bajenaghe naghi

american wife jan

i know what you mean. if you ask me, and no one does, patrick needs either hair of the dog in the form of a good woman or a better ventilated work shop. i go with the first choice.  

I think Patrick needs to deal with his issues

BEFORE he attempts another relationship.  They are all doomed to fail if he does not recognize and modify his expectations which controls his behavior.  It will be impossible for any woman to deal with his issues or even remotely support him if he himself cannot resolve them.  The suggestion that a "good woman" will help him or understand and adjust HER behavior is extremely naive.  And dangerous to HER psyche.  Now a woman is supposed to deal with her baggage AND his?  Patrick needs much more than a relationship right now.  He needs to make peace with himself. 

monda jan

you are correct in that patrick does not hate woman. he longs to be with a woman who takes the time to understand him and make him feel safe in their relationship. i am sure there will be a woman with the special vision who will find this diamond in the rough. 

live from tehran jan

i like and agree with your last two sentences. thank you. but can i add that we all more or less carry emotional baggage. but patrick carries a little more than normal. 

Dear Live from Tehran, I beg to differ

One good way to heal onself from past trauma is by approaching the same threatening agent in different conditions, just as BN's wise friend dilip suggested. Of course it takes much courage and strength to do just that. So in other words I should add, your  approach is case-specific - apparently there are still some aspects of female contact that Patrick feels safe approaching, otherwise he would not bother with women in general. You are right that as saying goes "maar gazideh az maar mitarsad", but in Patrick's case he hasn't yet been bitten that badly because he still hopes and tries to have a relationship with a woman.

Dear BN, this was a very nice share. Have a warm and happy day.

Great advice But..

When you are bitten by a snake you will be afraid of the snake for the rest of your life. In this situation you need to stay away from anything, like a rope!!! or even watching wild life channels :) and start reading some material about snakes until you learn that all snakes aren't poisonous and bad as we thinks..i don't think your friend needs another woman. What he needs is inner healing to find himself. Also women need to protect themselves too. It's not their fault to meet a guy whom carrying so much emotional baggage..

ebi jan

thank you. i was very impressed too.

Bajenaghe AZIZ !!!

good advice,

sepaas

javaneh jan

thank you for your kind remarks. i agree with you very much. people do not think before or after they speak. we can call it verbal inflation. too many words too little substance. we also tend to look and judge too quickly giving too much importance to what we see and too little to what is inside the person. i think this is because the pace of life has become fast. people have no time to stop and think and touch and feel and then decide. they quickly move on to the next one, as you say. 

Bejanaghe jaan

So true .... I think thats a great piece of advice. Thanks for sharing that with us, I will certainy remember that story.

I sometimes wonder at the shallowness of people. How can they go through their daily contacts and conversations with others and not reflect upon the meanings underneath words and behaviour. Life is not black and white, there are a whole range of shades in between the two. Sadly some people walk away and miss so much of what is important about others because they aren't perfect. The way so many are quick to make judgements and assumptions about others never fails to surprise me.

It seems to me that today life is like a conveyor belt, thats old.. get a new one, not what I think I want.... move on to the next one.

best wishes

Javaneh