??? Bullying?

Harassment? ehhhhhh may be if you really wanna push it. But Bullying? Adults? Online???? Gimme a break people. I wonder how one functions in the real world if they can't take a few cross words online.

Are some people consistently rude and 'parkhashgar'? Yes but they are at their peak, no more than an annoyance. What's the big fuss about? We all know people like this in our daily lives, why do we expect an online community to be immune to it? Ignore them for the most part and give them the occasional good kick in the mouth if/when they sufficiently annoy you and if/when you are so inclined. Anything more will only serve to truly acknowledge and empower them. 

I don't know the details of the history between BN & Souri so I'm not going to comment on that. I do think however that it might have been better for everyone to stay out of a very direct, specific and personal communication between two people. That is ganging up and if you're all bitching about it then why are you engaging in it?

Captain, I agree with the other member (sorry I forget the name) that your 'quotes' and 'excerpts' definitely came across as sexist. The blog had nothing to do with the gender of a bully but your post was specifically about women AND you added your own comments (khalezanak etc). I'm not personally offended/affected by it because as Eleanor Roosevelt put it so well " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." But I have to say, given what I have read by you up to this point, I was at best, very surprised. If I had to guess what your response to the objection would be, based on what I have read of you so far, I'd think (hope) that you would at least admit that perhaps it wasn't the best choice of excerpts given the finer details of what was going on here. But instead you chose  'I'm just the messenger'.  An execusioner is also just a messenger of sorts I suppose. I know you don't care what others think, but given you shattered my illusions of some sort of balance on this site, I wanted to say it anyway. 

Kharmagas

Haj agha,.

Can you sum things up for me here? Che khabare inja? Ta man catch up konam, Ghoorboon dastet ye report be ma bedeh ke what is going on here?

Did "ISrael" name come up by any chance?:)\

I can not do without UShpizing with the AIPAC and ISrael. you know how that goes:)

boolee, ya boolee sheet?

I don't really think a person who plays the victim well can be a bully. Why do some people always seem to only comment when it's about them being belittled by others? Then again, I don't read all the bache bazi around here anymore so I'm out of the loop. Don't bully me for it.

ebi, who isn't?

There are those men who know they are, and there are those men who will know soon.

Iraj Mirza had a good name for our condition. He used to call it "koskoub".

Haaj Ebi, You are not alone buddy

Haaji Jaan Hemayatat Mikonim :o)

President e Mahboob & Ostaad..

"Wow"

Thank God, all the oldtimer "Ladies" of the site know that I'm a ZiZi /Zanzalil through & through.

Ebi aka Haaji

Ostaad Jaan, more power to you for loving Sex!

that makes you a normal human being. By the way I don't subscribe to any idiology hence have no use for any ISM's.

PS. I wonder if there's a style called "Donkey Style" (ie. Doggie Style)?

Souri, you're absolutely right...

I failed to parse your Title, "Wow!", well enough to deduce your fine point. I'll try to spend hours and bump heads with the best in the "deconstruction" business to get to the bottom of what "Wow!" means if I ever see it ever again in one of your posts. Just as Bill Clinton said, one must figure out what the meaning of "is" is before expressing an opinion about it.

Consider it a lesson learned.

My bad...

Conflict Management--- enjoy this episode of Daijan

Conflict --- Let's all of enjoy this episode of Daijan Napelon:

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2LHKVyslrs&feature...