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Hajiagha finds a girl-friend (Episode 5)
29-Oct-2009
Photo caption: Tehran, political debate.
(((three parentheses means that person is thinking to self)))
Hajiagha and Roya are getting ready to go to a party
R: What are you going to wear tonight?
H: The usual. Shirts, pants
R: Are you going to take a shower and get ready?
H: Yes let me finish watching Weekend in Vancouver and then I’ll go
R: I don’t know why you watch that show. I don't see any weekend or Vancouver in you
H: I watch it for Canada bashing ideas
R: Hurry up anyway. Tezol!
H: Okay okay.
Haji takes his shower and comes out
R: What the hell? What’s all this steam? How can I use it now?
H: What’s wrong with my shower taking?
R: Nothing baba, nothing!
Haji is dressed and has been waiting in the living room for the past hour
H: WHAT TIME ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE?
R: 7
H: IT’S LIKE 6:45 AND ABOUT 45 MINUTES TO GET THERE
R: WHY 45 MINUTES?
H: THEY LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
(((I’m dying over here)))
R: WHATEVER
(((which earrings look better?)))
It’s 7:30
H: ROYA!
R: HONNAGH!
H: Finally. Is this it?
R: When they say 7, you leave start at 7:30, give or take an hour. Who comes at 7?
H: Is this college math?
R: Yes I have grade 12 education. You?
It’s 8:40 and they arrive at the party
R: saaalaaaam.
Mooch muah mooch muah
- Mooch muah mooch muah- Bah bah hi Hajiagha
H: Hi hello, hello, hello, hov-r-u, hov-r-u
- Come here Haji. Roya khanoom we’re stealing your Haji
- Haji it’s self-service. What do you want? beer, Vodka, Whiskey, wine
H: I’ll have a beer
- What does Roya want?
H: She doesn’t drink
R: HAJI GET ME A WINE
- hehehe Haji looks like Mrs wants a wine. Here, take it to her
R: Thanks Haji. So Mahtab joon what’s going on?
- you look so pretty tonight
- Roya joon …
- joonam …
- …
About an hour later
R: Yes I’m thinking of going to college
- Sounds good. What are you going to study?
Yelling is heard from afar
R: I want to … what’s all that yelling?
- Roya joon they’re talking politics, leave them alone!
-
- ISLAMO FACISIM!
- IRAN IS THE BEST!
- ARABIZATION OF IRAN!
- DIRT ON OUR HEADS!
- HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS!
- GAY RIGHTS!
- DEATH TO DICTATOR!
- SUCKS TO CANADA!
- ARAB LOVER!
- CHILDREN YOUNG AS 10 SELLING HASHISH!
- QUIET BABA!
- ISRAEL!
- IRI!
- AIPAC!
- PISS ON ISLAM!
- SUCKS TO CANADA!
- WOMEN’S RIGHTS!
- SEX TOYS!
- INFLATION!
- SLAVERY IN CANADA!
- ANTARINEJAD!
- MR. PRESIDENT !
R: Sounds like serious
- Leave them alone. Let them break each other’s head
- Don’t they get tired?
R: Yeah leave them alone. So what where we saying?
- CHILDREN YOUNG AS 8!
- YOU USE CANADA’S FREEDOM AND NAG
- HAH! BRITISH COLONY
- ROYA KHANOOM COME AND GET HIM!
R: Are they calling me?
- Leave them alone
R: Okay
- Roya khanoom would you please come with me please, we’re having problems
R: Okay so what’s going on?
Roya and host walk over to men’s discussion
- Roya khanoom Haji is causing problems
R: What’s going on?
H: CHILDREN YOUNG AS 12 SELLING HASHISH …
- QUIET! HIISST!
- See Roya khanoom, he keeps yelling children as young as 10 are selling hashish and neighbors think we’re selling drugs here
H: Children young as 12, not 10, sometimes 8, you’re smoking it
- It’s not hashish
- Roya khanoom for god sake can you take him inside?
R: Come here Haji. Come with me
H: Okay let’s go I don’t like staying
R: Haji can’t you zip it for one night?
H: I told you I don’t like them cause they smoke hashish
R: Hashish chiyeh? It’s alaf
R: Okay we’re back. I brought this one with me!
- hehehe Hajiagha was Amir there?
H: Who is Amir?
- Max
H: I don’t know any Max
R: So …
They eat their dinner and are on their way back in the car
R: You almost ruined tonight
H: I don’t like them potheads
R: So don’t smoke, come stay with me
H: But I don’t want to be with women’s group
R: Women and men nadare
H: Yes dare
R: Well you can’t stay with men either
H: At least they won’t call me a feminist if I become the only men in women’s group
R: Feminist? Haji you just know how to push the wrong buttons
H: If we were in Iran we wouldn’t have these problems
R: I don’t like them smoking either but maybe you can smoke one just so you can forget about CANADA oh CANADA!
H: Alaf doesn’t do it for me, I need something stronger
R: I bet!
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Never had pizza-sabzi but can vouch for alaf-ghormeh being good!
by Anonymouse on Fri Oct 30, 2009 03:39 PM PDTEverything is sacred.
First "peetzayeh ghormesabzi" and now ghormeh sabzi from alaf!!
by Anahid Hojjati on Fri Oct 30, 2009 03:04 PM PDTIn one of Kiosk songs, it sings about "peetzayeh ghorme sabzi" and now you write about ghorme sabzi made entirely from alaf. All I can write is "jalalkhalegh".
Thanks Anahid
by Anonymouse on Fri Oct 30, 2009 02:28 PM PDTYes you never know what may happen in these parties. These Iranian parties can be a blog series of their own! Stereotyping galore!
In one party I was offered alaf smoking through a homemade bong out of an apple! I guess after 30 years of smoking they have to try other stuff.
Back in my college days in one party they made a ghormeh sabzi 100% out of alaf! It tasted the same and since we were hungry and it also gives you munchies it was a feeding frenzy and we were fighting over it like a pack of animals!
Of course back then we were students and not chic or anything. These days these are business men and potato heads still smoking. I just pass but god help their akhar aghebat!
Everything is sacred.
Dear Anonymouse, you know that I love your Hajiagha series
by Anahid Hojjati on Fri Oct 30, 2009 12:52 PM PDTThanks for another Hajiagha story. What I like about this one is its accurate picture of an Iranian party with its required elements. You covered some of these elements in your story such as: guests arriving late to the party and the intense political discusions.