Jahanshah Javid

American courtesy

This Chinese dude is visiting Washington DC, when in National Mall he feels an urge to use the bathroom, he goes behind the nearest bush and as soon as he pulls his pants down a police officer shows up and says.....

_ No poopoo here!

_ But I must go......

_ I know, but not here, this is National Mall, no poopoo here.

_ National Mall nice, good, but I must go....

_ Follow me...

And he takes him almost a mile away and points out to a place and says......

_ Now......you can poopoo here....

_ Thank you, is this American courtesy?

_ No sir, it's chinese embassy!

درد سرهای یک خانم روسی که زبان انگلیسی نمیدانست!

یك خانم روسی و یك آقای آمریکایی با هم ازدواج كردند و زندگی شادی را در سانفرانسیسکو آغاز كردند .طفلكی خانم ، زبان انگلیسی بلد نبود اما می توانست با شوهرش ارتباط برقرار كند.

  یك روز او برای خرید ران مرغ به مغازه رفت.اما نمی دانست ران مرغ به زبان انگلیسی چه می شود . برای همین اول دست هایش را از دو طرف مانند بال مرغ بالا و پایین كرد و صدای مرغ درآورد. بعد پایش را بالا آورد و با انگشت رانش را به قصاب نشان داد . قصاب متوجه منظور او شد و به او ران مرغ داد.

روز بعد او می خواست سینه مرغ بخرد. بازهم او نمی دانست كه سینه مرغ به انگلیسی چه می شود. دوباره با دست هایش مانند مرغ بال بال زد و صدای مرغ درآورد. بعد دگمه های پالتو اش  را باز كرد و به سینه خودش اشاره كرد . قصاب متوجه منظور او شد و به او سینه مرغ داد.

 روز سوم خانم ، طفلك می خواست سوسیس بخرد. او نتوانست راهی پیدا كند تا  این یكی را به فروشنده نشان بدهد. این بود كه شوهرش را به همراه خودش به فروشگاه برد............

Ebi aka Haaji

bushisme

During a conf press, Bush said : We should kill 2000 Irakis and a blond with huge B...

All Journalists react : But why a blond ?!

Bush return to Codeliza and said, you see people don't care what we do to Irakis.

British generosity.....

The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

The USA is sending troops to help.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Latin American countries are sending supplies.

New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

The Asian continents are sending labor to assist in rebuilding
infrastructure.

Australia is sending medical teams and supplies.

Britain, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Pakistanis.

God Bless British generosity.

Ebi aka Haaji

manam bazi ;-)

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She
opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and
again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder
than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

-YT

Orang jan, good post

"So in France racism cannot exist theoricaly"

You are so right here!!

As Pierre Perret said: 

"Ils ne sont pas racistes pour deux sous"

"Mais on ne veut pas de ca chez nous".......     lol

.................

An older Arab gentleman rents an apartment in a high rise buliding.

A couple of weeks later his kids and grandkids are paying a visit.....

- How's everything in this new neighborhood ?

- Things are great, people have so much respect for each other here!

- Really? how so?

- There's an 89 year old surgeon on the first floor who has not performed a surgery in 19 years and everyone is referring to him as Doctor, on the 2nd floor there's a great musician and he's 92, he has not written any music in the past 30 years.....and people call him Maestro! and.........I haven't had sex in the past 25 years and everyone is calling me a Fucking Arab! Is this a great  community or what?

Souri jan some explanation about a serious Joke

Actually, as Irandokht told in the version people say here, the Teacher asks they boy where is he come from, he answers I'm bon in France but I'm Arabe, Teacher say as you are born in France so you are French and tell everybody you are French.

Of course you are not pushed to change your name and people don't do it generaly but there is a reason and this Joke hide a serious concern.

France constitution is based on :"Each person is born free and equale without any race and religion disntiction". since French revolution. So in France racism cannot exist theoricaly ! as after IRI,  hemosexuality doesn' exist in Iran!

Of course government and people are aware that the concern exists and they are trying to improve it but the French model based on Integration without race distinction doesn't allow some kind of "affirmative action" and explain why teacher tells boy he is French and not Arab but in day to day life he is considered as  Arabe.

Ghorbanat.

Orang

Ebi jan that was

Ebi jan that was hilarious... in a way it reminded me of the time when a French guy was in deep conversation with me( with my limited French)talking about the "amazing bag-deer" -- obviously pronounced "bagdeeGH!"
He went on and on and I didn't have a clue what he was praising!!
Whatever it was, it was about Iran!
I kept on reminding myself I must go look up the Persian translation of bagdeer!
Later that evening I realized that in his trip to Iran he'd been to Yazd and seen the amazing "baad-girs"!(wind-towers)!!

Raj & Immigration

Here is an old Indian one, say it in Indian accent.

Raj, a new immigrant from India arrives at JFK and is being interviewed by an immigration officer (filling a form)

• Officer: First Name?
• Raj: Rajesh
• Officer: Last name?
• Raj: Pandyarajan
• Officer: Date of birth?
• Raj: (pointing his finger in the air) 1953
• Officer: Sex?
• Raj: ONCE in Bambay!
• Officer: I mean Male or Female?
• Raj: I don't REMEMBER!

Thank you Ebi... that was hilarious

This one is not racist but ...

The Silent Debate.

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or
leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the
Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of
the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the
Pope won, they would have to leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise Rabbi Moishe to
represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian, and the
Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.
On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a
full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi
Moishe was too clever, and that the Jews could stay.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened. The Pope
said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He
responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is still only one God
common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger to show him that God
was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God
was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that
God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the
original sin. He had me beaten and I could not continue."

Meanwhile the Jewish community was gathered around Rabbi Moishe "How did
you win the debate?" they asked.

"I haven't a clue," said Moishe. "First he said to me that we had three
days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger. Then he tells me that
the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I said to him, we're staying
right here."

"And then what?" Asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said Moishe, "He took out his lunch, so I took out mine

That's very old, but still funny

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the
girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and
says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I
am not a New Yorker!"

"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the
morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman
answers.

"But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you
then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers
says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

WC,England & India...

In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster.

She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England , a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water Closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.

The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest, if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.

So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:

Dear Madam, I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays.

As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went  last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time!

I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.

With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster .

The woman never visited India !!. 

Ebi aka Haaji

Orang might have heard a different version?

This is one of those jokes that people transform to fit different moods. For example there was a mexican boy who painted his face white for Halloween and when his dad saw his costume, he slapped him across the face and the boy said: I've only been white for two minutes and already beaten up by mexicans...

I have heard a few different varieties.

IRANdokht

Orang Jaan

Rest assure your translation is very good and accurate. Of course if someone knows Le Pen and the French humour, they will laugh more about the joke.

On another separate note: that joke of JJ's, I didn't believe it would be French but you said you had already heard it. They don't try to change the people's name in France, like they do so commonly in the USA. 

Something that I have always been happy and proud about in France, was the fact that people(the immigrant) are not so much willing to change their name.

Here in Canada, this is even better and they really value the national identity and culture (and the different names among other things) of each individual.

Good joke jjjan speaking of

Good joke jjjan

speaking of blood. a man was killinga mosquitos his friend told him ;don't kill them they are your brothers they bear your blood!

Funny comment!!

I agree with Souri Khanom!!!

 You are guilty as charged!!

P.S. JJ, Hala khobe sahab siti va gar na..

LOL

Don't know which one was funnier, your joke or Souri's comment.

I really liked that! :o)

IRANdokht

Lol...

Priceless!

lol

wonderful and sadly true

-YT

:-)

I've already heard it. French jokes are less politicaly correct than in US.

There is another one for Le Pen (leader of Front National equivalent of KKK).

First man : Do you know  that LePen has Arabic blood ?

second : Ah no how ?

First : He has it in front of his car. 

PS : I don't know if my translation is good!

dear contributor

This is a joke, and not a blog. Please kindly post your joke in that blog of Captain (bekhand ta donia be rishet bekhandeh) in order to leave more room for the other contributor's blogs.

Yours truly,

Darougheh mahaleh