The JAFIO Report

How to read this post: every time you see JAFIO, you must say "Just Another Fucking Iranian Observation", then go outside and breathe deeply, again, OK now go back in and finish your presentation…

Hey! At Least we're not Cuban!…
This week the government of Cuba panicked when it was revealed that there is a mule shortage in the country. As part of it's ongoing competition with the US to prove that in an era when communism has all but failed 2 remaining stats on the planet, and to show that Cuba too can conduct a Census in 2010, the Ministry of Transportation (I guess) ordered an immediate count of all mules in Cuba to determine just how bad the situation is. No word as to whether the mules will be marking Question #9 as "Mule" or the highly controversial other option; "Some Other Pack Animal" as sign of defiant mule solidarity.

In preparation the Government of Iran issued a call to all Basijis in case some of the more stubborn ones want to go to Cuba if called upon to serve…

Tiger Escapes…
In a bizarre 15 minute barrage of apologies, Tiger Woods the famed "Golfa from Another Planet" , began the long corporate endorsed atonement for his Tigeresque sexual escapades. America loves a winner though, and as much as a honorable moral code may appear to be important, and desirable in oneself, it doesn't quite replace the taste of sweet victory it seems. When the IRI's Ruling Council on Morality was asked about an appropriate religious penalty or possible fatwa for Tiger's infidelity, replied,"We don't even know where to begin, but we have currently been deeply studying the photos to assess what ought to be done with these women." ...

Oh What a Feeling!….
Apparently February which is Bahman in the Persian Calendar, which can also mean "Avalanche", is an appropriate month for apologies and Toyota, the world's biggest car maker's woes continued this week as the venerable Corolla joined the ranks of the defective. The Japanese executives have not stopped bowing in apology for almost a month, closing in on the previous record of 33 consecutive days that Ahmadinejad set as he apologized to the VF for botching the election this summer, that should have been yet another "Glorious Example of Islamic Democracy" and the IRI's popularity…