Sic Semper Tyrannis
Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings.
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Let's Meet A Half Iranian Genius
10-Nov-2011
Allow me to introduce you to Lady Laleh Bakhtiar, a half Iranian Catholic convert to Islam. Since her conversion, Ms. Bakhtiar has devoted her life to putting lipstick on the pig that is yet another piece of trash Abrahamic religion called Islam. She has taken it upon herself to reinterpret Islam based on what she learned from her master teacher--and Kenney Rogers look alike-- Seyyed Hossein Nasr. She even has a website called The Sublime Quran to which Sublime denies any connection as he does not practice any religion, not even Santeria. She also has a book by the same name that is featured on the site. The book is a lovy dovy translation of the Quran, and is decorated with flowery patterns to calm the reader, and to take away the resulting psychotic urges that arise whenever one reads a violent, blood and gore text such the Quran or the Hebrew Old Testament—kind of like pink paint on the walls of a mental asylum for the criminally insane.
But Ms. Bakhtiar’s most important accomplishment is in the area of bullshit acrobatics, where she has managed to find a way to manipulate the words of the master bullshitter--Prophet Mohamad--himself which direct the faithful to physically hit women who do not obey their husbands, brothers, fathers, uncles, cousins, nephews, sugar daddies, baby daddies, male neighbors or generally, any other male that happens to walk by their homes. Indeed, she has managed, after years of “research” to “discover” that the Quran really doesn’t mean what it says in plain language, and doesn’t say that one needs to beat a woman who doesn’t straighten her act after a “stern” warning. According to Ms. Bakhtiar, what the Quran really says is that one should just “abandon” the woman. That’s right folks—every single Arab Muslim scholar for the past 1400 years has been wrong. They should have all just waited for a half American, half Iranian, American born ex-Catholic woman, who only studied Arabic for three years, to enlighten them about the meaning of the Quran from the comfort of her Chicago office. That should go over really well with these guys.
Upon hearing Ms. Bakhtiar’s interpretation of the Quranic verse, leaders of the Muslim world collectively responded by saying “whatcha talking about crazy woman?” The leaders then made a referral of Ms. Bakhtiar’s case to the Islamic Society of North America (“ISNA”)[1], where that organization’s Canada chief, Mohammad Ashraf, seen here showing the size of his engorged penis[2], issued a declaration saying this about her new translation of the Quran: “[o]ur bookstore would not allow this kind of translation…[T]his woman-friendly translation will be out of line and will not fly too far.” (He actually said that! I’m not making it up. See the link.)
Reactions to Ms. Bakhtiar’s book have been mixed in other parts of the Muslim world. In the UAE, Chief Justice Falah Al Hajeri, the author of this beautifully written, landmark legal opinion said[3] “obviously this half witted woman needs some sense beaten into her by her husband. Does she have a husband?” In response to Justice Al Hajeri’s question, Molana Abu Baker Khan, the head of Afghanistan’s Department of Women’s Affairs, seen here in performance of his official duties, said “we have a brother here who can marry this Zaeefeh. She is a bit old, though. We usually like them younger, around nine-ish younger, but this brother’s legs were shot off by American Marines when he was doing ‘jihad fi sabil allah,’ so his options are limited, and she should do.” In Iran, head of the renowned Hozeyeh Elmiyeh Ghom, Ayatollah Haj Seyyed Chaker Hossein Noor Aabadi commented by saying “I believe this Zaeefeh may have some valid points, but she should nonetheless be stoned to death, as any reinterpretation of the Quran is considered blasphemy under Sharia law. Plus, she’s a woman…I mean…as they say in America: come on.”
Lastly, reached for a comment under an onion cart in a Karachi open air market where she had blown herself up the day before, the severed head of a female suicide bomber stated “Ms. Bakhtiar is correct. As a Muslim woman, I have all the rights of my male brothers. Even though I only count as a half witness and secondary to my son and my brother in law for inheritance purposes, just like any brother, I can be ordered to blow myself up in a crowded market by any great Muslim leader such as brother Osama Bin Laden, brother Hassan Nasrollah, brother Ali Khamenei or brother Khaled Mashaal. They can order me anytime from their home or office after they finish their ample lunch.” She then added “is it cold in here? I feel a bit chilly from neck down.”
Ms. Bakhtiar’s next book is entitled ‘The Earth IS Flat.’ It will be in bookstores in March, 2012.[4]
[1] No such “referral.”
[2] Not really showing the size of his penis. :-)
[3] Fake quote. Real legal opinion though. Check out the link.
[4] Not true. No such book.
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Constant tug
by Cost-of-Progress on Fri Nov 11, 2011 05:20 AM PSTMost folks know the essence of this religion as being rotten, but have a hard time accepting it. This is yet another attempt to explain the inexcusable.
As you have noted, islamic "scholars" do not like it when others (non-arabs, converts, etc) interpret their book. Isn't it the stance of Arab muslims that translated script is not even considered valid?
Question: Did "the prophet" imagine in his wildest dreams that 14 centuries later people will debate the essense of this bedouin "belief" system over technology developed by the indifel?
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IRAN FIRST
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& a happy remembrance day to you AO jaan
by Anonymous Bugger on Fri Nov 11, 2011 04:55 AM PST;), since without the proud sacrifice of the blood of Americn sons & daughters there would be no "free world" for Sabzollahis & omaru ommaties such as Seyed Nasr or Dabashiii to escape to save their behind and to spread their shaikhak message like parasites.
God speed & God bless the noble Army of United States of America who like soldiers of Kiaani Iran fought with chivalry to rid mankind of tyrrany for every land they liberated be it Babylon or Afghanistan , be it Sardicia or Bosnia. God bless Abe Lincoln & Cyrus(bbhs).
Happy veterans day bro
Cheers!!!:::)))
AO
by Fesenjoon2 on Thu Nov 10, 2011 07:35 PM PSTU mentioned Nasr (the father).
Funny is how Nasr, who spent a whole life writing about Islam, remains an outcast of IRI.
The last time he went to Iran, he gave a speech in Mashad. The Islamists were all over him the next day in the morning papers calling for his head.
oon yaroo
by Fesenjoon2 on Thu Nov 10, 2011 07:29 PM PSTdude, what r u talking about?
I was a news anchor in IRIB's English service in the 90s. They had these rules and regulations that always I found moronic, if not shocking. One of them was that they would instruct women announcers to "deepen" their voices. Do you remember "khanom Shaghool"? She was the top announcer on 20:30 News for a decade. She was the favorite announcer of the Seda Sima execs.....yes, because of her deep throaty voice. It was saazemaan policy in those days.
We had some announcers that were talented, beautiful as hell, and with very soothing feminine voices. They were rarely allowed air time. They were mostly used for midnight shifts. And I specifically remember one girl who was even fired because she did not pass the "Gozeenesh" test. IOW she did not know Islamic principles. So they did not permanently hire her. In the gozeenesh test, they examine whether you are a submissive follower of the nezaam, how much you know about fiqh, and whether you are a trustworthy person to be hired for Islam. She failed. And I quit before the fuckers fired me.
If you ever tried to say something that didnt flow well with islamic teachings, they would immediately censor your voice out. I once refered to my co-news announcer as "my beautiful colleague", and it was taken out on the spot. On the spot. Like right at that instant. I even once got reprimanded for calling Khamenei "Mr. Khamenei" in the news. He was supposed to be "Supreme Leader Grand Ayatollah Khamenei".
The funny thing was that the guy who edited (censored the soothing voices and questionable sentences out of broadcast material) was himself a long time resident from NY. I think he had a greencard too. I hated it when he kept saying "par favore" with his smug smile.
So your Iraj case was the norm, not the exception.
Religion
by iamfine on Thu Nov 10, 2011 07:22 PM PSTReligion is the mother of all problems. Somehow we don't want to learn from our mistakes. As saadi said, it is called “Jahleh Morakab”
Dear AO
by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on Thu Nov 10, 2011 06:32 PM PSTThank you for this blog I really enjoyed it as well. I share your feeling about "getting under the skin" of some people :-)
I also agree that Ms. Bakhtiar is doing more damage than good. It is much better to get to the point and dismiss the offending verses. But if you assume Quran is"word of God" there is no room for dismissal.
I gave up on reforming any religion. The whole organized religion thing is not for me.
JK
by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on Thu Nov 10, 2011 06:25 PM PSTYou are right on some but wrong on other points. Yes of course Iran has problems well beyond Islam. But Islam does not help by perpetuating ignorance. Obviously Sassanid problems were not the fault of Islam.
But you are mistaken about the "lower class". My family was "upper class" back in Iran. My best friend was the gardeners son. There was a bunch of us who hung out together in our neighborhood. We included all from son of the live-in nanny to son of the richest person. I do not know about all Iranians. But in my neck of the woods there was no class discrimination between kids. Regarding the education thing. I know many "lower" class people who go to university. It is not as segregated as you think.
But then you would probably not find so much intermarriage among classes.
A funny story
by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on Thu Nov 10, 2011 05:49 PM PSTI had a discussion with an Islamist once about violence. He told me that in Islam they avoid violence as much as possible. They will ask you three times to accept Islam. You may accept and all is fine.
But if you refuse the third time when they have no choice but to resort to force. The guy was being really sincere and expected me to be impressed. I did not know how to respond. Oon Yaroo jan I would appreciate some pointers :-)
My realization was our mentalities are so different there is no common ground. Islam so thoroughly infiltrates a mind as to leave no room for other ideas. They do not even accept Sufi or other variants of Islam.
On "bull shit acrobatics"
by Roozbeh_Gilani on Thu Nov 10, 2011 05:48 PM PSTThis is a key chracteristics of those who desparately try to defend the indefensible, to avoid talking in direct and simple language, for very obvious reasons. Soltan ali khamenei, the "leader", the man responsible for the murder of countless thousands of Iranian men, women, and children is known for his "bull shit acrobatism". To the extent, that there is a huge faction of his supporters who spend endless days and hours analysing his bizzare statements. For example, after the attack on tehran university dorms by bassiji thugs during khatemei "presidency", (the smiling akhoond), leading to death of a number of students, in an act certainly ordered by Khamenei himself, Khaamenei, fearful of public reaction, condemned their murder in such qualified way that most of his supporters interpreted it as approval of this shameless act of murder.
AO, I really enjoyed reading this blog. The content and style are both very good. Thanks.
"Personal business must yield to collective interest."
Go Ahead, Hang Yourself!
by Tavana on Thu Nov 10, 2011 05:42 PM PST"Say: "perish in you rage; GOD knoweth well all the secrets of the heart. (Ghoron 3:119)"
"The "ignorance" knows no borders & the "arrogance" keeps that "afloat" to the eternity!" Tavana
What Ms. Bakhtiar is Trying to Do
by JahanKhalili on Thu Nov 10, 2011 05:40 PM PST... is to introduce reform by giving a new interpretation on something that most people wouldn't have a second look at.
Is reform bad?
Perhaps Iran's upper class doesn't want it, because it would allow the lower class Iranians to learn something from someone other than themselves - which upper class Iranians don't want, because they want to be the only ones to take the lead in anything (despite the fact that they don't take the lead in anything).
Iran's Elite Continue to Ignore Their Basic Responsibility...
by JahanKhalili on Thu Nov 10, 2011 05:35 PM PST.... of teaching their lower class countrymen things that are necessary for modernization.
Why aren't they doing it?
Some possible answers:
1- Iran's elite itself still hasn't modernized, and is a throwback to the old upper class.
2 - The whole point of being upper class in Iranian culture is to avoid the lower classes, and to feel superior to them; not to talk to them, lead them or to have a relationship with them.
Either way, a country that has an upper class like Iran's is screwed.
The Pretense That Islam Is the Source of All of Iran's Problems
by JahanKhalili on Thu Nov 10, 2011 05:31 PM PSTWe haven't had a theocracy for that long.
Far longer than it have been Iranian kings, who were never particularly religious.
One cannot blame all of Iran's problems on Islam.
The secularists had their chance. The monarchists had their chance. They failed.
If the people liked them and enjoyed their behavior, they wouldn't have rejected them.
Oon Yaroo & VPK
by Anonymous Observer on Thu Nov 10, 2011 05:32 PM PSTYou guys take these clowns too seriously. I have been on this site for a while now. At any given time, I ususally have a couple of these joojeh basijis stalking me. I've seen them come and go. Some of them (like this new one) register under multiple usernames, one of which is solely devoted to stalking me! It's actually kind of fun to see them around and also fun to know that I get under their skin to such extent that they go to these lengths just to harass me.
Anyway, the most interesting thing about Ms. Bakhtiar is that almost all Muslim scholars disagree with her interpretation of the Quran. I do have to say, though, that she may be well meaning--in the same way as Shariati was "well meaning." She wants to put a kind of gentler, kinder face on Islam. But by doing so, she's actually doing more damage. The best course of action is to face things like this particular verse head on and dismiss them as ancient texts for ancient times. That's where reform comes in. Perhaps it will happen sometime in the future when all this extrmism subsides. Perhaps a generation or two.
PS- Ironically, I see some resentment toward her because sheis a woman, a convert and a non-Arabic speaker. The Muslim scholar circles do not take kindly to non-male, non Arab scholars who do not come out of Al-Azhar.
I 2nd VPK on AO. This occupy IC Guy Fawkes guy/gal should stop
by Oon Yaroo on Thu Nov 10, 2011 05:23 PM PSTinstigating AO and others!
If he can not state his opinion using reasons and logic then he should stop taunting others.
Hey Fawkes masked go occupy IRR criminal Interest Section office on Wisconsin Ave, in DC!
Speaking of Islam, man, and woman!
Circa 83' a fellow Iranian student of strong Islamish mind from Ghoochan, a small town in Khorasan, who was a student in one of Boston's schools used to tell us about his ideal Muslim woman/wife.
Brother Iraj would describe this woman as one who upon answering the phone alone in the house would stick her index finger of her right hand in her mouth pulling her right cheek outward in order to cause a change in her vocal cord to make it sound like a man is answering the phone!? I am NOT kidding!?!??!
Upon pressing brother Iraj to explain the logic behind this philosophy (i.e., love of wisdom), he would respond by that a woman's voice should only be heard by her husband & mahram (blood related men) and nobody else!
AO Jaan, the most controversial Muslim an-tellectual of all times, Dr. Ali Shriati, tried very hard to spray French perfume on a pile of crap (i.e., Islam) and make it smell like a rose! And, he failed miserably. Lady Laleh Bakhtiar is trying to do the same thing but to no avail! Because, crap can not be converted to rose!
Alright folks
by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on Thu Nov 10, 2011 04:47 PM PSTPlease! AO has a right to his blog. I have disagreed with AO a lot he is not a worm and has a right to his opinion. Why not debate based on content not name calling? It will get you much further.
As for Lady Bakhtiar she is a bit late to this game. Iranians for centuries have been trying to BS and make Islam sound good. Why do you think people fell for the idea of IRI? But IRR did such a job on the image of Islam nothing will fix it.
Sorry Lady but you are way too late. Islam is done for in the hearts and minds of many Iranians. I know more ex-Muslim Iranians that you may imagine. And don't tell me Jews or Christians do the same. Because I do not go for any of them either!