"MOMENTS"

It is my habit to check out Iranian.com on a daily basis.  After all the years of reading this site, I still don't know what to expect when I open the page. Who knows, there may be a pair of perfect boobs on an Italian model impersonating as an Iranian, A tiny penis (cut or uncut) alongside stories of white-skirted little boys whose willies have met the blade, somewhere in a distant past of their collective memory, a place that the middle agers seem to take comfort visiting more often these days.  And of course a half dozen or so stories from the keyboard warriors who are going to set the world right through poetry, lectures, youtube links or just plain vitriol.

I come to Iranian.com for comic relief, for education, for inspiration and for connection to fellow Iranians. I always walk away with something to ruminate on during the course of my day. Once in a while Iranian.com has a fabulous day and today is one such.

Today, thanks to Fred I learnt about the Beautician, also referred to as a band-andaaz. Thank goodness nobody has called her a ‘dallak’ yet, but, hey, the day is still young.

Then came the vocabulary lesson.  Thanks to Shazde I am now in the know on ‘daste khar’ and ‘nim metri’, which, I surmise are the one and the same, used as euphemism to connect the consumption of our national dish to fellatio.  The double entendre was gross and hilarious at the same time. Afterall, the question begs itself; did the female attendees (Doctors, Engineers, Band Andaaz etc) take rulers along, so that before performing the act, they could measure and report back that indeed 50 cm = 6 inches! Only in a Hamayesh I bet.   

The blog by "Soosan Khaanoum" took the cake.  One is hard pushed to argue that Allah told Mohammed about gravity well before it was discovered by the falling apple.  Newton be damned! Here is my favorite phrase “so called scientists".   What exactly is a “so called” scientist remains unclear?  Let’s hope Soosan Khanoum has dedicated her life to a vocation more enlightening than pulling unwanted hair from another’s nethers.

Come to think of it these blogs fit so well together for comic relief, education, inspiration and connection to fellow Iranians. It is days like this that I think I have wasted my time at school, at work, studying religions, reading about scientific theories, looking for god(s) in all the wrong places - so it seems.

Afterall, if Mumsie had instructed me better, I’d be interviewed on the Telly for feats such as swallowing something a lot longer than 6 inches (free of charge), calling it a step towards 'unity' (vahdat) while gravity be damned, I’d recite some Surah to my well-endowed master, who’s got me by the short and 'not so' curly – right where he wants me - admiring his ‘daste khar’ with no ‘kadoo’. Who needs "Women's rights' when a BJ gets you further ahead.

And just to show my appreciation of this site for the tremendous laughs of the day, I am cutting you a check Jahanshah to go get yourself a decent 'something' to eat at night. Just make sure to keep the heat on low before you pour the gallon of oil on your intended.