"You're a Dick!"

by MallyJack_Secrets

Ode to the Iranian.com writer

Keyboard in one hand, a mirror in the other,
Iranian.com writer, searches for a brother,
incessantly posting about this or the other,
Seeking a lost twin, from another Mother,

Writer Oh Writer! The hidden commentors ask
Will not khejalat silence your self-appointed task?
Writer Oh Writer! The nameless critics proclaim
Have you no shame posting something so lame?

Undaunted, some hairless, and some hair gelled heroes,
Post undeterred, stubborn, some ones and some zeroes
For this is the internet! Connected light's twine
I have lots of friends, except they're only online!

No really, I'm popular! Just Google me and you'll see
I'm search engine optimized and page ranked for free
By this online phenomenon that grows by the day
Like a sex virus spreading among straight and gay

Writer Oh Writer! The snipers pronounce
You're wrong, and a fool, as they ambush and pounce
Writer Oh Writer! Take me on if you dare!
I'll crush your weak logic and make fun of your hair!

But like the wind blowing a summer's warm wind
The writer continues, a new yarn fresh-spinned
Some bullshit from childhood, or something fresh-canned
Spellcheck or grammar check all to be damned

You see the internet's really a mirror to our souls
We don't care if you think we are being assholes
It's us and about us, and FAQ if you don't get it
We actually don't care if you love it or hate it

Writer Oh Writer! The pansie-ass-fuckfaces do bleat
But we so love to harass, and with you compete
Your writing sucks ass and now you make me sick
Oh Writer or Writer! I still say, You're a Dick!


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Masoud Kazemzadeh


by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

I think coming from MALIJAK, "Oh Writer or Writer! I still say, You're a Dick!" is a loving compliment.





Dear RostameDastAn

by Kouroush Sassanian (not verified) on

It's good to see you back. Hope all is well ;) - If you know what I mean :0) :) :)


Mally Jack how the hell should you know?!

by Anonymouse on

You freaking brought it up! balla!  If you don't want to trouble your brain too much, just go to the front page and see of the 10 articles or so how many you consider written by bad writers?  Is that too much to ask? halesh nist? 

Ok let's make it easier for you. Since you consider most of them bad, let's agree to 70% bad. 

Considering the fact that only a few writers actually bother to write, we'd be left with a website which is more like a personal homepage than an internet media medium.  At best we'd go back to what JJ started in the 90s. That would be going backward which you may like, fine.

In the end, I can agree that there are many who can not tolerate and see their livelihood and argument by belittling others.  At first I thought you were not one of them, but you have proven yourself to be of the same cloth.

So go back to the same hole you crawl out of and keep writing these blogs and comments.  Same shit as far as I am concerned.  Your blogs and reasoning are no litteraly masterpieces, cat litter maybe!


Iranians in Science and Technology

by Q on

MallyJack, this was probably one of the more sober minded and honest observations I have read on this increasingly unbearable site. I like it, not just because I have made the same arguments in the past.

The problem is deeper than that. I asked a ex-Soviet colleague once about Jewish life under the Communists. Dispite being nominally "atheist" there was a lot of institutional barriers to Jews advancing in the Soviet Union in areas of culture and humanities. Due to this political environment, many Jews turned to Science and Technology which created a "culture" of Jewish kids being taught to prefer these things over humanities where things could get quickly political and dangerous.

It was a survival mechanism for them.

It was the same for us in Iran. Unless furthering state propaganda, involvement in liberal arts and culture is usually frowned upon due to political implications (it was actually MUCH worst during the Pahlavi regime). Among the ways to control this population is to make it economically unviable (something done in the US also).

As a result over-nurturing Persian mothers would push their baby boys into Medicine and Sciences both for short-sighted financial reasons but also for safety.

The most heart-breaking part is the continuation of this culture abroad. In the western countries where there is (relatively) no political threat or government obstacles, there should be no reason to avoid the arts, humanities and politics. But the Iranian families continue to push their kids into disciplines designed to produce obsecure-book-smart-but-politically-and-critically-braindead individuals.

As a result we are an exile population with no real leadership, no distinct socio-cultural ontributions and hence no political power. Most of our minds are hopelessly stuck in the culture, politics and ethics of the late 70's. We don't realize Iran itself as moved on leaping ahead of us by miles. Not getting Peanuts references is the least of our problems.

We got doctors up the ass! But most have political and social minds so undisciplined that they fall for even the most elemnetary media-induced decption tactics. Some others are so overwhelmed with things they have never trained their minds to understand that they become crazy nutbag conspiracy theorists.

Most Iranians I met, can't even articulate the reasons for their own core beliefs. Ironically as scientists and engineers, they rely on pure faith for their political and ethical stance.


Nuff said!

by old timer (of this site) (not verified) on

JJ jaan, I'm very disappointed in you.
Nuff said!


Good luck guys !

by Souri on

Here we go back to the "Kourosh Sassanian"'s era ! Told you he would never leave us alone. A real Mally-jack. Try to talk to him see if you understand a word  ! Good luck !

David ET

Do you "get it" JJ ? :-)

by David ET on

You wrote:  "I seriously doubt that the subjects of your wrath get it. They're retarted... kaareeshoon nemisheh kard... they are born to hate and love putting people down. Bunch of silly cowards who do absolutely nothing to make this world a better place. Oh well..."

JJ: You blame THEM for "putting people down" etc etc....but then you call them "retarded", "silly" among other things!

Do you see the contradition in what you are practicing versus what you are preaching?

It is best to start with ourselves :-)

signed: a friend with a mirror in hand  


People people....I've been

by n.zanincanadai on

People people....I've been following this blog very closely and it finally dawned on me about 2 minutes ago.

Baba in bad bakht dareh ba khodesh harf mizane ba mano shoma kari nadareh.

I mean read his arrogance through his words! Vaghean ke. I loved the POEM but for god's sake who do you think you are trying to decide what the site should be? What Iranians have flocked to? And what CULTURE really is? Give us a nice long god damn break aziz joon. We have brains and can filter through the stuff on this site...including yours.

Did it ever occur to you that perhaps this format is working?????? Although not perfect it's given a voice to many who never talk in public.

The people on this site SHOULD be writing because this is where they share ideas. We don't all have to have a phd in literature or be as well versed as Dostoevsky in order to exchange ideas.

And JJJ, kheily harfeh badi be khaanandegaanet zadi. If I were you, I would apologize. We are after all the people who read the site, contribute and bebakhshida...I think the advertisement is also geared towards us retards. So....it's like a teacher calling his students retards. Aslan emruz man ba to ghahram.

And Mally jack, I would like to say something containing the words Jack and off but I don't want to be deleted. Love you too man! Keep on writing this nonsense. I read it.

If I'm one of the dicks you're referring to, then you are a big one too. :) hats off. But if you weren't talking about my writing then ignore everything I said you rock.


How the hell should I know?

by MallyJack_Secrets on

What percentage of Iranian.com's writers are good? Sounds like another Iranian engineer asking for "Data" to process an answer for everyone! Sorry joon-joony, it doesn't work like that.

Once again this shows how the hordes of Iranians who flocked mindlessly to science and technology like another mongolian invasion, have sadly left the arts and humanities, the true measure of "CULTURE" in the dust. Maybe Iranians don't actually make good engineers? At least I haven't seen any evidence of their global impact contribution so far. I mean how hard is it to come up with the next iPod, or Solar powered toothbrush?

This one, now wants to create a program that automatically calcuates what a good writer is.

The fact of the matter is still this, most of the writers on this site, can't and should not be writing. Were JJ to excercise his real talent and actually edit this site and steer it towards a purposeful cultural (nevermind financial) objective, you'd see the results quickly. As it stands now, there is no real visible editorial policy being applied yet, just the beginnings of a decency policy and maybe soon a libel and defamation one to follow.

To modify Mark Twain's famous quote, "I do not wish to read a website that would have me as one of it's writers."

ladan K

Way to go Mally Jack

by ladan K on

AND JJ!!!!

This is a great rhyming limeric, simple, funny and yet so right on. Listen guys, it's ok to be angry, pissed off, frustrated, insane or even retarded (you can't help it) but it's NOT OK to be unkind or rude, and you CAN and SHOULD control that.

And by the way, my personal definition of rude and unkind has nothing to do with using words like Dick or fuck. They are just words and let's not pretend we don't hear them everyday. My definition of rude and unkind is (coincidentally) very similar to JJ's: hateful, vicious people who attack individuals, and find fault just because they aren't disciplined enough to be constructive or do anything meaningful by themselves.

 Good stuff...keep it coming Mally Jack!



by n.zanincanadai on



Malijak what percentage are good writers?

by Anonymouse on

What percentage in Iranian.com are good writers? 10%, 50%, 80%? Does the subject line also matter?  I mean if you don't like a topic would you read that article even if it is written by a good writer?

If some people use this website for free mental help, so what? Let them.  There are actually several proclaimed therapists on this website.  I don't think the mental people need the therapists' help, they just want to say they exist too.  Maybe they are lonely.

We've talked about this subject many times and I think things should just be changed from time to time to test.  My suggestion is for definately delete the anonymous deleters, oops volunteers. Second suggestion would be to go to an all registered forum for a while.

I liked your piece and have never heard of limerick.  I took from your piece that it talked about those of us who don't believe we're god's creatures.  Khoda ro bandeh nistan. Talking about annoying people is a form of therapy too ;-) I wish all annoying people existed in internet only!


MORE selective editing, please!

by MallyJack_Secrets on

And here I thought I was writing a short limerick about the arrogance and self centeredness of the typical Iranian.com writer! Who thinks anything he/she/heshe/it writes is gold, gold, gold baby!

FYI, to those who don't know the difference, look up "limerick", vs "poem". stop implying you're an expert, jooneh man, put down the keyboard and go out and actually read (do not try to write one) a real one.

My point to those who think they think (which is my personal definition of retarded), but don't really get things above their "level", is that this site like almost 99% of all sites like this, needs MORE editing, and selective publication of the BEST writers (not that I am one by any means). Because reading the BEST will actually sink into, and improve those of us who are retarded. Yaani, those that think they think, but in reality don't. I know reality can be a bitch.

Because there is writing that makes you pause and consider, and there is the kind of crap on Iranian.com that should be in a museum of crap. This is ENTIRELY due to the fact that JJ is NOT actually able to do his real job, namely EDITOR, because he is too busy playing Psychiatrist and babysitter for the far too many OGHDEH-RIDDEN people he has to politely tolerate, who instead of getting the professional help they need, come to this site for therapy and to work out their problems. Commentors AND Writers alike, but mostly the Writers. Again this limerick is about them. Although as is clear every day on every article posted, the commentors crave and need professional attention just as well.

I have always said, that the real true contribution by JJ is not in publishing this site, or his sacrifice to journalism, but in the truly great service he has provided all of us in the Mental Health Department.

In fact, the real name of this site should be, Iraniancouch.com. It's real motto Everything is Psycho!

I also just heard on Anderson Cooper 360 (doesn't that mean right back to where we started?) that in honor of his service, the IRI recently announced that JJ is to become the minister of the newly created VEZARATEH OMOOREH RAVANIEH IROONIHAYEH PORROO.

Javid JJ! Akheysh! Hey Lucy, where do I deposit my 5 cents?

(NOTE: To those who did not get the very witty Charles Schultz reference I just made, I apologize, you've just passed the test, unfortunately you're retarded! However, hopefully this will be edited out and once again your fragile egoes will be protected by the esteemed editors of this site, sworn to prevent anyone from crying due to harsh cruelty of Darwinian natural selection, whereby the dolts in the community are weeded out.

NOTE on NOTE: Voy! Shit! This never ends! OK hopefuly this is the last one, Look up Darwinian, and Dolt.


To Jahanshah

by n.zanincanadai on


Not that I'm keeping score but yes you do delete harmless comments. :) Hey at least one for sure. You deleted my comment when I was asking you know who what brand of lipstick she was using! I know there was another sentence in there that could be potentially hurtful but the chances were VERY low. I don't mean to disrupt this literary debate but I just wanted to say something for the record. :)

Lova ya (only the way one would love an unknown on line publisher) but would NEVER want to be ya :)



I think we are being unfair

by Anonymousgoptvrfo (not verified) on

I think we are being unfair to JJ.
As an editor he also has the responsibility of teaching us a few things about posting.
Some of my post never made it either. This gave me a chance to grow and articulate better.
For the most part I give him credit for impartiality and the wisdom he excersices. Afer all nothing is absolute, there is gray area in everything and JJ has done very well in moderating some of the tough issues.
Kudos to you Mr JJ.


What was that?

by Iva (not verified) on

I sure hope Malijak understood his collection of words listed above as a poem!

What in the creation does "But like the wind blowing a summer's warm wind" and other lines such this mean anyhow?

Boy, do I feel even more "retarded" ... I guess no one can "karee" for me. But, I try to be optimistic and will translate above "wrath" to English to make this world a better place."

As JJ has already passed judgment on me and labeled me "retarted" for not "getting it" , I hope he doesn't "snip" my future comments!


Editor's impartiality!

by Kamangir on

Although I very much respect Mr. Jahanshah Javid for having created this interesting online media, I'm somehow surprised to read his comment and specially the adjective 'retarded' referring to some commentators on this site. I understand his situation as he has to deal with people that on purpose try to create conflict and tension by writing very innapropiate comments, but again, I personally think that the editor of Iranian.com should definitely avoid making similar comments. In the past I noticed something similar from Mr. Javid regarding the monarchists, althoughin that case it was nothing but sarcasm. There's one thing sacred and that's the editor's impartiality. It would be very difficult to deal with unpleasant and impolite comments left here and there by others, this is true for every single website, Iranian or not.  On the other hand, the writer of this article, is using words such as: dick, facefuck, asshole...... is this appropiate? 



by RostameDastAn on

Just wondering why you think that anything that rhymes with Dick is a Masterpiece.




btw I joined only a few weeks ago...how long in this

by samsam1111 on

site you folks have been fighting like this!! no wonder JJ is a nervous wreck.....it,s kinda addictive @ first ,like online dating but not as much rewarding. wink wink, but this site being Iranian kinda shows us all how difficult, self righeous & judgmental we all are.No wonder there is still a 1000 pound Gorila in our home called IRI...okay how many years? I have heard of Iranian before but just thought this is another site like some dating thingy.

Kaveh Nouraee


by Kaveh Nouraee on

You have a very original writing style.

Not to mention a way with prose.  :)


Cool off JJ jan

by Anonymous21 (not verified) on

Take it easy buddy. You are doing a great job and your work is totally separate from your personal attitutes. Although most of the times I have problems with your stances, I've always admired your professional judgement and ability.
Keep up with your good work. We need people like you.

By the way, congratulations on your daughter's graduation.


JJ is stuck between all of us literaly giants

by samsam1111 on

poor guy is at the same time a monarchist,IRI supporter,leftie,..etc..come to think of it ,I think he should leave the censorship job to an american who knows farsi so this way noone calls him pro anything...just a thought :)



by Pissed Off (not verified) on

Yes. Really, JJ!

Not all Iranians join your site with "oghdeh."

By the way, this "oghdeh" thing has become a convenient term among some Iranians when trying to denigrate others.

As for the rest of your comment, I suggest you start with the ABCs of what constitutes "offensive" or "harmless."

Reading iranian.com over the years, I have come to believe that to you anything can be innocuos as long as it serves the purpose of creating the kind of "sensationalism" you need to promote your site.


nice one!

by Zion on

I really liked the poem. It is very well written. You are very talented.

Pissed Off,

You are not being fair about the website. It is a pretty free venue for dialogue and sharing our thoughts, and nothing in the world is perfect. Please have patience and keep posting. If you sense a bias, it is no big deal. Think of it this way: it is a blessing in disguise. It acts like an evolutionary force on the right people to help them improve themselves and make their writings more acute and effective, while it leaves the wrong people to rant their nonsense. That kind of ranting will then provide you a dark background in which your sensible points will only shine brighter.
Take advantage of it and speak your mind with dignity.

Jahanshah Javid

Oh... by the way

by Jahanshah Javid on

Pissed off, if "the same old filthy IRI censorship is being used at iranian.com", why are you still here wasting your precious time?

Jahanshah Javid

Pissed off joon

by Jahanshah Javid on

You think I sit here and delete "harmless" comments? Really? Would you care to be specific?

Anyone who leaves comments with viciousness, hatred and vulgarity directed at writers and artists or minorities or... will be deleted, whether they are an Islamist, zionist, anyist or just plain sick in the brain. They can spill their oghdehs somewhere else.

Red Wine


by Red Wine on

Dick Mick ya Sick ...

Shomaha enghelab kardin keh masalan democracy dashteh bashim va har chi har cheh delesh khast begeh,pas digeh jayeh shekayat nist ! 



Dear Mally jack

by IRANdokht on

I was with you all the way until the last few lines. che konam I am a little allergic to some words...

but I get your point, I also think you write very well. I have read your few blogs so far and I am impressed with your ability to make fun and make sense at the same time.

JJ jan

yeh door az joon ham begoo bala gheyrati ;-)




And You Do, JJ?

by Pissed Off (not verified) on

And you do?

The turth of the matter is you delete the most intelligent, harmless and inoffensive comments and pretend to have "missed" articles by some writers while at the same time you never seem to "miss" any offensive articles and comments by IRI supporters of all shades.

How can you make "a better world" by "missing" five articles from one writer and then call all those who have chosen pseudonyms, cowards?

No JJ, I for one chose not to send anymore articles and join the fish clan when I found out the same old filthy IRI cesorship is being used at iranian.com.

You only have yourself to blame for what's happening here on YOUR site.

Jahanshah Javid

Ebi Jan

by Jahanshah Javid on

I have zero respect for these jerks. They can go to hell for all I care :o)