Looking for my father's family

Liz

Laughter IS the best medicine...:-)

Oh Lord, don't let me start with the platitudes...lol

No, what you need is support and Iranian.com is where you will find it.  There are tremendously giving and loving people to pick you up.  How could anyone give advice to such a wise and mature young lady?  You know what you're doing and where you're going.  Just know that the spirit of love and support of IC goes with you every step of the way.  I do hope you'll keep us posted on your efforts.  We will celebrate you in your success and comfort you when you feel despair.  I would be proud to have a daughter such as you!!!!!

Good Song

I remember as a child and still today, my mother would sing that line to me when I wanted something she was not prepared to give me or buy, from a peice of candy to a car.  

I chucked when I read that : ) 

I'm not Bitter

I believe that my father's inability to communicate with me is not because he doesn't love me.  I believe that he does however, he doesn't trust himself enough to deal with the pain associated with owning up and reconciling, and I'm sure he's not able to handle the his wife's reaction to all of this.  I think he's under enough stress with his illness and constant medication that attempting to tackle anything this significant would be too difficult.  I think he lacks the clarity of mind and heart needed to resolve this situation, I feel more empathy than anger and my only desire is to find a connection that would open the door to a world I've never known was a part of me. 

This feeling has come suddenly and is almost overwhelming, i believe it is born of my growing up and realizing whats important in life.  Family is my number one.  And from what I know about Iranian people I believe somewhere in Iran there are members of my family that, given the opportunity to know me, would embrace that.  It's an exciting idea, and I pray that something comes of this.

I appreciate all of your concerns and am a little disturbed by the fact that some have used this blog to spar, and battle with words that are of no use to me in regards to finding my family.  Others has been very kind, Javaneh-Thank You

: )

 PS-as far as the financial angle, I never mentioned that, and have no intentions of acquiring money out of this. When u assume, u make an ASS out of U and ME.

Liz

Thank you for the clarification.   I too was a little confused by Souri's implication that this was about money.  I happy to realize that your original concerns were about the things that really matter.   I can't imagine not having my dad in my life every day... learning more about his childhood and experience and sharing mine.  It truly has shaped who I am and I wouldn't trade a second of it for any amount of money in the world.  In some ways your fathers absence HAS shapped your life and you seem to be a lovely young woman with strong values.  God Bless you in your search and I hope you find what you're looking for. 

As Mick would say "you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you'll get what you need".

So let him know that...

My dear Liz

The situation is very confusing. As your father is ill and almost
dying, and you insist to get in touch now, maybe he and his wife are
confused about your real motivation.

Try to talk to him about that, in any way you can. I hope you will succeed. I wish you success and serenity for all your family. Talk to him or his wife about your main concern. Honesty always win . Don't get discouraged. Do not
abandon, please.

Heritage

Heritage-any attribute or immaterial possession that is inherited from ancestors

IM NOT INTERESTED IN MONEY!

My father never gave my mother child support, after ten years she took him to court and the judge told my father to pay up, ten years and two children, it was somewhere in the $40,000.00 range.  He still has not paid her to this day, all she has to do is make one phone call and a county Sherif would knock on his door and arrest him in from of his wife and children until he paid up.  She chooses not to do this considering that my father is dying and his wife is Iranian born, speaks little english.  

I am not at all interested in money, I have much more desire to find connections to my Iranian heritage. 

javaneh29: Who are you talking about?

I'm interested to know who in your opinion in this blog should have remained silent? Other than yourself there are 5 registered users and 8 unregistered users who have made comments, so please be specific and tell us which one should have remained silent. I want to know where you draw the line, and why. Please be specific and name names.

be useful or stay silent.

Why oh why does every blog have to become a battle of scores with some of you. For gods sake, read between the lines and you will see this young girls pain. She seems genuinly in pain and lost to me and all you can do is squable. Shame on you.

If you have nothing of any help or support to offer, then stay silent. Move on, act out on someone elses blog.

Javaneh

"peices of my heritage" not inheritance

Liz is doing the best she can under the circumstances.
She is also saying heritage, please make a distinction between that and inheritance.
It is sometimes difficult to prove love to those who are hurt or offended, but in time forgiveness and sincerity will open many doors.
Our approach should first be to show love and compassion, selflessly as much as possible, for no other key would or can open the heart.

I am so disappointed

to find out that all this boils down to money. If in fact that is what you mean by "scrapping together a few pieces of heritage" as Souri has determined your meaning to be. I never one time thought you were talking about an inheritance and am very sad to hear that this is what you're all about. I thought your search was for closure from a father you did not know.

Ok, now we talk ..

That was my point from the beginning. Obviously, there is a point to all this, and it is called the " heritage".

I was wondering how could it happen that for 24 years, nothing happened
between the two of you, and now suddenly, you find a whole in your
life. Of course, there's always pain in this situation, but usually,
girls try to find and establish relationship with their distant
parents, from their very early younghood  .I know you said , you
had  tried many times since 10 years ago but he never responded positively....

Overall, one thing is sure, my dear Liz: Your legitimate right to get the  heritage can't be denied legally by any authority. The only problem which can arise is the one that, your father give all his wealth to his wife while he is
still alive. 

I believe that you are already aware of this and you might know the law much better than me. That 's the reason of your attempt to get in touch with other member of your father's family.

All in all, I believe you are in all right to claim everything from a man
who never gave you the love and interest you deserved as his legitimate
daughter. Just go for it.

wish you all success in your endeavours.

common sense

isn't it funny how common sense is not so common?  it should be called uncommon sense.

Appreciation

I do appreciate your comment, and am certain that anyone anywhere in the world from any background would not like to have their personal negligence and mistakes advertised to the public.  It has been 24 years and he is dying and he knows i know it, and still nothing.  I don't appreciate that, and at this point i think that is more important than his reputation.  You earn your reputation based on the choices you make in life, you reap what you sow.  I am not trying to smear my father's name in anyway, he was pretty much disowned by his family anyway, as far as i know.  I am merely trying to get this out of me and hopefully scrape together a few peices of my heritage. I hope this is understood.

Liz

Mash

Don't feel bad.  This is typical.  When someone gets defensive or the truth is pointed out, they lash out with accusations calling other people stupid.  Your point was well taken... and I thought it was funny as hell....:-)

Dear Elizabeth You can

Dear Elizabeth
You can call us your New Iranian family. Just like any family some of us are not listening well and keep ARGUING! I hope you find your relatives soon,since your father and his wife are not so kind to you. Keep looking on line for people with the same last name ,maybe there would be some connection? I have seen a few people in your situation before, however never found out the ending of their search. keep searching and do not give up! however in meanwhile consider us your family. Good Luck, MITRA

People

Lizidalena is not trying to find her father but her father’s family. Please read more carefully: “If anyone reading this is willing and able to help me connect with HIS FAMILY please e-mail.” She says that she knows her “father lives in Orlando”, “he is also very ill”, “I have attempted to contact him…”, “his wife…hangs up the phone”, and so on.

Anyway, I never trust these kinds of requests, they could be a scam. I’m not saying Lizidalena story is scam because I don’t know, but stories like that, you have won the lotto contact me to collect your money type of things. We live in a cynical world.

But anyway, good luck to you Lizidalena to find his FAMILY, even if this is a scam, if he is Bahai or not, if you decide to give up on the idea or not. And, good luck to the people who want to chastise me too for saying what I just said.

Souri Jaan

Souri Jaan...

Thanks for your kind comments...

faryar 

To wow

This strays from Liz's concern who is in search of her father, the only response to Calling the Bahai International community a "cult"is simply ignorant...

Dear Wow, your statement shows that you are prejudging something you know little about;

Yes The Bahai Faith is outside of the mainstream religions; I thank you for this statement, because although you meant disrespect, it is true in the sense that, The Bahai Faith redefines Religion as means for unity , of bringing all people, nations and races  together through new spiritual principles based on its Global Vision.

One of its main principles is the independent search for the truth, that people like "wow" should bother to read, research history for themselves and not repeat or listen to or be affected by more than a century of mullahs' poison that has penetrated and prejudices their opinion.

The Main reason why one doubts that This gentleman is not a Bahai is

1. Bahais as a rule, do not marry without the consent of both sets of parents and ceratinly do not have children out of Marriage.

2. They generally are peaceful, loyal and dedicated to their belief that they are working to bring about a better world for their children.

Throughout the last 160 years they have been persecuted n Iran because the mullahs see them as a progressive religion that  directly challenges the Mullahs  non existent moral or spiritual authority.

Bahai's  do not believe in any kind of superiority; they dont believe in the concept of Heaven and Hell as places, and dont see "heaven" as exclusive.

They believe that Good deeds and service to humanity brings one closer to God, the creator and the opposite distances one from one's heart's desire, closeness to God.

Wow's other uninformed  comment is even more disagreeable:

The Bahai Faith is not a Cult because, in short:

It has no clergy or leader

It has no "Controlling" Technique"

No  Social and Physical Isolation

 No Extremist or Fanatical Behavior

 No Secrecy or Deception.

Please see this earlier post 

//iranian.com/main/blog/jahanshah-javid/n...

My apologies to Liz for the diversiion.

best wishes

Faryar 

To Wow...

1) What 's so special about the Bahaiis ? The fact that they are
very faithful and stay true to their belief ! Which is not always the case in other religions, unless the Buddist .

2) I don't blieve in "hell" or " heaven" as I don't believe in any religion.

3) You already sent this father to hell, assuming that he is surely a
Bahai ? I just said that his name sound like he is Bahai. Don't make me
say what I haven't said. Actually, it seems that I was wrong in my
guess.

4) I didn't say it in a motherly way JUST TO INCREASE MY CREDIBILITY, but if you take it this way, who care ?
I am not here to be judged by you or other people. I feel sorry for
Liz, but her way seems too odd to me... and I just said what I thought
about that. No try to show my sensitivity or my credibility...etc. I leave this games for you people who seem to need it badly.

Explanation

Faryam jan: Please don't get defensive, there's nothing wrong in what I'd said. Back in Iran, we have always been told that " all Sabeti names come from the Bahai faith" .....

Now, as a Bahai yourself, you tell us that is not true ? Then I accept it. This has nothing to do with " logic" dear, what's wrong ?

********************************

My stupid tarafdar : Your statement is so stupid that I have nothing to
say ! You say you are my biggest tarafdar ? How you know it? You say you are "Mokh-less" ? That is true for sure !

Your comment just doesn't make any sense. I give my suggestion to this young girl (as everybody else did in this blog) and you jump here (without
shoes) to tell me that I am a " know-it-all" ?

Yes, I am. You have a problem with that ? 

Next time, don't forget to take your pills before coming to the site.

To Souri

Souri... what is so special about Bahaiis? are they saints? come on... if you are Bahaii , it does not mean that you or your community are any better than any other Muslim or religious community. As far as I know, the Baha'i religion is a cult , it is totally outside the mainstream religious beliefs and it has always been so throughout the history, so you think everybody in this cult of Bahaiism goes to heaven and the rest of humanity is doomed to hell because the Bahaiis are saints even this guy who has abandoned his own flesh and blood and makes the poor girl suffer like this? and don't try to be motherly to her as you only say it that way to increase your credibility but what you say apparently shows that you have no appreciation for what this poor girl is going through.

I agree with Mrs. I hope some of this guy's acquaintances and relatives read this forum and find out what a bad person this guy is behind disguise. Who would abandon his own daughter?

And finally to my dear Elizabeth... honey... forget about him... move on with your life, you are lucky to have a mother and a sister who really care about you and you would eventually make your own family to take care of. Don't waste your time with this guy, it would only bring more heartbreak and disappointment to you and make you depressed because his behavior makes you feel unwanted and unloved while you are truly such a beautiful person inside and out and his behavior is only a reflection of his own cold heart and has nothing to do with you as a person. If he wants to contact you, he can always contact you, does he have your number or email address? if he does, then forget about him and live your life, he should be the one coming after you , not the other way around, you already tried, now , it is his turn, don't let anyone hurt you sweetheart, I love you as my little sister :)

.

.

Dear Souri,

Dear Souri,

I am baffled by the logic behind your statement:

"First, your father seems to be a Bahai (from his name)" 

what is UNIQUELY Bahai about her Father's name? and I mean uniquely :)

Any way, All Bonifide Bahais no matter where, are registered in their respective communities; it is as easy as calling this number

Orlando Bahá'í Center
1229 Hillcrest St
Orlando, FL 32803

(407) 894-1777 

or contact this site //orlandobahai.org/ 

Although I very much doubt that he is a member of the Orlando Bahai community. He does not sound like one !

Dear Liz,

If you do contact them, please let us know of what you find.

finding your father

i have been in the same curcumstances as you but when i found my father it was to late he had died he was Iranian don't give up,i found my Iranian family by putting my surname in the search and i found all i needed to know.

i will always be sad that i did not see my father,he was the part missing from my life.

good luck,
regards Jenny.

Aberoo Rizi

Nice way of outting him!

Most people would not consider his behaviour acceptable. Towards one's child...So, you have picked a good forum to post his name and get back at him! Hope some of his friends read this. Not to mention, your cousins, aunts and everyone else who knows him!

dear Liz

Your story seems too strange too me. First, your father seems to be a Bahai (from his name) and the Bahai people usually do not divorce, or even if they do, they keep a tight contact with their children, as children are the most precious element in a  Bahai's life (as much as I know) I can't believe your father would leave you like this without contacting you and never takes initiative to reach to you.

Honestly, my dear, I'd like to suggest something to you, hope you won't take it bad.
You could be my child and I hope I can give you a motherly advise:

If my son were in your situation toward me, I wouldn't like he speaks
publicly about this subject which is very personal . Of course it is
helpful to talk about your sadness and share it with others, but giving
your father's full name and location and talking about his wife, would
not help you more to get in touch with him. I don't think he would
appreciate to hear that.
At least, this is what I think. Sorry, my intrusion, my beautiful girl.
Hope we will hear a happy end to this story, very soon. Souri

I am not a shrink but from experience

Please don't give up to find your father. What you have done is a noble and a great thing.

Even if he has left and ignored you (may be for some reason that we don't know or not important) try to establish your roots and find out your family.

Then since you are an intelligent and wise women you can make your own decision as to whether you like to continue that relationship or not.

I admire your courage and don't give up. You have nothing to lose and I wish you best of luck.

As far as how to find him there are couple of ways.

1. people search (of course it cost money)
2. whitepages.com
3. google search
4. also get hold of a local paper in here and try to connect with a journalist who might be able to help you out
5. if you know which university he has attended may be he is part of an alumni

6. if you know his occupation do a linkedin.com search

Good Luck

I hope you find your dad

To be honest with you I've

To be honest with you I've seen people with your story before. In one very close instance a friend of my daughter around your age finally found her Iranian father after a long search.

Once she finally found him and got in touch with him by phone the conversation didn't go well.

He had married with 2 smaller children and didn't want to see her again. This was very distressful for her and disappointing. She since has moved on and just keeps her friendhship with us and I suppose live her Iranian side with us.

There are other ways to learn about your Iranian side than trying to catch up with someone who may not even want to be part of your life and even if he does he'll be very late.

Enjoy your life as you'd like it to be.

Liz

I doubt you could say anything more poignant than you've already written.  Good luck to you.  I hope there is a happy ending to your story.  Please keep us posted!