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9/11 & Me: When I became a Sand Nigger …
15-Sep-2008
I was standing in my living room, transfixed by the events displayed on the television screen. My one-year-old son was sitting in his high chair, waiting to be fed. Occasionally, he hit the tray with his spoon or goo goo gaa gaaed to get my attention. I was watching the twin towers collapsing, not knowing that my life will be changed from that moment forward forever.
When the dust had settled, and the initial shock had somewhat subsided, I began thinking about the events of 9/11. What would force a group of people to commit such a horrific crime against another nation? Who was Osama Bin Laden and what did he want to accomplish? Soon it was clear to me that I had more questions than answers and must search for the truth on my own.
To answer such questions, I knew instinctively that one must not solely rely on the information disseminated by governments or the corporate media. So my journey of discovery became stolen moments of poring over books and essays at home or work. I had to learn about the history of long gone events and not so distant encounters. The wars fought by the Crusaders opened my eyes to the reality of severed trust between Christians and Muslims while the Battle of Tours introduced me to the halted conquest of Europe by Islam. The return of Jews from Diaspora, the establishment of the State of Israel, and the unwavering support of the Jewish nation by the United States uncovered another piece of the puzzle. The communist invasion of Afghanistan and the reaction of the Muslim world filled in the remaining blanks and left me at awe of how naïve American policy makers had been.
At the end of this journey, I had but one conclusion to make: The United State’s choice of friends and foes around the world had been governed by a juvenile axiom often exercised by children in a school yard: “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” It was hard to believe but this was the best the Yale and Oxford graduates of American political landscape could come up with. To add insult to injury, the more I learned about the perpetrators of 9/11 events, the more I was convinced that America’s foreign policy was directly responsible for arming and training such extremists in their Jihad against the Soviet Union.
Then came the days of self reflection and soul searching. I began thinking about the history of my country (Iran) and the interference of foreign powers in our politics. I wondered what my life and the lives of millions of Iranians would have looked like if Mosaddeq had not been removed from power in a coup d'état supported and funded by the British and U.S. governments. Would I be living in a foreign land in exile now? Why is my country’s freedom mutually exclusive with the prosperity of the American nation?
Finally, at a moment of utter clarity, while reciting out loud Thomas Jefferson’s words as inscribed in the American Declaration of Independence from the Great Britain, I realized that there could be no “separate but equal station” amongst the oppressor and the oppressed. In 1776, the American Founding Fathers concluded the reality of an inevitable war with the Great Britain before authoring and signing that historical document. Until such time as Iranian intellectuals can unite to inscribe our independence from all foreign powers, until such time as Iranian political factions can recognize the unalienable rights of the masses to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, until such time … Iran will be the staging grounds for thugs and tyrants alike …
For the most part, I kept my political opinions to myself and rarely engaged in discussions even in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave. This old habit of mine stems from my life in Iran where from childhood the young are taught to rein their opinions of the authorities and are often reminded of the fact that the walls have ears. [edited out]
Last week, seven years after the events of September 11, 2001, at a family gathering, my eight-year-old son asked me if I remembered that day and wanted to know why we were attacked. I was tempted to tell him about the Crusaders, the Muslim invasions, the Battle of Tours, the birth of the State of Israel, the Communist invasion of Afghanistan and the rest. But I resisted the inkling and instead replied: “Because we called them Sand Niggers.”
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Good reading
by Not Logged In (not verified) on Wed Sep 17, 2008 03:50 PM PDTI believe this to be a well-written short story, and the author to be articulate, and intelligent. And, since the author is so articulate and intelligent I do not believe the story to be true. Assuming prior to the events of 9/11 you were ignorant of the contemporary history of America and therefore had no friction with your husband up to that point, then from the events of 9/11 to your family gathering while you were reading those books you and your husband must have at some point had some kind of discussion about the events, and thereby become familiar with his view points. It’s hard to believe all that time you were ignorant of how harsh his reaction might be regarding those issues.
I also don’t trust bloggers who do not reply to their fans, but never the less I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. I tried to proof read it, however there is hardy anything wrong with the grammar or the composition, and the spelling is perfect. It’s a great piece of writing and I’ll look forward to reading more.
Unfortuately,
by American Wife on Tue Sep 16, 2008 10:19 AM PDTeveryone has lost the point of your very well written article and are focusing on your husbands actions. I also agree with Farhad. Sometimes I think it's just easier to blame everything on the West (specifically the US). That gets a little touchy for some of US (the Americans). Especially those in a mixed culture marriage. If I wasn't married to Iranian, it's highly unlikely that I would visit this site. Too many opportunites to get pissed off or hurt. But because I AM married to him and love him with all my heart, I visit IC as much as I can... to share with him... to learn... and to exhange ideas. But I keep my peace and remember I'm a guest here.
I can't quite ignore the personal issues of your post either. We have no idea what kind of relationship you have with your husband... either before or after this exchange. Was he apologetic? Does he use this kind of language with or to you often? Has he threatened you like this before? Has he ever be physically abusive to your or your children?
It may be that you're not seeking any kind of advise at all. In that case it might have been better have not even related what he said. Because most people here are focusing on THAT... me included. If he talks to you like that all the time, then you're in an abusive relationship. PERIOD. If you think it was a one time reaction (was he drinking by any chance), then you need to address it with him calmly and explain how hurtful it was. And for sure... he needs to tell his family to back off. That was totally inappropriate. And believe me... I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET OTHERS GET INVOLVED. Yes, I capped because it's very important to your ongoing relationship with the family.
So forgive us all if we're stepping over the boundary and offering personal advise... but you left that door open, big time...:-)
Ignore the commentators...
by massood (not verified) on Tue Sep 16, 2008 09:03 AM PDT...as their very advice implies that you have no grasp of reality.
No doubt you know your priorities and are committed to them. There are children involved and their fate cannot be determined by a single event, even though it was of epic proportions. A single event can never characterize a person, nor can it determine the fate of marriage. You are to be respected for your ability to keep things in perspective. This is a sign of your nobility.
Those that question you and your choices should "plug it up" and consider the cest pool of indecency that Iran's cultural and religious tradition has created for 70 million.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. If anything it should inspire others to be more measured.
Massoud
you have an abusive
by mohseni63 (not verified) on Tue Sep 16, 2008 06:49 AM PDTyou have an abusive husband.I would not be suprise if he physically abused you. Please seek professional help.
First of all they are the one who butchered millions of HUMAN BEING in Asia , Middle East Cetral America and South America Because of so called foreign policy.
Secondly this man is putting terror into your heart . Therefore he is a terrorist. And that make make you a sympathizer.
Please get help .
Laleh
by Jack of All Trades - Master of Most (not verified) on Tue Sep 16, 2008 04:25 AM PDTIn reading all the comment preceding mine, and if your story is true, then I have to say that you are at best in an unhealthy relationship, and at worst, maybe even in an abusive relationship.
The one thing that stood in my mind when I read your story was the impact of the word Sand Nigger. The belittling aspect. The lack of respect.
Now, whether your sticking around with this guy is because of the low esteem that you may have of yourself, or for that matter some other thing, I hope, as others have suggested to you, to get some help.
It is one thing to put up with such nonsense if you live in Iran because of the second class citizenship that women may have. It is something quite different when you live in America, and all that's available to you.
You have really no excuse. If you don't do something to improve your situation, then you have no one to blame but yourself.
You found out so late in the day?!?
by Kia (not verified) on Tue Sep 16, 2008 03:47 AM PDTDear Laleh,
Are you trying to tell me that you were once this man's sweatheart, have married this man, had a child with him and only so late in the day found out that he is a redneck jerk?!?
Come on... pull the other one?!? Howmany years have you known this guy?!? Or do you just go and pick a man off the shelf and marry him to stave off the dreaded old age?!? Do you just pick any man on the eligible list without having got to know him or his views or his temprement? So all this time you missed his singular inability to discern a shade of grey where a world of black and white are the easiest digest for the intellectually challenged?!?
I must confess you appeal to the basest instincts of the mug public but I doubt that you will win the Pullizer...
Lida
by Annonymous - 248 (not verified) on Tue Sep 16, 2008 03:23 AM PDTI think that Dr. Phil does have a point. Although you are correct in pointing out that we may not have All the information, yet I am inclined to believe that the issue of 'SELF ESTEEM' does play a role into this.
Laleh: Exquisitely done.
Re: Laleh
by manijeh (LA) (not verified) on Tue Sep 16, 2008 03:01 AM PDTI really feel SORRY for your situation ... It must be TERRIBLE to have a husband and in-laws like this!!!
I am no psychologist or therapist, but the atmosphere that you are living under, in my opinion, is not really HEALTHY ..... If you do have problems with your Self Esteem, then please get some help! I enjoyed reading your blog
Merci
Dear Lida
by Dr. Phil on Tue Sep 16, 2008 02:13 AM PDTIf this is a work of fiction, then this is fine.
However, if this is a true account of one's experience, then it is hard to imagine putting up with such a lot unless the writer has some level of 'low self-esteem'.
As I indicated in my previous comment, this is a well-written piece. The person who wrote it is definitely an intelligent and articulate individual. However, for someone who is both intelligent and articulate to put up with such demeaning treatment, then that does show some level of 'low self-esteem' on that individual's part.
Regarding my qualifications, although I have never met this lady, nevertheless my background is in Psychology and Human Behavior. I hope that has answered your question.
Also, you need to understand that my previous comment to this lady was not meant to put her down. Not at all. My intent was to provide some positive way forward.
All the Best :) - !
RE: Laleh
by Toofantheoncesogreat (not verified) on Tue Sep 16, 2008 01:04 AM PDTAnd you are still married to this animal??? How dare he say something like that to you infront of a family dinner?? How you can possibly accept such a man is beyond my comprehension!!! Omg your story rocked my heart so much, it got me upset!!...
To hamon onja pah mishodi, divorces mikardi roze badesh..
Its insanely important that Iranians who want to marry or get in relationships with british or american men/women, that they do talk with them about politics a little before they get a nasty surprise like this...
Dr. Phil
by Lida (not verified) on Tue Sep 16, 2008 12:27 AM PDTI hope you are not taking your user id too seriously.In real life, you are not really Dr. Phil.You have no credentials with which to say whether the woman at the center of this story has low self esteem or not.We don't know enough to draw such a conclusion.
I actually think this is a very well-written short story and our general reactions about the subject of racism are what the author wishes to provoke.Anyhow, I may have some reactions to the story which I will share later, but for now I just wanted to remind you that you are not Dr. Phil and you are not authorized to practice psychology on this writer or anybody else.
Dear Laleh
by Dr. Phil on Tue Sep 16, 2008 11:01 AM PDTI have read your account, and I have to say that I find it touching.
Nevertheless, I do have a question. How did you end up marrying into such a red-neck, backward, and forgive me for saying this, ignorant family.
Based on your writing, I can tell that you are an articulate and intelligent woman. The only reason that I can see you ending up with this bunch was perhaps some level of 'low self-esteem' on your part.
In any event, I want to wish you good luck. You most certainly deserve better than this
Laleh,
by LanceRaheem on Mon Sep 15, 2008 09:14 PM PDTVery few amongst us have been spared denigrating remarks and comments over the years. Up through September 10th, 2001 I was just another American kid with an American last name since I am only half-Iranian (from my mother), but on September 11th, 2001, for the first time in my life, I became a sand nigger to many of the kids at school that I had known for years. Suddenly, I became the enemy although on my father's side every generation of males before me had served this country all the way back to the Civil War.
At the time it really bothered me. When my mother tried to calm me down, I told her that she didn't know what it felt like. Then, she told me that during the hostage crisis, she became a sand nigger for the first time in her life.
What makes your situation particularly ugly is that you are married to a man who called you that. I don't know whom makes me feel worse: you or him! Surely, he is a pathetic loser to call his wife that, but you, my dear lady, allow yourself to be abused like that by staying. The moment he said that to you, you should have given him and his old man the finger and told them that they could kiss your proud Iranian ass!
In all the years that my parents have been married I have heard my parents quarrel plenty of times, but I have never heard my father speak to my mother with the courseness and vulgarity with which you allowed yourself to be spoken to.
Let me tell you about the difference between your American husband and my mother's. My father has had a criminal record for almost 30 years because during the hostage crisis, back in 1979, one of my mother's male coworkers reduced her to tears one day on the job by calling her a sand nigger and a camel jock. When she got home upset and with with red eyes, my dad demanded to know had what happened. When she told him, he went up to the workplace and stomped the crap out of the guy. I can't say if fighting was the best way to resolve the matter, but my dad way only in his early 20s then. As it turns out, my dad got arrested that day for assult, but who am I to question his methods 30 years later when he protected my mother's honor that day. I've got a hell of a lot more respect for my father with his misdemeanor conviction than I do your flag waving jerk-off.
I tell you all this because I don't want you to think for a second that you husband is a typical American husband. Forgive me for saying it, but you are selling yourself short. Why stay with a man, any man, who would treat you that way? Remember who you are! You are an Iranian lady. Hold your head up high, give that husband of yours the finger and slam the door on your way out! No one deserves to be treated so badly by someone they love. Good luck and God bless you.
Nah...
by Reza K. (not verified) on Mon Sep 15, 2008 09:02 PM PDTI don't buy this. Some ex-communist, anti-American activist wrote this, to get us all excited, and feel sorry for this poor Iranian lady, trying to survive among redneck Americans. They used to pull that crap on us before, getting us to feel sorry for those who were supposedly killed by the SAVAK, such as Ali Shariati.
C'mon...how many of us have been called "Sand nigger"? I have been in the U.S. for 20 years. Most of it in the South. I have never been called "Sand Nigger"!
Cheap fictional mumbo jumbo....don't fall for it people.
Laleh
by hazratee on Mon Sep 15, 2008 08:15 PM PDTI feel sorry for you to share your life with a person who insult you so viciously with that kind and tone of language. He sounds like a hillbilly. an uneducated person who can and will crush you again. I don't know and frankly don't care about your motivation to marry a category 5 moron like him. In his mind, you were and always be a sand nigger.
I don't want to sound like a
by Anonymous1 (not verified) on Mon Sep 15, 2008 07:55 PM PDTI don't want to sound like a foozool, but how could you allow yourself to be treated like that by your husband?
There are no excuses for your husband talking to you like that. Its domestic abuse and disgusting.
Self respect
by John on Mon Sep 15, 2008 07:46 PM PDTLaleh, if you don't mind me commenting, you must be nuts to have married, and to remain married to, any man who would denigrate you publicly or privately (my American husband calling me “a Sand Nigger") or who would speak to you with such rudeness, violence and threats (“If I hear you say shit like that ever again, I am turning you in to the FBI. I ain’t going to be married to no fucking terrorist sympathizer”).
Why would you be surprised at how total strangers may insult you when you seem to be willing to accept it from the people closest to you?
Life is too short and precious to spend it with disrepectful, vulgar beasts.
You are blaming the wrong
by Farhad Kashani on Mon Sep 15, 2008 04:58 PM PDTYou are blaming the wrong people.
For the coup, blame the Shah, who was the result of 2500 years (Way before the country of America was established) of tyrannical political and social structure in Iran, and his supporters who overthrew Mosadegh. You think Iran (The Shah) didn’t have money to fund the coup? How much did that coup cost you think? U.S might’ve liked the outcome, but that doesn’t mean they did it.
For rise of political Islam and Al Qaeda, blame the Iranian regime which politicized Islam. Before that, Islamic groups were insignificant, after 1979, it took a totally different turn. U.S didn’t “train” Al Qaeda to attack U.S, it trained them to fight the Soviets. Anyone who after 1979 rose in the name of Islam and committed murder, was inspired by Khomeini and his regime. The damage they caused to Islam will take more than one generation to repair. Because of the damage they caused to Islam and ruining its reputation as a religion of peace, people all around the world think of Islam as a religion of murder, thus, some naïve people are angry and make unpleasant comments out of frustration.
What you can blame the U.S, and the world, for is the fact that they ignored the rise of the Islamic regime in Iran as a force that will create a cult of terrorism and death. They thought these ”mullahs” are doomed to go soon, ignoring the viciousness and savagery they have in them to keep their regime. As result, they stayed and grew stronger and stronger. And now we see the results.
Please blame the right people
My sympathy
by Arash Monzavi-Kia on Mon Sep 15, 2008 04:40 PM PDTSorry to hear your family's insults. Just to cheer you up, I first became a sand nigger when the US embassy was held hostage in Iran !
Arash M-K