An Apology to a Woman I Didn’t Know

I felt I should have done something or said something


Balatarin
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An Apology to a Woman I Didn’t Know
by KayGhobad
04-Mar-2008
 

The violent crackdown of the Islamic Republic’s security forces on how women dress in public was well on its way when I arrived in Tehran last spring.

One morning a few days after my arrival I decided to walk to the nearby Super Jordan food market , located at the corner of the famous Jordan Boulevard (aka Africa Blvd) and Golazin street, and do some food shopping. As I was approaching the store I noticed there is some commotion on the street not far from the store. The security forces had set up makeshift apprehension stations on both north and south bound direction of the boulevard. An officer was standing in middle of the two lanes on each side of the boulevard pulling over cars carrying passengers which he deemed wore unacceptable attires or appearance. There were also male and female officers on the side of the street apprehending people who were walking on the side walk.

Jordan Boulevard is a famous gathering spot for young men and women. They usually cruise around in pairs in their fancy cars all dolled up in the evenings to exchange numbers, socialize from the security of their car and perhaps more if they can get away with it.

As I got closer I noticed a female security officer, fully clad in black chador and black gloves had just stopped a thirty something woman a few steps from the entrance of the store and questioning her. The only part of the female officer’s body part which was obvious was triangle of her face. Everything else was covered with black. I was close enough to hear what they were saying.

The female officer started by telling her “How can you step outside your house looking like this”

They started arguing. Their arguments maybe lasted a couple of minutes, when the female officer grabbed her arm and said “Let’s go”.

By that time a male officer had approached the woman from behind and along with the female officer started to guide her to a van with tinted windows parked on the north corner of the boulevard.

It was then that tears started rolling down the woman’s face. As she cried she pleaded “ But I have a child at home, please let me go”. She repeated that a few times, but her plea had no impact on the officers. She was put in the van.

As I stood there, frozen in my steps, the only thing I could hear was blood throbbing in my ears.

I stood ashamed, shocked and sad. I was ashamed of myself. I felt that I should have done something or said something. I tried to absolve myself by thinking “Everything had transpired so fast. I did not have enough time.” My conscience weighed in “You had enough time?”. Perhaps I should have walked up in a peaceful manner and asked the officers “What law has this women violated and how can you apply such a law. After all making a judgment about someone’s appearance in public is very subjective. Besides this lady was not like the young girls who purposefully dress provocatively and cruise up and down Jordan Avenue at night. I should have done it as a matter of conscience, but I failed. The Islamic government had successfully instilled the fear of god in me.

I was shocked because there were dozens of people, men, women, young and old who walked by and went about there business without even blinking. They were absolutely unapologetically indifferent and numb. They did not look shocked or sad. It was as if they had blinders on.

In the days, weeks and months after that incident I saw so many other instances in so many places of how detached, numb and selfish Iranians have become. I saw it in government offices, in hospitals, in lines for bread and on the road.

People from all walks of life utilize indifference as a tactic to live in today’s Iran. Their lack of compassion and consideration for their fellow citizen and respect for decency is mind boggling. Rather than coming together in times of turmoil Iranians have chosen selfishness as their strategy for survival. Iran today is a dog eats dog nation, a country where everyman is for himself.

Some Iranians choose to justify their behavior. I heard the same unacceptable excuse time and time again. “Everyone is struggling in Iran” seems the party line. Yes there is a struggle going on in Iran. It is a struggle between the haves and the have-nots.

The haves namely the greedy merchants, the gutless real estate speculators, the price gouging high rise builders, the useless middle men, the crooked wheelers and dealers only care about making exuberant amounts at any cost. They are indifferent and numb towards they plight of their countrymen because they have a major stake in the government’s survival. They thrive because there is no rule of law. They bribe and buy there way up and down the ranks of the society. As long as they are raking in the money, going for clothes shopping in Dubai, vacationing at the resorts in the coast of southern Turkey and living their lavish lives they are willingly indifferent and careless.

The have-nots, who make up the vast majority of Iranians fall into two categories. A minority among them are those who are old, weak, unable or unwilling to stick it to their fellow man and therefore are being annihilated. The rest are fighting tooth and nail to acquire the life styles of the haves or create a perception of it. They are willing to do anything. Even if they have to step over each other, cheat and lie. Of course, they have to be numb and indifferent to make it. But is that a valid excuse?

Leading a life without integrity is a new trend in Iran. Perhaps that is the real why one has to be numb and self centered to lead such an existence.

I hope and pray that Iran is saved not only from the grips of its current government, but also from Iranians and the people they have become.

Lastly, to the woman who I watched get dragged away that day I apologize.


Balatarin
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Azarin Sadegh

Fine article...

by Azarin Sadegh on Fri Mar 07, 2008 11:57 PM PST

Thank you for writing this wonderful article. But I am not sure if your  apology is going to be accepted or not. 

Your article, reminded me of the reasons that made me leave iran for good, and after reading the comments from the annonymous forever chicken (a few comments below,) i was reminded why I would never go back. If Iran had more human being like you, i am sure we wouldn't have been where we are today.

Unfortunately, as a woman, I have been the victim or the terrified witness of such arrests and I would never forget them. To be honest, sometimes it is harder to be a witness, a mute witness. 

Thank you for being a witness, but not a mute witness, like the rest of us.

Today, living in LA, in a peaceful and great city, I hope that my two boys would grow up witnessing freedom and respect toward women and for all human beings at the same time, since they have already learned that women are also human beings.

Thanks, 

Azarin


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Anonymous4now

AnonymousForever

by Anonymous4now on Fri Mar 07, 2008 09:25 PM PST

“stupid retarded valueless aimless brainless no identity clowns”  describes pathetic Iranians like you who have been brain washed by this vulgar nomadic cult of the deserts of Arabia, and can’t snap out of it.  Soon enough there won’t be room for people like you, in Iran, and you will have to go back to the deserts of Arabia to get a piece of your high culture.


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What on earth are you on about?

by AnonymousForever (not verified) on Fri Mar 07, 2008 03:21 PM PST

All those who are thanking this guy writing this article is doing Iranians a favour, please wake up. Iran is not what it used to be. Being naked and showing off flesh is not a sign of progressiveness, culture and humanity. That is how Iran is these days. Those who find it unpalatable just pack your bags and leave Iran like your counterparts who rant endlessly how better they are fit to manage a country and who post their time consuming crap brainwashed fake Western facade on webblogs page after page on various websites. Iranian culture and heritage is that of a muslim country, with freedom the way you express it, instills that girls can dress like prostitutes and show off themselves in public is not going to help any values crucial in the society. Instead of closing your eyes to the message that Islam is sending- in preserving the foundation of family life and culture by "Pooshesh", dressing modestly is not to tarnished by strong political agendas. How dare you be so insulting to a country and people who diminish the sad life of rat race of Western life, the problems of loose women and bisexual men and women, the drug culture and consumerism. If that is your message, you are depicting what Americans always wished for; stupid retarded valueless aimless brainless no identity clowns.


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And you live where??

by Anonymous145 (not verified) on Fri Mar 07, 2008 01:21 AM PST

I find your comments totally disconnected from reality of everyday life in Iran. People do help each other out - a lot more than you will ever see here in the US. Your point of view on how not to be indifferent is naive. Try living in Iran having to deal with the incident that witnessed day-in, day-out. You can't get into fights all the time - people find other ways to help each other out. It seems to me that you feel guilty for not taking action and now are projecting it onto the Iranian population.


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To: Reza411

by Anonymoose (not verified) on Thu Mar 06, 2008 09:05 AM PST

KayGhobad writing to relay his experience and what he saw, just like you writing about your experience and how the two were quite different. He's not judging or insulting any Iranians; he IS apologizing for his inaction. I think you're misreading his article. I also note that in your comments you mention seeing older ladies assisting girls who were in danger of being hauled of by the "morality police". Curious enough, you don't mention what, if anything, YOU DID to come to their assistance and rescue, which goes back to what KayGhobad mentions in his article, i.e. [most] Iranians NOT getting involved.

I don't think this article is insulting at all, it's more a "matter of fact" article. Judging by the comments posted, I think most people agree with the author.


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Our nation is free unless our minds are captured

by Gheseh (not verified) on Thu Mar 06, 2008 04:58 AM PST

I haven't been in Iran for a long time, but always follow little people's daily struggles with authorities.
We should show our contempt either by protesting at the scene or writing this kind of articles or by spreading the word about these small incidents with significant consequences on people's life and destiny.
It breaks one's heart to hear about stupid confrontations like this that can not be avoided no matter who you are or what you do. It's not about women's outfits it's about killing the spirit, killing the courage and at the end killing the freewill of the entire nation.

No one is free to act in our beloved country, no one is allowed to speak up and stand for someone else's rights. But the truth is that despite of their Islamic regulations, prisons, torture chambers and even executions every single soul i our country has a free mind that can not be controlled or killed. All the comments on this article is a living proof of it.

So please keep up with this good work, this is as good as any other way for our nation to survive these Zahak's of our time. At least for now...
Write about these kind of incidents, visit those sites the government forbids, let your eyes scream the contempt you feel if your voice are silenced. There is no imprisonment for minds you see!


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That's one incident you saw,

by Reza411 (not verified) on Wed Mar 05, 2008 02:45 PM PST

That's one incident you saw, like you I was there for a few months recently and I saw alot of these incidents, what I can say is most often people came to help, besides who are you to judge them, it seems to me your apologizing for your inaction but at the same time your putting the blame on others for doing the same thing as you, what gives you that right. When I was there I saw older ladies come and litterally pull the young girls away from them and not leave until they make sure they are safe, these were complete strangers. You are really insulting all iranians with your writting.


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Anonymous4now

Thank you for the article.

by Anonymous4now on Wed Mar 05, 2008 10:40 AM PST

Thank you for the article.  It hit the nail on the head; Iranian indifference and submission to monstrosity.

  

Unregistered Chick: I think you misunderstood KayGhobad’s intent.   He was describing his thought process to justify his own inaction to satisfy his own conscience, and describe the arbitrariness of it all.  If there were a law for subjective enforcement of a dress code then to a reasonable observer, it was not being fairly applied, because others were breaking that arbitrary law, more than the woman in question. 

 

 

  You and I are just as guilty, aren’t we?  By our inaction, are we approving of the jejab concept which women have to put on, on a daily basis, while we get outraged only when they are arrested for bad hejabi, and still do nothing? 


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Thank you for your article

by Anonymous123 (not verified) on Wed Mar 05, 2008 09:27 AM PST

Thanks very much for this article. when I was in Iran, I always dressed acording to the way "Gasht" wanted me to dress. Not too Islamic(since I am not even muslim for God's sake) and definitely not the way my friends in high school would dress, I lived at maydone mohseni area you do the math. I did that because I did not want to get arrested. My mother was a single mom raising me and I didn't want family members to hear I was arrested and my grand pa had to come and collect me or to say “huh,,What a shame, her mom could not raise this right,, no father and see what happens to the kid". I was never arrested for bad-hejabi, however I did get arrested for my religious believes a few times.
I wish young people could be left alone to live their lives the way they want to.


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Thank you for writing this article!

by Anonymoose (not verified) on Wed Mar 05, 2008 08:34 AM PST

You have expressed my sentiments exactly; and I know exactly the intersection you're talking about as that was one of the intersection at which I was frequently harassed. I too visited Iran for the first time in 28 years last spring and the "round-ups" were in full force when I arrived in Tehran. I was constantly harassed by the "Gashteh Ershad" for bad hejabi, be it on Joradn, or at Tajrish Meydan and Bazare, or the entrance to Park Mellat, or at Vali Ahd (now Vali Asr) Square or at the entrance to the main Bazar downtown. There is nothing more frightening than getting that harsh tap on your shoulder, then having your arm grabbed in a firm grip, and being led away toward a minivan with the words "Gashteh Ershad" written on its back windows and its sides, all the time hearing "Khanoom ba ma tashif biyarin". My only saving grace was that when they realized I was visitor, a "tourist" of sorts, or they thought I was a foreigner, their tone and mannerism changed 180 degrees and they were ready to become my best friend.

What you've written resonates with me completely. There is no compassion, no consideration, and no civility in Iran. No one stops on the street to offer aid or assistance to their fellow human beings in need, and if you (the outsider) do step in or intervene their look at you as though you are the strange one amongst their midst.

Iran has turned into a dog-eat-dog state. But if you complain about it, you get accused of being too westernized and not in touch with reality of Iranians.


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Thanks for sharing your story....

by Unregistered Chick (not verified) on Wed Mar 05, 2008 04:37 AM PST

Very nice of you to apologize... But the truth is that even if you had said something they would have taken her away. The only difference being that you might have been gone with them too! In the worst case scenario you might not have even had the opportunity to be here today & tell your story....

BTW what do you mean by: "Besides this lady was not like the young girls who purposefully dress provocatively and cruise up and down Jordan Avenue at night ....". I hope you are not criticizing the act of young girls in Jordan. Not that I am one of them but if you do criticize them then there is no difference between you and those who arrest them!! So just be more precise in what you write. There is nothing wrong with those young girls.... Even if this lady was one of them it shouldn't have made a difference for you... After all we are all fighting for freedom in Iran. Freedom means no criticizing, letting people wear what they want, say what they want & be what they want to be... Not to be dictated on what to do.


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indifference is the essence of inhumanity

by b namus (not verified) on Tue Mar 04, 2008 08:23 PM PST

indifference is the essence of inhumanity
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thank you for writing this article!


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The facist regime in Tehran

by Farhad Kashani (not verified) on Tue Mar 04, 2008 07:36 PM PST

The facist regime in Tehran (Along with Taliban which was a mini Iranian regime , inspired by it) has been the biggest violator of women rights since the medieval ages in Europe.


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This is not a new phenomenon!

by Tahirih (not verified) on Tue Mar 04, 2008 05:46 PM PST

During Enghelabeh farhangi, my husband did go to the University that he was attending to see if he could register for his last term,of course being a bahai his name was not there to register.He said the hardest part was not being rejected by hard core Hejbolahis, but his close friends who turned their faces to him and pretended as not seeing him or knowing him so they would not jeopardize their registration.
Sad thing is that I am sure now they are not happy with the same regime that they supported by their indifference!


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mrclass

sad but true

by mrclass on Tue Mar 04, 2008 02:07 PM PST

the reality is if ten people intervined on behalf of this woman, these islamo facist supposedly cops (Insult to all honorable cops any where) would have backed off. The power of these people come from lack of unity and lack of care and lack of compassion from fellow iranian towards one another. And yes I appologize to this woman too. Shame on us iranian people, specialy guys with the stupid concept of "gheyrat" which is non existense!


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What you see happening in today's Iran

by Puzzled (not verified) on Tue Mar 04, 2008 01:44 PM PST

is not comparable to what our Iranian ancestors went through. There used to be beheading right in front of people's eyes. This is force of Islam and submission.

Shouldn't we Iranians be ashamed of perpetuating this vicious assault by not taking a firm stand against savagery of this "religion"?


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Dream on. The days of 1984

by Balouchi (not verified) on Tue Mar 04, 2008 12:32 PM PST

Dream on. The days of 1984 (Big Brother) is upon us and if you think the meek shall inherit the earth then I have a beach front property in Arizona with your name on it.


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Anonymouse

"Middle men" is a large group of people.

by Anonymouse on Tue Mar 04, 2008 12:20 PM PST

Everyone has to make a living.  You think it is easy being a middle man?  You think they would become a middle man if they had another choice?  If you take one of these middle men aside and talk to him, you'll see that behind that huffing and puffing lies a scared man.  It is like when you are fighting.  You don't show your fear, you keep it inside and show the brave side to scare your enemy.

People from all walks of life are struggling in Iran.  The have and have-nots are not as clearly defined as in a country like USA.  There is no security.  Anything can go up the air at any moment.

 The only "haves" are the hezbollahees who are advocating stricter sharia law and imprisoning young people like you have seen.  I'd categorize people in Iran between oppressors and victims.  Oppressors being those who don't want reform and progress.  They have no future and sooner or later have to put their tails behind their legs and move on.  Be pushed out of office.


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