lelakoopal

Lela jan...

No, you are not a bad person, and yes you made some bad bad bad decisions.  The thing is my dear, at some point, everyone needs to pause and take an inventory of her past, her present, and her future.  And, for you the moment has arrived; perhaps a bit too early; but it has.

Everyone makes mistakes and i am sure everyone around you tells you that.  Some mistakes are most costly than others; yours seem to have been of these kinds.  That is misfortunate and sad.  But, it is refreshing to see that you have moved on.  You cannot and perhaps never will be able to forget what you have done.  That will be part of your story.  And, that is not necessarily bad. You are young and the world belongs to you.  You cannot change the past; but you can certainly map your way to the future.

My heart goes to your parents and I know that you know that they had done the best they could do.  Be gentle on them!  They are still in training!  Believe it or not; you are teaching them much as well; so, go easy on them. 

And, be gentle to yourself too...

I would love to read more about your experiences as a first generation (if i am correct).  You can teach me a great many number of things in dos and donts of parenting and in a way you might save a teen's life in a long run.

What an advice

You said  "To get something you never had, you must do something you've never done."

This is rubbish advice. Now I have been caught shoplifting thanks to you.

I think we all care and wish her the best future. Who doesn't.

Everything is sacred.

16 yr olds grasp many things - especially tone

of another person's who deeply cares for them. All I have is advice, long distance that is.  I wish I could see Lela so I could tell her how wonderfully sima's suggestion works - Dance is a real medicine for depression in any age.

Monda jaan I think it helps 'a little'. 4 more I recommend this

//iranian.com/main/2008/got-depression

Do you think 16 year olds listen and grasp all the detail that we as grown ups talk about?  In most cases they're just day dreaming 24/7.  Sometimes a different point may have an effect too.  They already know the usual advice and lingo as you can witness here.

Everything is sacred.

Not even a question of being a bad person!

When I think back on all the stupid and very dangerous things I did as a young person I don't think of myself of having been a bad person. Just young and stupid! You definitely shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes when I hear "I have to forgive myself" I worry that there's more guilt in there than there should be.

So you fucked up... who doesn't? It's absolutely great that you admit it. As a parent I'm really grateful that you do feel bad about what you put your parents through. No fun at all.

You know what my prescription is for getting on the road to happiness? Dance. I am not kidding. Get into it. Salsa, tango, swing, or if you don't want to do partner dance (if it makes you all teary that you don't have a partner and you're an undesirable wench who is a failure in life -- that sort of thing) get into group dances.

Cheer up. You haven't hurt yourself badly yet so it's a good time to get out things that might.

Anonymouse jan, that's irrelevant

to a 16 yr old who was raised here!  You've got to hear it from my daughter and many other teenagers like Lela and my girl - our kids face many serious challenges outside of Iran.  Partially due to their parents' (us) shaky adaptability to our assimilated status and partially due to the Difficult Nature of being a teenager Anywhere in the world.

Do not attempt to undermine a person's dilemma based on your perspective of those inside Iran. Just doesn't help.

Do u no wat happens to 16 YOs in Iran who make d same mistakes?!

Everything is sacred.

one more thing lelakoopal

when i was your age whenever i felt sad i looked at the moon for a long time then i cried. it was such a relief.  do you ever cry?  next time try it.  i'll be looking at the same moon, thinking of you.

you're 16 and very wise..

to be hangin out with different crowds. drugs help with not feeling pain, but they stop us from feeling.  so people who do drugs on regular basis, never learn to problem-solve.  humans need to solve problems To live right?

something about parents Lela... they can be busy and confused, some times! mine were All The Time! we think grown ups know it all, should understand us because they've been there done that.. but not true. some forget and some don't like to admit their own mistakes. there are all kinds are parents out there, right?

i mean i'm sure your parents are great in a lot of things but don't expect them to be there for you all the time.  let them know about You so they can get to know you. let them know when you feel confused.  they can relate to that one really well :)  if they don't feel proud of you, you know for a fact that they are really busy and confused.  in the meantime look for other cool people around you like teachers you like, coaches (i hope you do some sports, they give you much better rush than drugs, you knew that right?), favorite relatives, friends' parents....

change is a great idea but expect yourself to need help with it.  16 and senior??  SO MUCH going on for you right now! get all the good help you can get, stay away from drugs! what kind of physical activities do you like the most? do you dance? skateboard? i wish you would write more about yourself.  too bad we don't have that many teens on this site writing their stories, or maybe we do but JJ doesn't publish them on the front page, i don't know ...

keep in touch with us, alright? let us know How you're doing things differently.  what ideas you came up with about change?  i bet there are lots of parents and teenagers reading your blogs here from all over the world.  we all could learn from your writing.  You Go Girl!

Of course Not Lela

Just take a look around you and you will see all the good people like yourself. People who are safe, caring and principled, Find them and Reach out to them. Whenever you feel stuck and lost.  We all have been there and for one reason or another, survived it. Like you said, this shall pass, ride the tides - is the name of game.  It may sound simple but it's not... it takes knowledge, testing (lots of testing the limits), setting clear limits with how much Fun would make life worth while?.... before anything though humans need to know they are cared for and supported in case something goes wrong. 

When I was your age, friends were not enough to save me from my mistakes.  I needed strong adults with good hearts, safe and grounded adults. Those were hard to find around me, growing up in Tehran,... my daughter and other teens are so lucky to have support groups where they can share their life experiences with drugs, sex, rock 'n roll with others just like them.  

You are very correct about Change...it is what life's made of.   

But before getting to our power to change, we need good solid role models to connect with. People who can support us and truly care if something went wrong.  They are out there, I know, the challenge is to find them and connect with them when we need them.  They could come in form of our parents, friends' parents, other grownups in our lives.

By the Way Lela, where have you been?! I mean aside from partying? :o)

I'd love to know what your interests are,... Who are your heroes/ idols these days?  What are some of your dreams?.... in fact I'd love to read about your dreams.  Speaking of dreams, do you remember your dreams? Any good ones lately?  There's so much we don't know about you.

Write more, we love hearing about you.  (like your new photo btw, love that haircut)

im definitely changing....

im definitely changing.... and im toughing out this last semester but i dont associate with anybody i used to party with. im graduating early and going to a local JC next year which should help me a lot......

Hopefully you are not creating excuses for yourself...

and really have learned from your mistakes. Remember one thing worse than what you may have done in the past is to create excuses why they happend to you. Take responsibility for and ownership of your mistakes and regain your self respect. Once you do that you will emerge from the other side of earth's core, I'm sure of that. Best Wishes!

.............

young lady..........

een neez meegozarad (this will pass too) later on you may look back and laugh at your self.

If you really wanna work on it try to change your circle of friends or if you (parents) can change your SCHOOL.

If you can promiss and keep it that you really are not bad person and........

good luck on your new journey. 

sincerely father of 3 American teen agers.       Maziar

Some advice

You've too much time on your hands and are not correctly focused.

Aren't there any extra-curricular or scholastic school activities that interest you?

You're in need of a productive interest(s), preferably academic or even athletic. How about dramatic arts? Or music? Dance?

These are the formative years of your life. Take advantage of them.

Ditch your loser peers. Don't be a waste case.

Other than that, treat yourself to some good, clean fun! (If you can remember how.) 

........

I hope you can do some soul-searching and have a complete turn-around. It is so sad that your best-friend passed away!