Dear Prince Chubby,
Can I call you Prince chubby? Yeah that would be easier cause I have to call you Prince something and you’d probably agree that Prince chubby is as good as any. Anyway, as you may know we discuss you and future of Iran and many other things on i.com. Lately you’ve been discussed more and thrown into various discussions so I thought it’d be nice to write you a letter.
I was thinking to myself what can Prince chubby do to better market himself so that he is taken more seriously. I know you’ve said that all you want is for Iranians to go and vote and if they choose you so be it. So since you are throwing your hat in the ring I thought to remind you this may be a good time to dust off your old resume.
I was thinking well what can Prince chubby put on his resume? We all know he played soccer in high school and learned to fly an Air Force jet and he is married and has a nice family. Surely there must be more so I checked your website to see what I can find.
I found messages galore, left and right sent to various people from Ban Ki Moon to “Messages To The Nation” and couple of books recently. So I clicked and clicked but didn’t find anything I could use as any accomplishment. You know anything, like opening a 7-11, a dry cleaner, a kabobi, a carpet shop, something. Just being rich is not enough to run for higher office. For example, New York City’s Mayor Bloomberg is the 8th richest man in United States and before he ran for that office he ran a financial software company.
I know being an Iranian all you need is a King father but even your grand pa made himself a king so if you don’t do something soon someone may come along and open a new Monarchy and call it something like Farahani or Bakhtiari and steal your thunder. Sending messages is not enough, anyone can send a message, heck since Khomeini issued that Fatwa against Salman Rushdie and made the word Fatwa famous; everyone issues Fatwas which beats general messages.
My suggestion is to maybe open a business so people know that you’re doing something or charities like scholarships for Iranian kids or helping aging Iranian population in America. Charities are tax deductible. I remember one year Al Gore’s tax return showed he had only paid $500 to charity which became an issue in his presidential campaign. The very next year and beyond he contributed much more to charities and I think he currently has a foundation for environmental issues.
If charity is not your cup of tea then a business that people can see, maybe own thoroughbred race horses and race them in Kentucky derby and make a name for yourself before taking on the office and leading Iran through the doors of the big civilization.
If all fails and you’re just too lazy to do anything how about a cologne called Pahlavi? That’d work, I’d buy a bottle. As you know all Middle Eastern men shower with their colognes so there is a big demand. In fact now that I think about it if you don’t start it I may call Calvin Klein myself and pitch the Pahlavi cologne. I’ll get Maz Jobrani to become the spokesman and already see the commercials which can run during the Funny in Farsi pilot that ABC is planning;
Pahlavi – scent of an empire …
In conclusion, Prince chubby jaan I want what is best for you not necessarily what is best for Iranians. I have other blogs about them. This letter is for you and your benefit and I hope you take it to heart and do something other than just sending messages. As you know all Iranians are experts in politics so political messages (like yours) is our national hobby and dime a dozen. Some want to know what you did with all that money since you’re not even the richest Iranian anymore. Those boobs were taken away by the monster. Did I mention treadmill and more exercise? This year you’ll become 50 years old so hurry up or soon you’ll be too lazy to even send messages.
Photo Caption: Tehran’s shoe shine on wheels
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