Hajiagha goes to khastegaree (Episode 4)


by Anonymouse

Episode 4: Mahtab

Taxi Driver: Hello.

Hajiagha: Hello. I need to go downtown and get a tow truck..

Taxi Driver: What’s wrong with your car?

Hajiagha: Children young as 10 were messing with my car.

Taxi Driver: Why?

Hajiagha: I don’t know. I may have said something like Sucks to Canada and they may have done something to my car.

Taxi Driver: Are you Iranian?

Hajiagha: No I am Persian. Just joking yes I am. Shoma khoobee?

Taxi Driver: Mercy. I am Abbas.

Hajiagha: Bah bah Abbas agha, I am Hajiagha.

Abbas: Same Hajiagha from Iranian.com?

Hajiagha: Yes.

Abbas: Bah bah what an honor.

Hajiagha: Khahesh mikonam.

Abbas: Did you find a wife? We haven’t heard from you in a while.

Hajiagha: Nah baba wife koja bood.

Abbas: I may have a prospect for you. My wife’s cousin has been living with us for a while after the breakup with her boyfriend.

Hajiagha: Sounds good let’s go meet her.

Abbas: What about your car?

Hajiagha: The hell with the car. Wife is more important. Let’s go.

Abbas: okay


Abbas: Hajiagha. Mahtab khanoom. Mahtab khanoom, Hajiagha.

Mahtab: Are you the same Hajiagha from Iranian.com? You look like him.

Hajiagha: Yes. I am. Khoshvaghtam. Hov-r-u?!

Mahtab: NeckBat! Khejalat nemike-she?

Hajiagha: Ey baba. Chera injoori?

Abbas: Mahtab khanoom? How about some respect?

Mahtab: Respect? He doesn’t respect anyone and insults everyone and everything.

Abbas: He is just joking there. He is a good man.

Hajiagha: Yes that’s right. Do you want a girly man or gay husband like ….

Abbas: Hajiagha let’s go to the other room. She is tense and has been jumpy ever since she broke up with her fiancé.

Hajiagha: Doesn’t seem like she wants a husband?

Abbas: Don’t worry. Aslan Hajiagha ghesmat nabood. Imagine being married to her. Do you like to be bossed around like that? Or spend your hard earned money on manicures and pedicures?

Hajiagha: No not really but I want to have children so they can ask for a tri-cycle or chocolate. Maybe he can play with Googoosh’s grandson who is in Canada, like her son Kambiz played secharkheh-bazi (riding tri-cycles) with Ghatebeh’s son in Iran.

Abbas: Why do you need a child? I know many Iranians who have children from one or two marriages and they can’t control their kids. Their kids are wild. You are having fantasy from when you were a kid. Kids are not kids these days. They give them cell phones in koodakestan (kinder garden).

Hajiagha: Children young as 6 with cell phones? Bah bah, cheshmam roshan.

Abbas: Yes they call it chaperone phones. Maybe you should reduce your requirement for marriage to have kids. Bache mikhay chikar? You are getting older and may not even have the patience for a teenager when you reach your late 50s or 60s.

Hajiagha: All women want to do is talk. How much more rights do they want?

Abbas: So talk or listen. No one is waiting for you to approve or disapprove any laws or rights. You want a woman, you talk or you listen. Your cartoons are ok, you just need to work on your comments.

Hajiagha: Cartoons with sex toys ok?

Abbas: Yes those are ok. You should just polish your responses on Iranian.com. Women are afraid of you and you want them to like you. You are like a gaveh pishoonee sefid (cow with white forehead) with a bad reputation. You should make comments about being sensitive.

Hajiagha: Sensitive? I am a man. Not a girly man, a real man. Real men are not sensitive.

Abbas: I didn’t mean sensitive like doing manicure and pedicures; I mean not insulting women’s rights movement in Iran. Things like that.

Hajiagha: Why should I support women’s right so they have more right than me?

Abbas: There are many reasons. The reason that applies to you and you should worry about is because if you don’t support their fight for their rights, you won’t get any woman. Of course they are prostitutes like they said in ABC News, they are $5,000 an hour and you don’t even have enough money to fix your car, right?

Hajiagha: Yes these god damn children young as 10. Don’t remind me.

Mahtab (yelling from another room): DO YOU WANT TEA?

Hajiagha: NO THANK YOU

Abbas: Why not Hajiagha? Maybe she has a change of heart?

Hajiagha: I know. Nakhas-team. Feelesh yad-e hendestoon karde (her elephant suddenly remembers India). She is going to bring tea and add teaspoons just to shake my knees and make me give in. She is poison I tell you. Roozegar-e shohare-show siyah mikoneh. Her future husband is going to regret breathing.

Abbas: Anyway, why not become an Architect? Why not pretend that you are an Architect from Iran but Canada doesn’t let you practice Architecture because of licensing requirements?

Hajiagha: Yes these damn Canadians schools. They need 12th grade educated.

Abbas: So you become a pretend Architect and a nice person saying on Iranian.com that you have had an epiphany and are now a normal person? How about it, do we have a deal? After that I may have another wife prospect in mind for you.

Hajiagha: Peef Peef nanny? What? I don’t know about that.

Abbas: Epiphany. Means sudden realization. Like a ray of light came down from the sky, hit you in the head and you are now a new man.

Hajiagha: Oh ok. Maybe I try it today but tomorrow I’ll go back searching for my ideal woman with a good photo.


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Haji agha shaaye'eh hast

by n.zanincanadai on

Haji agha shaaye'eh hast (it's a rumour). She is only half naked.


Dear Hajiagha

by Anonymouse on



Are you talking about epiphany?! This is not how you do it! 

If we can get out of this 2008 and get rid of George W Bush in one piece it will be a great accomplishment.  Many are counting to January 2009 when he leaves office.  

One thing is for sure world is a LESS SAFE place than 2001 when Bush took office.  Yesterday a big chunk of glacier ice left south pole and is headed to the oceans as a result of global warming.  This week a federal court held George Bush and his (Environmental Protection Agency) EPA administration accountable for putting too much mercury in the environment.

If Obama becomes president I will feel better.  We'll have to wait and see what he is going to do but he is going to be better than Bush for sure.  It is like if Ahmadinejad had come before Khatami and we would get Khatami next, instead of the other way around.

We were talking about khastegaree and better news.  Did you go to sleep saw a nightmare and woke up?  That's ok.  Go back to sleep because we are awake.  Assodeh bekhab ke ma bidareem!

We miss your cartoons!  Please draw another cartoon.  Preferably a cartoon with sex toys.  You can use this Iranian girl who is posing naked as your subject.  As you say stop the corruption, fesdad and fesgh-o fojoor!


dude, this is the funniest

by Anonymous!!!!!!!!!!!!! (not verified) on

dude, this is the funniest i've seen so far on iranian.com

i know what Haji-AN-agha is trying to do. he's sucking up to the mullahs so when goes back to iran, he won't have the same destiny as khordadian!


To Hajiagha

by A.nonymous (not verified) on

Yes Haji, you're right. A big earthquake on the West Coast is on its way.


2009 is bad day's comming soon all you ready for

by hajiagha on

لطفا دست از فساد بر دارید و شوخی ها به روز جدی تبذیل و فکر کنید.. ....من خرافاتی نیستم اما قبلااز هر اتفاق شوم حس خاصی به من گفته و ماجرا را گویا از قبل می دانستم متا سفانه نمیتوانم زمان و مکان و نوع دقیق ان را به خاطر اورم مانند طوفان یخ در اتاوا و منترال کانادا را من  از قبل می دانستم ..حس خدادای..در مورد ایران یک اتفاق خونین در راه است فکر کنم مربوط به سازمان مجاهدین خالق و جنگ خیابانی یا دانشجویان و در گیزی با سپاه و بسیج است که بسیار خونین باید باشد و تاسف اور.... در مورد اینده  و چه اتفاقی من در خواب دیده ام  ..باید این اتفاق یک زلزله باشد و شدت ان به حدی است که من در خاطرم ساختمانی را سالم ندیدم...فکر کنم در ان زمان روز بود ومن در حال رانندگی بودم.. ساختمانها به شدت خراب می شدند   شاید طوفان بود. این خوابها وقتی اتفاق می افتد واضحتر می شود....و مکان دقیق ان را درست  نمی دانم باید در امریکاو  کانادا باشد که من در ان منطقه هستم و در میان اجساد و ساختمانهای ویران...  از لس انجلس تا بالای ونکور..این هم یک ماجرای حقیقی..به یاد دارم در تهران من پول تهیه بلیط اتوبوس برای رفتن به مجله گل اقا ا نداشتم  از دست صابری مدیر مجله خیلی ناراحت..از زیر پل پرستو من رد می شدم و ناگهان حسی به من گفت سریعتر قدم بردار...حدود بیست دقیقه بعد به مجله گل اقا محل قدیمی ان رسیدم که اخبارخبر سقوط پل بزرگپرستو را داد و متاسفانه چند نفری که من دیدم در داخل پیکان ابی رنگی گویا زیر پل خوابیده بودند.....بارها حادث نا مشخص را قبلااز واقع  به یاد دارم و این را به صورت راضی نگه داشته تا الان افشا می کنم حتی درتصادف رانندگی من به شدت صدمه و یا....اما این خواب ها چندان واضح نیست....سال ٢٠٠٩ باید سال بدی باشد ....


i know someone like mahtab

by Anonymous- (not verified) on

i know someone like mahtab :)