The Anatomy of the Islamic Republic of Iran

Balatarin
Share/Save/Bookmark

The Anatomy of the Islamic Republic of Iran
by Fesenjoon2
03-Oct-2012
 

The Islamic Republic of Iran is like no other country on Earth. It has no well defined organized structure, defies all principles of economics and management, constantly has lack of esteem issues, craves for war with others, and openly declares its own self-preserving interests above that of its people. Political scholars have for years tried to analyze and dissect this hodge-podge mix of a regime. Is it a theocratic republic? Is it a clerical monarchy? Is it a totalitarian oligarchy? Is it all three? What the fuck is it?

Perhaps this diagram can help shed some light on this mystery that has baffled the modern world for 35 years.

Legend 

1: Majles. The supposed brains of the Republic. This is where the democratic institution to lead and guide the country should be centered. Unfortunately, for the case of Iran, the brain is far too small and undeveloped, and only controls lower body functions dictated by the hormonal urges of #2, #11, and of course #4.

2: IRGC (Sepah Pasdaran). where the economy of the country is controlled. gets to decide what is ingested (imported), discharged (exported), and digested (budgets, taxes, etc). Often holds the wellbeing of the entire country hostage. 

3: Office of the President. The butthole and ideological product of the system (nezam). When this organ of the country opens its anus (mouth), others immediately try to take cover from the obnoxious gas and droppings, but #5 usually ends up getting stuck in it anyway. Hence the constant bickering between #3 and #5.   

4: Rahbar. The tokhm of the nezam. Must be protected at all costs by all other organs, otherwise the system will not be able to sustain its existence for long. This organ has the power to override and veto all other organs in terms of hierarchy: If it has the urge, the other organs must comply.

5: The Judiciary, Council of Guardians, Assembly of Experts (Khobregan), and Expediency Council. These are what the country practically runs on. 

6: Ministry of Intelligence (including plainclothes vigilantes). The ever watchful eyes of the keepers, custodians, and guardians of the system.

7: Central Bank. One of the most sensitive and vulnerable parts of the country. If it chokes, chances are the rest will too.

8: The cyber army and west residing employees of the regime. These are the supporters of the regime in chat rooms, forums, IC blogs, always complaining about Israel and American imperialism, and secretly relaying sensitive info about the diaspora back to HQ.

9: The mouth of the regime. This PR tool is in charge of spreading false information and making loud noises about Israel or anything else that can distract attention away from the real problems of the country. Does not appreciate the competition from #3. This mouth is usually big, and it smells due to lack of hygiene. It can also be used for biting e.g. in the capacity of hardline newspaper editors (Shariati), pundits (Hasan Abbasi), etc. 

10: Leftist intellectuals, IRI supporters, and velayat madaar elements. These are the people that are always seen demonstrating on "Youmullah 22 Bahman" and other state arranged demonstrations against the "doshman" (the enemy). They are often easily perfumed by the gaseous discharges of #3, and often smell due to proximity to #4 and #11, as well. They occupy otherwise no important place in the country, but wiggle and move around alot to attract attention and declare their presence (ommat-e hamisheh dar sahneh). 

11: The Basij. The length of this organ is a direct function of the whims and urges of #4.

Balatarin
Share/Save/Bookmark

Recently by Fesenjoon2CommentsDate
Wright Brothers? Never heard of them.
-
Oct 21, 2012
Yogi Bear insults Noah the prophet
7
Oct 16, 2012
3 signs you're reading off IRI's script
2
Oct 12, 2012
more from Fesenjoon2
 
Anonymous Observer

What happened is that

by Anonymous Observer on Thu Oct 04, 2012 04:44 PM PDT

I saw a photo of your super ugly litso.  You know which one, right?  The one with the poncho in the woods somewhere.  It freightened me into taking refuge in the dark side of the Force. 

Anywayyyyy, droog, what did I tell you? Stop trying to engage me in a discussion.  I told you under what circumstance that will happen.  Here's the formula: you die ===>> discussion will take place in the afterlife (if you're lucky and there's one).

Now go fill up another welfare application to beg for money from the white man. 


  •  
Peacock_Feather

AO joon

by Peacock_Feather on Thu Oct 04, 2012 03:24 PM PDT

I ain't in Australia ;O)  But keep believing I am if it makes you feel good.

The good old days, //iranian.com/main/blog/nur-i-azal/yatha-ahu-vairyo-gathas (see your own comments to me)

What happened to you that you went over so completely to the dark side?


  •  
Anonymous Observer

Fesenjoon dude

by Anonymous Observer on Thu Oct 04, 2012 02:51 PM PDT

don't waste your breath with WahidNuriILoveIranZedShahbFerdowsiMaryamFrashogarCIMJoon.  He hasn't had any "pol" for a while now, so has a lot of pent-up frustrations.  For a long while now, its been only him, his keyboard, the envelopes containing the welfare checks from the anglo Australian white capitalist imperialists and full cups of Ayahuasca.  Enough to drive every man insane, let alone a "prophet" of the Fatimiyeh "religion."  :-)))


  •  
Peacock_Feather

Baraadar

by Peacock_Feather on Thu Oct 04, 2012 02:30 PM PDT

khodet balaaye manbar naro va enghadar korkori nakhoon! Vaalaah zeshteh enghadar araajif goo'ee o mozakhraf o paak-saazi'e haqiqat, akheh mard-e-hesaabi!

ageh mikhaay sohbat az aghaliyat seteezee bokoni, keh een baha'i-aan qahhaar tarin aghaliyat setizaan-e-'alaam'and baa saabeqeh'ye tarikhi'e 148 saale. faqat akhoond neest too donyaa een owbaasho saro tah shenaakhteh.

mardi, een blogo az avval taa akhaaresh baa tammameh linkaash boro bekhoon, ageh raast migi:  //iranian.com/main/blog/nur/bahai-hezbollah-pt-1

ro'asa-ye eenaa joz tame'ye qodrat hichi o hichi digeh sareshoon nist. Haalaa boro bekhoon!


  •  
Fesenjoon2

ای بابا باز هم که رفتی بالا منبر!!

Fesenjoon2
Thu Oct 04, 2012 01:13 PM PDT

دیدی؟ آخرش جلوی خودت را نتونستی بگیری و گوز را به شقیقه ربطش دادی! آخه پسر خوب...موضوع بهایی ها چه ربطی به توسعه صنعتی ایران داره؟ مگر نمیگی از آخوندها بدت میاد؟ پس چرا داری بهایی-ستیزی آخوندها را اینجا اشاعه میدی؟ چون تنها کسایی که اینقدر از بهایی ها متنفرند آخوندها هستند. (فکر کردی چرا میگن "کینه شتری"؟)

بخدا راست و حسینی بهت بگم: مثل سگ داری دروغ میگی پیکاک جون. من خودم شخصا توی ایران چند تا همکلاسی بهایی داشتم. از شصت تای مثل من و تو با غیرت تر و میهن پرست تر بودند. نه اسراییلی بودند نه صهیونیستی و نه حتی پولدار. خیلی کار زشتی داری انجام میدی به والله. این تنفری که از اقلیتها از خودت نشون میدی اصلا در شان یک ایرانی نیست. حتی یک ایرانی مسلمان!

در ضمن...کسی حرف از بمبارون خیابون ها و مغازه های تهرون نزده که اینقدر داد و بیداد راه انداختی! حرف از تغییر رژیم و حکومت هست. مردم سی و پنج ساله که منتظر موندند که رژیم یا اصلاحات انجام بده یا مسالمت آمیز به یک نحوی بره کنار. حالا دارند یواش یواش می بینند که عمرشون داره سر میره و پیر شدند و هنوز هم این رژیم سر کاره و بلکه از قبل هم بدتر و وقیح تر شده. تا کی باید برای اصلاحات صبر کرد؟ وقتی افتادند و مردند؟ تحریم که نه. بمبارون تاسیسات سپاه و غیره هم که نه. رای مردم هم که شد فتنه. بگو ببینم تو چه راه حلی پیشنهاد میکنی؟ نه خداییش. راست و پوسکنده بگو ببینم. 

در ضمن....از بحث کردن به فارسی داری طفره میری. متوجهی که معنیش چیه که! 

 


  •  
Peacock_Feather

Agha-ye 'aziz

by Peacock_Feather on Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:07 PM PDT

Sohbat gozashte az een harfaa. Be har zaboonee'am keh khaastam javaabeto midam.

I don't particularly like the fact that Iran is ruled by a clerical theocratic dictatorship of Usuli mujtahids. Given what Iran was on the verge of becoming 34 years ago, but was sabotaged by the very same people drumming for regime change and preemptive strikes today, the fact of the matter is that even under the IRI Iran is miles ahead of the game than how you people paint  it. If you people were honest here, you would admit that behind all the rhetoric, this fact scares the crap out of the West. Whether under the Shah, the mullahs or whatever else, the truth is that so long as the power of Western imperialism is not broken and this monster keeps devouring everything in its way, it will never allow Iran to become a second Japan as you called it.

Now keep beating your chest for war and regime change where instead of Japan we'll end up with a bad version of Bangladesh instead! The Shah in fact warned about this very thing. But you people here are too dumb - or don't care because of self-interest - to see what is coming.

As for the Baha'i elite (not rank and file mom & pop, but the elite, the Baha'i leadership): they care as much for Iran, and maybe even less, than the MKO/MEK cultists care for Iran. I pray you don't have to learn this fact the hard way but maybe you should!


  •  
Anonymous Observer

Thanks TS9 jaan

by Anonymous Observer on Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:01 PM PDT

You know, sometimes this bunch become so absurd that they don't even deserve a proper answer or argument.  Having fun with them is the only way in which their insanity could be demonstrated.


  •  
Anonymous Observer

Don't I know it Fesenjoon

by Anonymous Observer on Thu Oct 04, 2012 11:59 AM PDT


  •  
Fesenjoon2

Peacock joon

by Fesenjoon2 on Thu Oct 04, 2012 11:43 AM PDT

کسی نگفت با کله بریم توی اونجای کاپیتالیسم. فقط گفتیم اگر این همه انرژی که صرف توهین و افترا به یهودیان و کفار و غرب و بهاییان و غیره میکردی را در راه توسعه و کار صرف میکردی ما الان ژاپن را هم پشت سر گذاشته بودیم. همین.

فارسی جوابم بده ببینم اصلا فارسی بلدی تو؟

 


  •  
Peacock_Feather

"Imagine what Iran would become if..."

by Peacock_Feather on Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:33 AM PDT

"...people put all this Bahai/Jew/Zionist/Monafegh/West/Kafar/Mortad/Moshrek/Molhed hating energy into business and development."

Las Vegas or Dubai, or what the Saudis have been turning Mecca into, that's what it would become:

 //www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/mecca-for-the-rich-islams-holiest-site-turning-into-vegas-2360114.html

 //en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraj_Al_Bait

The only question to you lot is, let's say you convince the Iranian people and they hand over Iran for your exclusive business and development (= exploitation) opportunities. You may convince them for a while that your system of capitalist Western corporate slavery is good, but what are you going to do about all those in the West itself who know otherwise?

Repeat the mantra: Occupy Wall Street!


  •  
Truthseeker9

AO

by Truthseeker9 on Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:23 AM PDT

You've had me in stitches last couple of days ... the toropcheh comment had me in tears. It's what this place does to you. 

Funny blog BTW. 


  •  
Fesenjoon2

Thank islam for that, AO

by Fesenjoon2 on Thu Oct 04, 2012 10:19 AM PDT

It's especially the Safavid version of Islam that mutated us into what we are today. Spiteful. Superstitious. with lots of keeneh shotori.

Just look at Japan and Vietnam. 2 countries DEVASTATED by wars with the US.

And yet they are America's strongest allies today.

Imagine what Iran would become if people put all this Bahai/Jew/Zionist/Monafegh/West/Kafar/Mortad/Moshrek/Molhed hating energy into business and development.


  •  
Anonymous Observer

Stranger even are its miserable, fanatic, West hating followers

by Anonymous Observer on Thu Oct 04, 2012 09:56 AM PDT

You have to adimt it.  Jalal Al Ahmad did a job with this nation.  F***ed it up to the core.  They will put their heads in the mullahs' trough and eat whatever is dished out to them, and then blame the West and Israel for everything.  

I tell you dude, we are the only nation on the planet with this high degree of West hating losers.  Arabs don't get anywhere near.  They're much more forward thinking than the majority of Iranians.   


  •  
Fesenjoon2

good point AO

by Fesenjoon2 on Thu Oct 04, 2012 09:41 AM PDT

Ive been debating the positions back and forth myself. Strange creature this Islamic Republic! Ordained by Allah, yet weak and f***ed up as hell.


  •  
Azarbanoo

Hilarious & TRUE

by Azarbanoo on Thu Oct 04, 2012 09:35 AM PDT

Great one. Thanks for a good laugh.


  •  
Anonymous Observer

Superb job dude

by Anonymous Observer on Thu Oct 04, 2012 09:39 AM PDT

Although I will have to disagree with you on one point.  I think that number 8 should also be positioned somewhere around the anal sphincter of the animal, as they ususally post and repost the droppings of the Islamic Republic for wider audience use.


  •  
Fesenjoon2

Apology

by Fesenjoon2 on Thu Oct 04, 2012 09:12 AM PDT

I hearby apologize to all members of  Equus africanus asinus (aka Donkeys) for abusing your good pure name.

no disrespect was meant.

i'll use bacteria for such purposes next time. 


  •  
fullback

@ fessenjoon

by fullback on Thu Oct 04, 2012 12:35 AM PDT

 Fessenjoon I am appauled at what you have drawn here .  Please in the future have some RESPECT for the Donkey. Donkey is a tireless servant of humans. In the future a  Photo of Kahmenei or  the DEAD Khomaini will do.


  •  
vildemose

This is brilliant. Aside

by vildemose on Wed Oct 03, 2012 08:04 PM PDT

This is brilliant. Aside from being funny, it's absolute truth.

 

All Oppression Creates a State of War--Simone De Beauvoir


  •  
Fesenjoon2

by the way, all

by Fesenjoon2 on Wed Oct 03, 2012 07:11 PM PDT

#9 is refering to Seda va Sima.

I forgot to add the actual name.


  •  
Fesenjoon2

Thanks Jirandoust

by Fesenjoon2 on Wed Oct 03, 2012 07:09 PM PDT

glad to be of help in brightening up your day.


  •  
jirandoust

Funny, funny, funny...

by jirandoust on Wed Oct 03, 2012 05:21 PM PDT

Laughed so hard like never before. And true, true, true! You are by far one of the most versatile blog writers here on this site. You can go from thought provoking to satire in a jiffy!

Don't always agree with you, but love your writings. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!


  •  
« first‹ previous12