Jahanshah Javid
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Ripe Forbidden Fruit
11-Jan-2011
I few days ago I finished reading Memories of My Melancholy Whores by Marquez and now I have no other book to read. Well, I do have One Hundred Years of Solitude, but I'm hesitant. When I read a couple of pages a while back, I felt it was too abstract.
I enjoyed Memories of My Melancholy Whores more than Love in the Time of Cholera. It was shorter and simpler. Here are the parts I underlined:
* The world is moving ahead. Yes, I said, it's moving ahead, but it's revolving around the sun.
* I discovered that my obsession for having each thing in the right place, each subject at the right time, each word in the right style, was not the well-deserved reward of an ordered mind but just the opposite: a complete system of pretense invented by me to hide the disorder of my nature. I discovered that I am not disciplined out of virtue but as a reaction to my negligence, that I appear generous in order to conceal my meanness, that I pass myself off as prudent because I am evil-minded, that I am conciliatory in order not to succumb to my repressed rage, that I am punctual only to hide how little I care about other people's time. I learned, in short, that love is not a condition of the spirit but a sign of the zodiac.
* I became aware that the inevitable power that has moved the world is unrequited, not happy, love.
* Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.
* As I was reading The Ides of March, I ran across an ominous sentence that the author attributes to Julius Caesar: "In the end, it is impossible not to become what others believe you are."
* I became a man of easy tears. Any emotion that had anything to do with tenderness brought a lump to my throat that I could not always control...
Have you read it? Memories of My Melancholy Whores is about a journalist who seeks an adolescent virgin as a gift to himself on the eve of his 90th birthday. And he finds one. And falls in love with her. The idea was extremely disturbing to me. The book is so powerful and beautifully written that by the end I was not as upset. But I'm still upset. I don't understand the obsession with virgins. Where is the sexual appeal in a girl -- almost a child in this case -- who has no experience in love-making? It's a mystery to me. I've never felt it. If anything, it's an instant turn-off.
A female friend in her forties once told me she understands why men are attracted to young women. "They're fresh," she said, and not just physically: older men find their liveliness irresistible. They revive the young man, the boy, they ceased to be long ago. The tired, old, repetitive world becomes new, different and exciting again. These I can understand. I've been there.
When online chatrooms first became available I "met" an 18-year-old girl who was in her last year of high school. Although I knew her age, I never got the feeling I was chatting with a teenager. She seemed wise beyond her youth, with a sexual imagination I had not encountered in any woman at any age. The things she whispered over the phone were more tantalizing than anything on Penthouse Forum. Reality slapped me on a couple of occasions when she stopped and yelled at her parents over something.
Fortunately for both of us, she lived in a different city, and we never saw each other. I didn't hear from her for a long time and then a few years ago she called. It was a nice, cordial conversation. We spoke about how our lives had changed. She was married, unhappily, and working. I sensed her wish to keep the conversation going. I, on the other hand, felt embarrassed by the memory of getting involved with such a young girl and even though she was now only looking for someone to talk to, someone she trusted in the absence of a meaningful, satisfying, relationship with her husband, I told her I felt uncomfortable. I'm sure I came off as a hypocrite, as if this sort of thing was unethical and beyond me.
We still exchange emails once or twice a year. I keep it strictly friendly and very careful not to cross a line of propriety I've drawn for the sake of my own sanity. I've made too many stupid mistakes in this virtual world where I spend most of my life. It's so easy and tempting to lose your mind in a split second and fire off an email for an instant thrill.
More than the youngest woman in my life, Memories of My Melancholy Whores reminded me of the oldest.
Men brag about taking virgins and have few qualms about showing off a wife or girlfriend half their age. Older women are a different story. They don't get approached, acknowledged or celebrated in fiction or real life nearly as much as the young. That has been changing . You don't hear about "old bags" as much as "milfs" and "cougars". Women don't think the way their mothers did. They don't feel like they were born just to produce children. They see no reason why they should stop having sex even after menopause.
When I was 30, I transferred to Hunter College in New York. I was not immediately eligible to live in the dormitory, so I rented a room in a two-bedroom apartment in the Lower East Side. J, the landlord, was in her late fifties and had never married. She was an industrial artist and worked on her designs on a desk in the tiny kitchen. There were all kinds of rules I had to follow in the bathroom, kitchen and backyard. She did not want anything or anyone to disturb the small space that was her world.
J had obviously been a very attractive woman when she was young. She still had a beautiful body and took good care of herself. But there was no sexual tension. It didn't cross my mind that anything could happen with a woman so much older than me. And she felt the same. She wasn't sexually active. The closest person in her life was a gay man.
I liked her, even though she was difficult and got easily agitated. She was often on the phone arguing about some stupid thing somebody had done. I loved it that she constantly fought and argued with neighbors, businesses and city officials for the right to take care of the trees on her street. She was out there every other day dragging buckets of water, schlepping the trees. Who does that, I thought? There was something noble about it.
Our friendship gradually grew. We soon started jogging together around Washington Sq. We went out to dinner and movies. She included me in her small circle of close friends and invited me to join private dinners. She was growing on me. The idea of having a relationship with a woman twice my age was no longer out of the question. I wouldn't dare admit it to anyone, but I was attracted to her. There was no doubt about it.
On her 59th birthday I took her to dinner and when we got back to the apartment we sat in the garden for some wine, as we often did. I had been thinking all week about how to approach her about making love. I was clumsy and clueless with women around my own age, let alone a much older woman. Do I just, like, kiss her or should I have a conversation and make an official request? I figured the latter might be more appropriate with someone who was not only much older, but also had not been with a man for a long time. I was scared as hell. What if she called me a pervert for even having sexual thoughts about her and kicked me out of the apartment? It was too late. I felt I had to do it and get it over with.
After a few sips of wine, I took out a box out of my pocket and gave it to her and wished her happy birthday. It was a pretty bracelet with faux ruby stones. She was thrilled. She gave me a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. It was time. I was about to die from fear and anxiety. But excitement, too.
"J... I want to ask you something."
"Sure, what is it?"
"Well, it's not easy to say, but... I've become really attracted to you and..." I paused, and her eyes opened wide and she leaned back against the chair. I took her hand to stop mine and hers from shaking.
"... and, um... I've been thinking a lot lately about making love to you, J..."
How my heart, and hers, did not explode then and there, I do not know. J was looking at me in disbelief. Thank god she did not look angry. I even detected a blush. She put her head down and began to rub my fingers.
"I don't know what to say... This is such a big surprise. It's been so long since the last time I had sex or even thought about sex."
Is that a... yes? Or a polite no? My mind was racing. I stood up, took her hand and led her to her bedroom. This was virgin territory. We were breaking conventions. A 30-year-old man was not supposed to be making love to a woman with the same age as his mother. But it turned out to be more enjoyable than anything I imagined. There was a relaxed, care-free feeling that isn't always there with younger women.
A few weeks later I moved to the dormitory. J and I remained friends but did not see each other very often. When I left New York, we lost touch, except for phone calls that became less and less frequent. During a short visit to New York last year, I decided to surprise her. I dropped by her apartment and rang the bell. She was so happy to see me and it was so wonderful to see her. Not much had changed. At seventy-something she was still jogging every day. Her work desk was as a cluttered as ever. Same paintings and photographs on the wall. Same bed with the same beige cover. But the trees on the street, they had grown taller and greener.
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Yuck and gross me out!
by Dirty Angel on Thu Jan 13, 2011 06:56 AM PSTI'd rather haven an affair with a grumpy boiler!
"Stuff happens and some, one way or another, get stuffed"
speaking of books II
by Princess on Thu Jan 13, 2011 06:09 AM PSTone of the most moving books I read last year was Without a Map. It's the memoir of a woman, Meredith Hall, who became pregnant at 16 in a conservative small town in New Hampshire and the consequences of it.
It is extremely well written and a page turner. All thorough the book I kept thinking, 'Well, she must have survived all this to have been able to write the book." So I wouldn't describe it as a fun read, but rather as one of those very gratifying reading experiences which one a lot of food for thought.
The main message I took away from it was that if after having gone through so much pain and misery, an individual still comes out the other end as a forgiving and loving woman, than there is a lot of hope for humanity.
.......
by yolanda on Wed Jan 12, 2011 10:17 PM PSTHere is the quote from the book you read:
"Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love."
This morning when I read the quote, I did not understand the exact meaning.....the quote sounds like "sex" and "love" are mutually exclusive! I thought sex and love can occur at the same time........so based on the quote, we can extrapolate another quote:
If Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love,
then Sex is not necessary when you can have love!
but the extrapolated quote sounds a little strange to me!
Does the author mean that:
Extramarital sex is the consolation you have when you can't have marital love?
P.S. Well, if you form a book club, I will read the book reviews and highlights of the books......that will be fun and time-saving!
Speaking of Books
by Faramarz on Wed Jan 12, 2011 03:52 PM PSTI wonder if anyone here has read John Irving books.
I am a big fan of his work and try to imitate his story telling style. My favorite books by John Irving are:
The world According to Garp
Hotel New Hampshire
The Cider House Rules
A Prayer for Owen Meany
I think that anyone who wants to look deep into his own childhood should read some of his books.
FYI, Book
by Souri on Wed Jan 12, 2011 03:48 PM PSTLOL,
I just saw this one posted at fb
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhcPX1wVp38
The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful..... And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!
Book Club
by Jahanshah Javid on Wed Jan 12, 2011 03:06 PM PSTSounds good Princess. Will bring it up with new team. Looking forward to your book blog! :)
organic
by Princess on Wed Jan 12, 2011 02:52 PM PSTThanks Anahid jaan and Souri khanoum for expressing your interest in a book club.
On a second thought I thin JJ is right, an organic book club might be more practical.
JJ, as you had suggested, in the new IC, maybe we could have a IC book club page, where people could announce what books they are reading or what books they would recommend, or even just jut down quotes from their reading, as you did with this book, for people who are interested.
OHYoS
by Jahanshah Javid on Wed Jan 12, 2011 01:44 PM PSTThank you very much Wellwisher. I agree with you that Marquez is "profoundly humanist storyteller, in whose work sex is merely a vehicle..." I also think the same about Miller, despite his reputation.
Marquis de Sade... now there's a different beast!
One Hundred Years of Solitude
by Wellwisher on Wed Jan 12, 2011 01:37 PM PSTI read One Hundred Years of Solitude in Persian in early 70’s. It was my introduction to Marquez’s magical realism. The opening chapter was and still is the best I have found in contemporary novels. At the time that we were taught sentences should be concise, his use of the longest (479 words in the English version), and the most imaginative sentence as the preamble to what was to be found, was as mesmerizing as I have ever seen.
It is quite possible that this book had a different impact on someone who belongs to the post-1953 generation in Iran, than on those who grew up in the West. The idea of a self-conscious that begins with discovering ice in an equatorial country, and ends in front of a firing squad was as captivating to me as any I had known.
At the time, OHYoS – with its explicit description of genitalia- broke some taboos in Iran’s rather conservative literary genre. However, hardly anyone I knew considered it as sexually permissive, let alone pornographic.
More recent reading of OHYoS in English, and Marquez’s later work did not change my view of him as a profoundly humanist storyteller, in whose work sex is merely a vehicle for carrying the reader through the labyrinth of Latin America’s tortured past.
May he live and enlighten us for another one hundred years.
Dear Jahanshah, thanks for your explanation
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Jan 12, 2011 12:47 PM PST.
Quotes
by Jahanshah Javid on Wed Jan 12, 2011 12:36 PM PSTAnahid: Everything in the beginning of the blog that has a star in front of it is an exact quote from the book. They are not my thoughts. They are not even things that I necessarily identify with as a person or agree with. They just made me think and I underlined them and shared with you all.
To be fair
by Jahanshah Javid on Wed Jan 12, 2011 12:00 PM PSTSince this my blog is not a work for fiction, I must add this important point that my revelations do not tell the whole story. And it's only my side of it.
In particular I have been unfair to the "youngest woman" by making her an example to point out my disappointment with the book's -- and most men's -- obsession with virgins and youth in general.
As I pointed out in the blog, I'm embarrassed that as a much older adult, I allowed myself to get involved with a teenager. But over the years, through the few emails we have exchanged, she has become a true friend and it's no longer about who's older or who's younger. It's a connection I've cherished.
Hey groupies!
by Jahanshah Javid on Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:47 AM PSTAnahid: This book inspired me because it reminded me of some of my experiences. And as I mentioned, I was disturbed by the general fascination with virgins, even though the book has a lot to offer other than that topic.
Orang: I'm not sure why the guys rarely comment on these types of situations. It may be that they don't get so emotionally caught up when it comes to sex and relationships. Or maybe it's far more practical for them and they don't make such a big deal out of it and certainly have no interest in spilling their guts to reveal so much personal information. That's my sickness :) One Hundred Years of solitude is right here next to me on the floor. I will (try to) read it. And thanks for the book recommendation. I really appreciate it and keep it in mind.
Princess: I'm all for an IC book club page. Will discuss with the new team to see what we can come up with. Meanwhile it would be nice to recommend books and read them together and discuss at a certain point through the blogs. Although I'm more inclined towards a more organic approach, that is leave it to individuals to read whatever they like, write their review, and have discussions like this in the comments.
Faramarz: Thanks for making me laugh, always!
Red Wine: I agree, as far as the importance of sex in everyone's lives. For us guys, it's rare not to enjoy it in any circumstance. As I say, it ranges from good to out of this world. But almost never bad, regardless of what your partner thinks. Maybe it comes down to the basic biological fact that men always have an orgasm. It's what happens after... now that's more complicated :)
Monda: I'm not sure. Maybe people are certainly born with the need for a connection and are naturally programmed to try to make it happen.
Souri: There's so much to say about the sense of touch, in any form. It's a sensational sensation. Will probably blog about it one day :)
دکتر شراب سرخ!
FaramarzWed Jan 12, 2011 11:15 AM PST
این حقیر جلوی شما لنگ میاندازد و از نسخه ای که نوشتید فورا بهره برداری خواهم کرد!
همینکه بدن به بدن خورد..کافیست !
SouriWed Jan 12, 2011 09:55 AM PST
Redwine jon
Therefore, nobody in Paris is suffering from the lack of sex ! They just need to leave their car at home and take the metro everyday to go to work, LOL ;-)
Oh,,,,,and in Tehran, they just need to take the bus, but woman/woman and man/man bodies :)
The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful..... And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!
another thought
by Monda on Wed Jan 12, 2011 09:51 AM PSTAside from the importance of the quality of Connection over age (looks?) - convenience/ timing is key in any relationship. It was convenient for JJ and J to connect, by the simple physical realities of their lives.
Makes me sometimes think about whether we create the moments to satisfy our needs or is it the other way around. Not sure.
I agree with others in One Hundred Years of Solitude being a must-read, when it's convenient for you to spend the space on reading it. Melancholy Whores is my favorite of Marquez, because it pulled me in much easier than his other works. (I did not care as much for his short stories either. Those were too abstract for me, at the time of my reading.)
...
by Red Wine on Wed Jan 12, 2011 09:41 AM PSTبحث کتاب و کتابخوانی باشد برای اعم العمام ! از سکس سخن بگوییم که اصل ماجراست.
سکس دوای هر درد بی درمانی است و عملی خوش که میبایستی به تعداد فراوان در روز انجام شود !
اگر ۳ روز بی سکس سپری شود،بدن پر از مواد سمی شده و بی خاصیت شود.اگر باور نمیکنید،امتحان بفرمایید.
حتی تماس جنسی ساده هم بی اشکال است،لازم نیست که حتما روی هم افتیم و همدیگر را تکان تکان داده و استغفر الله صداهای عجیب درآوریم،همینکه بدن به بدن خورد..کافیست ! حال اگر تو به دنبال اعمال دیگری هستی،این دیگر بحثی جدا است !
کلوب کتاب باز کردید،طبقه بالا باشد برای کلوب سکس ایرانیان دات کم تا اعضای شریف این سایت در آنجا حمل بر حق نموده و که تفعل أشياء رائعة. تبادل الخبرات.
موفق باشید.
faramarz
by Doctor mohandes on Wed Jan 12, 2011 09:33 AM PSTFocus! Focus. Now.
DOn't let your ..... mind wonder to the places afar that it has no damn buisness wandering off to.
JJ
I wish you much more eventful and romantic and lasting and unrequited yet "manageable" underbelly affairs in the future.
But s big Marhaba for this one. Touch down:)))
Orang, I usually take my vacation one day here, one day there
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Jan 12, 2011 09:18 AM PSTBut if I ever save my vacation time, I would like to travel to Europe. I have some family in Sweden and England and friends (from my high school days) in various European countries whom I would like to visit.
Dear Princess and Souri jan, I like IC Book Club idea too
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Jan 12, 2011 09:13 AM PSTYes, this seems to be a great idea.
Book club is a good idea
by Souri on Wed Jan 12, 2011 08:25 AM PSTI support that one.
The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful..... And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!
Groupie definition for Faramarz ;-)
by Orang Gholikhani on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:59 AM PSTOf course generally speaking we could be also groupies but Wikipedia definition is a little bit special one :-)
//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groupie:
A groupie is a person who seeks emotional and sexual intimacy with a musician or other celebrity. "Groupie" is derived from group in reference to a musical group,[1] but the word is also used in a more general sense, especially in casual conversation.
Female groupies in particular have a long-standing reputation of being available to celebrities, pop stars, rock stars and other public figures. Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant is quoted as distinguishing between fans who wanted brief sexual encounters, and "groupies" who traveled with musicians for extended periods of time, acting as a surrogate girlfriend or mother, often taking care of the musician's valuables, drugs, wardrobe, and social life.[2] Nancy Spungen, who became the partner of Sid Vicious of The Sex Pistols, is one such example of what is sometimes referred to as "road wives." Cynthia Plaster Caster and The GTOs ("Girls Together Outrageously"), with Pamela Des Barres, in particular, as de-facto spokeswoman, are probably the best known groupies of this type.
Anahid Jan, In Europe Nothing is realy sacred especially in ...
by Orang Gholikhani on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:53 AM PSTAnahid Jan,
In Europe Nothing is realy sacred especially in France.
Hopefully , in Europe politically coorectness is not still become a religion. You could still make fun with everything if people knows you and they know you are in a second level and sometimes third level of humour.
A French guy said you can laugh about everything but not with everybody.
Take some vacation and do like JJ, come and stay in Europe for sometimes ;-)
Cheers.
Orangh
Why not :)
by Princess on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:28 AM PSTHey, why not. If I am going to be a groupie, I'll be JJ's groupie.
I am a Groupie too!
by Faramarz on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:20 AM PSTGroupie means a team player, one who lends emotional support.
Nothing wrong with that!
Faramarz jan, you just had to be here
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:11 AM PSTNow I am reminded of one more IC writer to whom I am groupie too. No seriously, that was not a good comment by Orang. It must be his years of living in Europe. I have noticed that sometimes, our European friends just say what they think quite unlike me who holds back.
چشم و دلم روشن، همینو کم داشتیم!
FaramarzWed Jan 12, 2011 07:06 AM PST
A Landlady with Benefits!
Now you know how Ashton Kutcher feels when he makes love to Demi Moore!
Was she shy in bed? Did she tell you to read her Persian poems while making love?
Princess jan, I thought you second other part of Orang's comment
by Anahid Hojjati on Wed Jan 12, 2011 07:05 AM PSTIronically, the three who commented on this blog before Orang's comment (including me) usually comment on Orang's poems too, which makes me Groupie by two. What a busy life I live, being Groupie to a few :))).
I second Orang
by Princess on Wed Jan 12, 2011 06:58 AM PSTOne Hundred Years of Solitude is a must read. I read it a few months ago, and like Love in the Times of Cholera, I had a hard time getting into it at the beginning, but if you persevere it's very well worth it.
Wondering if you or anyone else have ever thought of starting an IC book club? I don't know if anybody would be interested.
JJ jan you must read it
by Orang Gholikhani on Tue Jan 11, 2011 11:53 PM PSTJJ jan,
Nice story and nicely written.
I noticed only ladies commented your blog :-) you have many groupies in this site :-). You should pay attention before writing this kind of story, they could be jaleuse ;-)
I enjoyed Memories of My Melancholy Whores too but you must read One Hundred Years of Solitude ! it is a real master piece.
If you haven't still read it, I recommend also Faulkner's book The Sound and the Fury //en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sound_and_the_Fury It is one of my favorits.
Cheers.
Orang