Hajiagha goes to khastegaree.


by Anonymouse

I’m going to try and keep up this blog like the Hajiagha’s Dictionary and see if I (or you) can come up with various Khastegaree scenarios for Hajiagha, like a comedy sitcom. We all know that Hajiagha wouldn’t be given a wife in a khastegaree on his first try. It’s going to take a long time, if ever, to find a woman who’d marry Haji considering his public resume and his desire to keep it that way without any changes. You can add your own episodes if you want.

I wish Hajiagha well and I hope he’ll soon find his path and make it big in Canada and elsewhere. I hope he realizes “when there is a will there is a way”. You have to find your own way. Some day your luck will turn for the better but you have to be ready to take advantage of it.

Hawj faghat Hajagha!! Rahbar faghat Hajagha!!


Episode 1: Shiva

Hajiagha: Hello

Shiva (the girl): Hello

Shiva’s father: Hello Haji. Have a sit. Shiva bring some tea.

Shiva bringing tea in a tray and father and others taking their tea and Hajiagha is last. There are sugar cubes but no teaspoons.

Hajiagha: Excuse me but should I stir the sugar with my dick?

Shiva’s father: Sure. If your dick is small enough to go into the estekan. Just wait until it cools off, unless you want your dicky burnt.

Hajiagha: Bah Bah. Dashteem?! So you are from us. Oo’kay.

Shiva’s father: Well Haji your reputation proceeds you. Shiva has told me a little about your sense of humor but let’s get to know you better. So what do you do?

Hajiagha: I am a cartoonist.

Shiva’s father: what? You watch cartoons?

Hajiagha: No I draw cartoons.

Shiva’s father: Oh ok. What kind of cartoons? Like Tom and Jerry?

Hajiagha: No. I draw sexy cartoons.

Shiva’s father: what sexy cartoons? They have sexy cartoons?

Hajiagha: Yes I draw cartoons of women with toys.

Shiva’s father: Toys? You mean women are toys?

Hajiagha: No. Women who play with toys.

Shiva’s father: women play with toys?

Hajiagha: Yes in Canada women play with toys.

Shiva’s father: What kind of toys?

Hajiagha: You know like shape shifters. You know? women toys.

Shiva’s father: No I don’t know. You sound sick. Sexy cartoon. Toys. I don’t think I want to give you my daughter.

Shiva: Baba?? So he said something. Hajiagha shut up about toys. What toys? Didn’t I tell you to just zip it? Baba ask him about art and humanity.

Shiva’s father: Ok what do you think about Iran and arts?

Hajiahja: Well I don’t like the Mullahs because they did not give me a loan to get married.

Shiva’s father: what?? You need a loan to get married? Pasho agha. Pasho. Nakhasteem. If you can’t afford a wife why the hell do you want to get married?

Hajiagha: Well I have needs.

Shiva: Hajiagha are you helping us?

Shiva’s father: nemisheh agha. Go get a job first.

Hajiagha: This is sucks. Why I can date never a woman. I am honest but they don’t give me wife.

Shiva: Haji abero nazashtea.

Hajiagha: Sorry but you didn’t send me your sexy photo.


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more from Anonymouse

On second thought

by Anonymouse on

I'll post the next episode(s) as separate blogs.


JJ doesn't let me have articles.

by Anonymouse on

Not sponge worthy! so I can't have like a serial page for myself to have these episodes in series.  Whoever likes it can find it.  I'd like to keep them together.

If JJ approves it, I'd prefer to have this one as an article in series and a new article for each episode.  But it is up to him.  I'll work with what I have.


Anonymouse, I almost missed

by n.zanincanadai on

Anonymouse, I almost missed this one maybe you should start a new blog for each episode. Just a suggestion.



Episode 2: Nina

by Anonymouse on

Episode 2: Nina 

Nina:  Salam Haji.  Befarma.

Hajiagha: Aleyke saLLLaam.  Hov-r-u? Good to see you. Give me a kiss.


Nina: Haji in che vaz-e boos kardane? Zabonetow chera to halgham mikonee? Mege Brett Michaels shodi to VH1's Rock of Love?

Hajiagha:  Actually yes.  I'm thinking of starting to wear a bandana so chics can dig me.  If a flabby man can get women wearing bandanas, why not me?  He gets women in for round table discussions and let them fight and gets mad at them for not making it about him.  He says "stop fighting, this is about finding me a woman", and they all agree and stop fighting with angry faces! Goosht mizaree jeloy-e gorbeh peeshtesh mikoni? He is also Canadian so I'm thinking this is the new fashion for chic magnets.

Nina:  Tamam-e matikamo beham zadi.

Hajiagha: sorry.

Nina:  Haji my mom is a single mom and raised me and my brother after our father left us for another woman.  So be careful about what you say.  She is also interested in Women's rights and attends a lot of seminars about women and million signatures campaign in Iran for women's rights.

Hajiahja:  so she is a feminist?

Nina:  I guess.

Hajiagha:  that's too bad. Feminists give me the willies.

Nina: what?  why?

Hajiaghja:  I picture them as women with hairy legs, butch, you know?

Nina:  what hairy legs? have you touched many women's leg with hair? did you ask them if they were feminist?

Hajiagha:  They just give me wrong vibes.

Nina:  Haji.  Beh ghamar-e bani hashem.  Agar chart-o part begi.  Cartoonist.  Sucks to women.  Lesbian.  Sex toys.  Az in mozakhrft, ba in dampaye kaboodet mikonam.  I will smack you black and blue.

Hajiagh:  O'kay baba.  Nazan mar-o.  Let's go in and say hi.

Nina grumbling and shows him inside.

Nina's mother:  Hello.

Hajiagha:  Hello. Hov-r-u?

Nina's mother:  Good thank you.  Nina joon bring some tea.

Nina brings tea in a tray.

Hajiagha:  Bah Bah.  Teaspoons in the tray.  You must be very rooshanfekr (intellectual).  I can tell this is a classy and prestigy family.

Nina's mother: thank you?

Hajiagha:  Yes you are.  You.  Yes you are.  What is your educated?

Nina's mother:  my educaTION (shen-e sho mikeshe) is actually in educaTION.  I have a masters degree in educaTION.

Hajiagha:  very good.  I was correct.

Nina's mother: so how do you like Canada? 

Hajiagha:  sucks to Canada.

Nina's mother:  I beg your pardon?

Nina:  Hajeeee??

Hajiagha:  Don’t get me started.  I have been in Canada for 12 years and no one give me opportunity.  Children young as 12 selling Hashish in Vancouver. Tax payers paying for women to ignore men.  No one wants or can afford to get married.  4 men have the same right as 1 woman.  Ministry of education paying for large building instead of helping the poor.

Nina's mother:  now hold on a minute! Wait just one minute.  Uno momento.  WHAT?? I work for Ministry of Education.  I know that building.  We worked hard to get funding for that building.  Before we were working in a building that had asbestos in it.  Women and children had to come in and get their services under the risk of being exposed to asbestos.  The building was not large enough to accommodate the services needed for women and children. For the poor.  For the needy.  Do you know what you are even talking about?

Nina:  mom.  Haji is also into calligraphy.

Nina's mother: wait a minute Nina.  Hajiagha why are you making all these statements against a country that gave you panah (santuary)?

Hajiagha: I don't know about asbestos.  But I know about the British system which rules Canada.  We are still under the British system of justice from Colonialism.  I wrote about it but JJ deleted me.

Nina's mother: who is JJ?

Hajiagha:  JJ was my friend then he deleted me and became Imam Jomeh of San Francisco.

Nina's mother:  San Francisco has an Imam Jomeh?

Nina:  never mind.

Hajiagha:  I want to warn Iranians who land here.  Many Iranians have immigrant office and lie to Iranians to drag them here and enslave them.

Nina's mother:  Immigrant office?

Nina:  he means Iranians who are immigration lawyers and help Iranians get visas.  Hajiagha have some shirini.

Nina taroofs some shrini and whispers to his ears grinding her teeth, khfeghoon begir! and a veeshgoon (pinch).

Hajiagha:  AKKKHHHH

Nina's mother:  what happened?

Nina:  nothing, Hajiagha choked on some shirini crumbs

Nina's mother:  so where were we?  ah yes.  What is this about Canada?

Hajiagha:  well I can't hold myself any longer.

Nina's mother: by all means.  Don't stop now.  Go on.

Hajiagha: Now I am not sure if you are educaTION enough.  Canadians are bad.  They are racist.  Canada is a British puppet.  Canada..........

Nina's mother:  I am speechless.  Just for conclusion what is all of these to you?  These are Canada's problem.  We have enough problems in Iran.  What is it to you?

Hajiagha:  Canada lied to me.  They didn't give me opportunity like they promise in advertisings.

Nina’s mother: no one sells opportunity anywhere, you have to find it.  It is not for sale, if you find it is free.  You expect someone to knock on your door and OFFER you opportunity?

Hajiagha:  I applied for opportunity for arts in Canada but being the racists that they are, they denied my opportunity.

Nina's mother:  I don’t know what to say.  Did you come here for khategaree or Canada bashing? pasho joonam pasho.  Dokhtar bozorg nakardim chart-o part beshnaveh.  Go god gives your roozi (meal) somewhere else.

Nina walks Haji to the door.

Nina: Haji didn't I say to zip it?  Didn't I say, kooft bekhor, khafeghoon begir?  Elahyee jez-e jigar begiri! Haroom bashe harchi mach-o boose kardeem.

Hajiagha:  I thought you said don't talk about cartoons and sex toys.  You didn't mention Canada.


Thank you Hajiagha.

by Anonymouse on

Remember, if you want I'll delete this blog.  I would like to keep it real and try your arguments in different khastegarees. I wish I had persian font so I could have a better discussion with you.  I think I could have explained things better and easier. 

To answer your question about why you should have respect for women so they can have more power to rule over you, well there are many reasons.  Number one is because "heaven belongs to mothers" as we say in farsi.  Mothers are women, right?  so there you have it. 

Second reason that may be more appropriate for you is because the more power you give to women (your woman) the better your life will be, the more accomplished you'll become.  You know that nonsense that behind every successful man there is a woman? well if there is a good woman, the man is more likely happier than not.  Of course as you know and have depicted in your cartoons, many women crucify men and nag them to death.  So bottom line, don't be afraid to give women more power.  In a sense that would only shut them up!

I'll address your other questions about Canada sucking and why women don't date men there and taxes and other stuff in future episodes.

Finally.  Did you say you went to Shirin Ebadi's speech and tried to ask a question and they did not let you?  Did they notice who you are?  Did any of the feminists there notice you and say this is Hajiagha?  Tell us a little more about it.  What did people say?


Don't pay any attention to losers who leave comments and attribute their own experiences to you.  It appears this guy has done all he says and then puts in on you and "IRI".  His explanation of porn scenes are very detailed and written by someone who has first hand knowledge.  Everything he says is being done in Iran can be done outside Iran and he has done them both outside and inside Iran.  So leave them alone Haji. You can't shut people up.

Curious Joe

What HajiAgha Represents

by Curious Joe on

This is a sad truth.  But what HajiAgha represents is thousands (if not millions) of Iranian men in Iran who are mere victims of unnecessary Islamic restrictions on free pre-marital relationship between boys and girls / men and women.


Oh, of course, getting (legally) a Sigheh or hooking-up (illegally) with prostitutes -- are all fine and dandy in today’s Iran.  But the real problem is the pent-up sexual frustrations that creates millions of a mentally-sick men like HajiAgha who freely roam around this world, inflicting/spreading their sickness wherever they show up their face – whether through their “sick” art, or mere presence in society.


There won’t be enough mental institutions nor prisons that can possibly accommodate the likes of such sicko’s.  These men are all potential OJ Simpsons with all the symptoms of worst animal instincts of jealousy, rage, hate, and a self-justified feeling that “they have been dealt bad cards in life”.  And just like OJ Simpson – they are all angry and seek revenge against the world that has “done them wrong”.   They all have an inert misogynism and are a perfect candidate for murdering prostitutes, abusing women and children, and ultimately becoming perfect candidates for suicide-bomber recruiters.  They are total losers that have simply nothing more to lose.  They are a symbol of what “Hate” is all about.


Thank you IRI for incarcerating young people’s freedom, and thus creating generations of angry latt/obaash losers, looters and killers.



you are loser more as me

by hajiagha on


I saw so many of you guys divorced and badbakht,

your wife take all money from you and get out and have sex with anothers man, may I have hard time to date right women non smoking or drinking no crazy....but you did mistake and you was get after crazy one ended in divorced and why I don't like make your mistake and search to find right one, you like punish me because you are have bigger problems as me with women, you a loser, you all ready get married and be in love and your wife left you and now sleep with anothers, you are loser  

Curious Joe

Qualififications needed for HajiAgha's Khastegaree

by Curious Joe on

So, HajiAgha, finally finds his “Dream Iranian girl under chador” in Canada.  He falls in love with her because she does not acknowledge his existence as he continues to chase her and throwing matalaks at her – a habit he picked up while growing up as a teenager in Iran, where he used to stand at the corner of the streets near the all-girls’ high school exits – snarling Matalak at the young girls leaving school to go home.


Since HajiAgha grew up under the IRI’s strict Islamic no-contact-with-girls-before-marriage, he carried the usual sexual frustrations that most young Iranian oghde-ee men carry as a bunch of psychologically misogynistic animals.  The only sexual outlet he had was either masturbation, or a whore-pool with a bunch of his laat/obash friends who collectively gathered some money and ganged-banged a whore in the outskirts of Tehran, in their shared car.  To this day, he carries the fantasy of fucking a woman in the ass.


The ideal vision of a “wife” for HajiAgha is a girl with the following attributes/qualifications:


-         An Iranian girl, at least 20 years younger than him.  She must be a virgin Muslim, never having dated another man, and must wear a chador outside the home – even in Canada.


-         She must love HajiAgha unconditionally, even if HajiAgha is an old ugly looking fart, with not a penny in his pocket, with a filthy mind, and contempt for all women as whores/lesbians, and all men as a bunch of homosexuals/thieves (as depicted in his cartoons).


-         She must be an absolute  loving slave to him every night, not only seducing him to make love to her several times a night, but beg him to also fuck her in the ass and beg him to cum in her mouth, by anxiously sucking his cock, wanting to eat his cum.


-         She cooks for him his chelo-khoresh everyday with fresh sabzi, washes/irons his cloths everyday, cleans the house, and shuts up.  The only time she opens her mouth is to suck his cock.


That’s it folks.  Provide a Persian woman with the above attributes, and HajiAgha (based on his cartoons and mentality) will rush to khaaste-gaari…


nice I liked what you did have fun

by hajiagha on


طنز شما جالب بود و کوتا ه قسمت بدو زشت  ان بهتر بود عوض می شد اما بابا من کار دارم کار نگهداری بزرگترین مال یا همان فروشگاه زنجیرهای ویکتوریاست ماشین ٤بای٤ سوار می شوم به ماهیگیری میروم اماتنها بود ن ندیدن بچه ادم که بگه بابا برام شکلات بخر درد داره اقا خاک بر سر این فرهنگ کثیف غربی و انگلیسی اگر تو ایران ما حکومت مردمی داشتیم و زرور و زندان شکنجنه نبود همان حکومت دست و پا شکسته اسلامی سگش شرف داره به اینجا من ادمهای زیادی رو دیدم دیوانه شدن در تنهائی زندگی می کنند ما که نباید کورکورانه دنبال فرهنگ غرب باشیم جمهوری اسلامی حکوت صد در صد درستی نیست مثل فرهنگ غربی ما همه رو مسخره می کنی بدون اینکه متوجه شویم خودمان شاید مسخره تراز دیگران هستم. راه حل کجاست تو سرهم زدن یا باهم برای زندگیبهتر لاش کردن اون حزبالهی هم حق خودش رو داره مثل شما اون هم حق منتقی میزنه مثل شما..
I like to tell you I was be in meeting about human right ,women right speaks by Shirin Ebadi in Victoria she was so much complaining about women and  why women in Iran not free as we are in Canada, they are stop me to ask here this question , why I should as man respect to women right to women get in power have money have job and then ignore me, this is true 5 women in Canada equal as 1 man and is so hard to date women not by me I saw  canadian man young handsome educated they can not date women also, but drug dealers , bad guy's who smoke hashish have 5 women for each night, will I don't thinks so mullahs or hezbollah's are so crazy to let this women be free to became wild like in Canada is not good idea freedom for  women like we have ????and I am not supporting women right any more and why sucks to Canada?  be 12 years in Canada no chance to date any women not just one ?


Yes we found him a date.

by Anonymouse on

Go back and read my Hajiagha vs Feminists debate blog and you'll see we found him someone to go on a date at our expense to have a dinner in a fancy restaurant.  Free dinner.  Unfortunately he insisted on a "foto" before agreeing on a date.  And that is the punch line of this episode. 

If he wants, I'll delete this blog.

Ali P.

To: Anonymouse

by Ali P. on

If you know for a fact that he has a thick skin(and maybe deep down he enjoys the attention he's getting), then I stand corrected.


Wasn't there an attempt by some Iranian.comers to actually get him a date a few months ago? How did that turn out? :-)


Ali P. this is not meant to degrade.

by Anonymouse on

I don't know how long you've followed Hajiagha or Iranian.com but if you think this is out of bounds you should read more articles and archives of this website.  This is nothing.

Besides, if you read my previous blogs and posts and the Hajiagha vs Feminists debates you'll see that I've asked Hajiagha to let me know if he wants me to stop and I will stop. 

This is not meant to degrade him.  It is meant to put things in perspective.  Many of us have written well thought out messages for Hajiagha to give him advise and encouragement.  He has used some of them but insists on keep things the same.  So this is let him know what would be a case of a real woman wanting to marry him.  He can find someone if he changes a little.

One more note.  Hajiagha seems serious but he is not.  He knows everything he says is BS just to piss off everyone and continue the debate.  Unfortunately at times he takes himself seriously and forgets what is real.

Ali P.


by Ali P. on

It seems like you have talent in writing comedy, but the art of "tanz" is making people laugh at no one's expense . Hajiagha is a real person, with real feelings (though he, himself, in his work, offends anyone and everyone!). I wish you had based your character on an imaginary person.


Ali P.


P.S. Also a bit out of character for Iranian.com to publish pieces like this.

Niki Tehranchi


by Niki Tehranchi on

The only thing I would add to this scenario is somehwere Haji says "sucks Canada" or "sucks women" or...