Jahanshah Javid
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Missing Twin
30-Apr-2010
Wednesday night I got a message on Facebook.
"salam, moteasefane dishab ramin fovt kard, dar rome, jahate ettela. azita."
I don't read carefully. I scan. My first reaction was not one of shock. It was which Ramin? I know at least four Ramins. And Azita's name did not ring a bell.
It took a few minutes before I read the message again. Then I saw "Rome" and it hit me. How can he be dead?
***
Ramin Rafirasme and I had a lot in common. We were almost the same age. I was born in 1962, he 1963. We grew up in a bi-cultural environment (Iranian-American, Iranian-French). We had strong mothers while our fathers were absent in one way or another. Our families were not religious and yet we were strongly attracted to the Islamic Revolution. In 1981 we joined the Iranian state news agency (IRNA). The same year we married co-workers who were best friends.
Ramin took on big responsibilities with ease. He became a senior editor almost immediately and was one of the closest aides of Kamal Kharrazi, the head of the news agency and the War Information Headquarters. If you had met him, it wasn't hard to see why. Despite his boyish looks and petite stature, he was charming, sophisticated and confident.
In the mid 1980's I was posted to IRNA's London bureau and Ramin became chief correspondent in Rome and Paris. In 1989 we were both assigned to cover the Non-Aligned Movement Summit in Belgrade. That's when we became friends. We had abandoned religious dogma and were reverting back to our pre-revolutionary roots, especially in our personal lives. (I have written about that trip and referred to him as my "Iranian friend".)
***
Five years later, Ramin and I crossed paths again. I was going to college in New York and working part-time at Iran Business Monitor, a monthly magazine aimed at luring American companies to Iran, before the Clinton Administration imposed sanctions. I wrote and compiled the articles and Ramin took care of the page-setting and publishing operation. But he had a much more important job as spokesman for the Iranian mission to the UN, under Ambassador Kamal Kharrazi, who had surrounded himself by many of his trusted editors from his years at IRNA.
It was a critical time for both of us. We had already broken emotional and ideological attachments to the Islamic Republic. But soon we would stop our professional affiliations too. Meanwhile Ramin's marriage -- like mine a product of the revolution in many ways -- had been on the rocks. I had gotten a divorce years earlier and now he wanted his.
In 1995, on my way to Tehran for a visit, he asked me for a favor.
***
Azita picked me up in her car and we headed to Shemiran Sq in north Tehran. We didn't speak much, certainly nothing relevant to the grim situation. I avoided eye contact as much as possible. We had a job to do and it was best to keep emotions at bay.
At the marriage and divorce registry office, a molla was speaking to a client. While Azita and I sat in the waiting room, a clerk came over and asked why we were there. I said I had power of attorney from Ramin to divorce Azita, who had consented. I added that I was going back to the U.S. in two weeks.
The clerk looked at me like I was kidding. It was impossible to get a divorce in such a short time, he said. But this was Iran and of course anything was possible, for the right amount of money. Seeing panic all over my face, I was offered a solution.
The clerk was also an employee of the family court. He told me to come to his office in a week and bring along 220,000 tomans (I think the equivalent of about $1,500 at the time). I carried out the instructions, slipped the cash envelope in the clerk's desk drawer, and the divorce was finalized. Just like that.
***
Not long after coming back to New York, Ramin and I parted ways. I had just launched iranian.com and soon left for California. He too left New York and became a senior administrator at the UN Food and Agriculture Organization, FAO, in Rome and traveled frequently to Africa for various projects.
Last summer I saw a mutual friend and I asked about Ramin. He said he was recovering from a recent breakup with someone he loved very much.
Ramin and I were Facebook friends but never communicated. Until a couple of weeks ago when he left a comment on my wall saying he was writing a book. I encouraged him to tell all. He had many powerful and influential friends. He had first-hand knowledge of many key IRI figures and events. I'm sure it would have been an important book from the point of view of a former insider.
***
"What happened?" I replied to Azita's Facebook message last night. She wrote back that Ramin had been suffering from kidney disease for some time and finally lost the battle. She asked me to come on Skype for a chat. Their divorce and Ramin's distance and detachment were big question marks for her. I explained that Ramin did not share his personal feelings with me except that he wanted to be free and for her to be independent and happy.
Azita was on her way to Rome to be by Ramin's side before tragedy hit. It wasn't meant to be.
I wish her and their beautiful children Saba and Hafez peace, with the consoling thought that Ramin's good soul will live on.
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برای ابراز همدردی
shahireh sharifWed May 05, 2010 07:08 AM PDT
روحش شاد
Beloved children
by Jahanshah Javid on Sun May 02, 2010 09:04 PM PDTThanks Saba. You were much closer to your father and therefore your feelings are much closer to the truth.
I had great respect and love for Ramin. I will miss him a lot. He will live on in his beloved children.
One special man
by Shorts on Sun May 02, 2010 09:00 PM PDTFrom: Jafar
I'm shocked. It was not long ago that I spoke to Ramin and just a year ago or so that I met and had dinner with him in Rome.
Ramin was a special person: so bright, so deep, so cultured, and so sensitive. He told me about the breakup that had affected him so much. He looked that he was coming out of the depression and was moving on.
We planned to see each other in Turin and he thought maybe with his daughter they would drive here. He was a dear friend and one special man. I can not believe this. Thanks for letting me know.
Ghorbanat
Jafar
To a beloved friend
by benflam on Sun May 02, 2010 11:57 AM PDTAlthough I lost contact with Ramin, he was the best man at my wedding on June 17th 1995. He was sort of an idealist, highly cultivated and humanitarian. He knew how to enjoy life. I will never forget how he could offer a glass of white wine and some cheese on his terrace for lunch in New York...and the espresso. I left him the furniture of my bedroom upon my wedding. We spent many nights together at "au bar", piano concerts with Cristiana. My sister Marianne discovered a German poet thanks to him.
I hereby send my condolences to Azita, Saba and Hafez who I had not the pleasure to meet and all his friends.
Ben Flammang
My condolences
by Azadeh Azad on Sun May 02, 2010 12:41 AM PDTto Ramin's family and to you, Jahanshah.
Azadeh
Dear Jahanshah No, my
by saba.Rafirasme on Sun May 02, 2010 12:09 AM PDTDear Jahanshah
No, my dad never wanted a divorce to be free, he was in a middle of a crisis and maybe even a bit confused at that time, he always said how much he loved Azita and how proud he was of her, and in his last few days the only person he wanted by his side was her.
He may rest in peace
Thank you and say hi to my love Mahdiyeh
بدرقۀ دوست
LalehGillaniFri Apr 30, 2010 07:54 PM PDT
جهانشاه عزیز، درگذشت دوست شما را تسلیت عرض میکنم. امیدوارم یاد خاطرات شیرین گذشته، آرامش درد و غم امروزۀ شما باشد.
...
by maziar 58 on Fri Apr 30, 2010 06:46 PM PDTRoohesh shad. BEATO TE
It's a bless to LIVE and then DIE in ETERNAL CITY. Maziar
It's always hard to lose a good friend
by Khar on Fri Apr 30, 2010 05:49 PM PDTMy sincere condolences to you Jahanshah Jaan and his family.
"Dust in the Wind"
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wp4O7v5320
I close my eyes
only for a moment
and the moments gone
all my dreams
pass before my eyes in curiosity
dust in the wind,
all they are is dust in the wind
Same old song,
just a drop of water
in an endless sea
all we do,
crumbles to the ground
though we refuse to see
dust in the wind,
all we are is dust in the wind
Don't hang on
nothing lasts forever
but the earth and sky
it slips away
and all your money,
won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind
all we are is dust in the wind
dust in the wind
everithing is dust in the wind
dust in the wind...
Darius Kadivar
by Gavazn on Fri Apr 30, 2010 01:32 PM PDTThanks for your informative post, it was very interesting and obviously you must be very proud of your father .
JJ jan
by bajenaghe naghi on Fri Apr 30, 2010 12:46 PM PDTIt is always so hard to lose a friend.
I am sorry for your loss.
متاسفیم
ShortsFri Apr 30, 2010 12:19 PM PDT
From Homa M
از پریشب که صادق این خبر ناگوار را به من و مسعود داده خیلی یاد گذشته میکنم. حیف چه زود رفت همش بلند بلند هر دو میگیم حیف حیف!
میدونی دنیا همینه. من که معتقدم آدمهای خوب وقتی رسالتشون را تمام میکنن زود میرن. بهرحال عمر شما و خانواده ات طولانی و موفق در کارهات. همیشه میگن یک خوبی میمونه یک بدی.
من از رامین هیچ بدی ندیدم بسیار با ادب و محترم شیک و باسلیقه بود. بگذریم که سیگار کشیدنش برام همیشه باعث تعجب بود دلم براش میسوخت که چرا اینکار را داره با خودش میکنه.
یاد مرحوم برقانی بخیر همشون سیگاری بودن از اطاقشون که رد میشدیم سیگار از لای در تمام راهرو را می پوشاند. حیف شد که رفتن و چه زود و چه ناگهانی! با صادق خیلی خیلی صمیمی بودن و فورا دلم آشوب شد فکر صادق که میدونم مریضه را کردم.
خدا کمک اون و شما و همه کسانی که دوسش داشتن بکنه صبر برای همتون خواستارم.
به امید شنیدن خبرهای خوش
Sympathies
by tissa on Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:10 AM PDTSorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Always interesting, and in this case sad, to hear stories about those with whom our lives are intricately intertwined.
Sorry you lost your Twin
by Monda on Fri Apr 30, 2010 09:00 AM PDTFriends like Ramin are certainly hard to find. I hope your memories of him stay with you, always.
he's in a better place
by hamsade ghadimi on Fri Apr 30, 2010 08:04 AM PDTtasliat jj. thanks for your candor about your promotion of the iri government even though you did not believe in the islamist ideology. many questions i'd like to ask. perhaps in a more opportune time.
How did you manage to jump over thousands of highly educated
by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Fri Apr 30, 2010 06:24 AM PDTand experienced Iranians to get those critical positions, with only a high school diploma, if you even had that?
Compatible Kidney Donors are unfortunately VERY rare ...
by Darius Kadivar on Fri Apr 30, 2010 06:03 AM PDTAnd few know that one can live with merely one kidney. However many hesitate to donate a kidney even in a family where one member is inflicted to bed and relies on dialysis to survive.
My father was the first surgeon to introduce Kidney transplantation techniques in Iran back in the mid 1960's which have since been generalized throughout the country thanks to the students he trained.
In Memory of my Father Dr. Kioumarz Ruhollah KADIVAR(Sept 12 1930 - July 4th 2005)
He even cured a German American medical heart surgeon called Dr. Goetz who was the mentor of the famous South African Dr. Christian Barnard. He was on a congress in Shiraz and had a kidney stone ( in this case not as bad as a prostate cancer or kidney transplant surgery). Later Barnard who also came to Shiraz congratulated my father for his efficiency.
Dad had done a great deal of research on Kidney transplant and prostate cancer at the Pahlavi university labs in Shiraz and tought about the subject extensively at medical school but when the revolution occured he was asked to come and work in Australia as a researcher. Unfortunately ( or fortunately ) my father chose to come to France for practical reasons and also because it was easier to demand a French passport given my mother's nationality than an Australian or American residency.
Don't know what happened to all my father's research ? I think much of the results were published in medical research magazines and back in Iran but also in the US.
His research career ended abruptly with the Revolution and he had to make a living to see to our needs as an exiled family ...
However I saw an interesting program regarding Kidney doners and a French actor Richard Berry ( See Foundation du Rein ) whose sister needed a kidney and he decided to give his own to save her life. He has since been campaigning to alert people about this necessity but one of his great ideas which he hopes to promote into a law is to suggest that one one's passport people can ask to have their organs ( and choose which ones they wish to give) be given to Hospitals if ever they die in an accident.
This is not to say that one wishes anyone to die but that if it were to happen particularly if we are young and healthy at the time of such an unfortunate incident then why not accept the eventuality which could save someone's life.
So many people hesitate to do so when they are alive or by superstition so might at well find a solution which is prejudicial to no one.
Needless to say the law has not yet been voted nor the idea fully accepted by public opinion ...
But the case of Organ donation and kidney in particular remains a major cause to understand because many lives could be saved without endangering for that matter the donors life, even if the act of donation requires a psychological preparation and in the end of the day it is still a form or self sacrifice.
But if that can save a sister or brother or anyother person in need for that matter ...
What makes the medical world particularly hopeful is the progress made in Stem Cells technology. Beyond the ethics dillemmas it triggers it is certainly one of the fields of research which can lead to great results and treatments particularly given the lack of compatible donors ...
Sorry for the diggression from the initial subject at hand but I think it is an opportunity to share with you the little I know on this subject or rather the little awareness I have on the subject of kidney related inflictions.
May your friend rest in peace !
DK
پیامی از همدردی
M. Saadat NouryFri Apr 30, 2010 05:28 AM PDT
xxx
پیامی از همدردی همراه با سروده ای ا ز روانشاد گلشن ایرانپور: "ای دل آشفته چو زلفش شده کار من و تو، بی رخش رفته ز کف صبر و قرار من و تو ، ای بسا باغ شو د سبز و بهار آید و گل ، بگذرد ابر و بگرید به مزار من وتو".شکیبا و پاینده باشید. دکتر منوچهر سعادت نوری
This is really sad
by Gavazn on Fri Apr 30, 2010 05:01 AM PDTSorry for your loss. I am very surprised that someone this day and age cannot have a full life with kidney disease - I thought you could treat it and it is not fatal. But maybe there were other factors. Anyway, he was young and condolences.
Dear JJ, tasliat, it is hard to lose friends.
by Anahid Hojjati on Fri Apr 30, 2010 04:35 AM PDTDear Jahanshah, Sorry for loss of your friend. In times like this, all we have is memories of our friends and the hope and wish that their families and friends can find the strength to go on despite their big loss.
Tasliat !
by Darius Kadivar on Fri Apr 30, 2010 04:11 AM PDTSorry to hear about your loss.
May he Rest in Peace !
Ramin
by Michelle. on Fri Apr 30, 2010 03:51 AM PDTI used to work with Ramin. He was such a sweetheart. A great dancer and cook too! I didn't know he was so ill. I hope he's found peace. Such a sad loss...
Tasliat
by Orang Gholikhani on Fri Apr 30, 2010 03:12 AM PDTI Share your sorrow.
Ghorbanat
Orang
...
by Red Wine on Fri Apr 30, 2010 02:53 AM PDTهمه از خاکیم و بر خاک.. این است رسم غریب روزگار.
این مصیبت وارده را به شما ، و عزیزان این مرحوم تسلیت میگویم.
امیدواریم که غم آخر باشد .