You KNOW you are IRANIAN when...
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You KNOW you are IRANIAN when...
16-Apr-2008
1- You are a car salesman and at the same time, a singer.
2- You talk behind your wife's back, with your mother.
3- You dress up to go to grocery store.
4- You go to concert, but you never see the singer . All night, you stay in the hallways with your drink, and check out girls.
5- You never wear your wedding ring.
6- You smoke 5 packs a day and tell everyone you don't smoke.
7- You notice the inflation in Iran, by how much the price of opium has increased since your last trip.
8- You think you look sexy in black.
9- You are about 35 and have no hair on your head.
10- You watch Iranian program on TV, but always nag for bad programming.
11- You are good in playing backgammon and chess but can't do your taxes.
12- You excel in pool, fussball, dart, and all other bar sports, while you are way out of shape for any other sport.
13- You tell everyone you are going to Iran because you "miss the smell of Iran, and old relatives, and those people...oh, those Iranian people", but cheap dental work is what you really are after.
14- You divorce your wife, but still don't let her date anyone else.
15- You used to be a brain surgeon in Iran but now you work in a chelokababy.
16- You carry 3 pagers and 2 cellular phone and no one ever calls you.
17- You claim your uncle was this famous general in the Shah's army, but no one has ever heard of him.
18- You don't own a house and have no job, but still can afford a BMW.
19- You have to shave more than once a day.
20- You think the more cologne you put on, the wilder you drive the girls.
21- Your in-laws come to visit and they never leave.
22- You are flattered when they guess your nationality as Italian, but jump to set the record straight if they guess you are an Arab.
23- You never give to American charities. Or Iranian Charities. Or any other charities.
24- Your Mom keep insisting you to translate that Rashti joke to your American boyfriend, and explain the geopolitic dynamics of it.
25- An empty bottle of milk suddenly appears in your bathroom when elder relatives come to visit.
26- You invite friends over for dinner and buy Pizza, yet cook some extra rice... just in case!.
27- Believe no one else can make Kabaab Better than us.
28- You cannot wait for the company to leave, so you can gossip behind their back.
29- You have to shave your back.
30- You have dogs but don't let them come inside the house.
31- Beat the hell out of them (dogs) when they come in, then suddenly remember they are " Najess " and go and wash out your hands 7 times with soap and say, "Pedar Sag Aslan Aadam nemeesheh!!!!
32- Complain about everybody's accent, but yourself's!
33- You wear a luxury ROLEX watch , yet you are always LATE at appointments, meetings and dates.
34- Your Mom calls your Dad by his last name ( "Azizi"),his profession ( "Doctor") or rank in military ("Sarhang") .
35- What people see as fat on your arm and chest, you view as "muscle".
36- You have been living 25 years in CANADA , yet not bought a house, because you still think: "Hanooz maloom nist inja bemoonim ya na"
37- The only Farsi words your American friends know, are "pimp" and the ones refering to genitalia.
38- You run a business and wish Iranian come to you, but at the same time strongly believe that "Ba Irooni moameleh nemikonam chon hamashon kolah-bardar va sharlatanan va mikhan sare adam kolah bezaran"
39- You think you drive even better after a few drinks.
40- If you finish this and think "That was right, All Iranian are like this. and repeat to yourself: "Shokre khoda man yeki injori nistam"
(From the future book, Joys and Miseries of Being Iranian, by Honest Hassan)
Which one do you relate to ?
What would you add to this list?
| Recently by Honest Hassan | Comments | Date |
|---|---|---|
کلاس آموزشی برای آقایان | 10 | Jun 13, 2008 |
| Latest Jokes in Farsi | 5 | Jun 02, 2008 |
| Sure ways to keep them away... | 9 | May 09, 2008 |
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Esmarteez
by chocoloholic (not verified) on Fri Apr 18, 2008 10:25 AM PDTYou know you are Iranian if as a child you would run to the newspaperstand at the beginning of your street to buy "Esmarteez" and years later after you lived in US and were visiting Europe you saw a tube of "smarties" and got nostalgic and a few minute later realized what the name really meant and felt "dumb" and not "Esmart!".
Thanks for the laugh, the list is great!
LoL at Godfather theme music
by Niki Tehranchi on Thu Apr 17, 2008 01:21 PM PDTHehe good one Kaveh
To Nzanine: All of them apply to me (also my previous list). I took all these examples from my own life. Actually I know what you are saying about those family gatherings. My aunt once stopped one of those big arguments that happened wouldn't you know it on the eve of a big family wedding (I forgot to put that on the list, the mandatory big family blow out right before the wedding) by putting on music and just start dancing by herself in the middle of the living room. Now you may think that was inappropriate but wouldn't you know, it was infectious that everyone eventually got up and started dancing and the whole argument was forgotten!
How could you miss this one?
by Zanzalil (not verified) on Thu Apr 17, 2008 12:44 PM PDTWomen only: you color your hair blond no matter how dark skinned you may be!
Another One
by Kaveh Nouraee on Thu Apr 17, 2008 12:29 PM PDTAt your wedding or the wedding of a family member, the theme music from "The Godfather" is played during the reception.
Niki jan, so many of your
by n.zanincanadai1 (not verified) on Thu Apr 17, 2008 12:20 PM PDTNiki jan, so many of your points refer to me. The scarface one...I totally do that all the time and it annoys everyone. But you know...in the family section, you are right. But at some point someone says "manzooret chieh?" or "dige chi? in hameh tavagho..." and before you know it,you need peace keeping troops.
Damboli Dambol
by Niki Tehranchi on Thu Apr 17, 2008 11:20 AM PDTYou may be Iranian:
If you prefer damboli dambol songs anytime over those sorrowful songs ke be yaadeh bedeh-kaariatt mindaazeh.
If you love Shohreh, Shahram, Leila, Googoosh, Haydeh...etc
If they play soltan-e-ghalba at every wedding you attend and it makes you cry each time.
If 5 minutes later, you wipe away the tears and start ghering when they play baba karam.
If you pretend you don't know how to dance but after 3 hours they can'y get you off the dance floor.
If you play hard to get at your own wedding (arouss rafteh gol bechineh)
If you love film farsi, Bollywood movies and Kung Fu movies.
If you love making your impression of Tony Montana in Scarface.
If you wished for 2 decades that Googoosh came out of retirement and then were the first one in line for her very first concert in Toronto.
If you used to listen to the children's book-on-tapes made by Superscope (or Super-Esscope)
If you recognize the expressions valla dorough cheraa, kar kareh ingillissass and you can't help giggling everytime someone mentions San Francisco.
If you love Samad Agha and Leila.
If you cry to Booye Juye Mulian.
If you cheer up with Parivash.
If there is nothing better than having your family finally gather in one place after years of being scattered around the world. And the first thing you want to do after 8 years of not having seen each other is put on some damboli dambol music and dance your heart out.
:o)
Yavashaki
by Niki Tehranchi on Thu Apr 17, 2008 10:34 AM PDTThank you for the clip, I forgot how beautiful Shohreh looks and sounds...Great song to start the morning with...:o)
Mordam has a point. You're
by n.zanincanadai on Thu Apr 17, 2008 09:03 AM PDTMordam has a point. You're iranian if your parents called you a donkey as a term of endearement! But saying "I love you" comes in different phrases and if the love is there, you feel it even if you are called "burned father".
Now, you're iranian if you talk like Shohreh between 2:54 & 3:20. See, it's perfectly normal to slap yourself. On the face, back of the hand, side of the hip and god forbid, even on the head.
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2jqt6Eijzk
To: Anonymously
by Mordam! (not verified) on Thu Apr 17, 2008 08:26 AM PDTMy experience with the phrases you mentioned:
1) I never heard Dad say "ghorbooneh dasto paayeh boloorit beram". (I guess he manifested his love in "bacheh to cheraa enghadr toghsee?")
2) A mustashed 'khameergeer' in a "noonvaaee" once told me " elaahi ghorboonet beram" once, while staring in my eyes. I droped the"sangak" and ran home!
3) An Iranian ex-girlfriend used to say "fadaat besham" to me all the time, but eventually, I found out, what she meant , was "fadaam shee!"
So, there !
10 therapy sessions...sooooooouch...down the drain!
THANKS FOR OPENING OLD WOUNDS!! :-(
Mordam! RE: Growing up
by Anonymously (not verified) on Thu Apr 17, 2008 06:55 AM PDTyou said:
"you never actually heard your parents say "I love you" to you in Farsi."
so what do you think "elaahi ghorboonet beram" "fadaat besham" and "ghorbooneh dasto paayeh boloorit beram" means?
:-)
LOL
by nsh on Thu Apr 17, 2008 06:49 AM PDTThat was funny and so true.. I love Iranian but .......
One thing is for sure...
by Lucifercus (not verified) on Thu Apr 17, 2008 02:53 AM PDTthe statements have to be purifieid. Some of them are not only habits of Iranians. alternatively could the title be changed.
You KNOW you are IRANIAN when...
by Faribors maleknasri M.D. (not verified) on Thu Apr 17, 2008 02:47 AM PDTi am very glad having read all the primary and secondary remarks. I gather these and if i have time i will read them again, although i do not agrre with all of them. So please continue.
Now I have a question: when does a person know, or at least has to know, that she/he is no Iranian? when living in the diaspora for good? has identity papaers from different countries? has no iranian identity pappers? Greeting
You're in a Persian house, if
by Khandaan (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 09:34 PM PDTThe tv is blaring; hot, sticky house with plain chicken pieces in the oven, pots of polo, khoresht, and hot water on the burners, the A/C off, Persian owner reassuring the sweaty guests: "Panjereh ro vaaz kardam. Al'aan hava khonak meesheh!!"
To: Kamron (There always has to be one...)
by Lootee (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 07:20 PM PDTAnother misery of being Iranian:
Kharmagaseh ma'rekeh!
(Ya'nee maam hasteem!)
There's ALWAYS one...
In concerts, in gatherings, in picnics, on every topic on this site...!
"Ageh man nabaasham, kee az ghayrat o naamooseh iin mellat , moghaabeleh shomaa gharb-zadeh haa defaa koneh????!"
Nobody is trying to "generalize over 70+ mil Iranians",baabaa, keh to byaay beshee vakeeleh 70+mil Iranians.
Take a pill chill Dude!
Kamron.......
by Kaveh Nouraee on Wed Apr 16, 2008 07:10 PM PDTLighten up and learn to laugh at yourself.
Stop taking yourself so seriously, because believe me, we're not.
You are only "ONE" Iranian
by Kamron (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 06:09 PM PDTYou are only "ONE" Iranian when you start writing
sh---y books(or pretend you are) on:
'Joys and Miseries of Being Iranian', and besides being overly moronic, you generalize over 70+ mil Iranians.
Why don't each one of you posters here, who are jumping on the band wagon, start writing about yourselves first?
Kinda like your own "personal" shortcomings diary!
When you visit your
by Ebrahim (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 06:08 PM PDTWhen you visit your grandma's house and she has pastils & chocolate in her freezer...
At the end of your stay in Iran, you keep telling yourself that next time you'll stay a lot less just to be "sangine". However, as summer apporaches, you unintentionally reserve a ticket for 3 months.
Maybe it's the wrong blog
by n.zanincanadai on Wed Apr 16, 2008 05:55 PM PDTMaybe it's the wrong blog to say this but...bebakhshida...mardayeh irooni kheily ham maah hastand. Zanayeh irooni ham googooli hastan.
I've never met anyone funnier, cuter, naazer, mooshier, sweeter, lovelier, goofier, nicer, smarter, more determined, than sadegh-hedayat-reading, kiosk&Pink Floyed-listening, uni brow-complaining, politically-opinionated, too-much-cologne- wearing, BMW driving, Techno-loving, Vodka drinking, Kojax-looking, gold chain wearing, club hopping, bar loving, than THE IRANIAN boobooli tala. Is he hairy? perhaps. Is he macho? Sometimes. Is he a bit nuts? you better believe it. He is THE IRANIAN MAN.
I could go on and on about the women. Family loving, pretty, smart, funny, naaz naazi, aroos bazi, khoshgel mamani etc. Is she hairy? SO WHAT? moo adamo ba namak mikoneh. Does she ghor? why shouldn't she? It's part of her charm. She rocks.
I salute every haj agha and haj khanum out there. We like picking on each other because we know how awsome we are.
- You're iranian if you love kabab.
One thing is for sure...
by Honest Hassan on Wed Apr 16, 2008 03:07 PM PDTThough they have different opinions on a variety of topics,your wife and all her girlfriends agree on one thing:
"Mordeh shooreh har chee mardeh iroonee eh ro bebaran!"
and when...
by Anonymously (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 02:40 PM PDTyou treated your "Khareji" girlfriends a lot better than you treat your Iranian wife.
We KNOW You are iranian...
by Mordam! (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 02:37 PM PDT...when you complain about fellow-Iranians being "pashmaaloo, az khod-raazi and lousy in bed...", and we are not sure if you are refering to Iranian men or Iranian women ;-)
What about....
by Kaveh Nouraee on Wed Apr 16, 2008 02:26 PM PDTYour checkbook has your name, followed by Ph.D., but you sell shoes at Nordstrom.
Or, your signature always begins with "Dr."
you know you are...
by Anonymously (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 12:53 PM PDTwhen you put a personal ad in an iranian website looking for love, then complain how "all" Iranian women are pashmaaloo, az khod-raazi and lousy in bed...
Can you imagine? In Farsi?
by Honest Hassan on Wed Apr 16, 2008 11:47 AM PDTUnlike American kids coming of age, you never had that dreadful "birds and the bees (sex education)" talk with your parents.
AND THANK GOD FOR THAT!
If you tell your non-Iranian friends...
by farrad02 on Wed Apr 16, 2008 11:36 AM PDTA) your father was a general in Shah's Army.
B) your family escaped Iran after the revolution.
C) your family is in import / export business.
You forgot the most important one!
by farrad02 on Wed Apr 16, 2008 11:33 AM PDTYou are an Iranian, if you have a bottle of vodka in your freezer!
So true
by Reza411 (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 11:25 AM PDTCan't stop laughing it's all so true but Shokre khoda man yeki injori nistam.
Meesheh??
by khod saazi (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:28 AM PDTAkhe, CHE GHADR!!
Hameh ke too saremoon mizanan maa khodemoon ham to sare khodemoon mizanim , va che seft ham mikoobim.
--nemigam eeraad eshkaal nadarim..."DARIM", vali digeh na inghadr
ke mode shodeh inghdr khak barsari beshim!
Ageh harki az emrooz be andaazeh yek sar-e soozan rooy-e khodesh (akhlaagh va raftaar ) kar mikard, che khoob mishodim maha!
Meesheh ha! Na inkeh fekr konid nemishe, man daaram roosh kar mikonam. I'ts been several months now, and slowly but surely it's working for me.
--other's say so!
Growing up...
by Mordam! (not verified) on Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:16 AM PDTEven though they say it now, left and right, to their friends, co-workers, bosses, waiters,cashiers,your friends, anyone and everyone, you never actually heard your parents say "I love you" to you in Farsi.