A jerk in London


Jahanshah Javid
by Jahanshah Javid

I don't know which is the greater sin: parting from the most important issue of the day -- Palestinian-Israeli conflict -- by telling you another pointless personal story, or cheating on my wife? I think the former because technically I didn't cheat on my wife. I had the right to have sex outside of marriage. I was a practicing Muslim. I knew my rights as a man as far as women were concerned. Yes, I acted like a dick according to decent universal norms of conduct, but in the eyes of God, all I had done was satisfy my natural carnal desire. So nooshe joonam.

In the summer of 1983 I was a 21-year-old translator in the English Section of the Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA). I worked hard. I fought to grab and translate the juiciest news items. Plus I had the greatest faith in the Islamic Revolution. I understood the horrific crimes and excesses taking place in the name of Islam and the Revolution, but in my mind these were minor and inevitable side-effects of a much bigger and more significant movement toward freedom, independence, equality and fair distribution of wealth. Basically kheyli khar tar az alaan boodam.

One day my boss at IRNA asked whether I would like to attend a two-month crash course on journalism at London's City University? I immediately said yes. I had come back to Iran after finishing high school mostly in the U.S. and had no college or professional training at all. An all-expenses-paid trip to London would be fantastic.

The classes were organized by the Muslim Institute, a group of English Pakistanis led by Dr. Kalim Siddiqui, a Sunni intellectual who supported the Iranian Revolution through his books and publications, namely Crescent International and Muslim Media. After my trip to London, I contributed articles regularly from Tehran under my new and not-so-improved name, Mohammad Javid.

About 15 people attended the classes. All Muslims and sympathetic to the Islamic movement. The objective was to give them basic journalism training and create a network of writers who would report on events in their country from an Islamic revolutionary perspective. Besides the Iranian contingent (me and two employees from the media section of the Islamic Guidance Ministry), there were people from Pakistan, Turkey, Greece, Kenya, and South Africa, as far as I can remember. The age group was from early 20's to early 30's. All were men, except for two women from South Africa.

Among the Iranians, I was the only one who attended classes every day and was genuinely interested. The two others showed up sporadically at best. They treated this as a vacation and had no interest in journalism. And despite working for the Islamic Guidance Ministry, they could care less about the Islamic Movement. But I was really into it. There were four English professors, all of them current or veteran reporters for major British newspapers. They taught us the very basic, general rules of journalism. They made me into the journalist I was to become. The emphasis on facts and common sense helped me over time to move away from idealism and propaganda towards honest truth and reality. To this day I admire the British press and their style of journalism more than any other.

Our international group was housed at a dormitory which was mostly empty for the summer break. The beautiful garden/square in front was an invitation to start jogging again. I would wake up early in the morning and run half an hour to 45 minutes around the square. After just a couple of weeks I got me into pretty good shape. We had our meals in the dorm cafeteria and got together in the common room to watch TV or have a chat. We were close and many of us became friends, if not good friends.

I've given you all this as a background for the main point of this blog: sex, in this case as a married Muslim man. It all really comes down to men's incredible sex drive. I'm only telling you my story, and I'm acknowledging my actions, but I strongly suggest that women especially see this as just one example of the power of testosterone or whatever it is that makes men do uniquely stupid things to get sex.

While I was in London, and I'm sure before I got there, I thought a lot about this question: Can I or should I have sex while I'm away from my wife for two months? The answer I always ended up with was yes, absolutely. I was a Muslim man. I believed in God, Mohammad and the Imams, and prayed every day. And I had devoted my life to the Islamic Republic. My religion gave me the right to have sex with women other than my wife. I could have more than one permanent wife and as many temporary ones as I liked. Excellllllent!

The truth of the matter was that I didn't want a harem. I didn't want to exercise my full rights guaranteed under Islam. All I wanted was a little taste, while I was far away from home. Just like non-Muslim husbands who go on business trips and famously surrender to temptation for a quick, convenient fuck. The difference was I didn't have to feel guilty about it. All good and easy to say, in theory. In reality I was scared shitless. I mean how was I going to approach a woman and ask her if she would marry me, temporarily, for an hour and a day or two? :o))) Why did I not realize how incredibly desperate and stupid it all looked?

Well, for one thing, I was a man in heat, which is the normal every day state of all men, unless the poison in their body has been released two seconds ago, in which case they can think straight for half an hour, an hour max. Two, I was me, a man who finally lost his virginity on his wedding night and immediately thought my God, this sex thing is the greatest thing ever! Ever ever ever! So even though the marriage was a disaster, the intimacy department was active and well. I was very concerned that I was not going to have sex for two whole months in London, where the women did not cover themselves the way they do in Iran. I had forgotten how much better the infidel ladies looked. Thank God there was Islam to take care of my urgent problem and guide me to do the right thing.

Initially I thought I would feel a lot less guilty if the whole thing was more halal and kosher. It would have been so much more appropriate if I could find a Muslim woman because she would have understood and not offended if a Muslim man approached her for sex. She would have appreciated that my intentions were honorable, that I was doing what God had sanctioned for all Muslim men, from Mohammad Rasoolollah to Mohammad Javid!

Coincidentally, one of the South African sisters in our international brotherhood of Muslim journalists was very attractive. She was a petit woman with a cute round face and the sweetest demeanor. Her pomegranate-colored scarf and long boots were such a turn on. We were about the same age. Her name was Khadija, the same as Prophet Mohammad's wife. How perfect was that?! Me Mohammad, you Khadija! She seemed to like me too. You know, she would talk to me, about the Islamic movement and stuff :o)

Several weeks passed. A young Muslim man, all alone in London, dying for sex. I was going nuts. (Back then I didn't know how effective masturbation was in maintaining sanity.) I don't remember how I ended up in Khadija's room. Did I make an appointment with her earlier that day? Probably. Did I just rush to her door unannounced and knock like a maniac? Possibly. But anyway, there I was in her room. She was sitting comfortably, cross-legged (long boots in full view) on a chair by the desk and I sat opposite on the bed. The poor girl had no clue what she was about to hear.

I don't remember my exact words, but it went something like this: "Um, I don't know how to put this. It's kind of embarrassing but, um, this trip has been really difficult for me, away from my wife and stuff, and I keep telling myself that I should stop thinking about intimacy. But I can't. And, um, I really like you and, um, I was wondering if, um, you would be interested in, um, temporary marriage?"

I wish someone had taken a gun and shot me. Take me back in time and I would do it myself.

Khadija, I'm sure, was shocked. I heard her say no at some point and the rest is a blur. I must have felt so cheap and pathetic that I completely blacked out. But was I ashamed enough to stop thinking about sex? Testosterone does not understand shame, especially in a Muslim man who knows his rights!

Having been rejected by a sister, my attention shifted to infidels. One particular infidel in fact. Suzanne was a German archaeology student with long frizzy brown hair and thin round glasses. She had done archaeological work in Syria and loved Arabs and Muslims in general. She lived in the dorm and often joined our group in the common room. She hung around me a lot, which made me uncomfortable. I did not want to explore possibilities with a non-Muslim. But now, I had no other choice.

One night I asked Suzanne if she would like to go to the movies with me. She was delighted. So was I. I picked the latest hour possible so that we wouldn't be seen by members of our group. What would they say if they saw me going out alone with a woman, especially an infidel? We walked to the theater, which was about 20 minutes away -- and packed for the opening night of a big Hollywood movie. Whatever it was, neither of us liked it. We talked about it walking back to the dorm. It must have been close to or past midnight, cold and foggy. As we were crossing the garden towards the dorm, our bodies slightly bumped a few times. I couldn't take it any more. I turned and kissed Suzanne.

Like any terrified maniac, I very much expected to be pushed back. But, praise be to God, she held me tight. I was so anxious and desperate that I dragged her behind a bush and wanted to have sex with her right there in the mud. She stopped me and said, "Why here? Let's go to my room." Yes, yes, of course. That was a much better idea. I can wait five minutes. My heart was racing.

The sex was as exciting and guilt-ridden as the first time you have sex with a woman outside marriage in a dorm room in London on a trip aimed at becoming a reporter for the international Islamic movement. My only wish was that she wouldn't make so much noise. Oh my God she was so loud. I thought the whole dorm heard us (her). It wasn't as if I was doing anything special. The missionary position was all I knew (in fact Suzanne later told me I should learn a few other moves).

Like any sordid, thoughtless affair, this one got complicated quite quickly. The next morning I showed up at the cafeteria for breakfast and pretended, as best as I could, that nothing had happened. Suzanne on the other hand, could not contain herself. She handed me a piece of paper. I opened it and it was a poem she had written for me. Oh shittttt! In the remaining few days in London there were more poems, which I would throw away as soon as she would turn her back.

Such a jerk on so many levels...

I didn't cheat during my second marriage. My jerky character manifested itself in other ways. Bemaanad...


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i hope

by Anonymous99999999999999 (not verified) on

Thanks for sharing, but i hope you didn't use islam as excuse, it's not funny.


yeah, ain't it the truth

by Anonymous fishie - someone took my name!!! (not verified) on

but i was hoping to appeal to the "honor code" that men like to act like they live by. LOL

you know, the "my word is my bond" thing. but i guess it all comes down to the little head over the big head.

i'm not perfect and of course have been tempted but it just gets down to that core THING in me. i just could never betray MYSELF much less my partner.

Ari Siletz


by Ari Siletz on

Impeccable journalism, JJ. Covered all the basics: what, who, where, when and how. And great storytelling.



by facts (not verified) on

"...marriage is a commitment of heart, mind, body AND soul...."






Fishy Fishie.....

by Miny (not verified) on

come again...swim in clear current...tell your joke...you are soo lucky that Prof. Nouraee...the "Man with the last word" didn't spell check you....so that you can maintain your aboriginal status quo of being a fishie....Prof. is a biased teacher.....He will talk about all and everything against womanity but never nothing and anything about cute fishy fishie....hahahaha


i like this much better than the other threads...:-0

by Anonymous fishie (not verified) on

Fact: love it. i've seen several but that's one of the best

Seterah: the problem i have with your analysis is that you seem to equate having sex as a "right" in a marriage. what if your partner is ill and CAN'T have sex. you think it's ok to commit adultry then? what people dont seem to get is that marriage is a commitment of heart, mind, body AND soul. adultry is cheating. cheating you, your partner and your word. if your word doesnt mean anything to you, fine then, your a cheater. and if you cheat on your partner, you'll cheat in every other facet of your life, via friends, business partners and worse of all, your own soul. actually, i think i agree with you about prostitution. just like pot, it should be legalized.

miny: was gonna make a joke about fishies but with this crowd, decided not to. it could get out of line in a flash...:-0

and yeah, on this one topic, i am extremely conservative. go figure. can't be all perfect. :-)

Kaveh Nouraee


by Kaveh Nouraee on

Yes I know it's not an english class, but you have to admit it was a much more pleasant tangent from the original topic than usual.

Oh, and yes, you re right. 



chill out

by dick (not verified) on


Hi Roxie, JJ, Kaveh, Facts and Fishie!

by Miny (not verified) on

Roxie: i take my words back..JJ is great because he runs a great site..:)

JJ: The site is beautiful whether mainstream or not...perhaps Siamack should lie a bit..:)

Kaveh Nouraee: Womanity is no word in any dictionary i agree..:)

Facts: Thanks for supporting womanity or at least the coined word...i still stand for it..:)

Anonymous fishie: what a fishy name..hahahaha...but your points are very good...:)



by ThePope on

JJ, yeh zangooleh beband beh k.... In order to warn the Mexicans of your presence;  
MAN, you're one dangerous "porksmith" ;-)  And it has nothing to do with age and/or religion...  You know it and we (most men) know it.  

Kaftaro roo havaa m........, haalaa vaaseh maa  'naneman-ghareebam' darmeeyaari; "mazloom boodam, javoon boodam, nafahmeedam, shahvati shodam, az zanam door boodam...."

Very shrewd...
I gotta hand it to you, you're one hell of a writer/storyteller.
Everyone seems to enjoy your "porkfolio"! They just love it!! For them, it doesn't make a dif if you are (were) a horny husband who cheats on his wife with an archaeology student,,, or if you were in love, "wild at heart", and ended up fucking your teacher's wife in a van... They just love you dirty diaries!  
-Well, thx for sharing...!!!
(hadafet chieh, vaseh kee daari doon meepaachi,, khodaa meedooneh... ;-)

This was my favorite:
"The truth of the matter was that I didn't want a harem."
-Yeah sure...

ps   khaanoom-e moderator, C H E G H A D R  'allergy'  daari to?!!
I can always sign in and post it again, you know.   


womanity momanity :)

by fact (not verified) on

it's not important if it is a word or not, this is not an english class. we get the jest of it. let's be nice and understanding, can we at least for the sake of us having the iranian thing in common? where is marge?

Kaveh Nouraee


by Kaveh Nouraee on

I looked up "womanity", but there's no such entry in the dictionary. There is a blog with that title, with an explanation of the term.


Actually the only fixed idea I have is to remain open to learning new things. There are a great many people who don't necessarily conform to my "school of thought", yet have my deepest respect. I know that my school of thought is not the only one, and that there are many that are far wiser and more educated than I am. These are the people I seek to learn from as the lessons they can teach are sometimes of far greater value than those found in a conventional classroom textbook.

And that takes me back to my original point regarding the lessons and experiences of our younger days playing a role in how we are as we grow older.



by Anonymous fishie (not verified) on

doesn't mean a dang thing to me either and i'm definitely a woman. you're a little off base my dear.

concerning the issue of cheating in a marrige. you can slice it any way you want, you can put tasty jam on it, you can do whatever you want or call it whatever you want or justify it any way you want.

cheating is just that. cheating. dishonoring your vows. i never understand the justification that people seek for adultry. if you're married and unhappy, get unmarried. simple. if you say you can't get divorced because of kids or job or money, you're lying through your teeth. or fooling yourself. makes no diff.

adultry is dishonor and disrespect. p.e.r.i.o.d.


Prof. Kaveh...Education is very different from schooling....

by Miny (not verified) on

..actually you sound so...your tone is like that of an omniscient master.... not that you claim anything.....not surprised to know that womanity can mean nothing to you...strangely you talk of perspectives although you sound like a store house of fixed ideas yourself...actually the way you tend to sum up things...so that whosoever does not confirm to your school of thought becomes uneducated to you......my grammar may be weak though!


Check this out...

by fact (not verified) on



by Souri on

You are absolutely right. I completely agree with you. First, when there's cheating, either occasionally or regularly, there's something wrong in the partnership. Some men cheat, even while they have sex with their woman on a regular base.

My point is, when we come to the cheating point, it's better to address the real ongoing problem in the couple.

About moving in France ...:O)) Now, you know how I feel !!! Unfortunately, I did the reverse, I moved from France to here !


Free Spirit

Why stay in the marriage then .............

by Free Spirit on

If you get married then both people should know that having a sex life is an important part of marriage.

If the partner refuses to have sex then why stay married?

For the sake of the children? It will be a miserable marriage.

If you feel that adultery is your only option then it is time for a divorce.

Setareh Sabety

sex is good

by Setareh Sabety on

dear fact,
I still think if you have a partner that will not sleep with you and starves you sexually then adultery is better than grinning and bearing and becoming frustrated. sex is part of the marriage pact. if it is not there the marriage becomes a lie. and once it is a lie then adultery or not it is not bound to last. unless the problem is faced honestly and a sincere effort is made by both parties to do something about it.
now if the lack of sex is consensual, like when both parties are too old or tired etc... that is something else but if one person wants it the other doesn't and makes no effort to accommodate the poor starved partner then it will be hypocritical of him/her to expect fidelity.
all this political correctness on the part of the discussants makes me glad I moved to France! Americans are such puritans they make the shiite seem open-minded! gee!
oh jakarta if your friend got hurt by a sigheh then she was a woman. you too sound like a woman though you refer to yourself as fellow. pray which one are you man or woman? just curious.


adultry sucks

by fact (not verified) on

setareh joon, the problem with adultry is that sometimes (usually) it does not stop at just casual sex. you are taking a chance when you think you are going to just have sex with someone. you are taking a chance that it wont stop at just sex and some feelings may become involved and then there is a possible mess--people's lives just become more complicated and a little harder.

i'm just commenting about the adultry part of your post.

Kaveh Nouraee

You're a MAN????

by Kaveh Nouraee on

If you say so.


Kaveh left hand and right hand

by Anonymous (not verified) on

I am a man! See how gullible one can be when assuming the sex of an anonymous name. Which part of my comment led you to believe I am a woman? But for what it is worth keep fighting women. Surely that will get you somewhere - geek squad ;-)


setareh joon, yes until

by jakarta (not verified) on

setareh joon, yes until august i am bikar so until then i am just hanging around town, gym, learning new recipes, and do an occasional blog comment. and i am sorry if i mistook what you were trying to say or missed the humor but i had a dear friend of mine get screwed over due to "sigheh" so it's a very sensitive topic for me, i guess whenever i hear the word i get pissed and on attack mode. otherwise im usually a very humourous laid-back fellow. so sorry if i missed the sarcasm or light-heartedness of your comment, just a soft spot for me. but thanks for clairfying.


Hormones are just excuses,

by Anonymous123 (not verified) on

Hormones are just excuses, same as religion.
Where is the controling our feelings part? Temptations are everywhere but as a human we have this thing called Morality. Please don't blame hormones or religion.

Setareh Sabety

jakarta joon bikaari? donbaal daavaa meegardi? d

by Setareh Sabety on

jesus you guys can't take anything lightly. I am an atheist so I do not give a flying f---- about sigheh as a religious act. all i meant was that if we are going to have an islamic republic then lets have sigheh and multiple marriage for both sexes! how could that 'really disturb' anyone!
it was a rhetorical comment to make a point. it was said jokingly and was made to be funny. unbelievable how people are looking to just argue! (now I will have my exclamation mark analyzed)
maybe everyone should try harder to get laid then there would not be this bickering about every single post or comment! go get laid not disturbed! I don't really care to prove women are as horny as men or not. no big deal. some are some are not. sometimes a rose is a rose and a telephone pole is just that!
by the way I think there is nothing wrong with prostitution. it should be made legal. and adultery is better than not getting any so you attack people all the time! (joke)

Kaveh Nouraee

To Miny & Anonymous

by Kaveh Nouraee on

Miny, I don't claim to know "all and everything", (nice grammar, by the way). And "womanity"? Maybe if you spent more time in school trying to get a BA or BS instead of trying to get an MRS, you would know that womanity is not a word.

And yes, Anonymous, people do indeed learn from their experiences, including the mistakes they made, and those experiences do shape their behavior as they grow older and more mature. Believe it or don't. I couldn't care any less about your opinion on the matter, anyway.

You are obviously one those women who are deeply embittered by your experiences, and you are unwilling to let it go. You need to own up to the fact that in any relationship there are two people, neither one of them infallible, and both of them charged with equal and total responsibility for it.

You clearly lack the maturity to even maintain a relationship, because by comparing forgiveness of a man for infidelity to forgiving the IRI, you clearly are unable to put anything in its proper perspective.

The upside is that your lack of perspective make the good women stand out more.

Thank goodness for women like you there is the Energizer Bunny. He keeps going and going and going...........


to Kaveh

by Anonymousforever (not verified) on

looks like your fans are posting anonymously again today...:-) oh hyprocrisy is still alive and well on iranian.com.

your absolutely spot on right (and thats probably why she hates you so much!)

yes, a womans first reaction is going to be one of distaste because he cheated. no matter how young he might have been. its a matter of responsibility. your responsible enough to GET married, be responsible enough to honor your vows. if your of an age to drink, then your old enough to know right from wrong.

if he learned a lesson from it, good for him. if he married a second time and did the same thing, shame on him. but i get your point, he was brave to post it!


loved it... JJ you really

by Anonymously on

loved it... JJ you really have grown as a storyteller and writer over the years. this was a brilliant short story piece. had me glued to the screen til the, ahem, climax!

ps: nice double entendre in the title!
pps: my god, man, how many sex stories DO you have?!


What really disturbs me is

by jakarta (not verified) on

What really disturbs me is not the content the story (which was hilarious! good job man!) but the fact that there are comments on this page that say things like:

"What a great story...Women are not so different,really,from men. It is just more taboo for them to be promiscuous and horny. Often they do not admit the extent of their appetite. Inshallah some day we will have a reformed Islam where women are allowed to have Sighehs as well!..."

Setareh, I'm not opposed to women being as horny as men part of your comment. That's fine. But "Inshallah some day we will have a reformed islam where women are allowed to have sighehs as well!" I can probably write a whole volume on what's wrong with that statement, but for starters:

1. I would think that a "reformed" islam would GET RID OF SIGHEH, which is simply sugar-coated prostitution. If sigheh spreads in society then what is the difference between that and no one getting married but just f***ing around and not forming REAL FAMILIES? What's the difference between fornication and sigheh? And dont quote your Shahla Haeri book, don't rant about the "legal" differences in "sharia", tell me from your common sense how is sigheh different from a one night stand except you say a little arabic sentence ahead of time? In fact if I get a prostitute, I'd prob make a similar statement albeit in english like "I give you such and such amount for such and such time period"...thats pretty much the sigheh formula in a different language. Does Allah only support prostition when it's in arabic? A reformed shia islam should promote a man not f***ing women behind his wife's back and trying to justify it by calling it "sigheh." Because it's really just prostituion or adultery if you;re already married. :)

2. On the one hand you promote women's equal rights (which I totally support, high five), so that's progressive...but you want them to have equal right to a completely harmful, demeaning practice. I'd think both sides don't sigheh, but get married or if you're going to fornicate, man up to the fact and don't pretend you are doing a holy deed, it is what it is.

3. The fact that you end the statement with an exclamation point, indicating your enthusiasm for sigheh and women earning the right to practice it indicates that you don't really want reform, you just want women to be able to partake in the same kooky practice...that's not reform, that's just equalizing the playing field for a backwards practice. Rather we should equalize the playing field for healthier life choices.

ps To the author JAvid, the South African sister was taken aback because Sunnis don't believe in sigheh and consider it haram...in that respect they are definitely more sane than us.


Daer Mr. Javid,

by Anonymous Pacifist (not verified) on

Thank you so much for your kind replly. No, it doesn't come as a surprise to me that you know there are men who control their urges. Or that you're one of them.

What does come as a surprise to me is that you are planning a blog on suicide because I was thinking of writing one too. I was going to call it Khodkoshi. Well, I suppose it's better if you do it. Thae wat I won't have to register. I was concerned about privacy and trackability issues.




Dr. Kaveh Nouraee...you are so funny...

by Miny (not verified) on

You seem to know all and everything about humanity and womanity....how can you sum up like this...as if all women are students in the school that you guys run....Women cant see past somethings and you can see past everything...ah ha...how intelligent you are...hahahahah