2012 Irainian.com rules that didn't make it

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Ari Siletz
by Ari Siletz
01-Jan-2012
 

40,000 new laws will go into effect in 2012 across the United
States., from placing fines on texting while driving to including gays
and lesbian contributions in history books. That's a lot of laws, yet
one could imagine the staggering number of proposals that didn't make it to the lawbooks this year. Below are a few Iranian.com proposed laws that probably would't make it on account of the nothing is sacred business or implementation issues:

 

1.    Mandate a limit to the number of foam-at-the-mouth blogs/articles/comments to no more than five hundred per day.


2.    
Googoosh impersonator videos must carry a "Don't Be Mean" warning.
Being mean to a Googoosh wannabe is a misdemeanor punishable by 40 hours
of community service in a Persian restaurant that plays non-stop
Tehrangeles pop.


3.    Create a separate IC subsidiary
for “Shah-Mossadegh” fights with its own URL. Intruders into regular IC
pages shall be exiled to the village of Ahmadabad.


4.    Add a Farsi thesaurus to the site for overused labels such as mozdoor, khaaen, baseeji, etc. Any mozdoor calling anyone else a mozdoor shall have his/her wages cut in half indefinitely.


5.    
Create a front page memorial tab for banned IC members to house
deceased user IDs, list of crimes, eulogies, and reader pleas for
resurrection. 


6.   Add more canned avatars to the user
account creation page. As of Janurary 1 2012 two IC members using the
same canned avatar shall bid in Rials for the image regardless of who
had priority.


7.     As of Janurary 1 2012, uncaptioned
photos in photo essays are fair game for reader captioning. Uncaptioned
photos shall be automatically entered in a weekly contest for most
creative caption.


8.    Create software to automatically
scramble swear words in comment text to comply with IC policy. Until
such software is in place, commenters cannot be held liable for damages
or insults resulting from their use of poorly disguised expletives.


9.   
Authorize writers to demand at will a quiz about his/her blog from any
commenter. Flunking the quiz permanently prefixes all the titles of the
flunker's comments with, "This commenter has not read the blog.”


10.
Create ratings G, PG, PG-13, R and X for postings, with parental
control settings for each category. After which the sky is the limit for
erotica, and complainers shall be limited to G, or PG posts for a
period of no less than one month and no more than 6 months.

 

11.
Add a "get a room" feature for flagging public displays of affection
between political e-gang members. Should the IC editor find the flagging
appropriate, the love fest exchange of comments shall be transferred to
the X rated section of the site for more general audience enjoyment.

 

Needless to add, some of 2012's passed laws are weirder than the above IC
rejects. Among them, our mass media gripes a lot about "happy hour" now
being illegal in Utah. Less painful to journalists seems to be the NDAA 2012
legislation that codifies the power of the President of the United
States to indefinitely detain a citizen without charge or trial. As of
the new year our human rights are unambiguously at the discretion of the
President. We're lucky that he's a nice guy, but on the eve of this new year, I'm already nostalgic for the old fashioned kind of human rights.  

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MeyBokhor_Manbarbesuzan

How about this one:

by MeyBokhor_Manbarbesuzan on Tue Jan 03, 2012 06:31 AM PST

Automatically replace the word "Khar" with the writers alias. I know some members who'd start hee hawing right away.


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Esfand Aashena

Ari jaan I hope for i.com changes in 2012!

by Esfand Aashena on Tue Jan 03, 2012 06:01 AM PST

We got nothing in 2011, though I think we got one click "post comment" convenience but none of the major changes that were promised.  Though again we got the decision on some of the upcoming changes like comment control or a like button which I guess it's a change in and of itself.

So let's hope for implementation of these changes in 2012!   

Everything is sacred


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Ari Siletz

All are welcome to add legislative proposals

by Ari Siletz on Mon Jan 02, 2012 02:33 PM PST

Divaneh: Big LOL on #12 regarding History Channel. And all should feel free to add legislative proposals. After all 2012 has no less than 40,000 new laws. #13:Foam-at-the-moth blogs are required to include a link to an informative article on any subject whatsoever, or add a contribution to Monda's joke depository. 

MeyBokhor: Your observation about self pleasuring on #11 shows how a badly written law can become the subject of humor. For example, in the original draft of the NDAA 2012 there was a clause to get rid of a law discriminating against gays in the military. It turned out that the deleted law also prohibited having sex with animals. When the mistake was caught, it was argued that another military law forbids this behavior, but it turned out that it may apply only to animals owned by the U.S. government. Fortunately they got their act together in the final draft and all animals, government property or otherwise, are safe...but our human rights backside is still seriously exposed by NDAA 2012.


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divaneh

Legislating Ari

by divaneh on Mon Jan 02, 2012 01:28 PM PST

I think all these legislations should be passed and implemented without delay. To No 5 I will add "and their Current Id".  Can I add this one to your well humoured blog Ari?

12- No one should divert a discussion from the subject of the blog. Anybody caught diverting a blog’s discussion to Shah, Palestine, Ghajar or anything else should be diverted to History Channel for a month upon login.

I am sorry to hear that US government has passed the law to detain people without charge. UK passed such a law with initially two weeks limit and then increased under the excuse of national security. It was very controversial and I am not sure if it is still in place. We owe it here to civil liberty organisations to highly publicize and debate it. I hope American civil liberty organisations will do the same. Democracy and civil rights have to be protected from the governments.


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MeyBokhor_Manbarbesuzan

Number 9 rules

by MeyBokhor_Manbarbesuzan on Mon Jan 02, 2012 01:13 PM PST

Number 9 rules. I think comments not relative to the subject of a blog/news entry should automatically retain a slimy greenish, yellowish background color reflecting their nature.

Number 2 favorite is 11. Although some people (identities) would end up talking to themselves.


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Ari Siletz

Anahid

by Ari Siletz on Mon Jan 02, 2012 01:06 PM PST

One of my New Year's resolutions is not to think about Shah-Moassadegh in 2012. I urge IC friends to help me kick this unhealthy habit and call me on it if they see a comment from me in a Shah-Mossadegh blog. Please don't let me get away with any bahaneh about why this one Shah-Mossadegh blog happens to be relevant to 2012 issues. 

Happy New Year!


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Anahid Hojjati

Thanks Ari

by Anahid Hojjati on Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:55 PM PST

I also liked your blog. My favorites are numbers 3, 5 and 6. My top favorite is number 3. I think some people forget that 1332 was amost 60 years ago.  Issues regarding Shah and Mossadegh are not as relevant as some IC commentators think that they are.


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Ari Siletz

Lobbying hard to get these passed

by Ari Siletz on Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:33 PM PST

Glad everyone had fun with the 2012 proposed laws; NI-AC (National Iranian-American.Com is advocating hard to get them passed for next year; even had a meeting with Gooogoosh about #2--but don't tell anyone or we'll never hear the end of it. Happy New Year, MM, Souri, and Hooshang. Looking forward to exciting 2012 blog/article/comment/cartoon/puzzle/review/interview/poetry/art/stories/photo-essay/harf e hesab/charand/humor/silliness from everyone.


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default

"...a Persian restaurant that plays non-stop Tehrangeles pop. "

by Hooshang Tarreh-Gol on Mon Jan 02, 2012 08:53 AM PST

Wasn't this an episode on "Twilight Zone?"


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Souri

That one was very funny, dear Ari

by Souri on Mon Jan 02, 2012 08:45 AM PST

This is a "serious" funny blog. I really loved the laugh!

Especially, I loved numbers 3 ad 4. I will definitively vote for them.

More power to you !

 


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MM

Happy new year, Ari

by MM on Sun Jan 01, 2012 07:38 PM PST

good rules to think about! LOL on number 9.


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Ari Siletz

Happy 2012, Bavafa and maziar 58

by Ari Siletz on Sun Jan 01, 2012 02:26 PM PST

Looking forward to this year's IC action alongside friends. Interesting year already, as we begin it with our human rights in the U.S. officially anulled by the 2012 National Defense Authorization Act! Maybe this year we will see some meaninful challenges to this sort of power grab. It feels very much like the legitimacy crisis that the Shah's Rastakheez party gaffe made dramatically obvious to the Iranian people. Thinking about the 2012U.S. elections, I ask myself why would I vote anyone into power who has the authority to disappear people without charge or trial. Who votes for tyranny??

On the other side of our Iranian-American hyphen we've got the Iran "elections" coming up where voters are faced with a similar dilemma--legitimzing a tyranny or dismantling with election boycotts the small trace of democracy we managed to salvage from the sinking revolution.

And right on top of the hyphen we have the escalating U.S.-Iran squabble.

So I think 2012 will be rough seas. Glad we're sailing together.


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maziar 58

.......

by maziar 58 on Sun Jan 01, 2012 07:50 AM PST

Thanks Ari khan happy 2012

Hope it benefit us all .

thanks for your clean and pokhteh blogs and views.

 Maziar


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Bavafa

Love every single of these new proposed laws...

by Bavafa on Sun Jan 01, 2012 07:44 AM PST

With that, happy new year Dear Ari.

I always enjoy and more importantly learn from your contributions here.

'Hambastegi' is the main key to victory 

Mehrdad


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