The JAFIO Report

How to read this post: every time you see JAFIO, you must say "Just Another Fucking Iranian Observation", then do a bandari chest wiggle and say, "Meow!" Try it now, it's fun.

Hey! At Least we're not Greek!…
Before getting to the important news of today, JAFIO but, I think its important we all pause a bit and revel in the misery Greece is now facing with news that it is functionally bankrupt. We can do this, because although we have not traditionally hated Greece, apparently they have been hating us all along. Frank Miller who honored us with his skewed one-sided depiction of the apparently pornographic story of "The 300 Spartans" (who aren't even technically Greek by the way!), is according to Darius Kadivar working on a sequel. Hope he hasn't gotten funds from the Greece Tourism Ministry for it…

Happy Birthday IRI! What? No Tweets?
WTF! JAFIO but, apparently it turns out that more people in Iran actually like the IRI than don't. OK, maybe using the latest Chinese water cannons, Chinese riot gear and those sharp Chinese cooking knives that Martin Yan uses on his cooking show helped sway the anti-crowd away from the streets a bit today. That and the fact that as Oppositions go, this one is certainly not very organized. HINT: Guys can you please watch the 60's Martin Luther King civil rights footage again, and don't forget to also study Gandhi's tactics against the British, and Oh Yeah! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!! We in the West would help but we're busy, freely living our hope-filled lives that have a future. So if you could hurry it up so we can vacation in Karaj for the summer again, we'd appreciate it…

You Asked For It! You Got It! TOYOTA….
JAFIO but isn't it funny how in the same year that Toyota which was famous for building reliable, affordable, and extremely boring cars, managed to surpass GM as the world's biggest car maker, and consequently when GM had to be bailed out of bankruptcy by Obama, that magically as if by gift, Toyotas started having reliability problems! WoW! What a co-inky-dink! Hmmm? Well at least now the Prius' name makes more sense. If we crash in one, they will have to Prius out of it…

…and finally for the week… Sweet redemption…
This week evolutionary biologists from the University of Copenhagen revealed that they have cracked the genetic code of a 4000 year old man found frozen in Greenland, they call "Inuk". From the strands of recovered hair they have been able to determine Inuk's hair color, skin and other physiological characteristics, his ability to live in cold temperatures and even that he had male pattern baldness. Based on these findings, the scientists were also able to pinpoint his origins, and determined that Inuk was a member of the "Saqqaq" tribe. JAFIO, but that pretty much explains why he was also extinct… S--U--C--K--C--O--...