Hajiagha goes to khastegaree (Episode 5)


by Anonymouse

         Episode 5: Behta 

Hajiagha: I’m glad you agreed to stay in and have pizza.  I was getting tired of fancy restaurants.  Some of these waiters and waitresses give me the looks.  Not to mention it was getting expensive.

Behta: I’m glad too.  Change is good.  I’m half artist from my mother’s side and I don’t mind the smell of paint and acrylic and turpentine.  It is kind of romantic and actually it’s turning me on.

Hajiagha:  Me too.  Give me a kiss.  With or without tongue? I have bad experience so I need to know for sure.

Behta: Tongue is ok.  Turpentine smell is making me dizzy.

Hajiagha:  boooseeee-shlaammm--zzsssszz-mmmmmm

Behta: Ooh I’m getting hot and dizzy, let me take my clothes off.

Hajiagha:  Oh goody! (gets fully nude in 9 seconds)

Behta: Just a minute.  Women take a bit longer to undress.

Hajiagha:  Ok let me touch while you undress.

Behta:  WAIT A MINUTE!  Wait a god damn minute!  You just stained my nice blue skirt!

Hajiagha:  Sorry.  Eh. Uh.  Sorry.  Eh … Canada …  eh… uh… JJ…. I’m sorry I need Viagra.

Behta:  Viagra chiyeh?  Baz ghatee kardi?  This is called premature ejaculation.  Forrest Gump lasted longer than you.

Hajiagha:  Is there a pill for this?  I can get pills cheap.  Children young as 13 are selling them to old Americans coming across the border.

Behta: There are no pills for this.  You need to masturbate couple of times before you see me half-naked next time.

Hajiagha:  I don’t master bait.

Behta:  Wait then.  Hold your horses.

Hajiagha:  Ok. Yes. I’ll wait. Leave your garter belts on.

Behta:  Engliseat khoob shod-e.  What is this about garter belts? These don’t have garter belts.

Hajiagha: mmmmmm-oooohhh

Behta:  WAIT A MINUTE!  Baba in che vazi-yeh?  Again?

Hajiagha:  Sorry I don’t know what is happening.  I’ll go get a shower.

Behta:  Boyfriend-e ma bawsh.  Damanamo lak-ke dar kardi.

Hajiagha:  I’ll be right back.  You can get dressed.

 A bit later. 

Behta:  Haji you have to pay for dry cleaning.  I am not Monica Lewinsky.  I can’t give away my stained blue skirt to National Archives.

Hajiagha:  When can I come for Khastegaree?

Behta:  Khategaree chiyeh?  I am 41 years old. 

Hajiagha:  I am old fashioned.  I must go for khastegaree and your parents must be there and you serve tea with fancy teaspoons.

Behta:   Man cliché shekanam.  I don’t serve tea.

Hajiagha:  Man sheele peele nadaram.  You don’t need ghand shekan, sugar is ok.

Behta:  Sheele peele chiyeh?  Ghand shekan koja bood? Cliché.

Hajiagha: What?

Behta:  It means sonnat, rasm-o rosoom.

Hajiagha:  So mesl-e bacheye adam say tradition.  Are you going to catch honnagh if you bring a teaspoon? Bring stirrers, sag khord.

Behta: Maybe I let my mother serve the tea. 


Later that week.

Hajiagha: Hello maam.

Behta’s mother:  Hello javoon.  Come on in.

Behta:  Hello Hajiagha have a seat.

Hajiagha: Thank you.  Can I have some tea, if it is not too much trouble?

Behta:  Mom can you bring some tea? 

Hajiagha: Ey baba, khanoon shoma chera?  I’ll do it myself.

Behta:  That’s ok my Mom will do it.

Hajiagha:  Please don’t forget teaspoons.

Behta’s mother offering tea in a tray.

Hajiagha:  AKKKKHHHHH!! SOOKHTAM!  I burned!!!

Behta’s mother:  Sorry naneh, this tray is heavy and Behta said to put tea in coffee mugs instead of estekan to be cliché shekan.  I don’t know what it means but the tray got heavy.

Hajiagha:  nakhasteam chai.  Che bad bakhtee dareem. In be lebas-e abiyeh shoma dar.

Behta’s mother:  what blue dress?

Behta:  never mind Mom.

Hajiagha:  So can I ask your daughter’s hand in marriage?

Behta’s mother:  Well nanne ….

Behta:  It’s ok Mom I’ll answer Haji.  Hajiagha I am willing to live with you and see how it goes.  After that I have to think about it.

Hajiagha: So you come live in my apartment?

Behta:  Actually no.  You have to get a new place.  I have a lot of clothes and accessories.  You have to move everything and if things doesn’t work out you have to move them back.

Hajiagha:  You don’t seem to want to make me happy and that is important.  You seem to be interested only in your happiness.

Behta: I knew it.  Us Iranians are always like this.  Never ready to understand a high maintenance woman.  I miss my half German, half French, half Persian x-boyfriend.


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Short stories

by Anonymouse on

Thank you for the note but I don’t have the time or the hoseleh to do a better job.  I am not Bahmani!  Haminee ke hast.  If I had more time or was retired, rich or something maybe.

When I started this my idea was to communicate with Hajiagha that despite what you hear about freedom and you can do whatever you want, what you do is going to define you.  You can still do whatever you want and no one is going to stop you.  Maybe like a mirror or a sounding board, a friend.  Unlike others (Bahmani ;-0) he has enough sense of humor to take a joke and so far has been gracious enough to play along.  As I have mentioned before since his character is on loan here, if he wants I’ll delete these blogs.

Anyway at the same time I would use these blogs to discuss social issues and stereotypes and characters as you state.  Cartoonist on this website draw their cartoons about similar things, I write these short stories.  The cartoonists are good and have talent, I don’t.  I don’t know how much text I have the patience to add.  Maybe I add some later. These are just short stories like if you were to open a newspaper and read a short column or something.  It is not meant for more.  In these 5 episodes the girls’ characters were different and they were also other male characters that stood for something, good or bad.  I’m hoping I can create enough characters or remember enough characters or come across some as we discuss here to keep this going for a while.  Eventually I’ll get tired and just set it aside.  Until then enjoy it while you can, if you can! 


You are getting better and

by n.zanincanadai on

You are getting better and better. But I think now is the time to expand this exercise. You are now delving into a lot of social issues that are current and relevant to Iranians. Maybe you should start to move into more than just khastegari scripts. Haji is a good subject but you could take anyone that is a representative of a certain group. Like a FatiCommando, a Pesar Khoshgel, Iranian Singer etc. Expand the characters. It would be nice to have some cameos of past characters too. Add some text to make it a story beyond dialogue, it can get too long.



by Anonymouse on



is this about that bita

by nima (not verified) on

is this about that bita girl?