My father died today - a Eulogy

Balatarin
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My father died today - a Eulogy
by Azadeh Azad
21-Apr-2010
 

Today, my father died at three in the morning in a private hospital in Tehran. He will be buried tomorrow. He was 88.

My dad was born in the village of Yush, of Nour county in Mazanderan. He had been brought to Tehran at the age of 9 months, his place of birth was registered as Tehran and he never wanted anyone to know that he was born in the birthplace of Nima Yushij – after all that was a "village" and he was very "urban." He was a typical middle-class urban Iranian, a civil servant of the Shah’s time.

In his early youth, while working as a civil servant at the Tehran Railway Department, he was studying to become an engineer but then the WWII broke and he was stuck with a Technician degree. Since time immemorial, he told us about the occupation of the Railway Station by the Russian and British forces, how he was afraid of the Russians and made silly jokes to gain their trust and overcome his own fear, and how he admired "the English" for eating only potatoes everyday behind closed doors and still keeping a stiff upper-lip. He himself looked and behaved like an Englishman, as my mother put it.

After my mother, my dad was the most powerful member of my family of origin. I remember him as a tall, blue-eyed and light brown haired handsome man who was always dressed impeccably, three-piece suite, white starched shirt and neat ties. He spoke a bookish Persian, was conservative by nature (didn’t take risks,) was very diplomatic and had a great sense of humour. He was also a kind of maverick. He came from a Bazaari family, but he hated the Bazaaris and went to Dar-ol-Fonun college to do his studies. A few years after the War, he got married and I am his first child. As a child, I remember him burning the midnight oil and studying to become an engineer.

My father was not a gifted or multi-dimensional man. In fact, he had only four dimensions: he was diplomatic, good with electrical gadgets, good with managing the money, and good for having long naps!!! Contrary to my mother who was an avid reader, my father hardly read anything – except the newspaper headlines. He was authoritarian and disciplined, a hard working and ambitious man, and very honest. His honesty had a religious root. He was a practicing Muslim and always made sure to pray first before playing poker with his male relatives :-). He was half-modern, half-traditional. The education of his children was the most important thing in his life, especially his daughters’.

My father was a cold and reserved man who was not very much able to love. Yet I adored him in my childhood and sometimes missed him when I moved to Canada. His idea of parenting was "to watch the children" as opposed to loving them. I constructed my whole personality in opposition to his and that of my mother. Yet I learnt a lot from both of them. My dad taught me how to work hard in order to achieve my goals instead of counting on luck or using other people. He taught me how to stick to my values instead of changing them opportunistically or being ashamed of them – he would pray in front of tens of unbelievers when it was time to pray. He also taught me honesty, "because that’s the least complicated way to be" (on the top of "dishonesty being a sin.") He remained a mid-ranking official, as he repeatedly rejected bribes of millions of toumans to hire, as his employee, the son of this or that rich family.

My father advised his children not to get involved in politics. But we all did. He never expressed any opinion for or against the Shah. He only sometimes whispered stories about the Majesty's twin sister trafficking drugs via railway along the country.

My dad and I were always very different people and he was no hero of mine, but he did his best as a father, as a husband, as a citizen and as a human being. I miss him a lot.

Balatarin
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more from Azadeh Azad
 
Monda

I wish I had the words...

by Monda on Thu Apr 22, 2010 08:19 AM PDT

to describe my father, what he meant to me, the way you did. For one reason or another as I'm reading your eulogy again, I can't stop my tears Azadeh. 


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Marjan Zahed Kindersley

Superb

by Marjan Zahed Kindersley on Thu Apr 22, 2010 07:12 AM PDT

With underlying sympathy, I have to state, that this is one of the best eulogies I've read. Observant, objective, sensitive and written in such short a time...(The painting is also superb)

Best

Marjan


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minadadvar

Azadeh Jan

by minadadvar on Thu Apr 22, 2010 06:08 AM PDT

I am sorry to hear about your father.  I am so touched/impressed by your honesty and courageous description of him.  He, sure, raised an amazing daughter.  And, that is a great accomplishment both as a man and a father.    


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Midwesty

What do you expect me to say?

by Midwesty on Thu Apr 22, 2010 06:05 AM PDT

"My dad and I were always very different people and he was no hero of mine...

...a kind of maverick ...and very honest...taught me honesty...to work hard...to stick to my values...spoke bookish Persian...great sense of humour...The education of his children was the most important thing in his life, especially his daughters..."

You are honest but not enough to say that your dad was your hero!

All of-em are!

I am a father and nothing can get between me and my child! While I hate to be one day like my dad, I can't imagine a day without him.

May your father's body rest in peace as his soul been in peace years before!


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Mona 19

Ms.Azad ...

by Mona 19 on Thu Apr 22, 2010 05:36 AM PDT

Please accept my condolences, may he rest in peace. Ruheshan shad va yadeshan gerami.

Most regards,Mona 


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Setareh Sabety

tasliat

by Setareh Sabety on Thu Apr 22, 2010 04:47 AM PDT

Dear Azadeh,
My deepest condolences. Thank you for the very moving article. I lost my father ten years ago. Here is what I wrote about losing him. It was a great loss. Not a day goes by without me thinking of him. Bon courage to you.
//iranian.com/SetarehSabety/2001/May/Fath...


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Esther

My sympathies

by Esther on Thu Apr 22, 2010 04:46 AM PDT

Dear Azadeh, my thoughts are with you.  It seems that your father taught you well, and that he would have appreciated your honesty to your memories of him!


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Nur-i-Azal

My deepest, most sincere condolences

by Nur-i-Azal on Thu Apr 22, 2010 04:26 AM PDT

My heart goes out to you, Azadeh jan!

Ya NUR


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SamSamIIII

Dear Azadeh

by SamSamIIII on Thu Apr 22, 2010 04:24 AM PDT

 

My condolences on your loss . wishing you & your family  peace & solace. Ravaanash shaad.

Path of Kiaan Resurrection of True Iran Hoisting Drafshe Kaviaan //iranianidentity.blogspot.com //www.youtube.com/user/samsamsia


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ebi amirhosseini

Azadeh jaan

by ebi amirhosseini on Thu Apr 22, 2010 04:09 AM PDT

My deepest sympathies.

Ebi aka Haaji


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comrade

...

by comrade on Fri Apr 23, 2010 04:54 PM PDT

...

 

 


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Sargord Pirouz

We lost our dad almost ten

by Sargord Pirouz on Thu Apr 22, 2010 03:40 AM PDT

We lost our dad almost ten years ago. 

He used to be able to do some distinctly Iranian things. No matter how much I try, I can't do them.

One thing he used to be able to do was fold his hands together and snap his middle fingers to the beat of persian music.

Another was he used to be able to raise his eyebrow independently from one another, again to the beat of music. We used to call it "the eyebrow dance."

He died at only 64. We really wish he had taken better care of himself, and had seen a doctor at medically recommended intervals. But he didn't, and we miss him a great deal. 


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rustameiran

My deepest

by rustameiran on Thu Apr 22, 2010 02:50 AM PDT

sympathy to you and your family....my departed father too worked in the railways when the war broke out and took me to the central station to show me the old building with the swaskikas on the ceiling..Our parents were of a different breed...hard working, patriotic and upstanding citizens. You don't get them like that any more. Best wishes


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Azarin Sadegh

I'm so sorry...

by Azarin Sadegh on Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:31 PM PDT

Such a moving eulogy to your father, dear Azadeh! You made all of us miss him...

Please accept my deepest condolences...:-( 


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Monda

You are in my thoughts

by Monda on Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:06 PM PDT

Azadeh jan, I too am touched by your sincerely expressed memories of your Dad. aaraam baashi azizam.


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Darius Kadivar

Tasliat Azadeh Jaan

by Darius Kadivar on Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:04 PM PDT

My deepest sympathies.

DK


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Nazy Kaviani

Baba...

by Nazy Kaviani on Wed Apr 21, 2010 10:11 PM PDT

Azadeh-ye Azizam, please accept my deepest condolences and my wishes for strength and patience for your family.

The safety of a father's arms
towering tallness
repeated words of wisdom
looks that welcomed
looks that saw me off
memory marks of the old stories
comfort of the unconditional love
respect that grew, heralding
unending closeness despite the distance
the man who was my father
and memories which will last forever.


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PERS66

-----------(---@

by PERS66 on Wed Apr 21, 2010 10:07 PM PDT

May he rest in peace.


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Azadeh Azad

Thank you, dear friends

by Azadeh Azad on Wed Apr 21, 2010 09:23 PM PDT

Thank you so much for your kind words, dear JJ, Khar, Mehrdad, MM, Anahid, faryarm, vildemose, VPK, Mehman, Masoud, Mehrban, David, kfrravon, Javad, Sima, Yolanda, and bajenaghe naghi. Your very kind words and/or nice poems are comforting to me. I consider you guys and gals of IC my extended family in Diaspora.  Thank you for being there for me.

Love,

Azadeh


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bajenaghe naghi

Azadeh jan

by bajenaghe naghi on Wed Apr 21, 2010 09:07 PM PDT

My deepest sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your father.

From what you so beautifully written about him, one can not but see your father as a very good man: honest, hardworking, ambitious, and religious among other fine attributes.

May he rest in peace.


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yolanda

.....

by yolanda on Wed Apr 21, 2010 09:07 PM PDT

So sorry for your loss.....he was a great dad 'cause:

***********

The education of his children was the most important thing in his life, especially his daughters’.

***********


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sima

Very sad, Azadeh jan

by sima on Wed Apr 21, 2010 09:03 PM PDT

I'm very sorry. It's so heart breaking. What a nice piece of writing though. So simple, elegant and true. Very sad. I wish you the best.


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Javad Yassari

با آرزوی صلح و آرامش و با گرامیداشت یاد آن بزرگوار

Javad Yassari
Wed Apr 21, 2010 08:56 PM PDT

آن یار کزو خانه ما جای پری بود
سر تا قدمش چون پری از عیب بری بود
دل گفت فروکش کنم این شهر ببویش
بیچاره ندانست که یارش سفری بود
تنها نه ز راز دل من پرده برافتاد
تا بود فلک شیوه او پرده دری بود
منظور خردمند من آن ماه که او را
با حسن ادب شیوه صاحب نظری بود
از چنگ منش اختر بد مهر بدر برد
آری چکنم دولت دور قمری بود
عذری بنه ای دل که تو درویشی و او را
در مملکت حسن سر تاجوری بود
اوقات خوش آن بود که با دوست بسر رفت
باقی همه بی حاصلی و بی خبری بود
خوش بود لب آب و گل و سبزه و نسرین
افسوس که آن گنج روان رهگذری بود
خود را بکش ای بلبل از این رشک که گل را
با باد صبا وقت سحر جلوه گری بود
هر گنج سعادت که خدا داد به حافظ
از یمن دعای شب و ورد سحری بود


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kfravon

My deepest symathies

by kfravon on Wed Apr 21, 2010 08:47 PM PDT

Azadeh jan,

May the peace which comes from the  memories of the love you shared with your amazing father, comfort you now and in the days ahead.


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David ET

.. با عرض تسلیت

David ET
Wed Apr 21, 2010 08:48 PM PDT

دوری که در او آمدن و رفتن ماست

او را نه نهایت نه بدایت پیداست

کس می نزند دمی در این معنی راست

کاین آمدن از کجا و رفتن به کجاست

 


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Mehrban

My condolences

by Mehrban on Wed Apr 21, 2010 08:27 PM PDT

May he rest in peace.


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Masoud Kazemzadeh

Deepest sympathies and condolences

by Masoud Kazemzadeh on Wed Apr 21, 2010 08:08 PM PDT

Azadeh jaan,

My deepest sympathies and condolences.

Sincerely,

Masoud

　


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Mehman

Condolences

by Mehman on Wed Apr 21, 2010 08:05 PM PDT

Dear Azadeh,

Please accept my condolences for the sad occasion of the demise of your father.

The character you described seems a very nice man and a good parent.

 

Mehman


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Veiled Prophet of Khorasan

My Condolences

by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on Wed Apr 21, 2010 08:03 PM PDT

for the loss of your father. I am sorry.

VPK


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vildemose

What a brutally

by vildemose on Wed Apr 21, 2010 07:49 PM PDT

What a brutally honest  way to honor the memory of your father and say your final goodbye.

I'm certain your father would not have had it any other way. He is looking down with much pride at his crowing achievment, 'you'. 

As you grieve please know that everyone at IC is  remembering you and your family in your time of sorrow.

 


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