Masoud Kazemzadeh
by Masoud Kazemzadeh

Humor: Cabinet*


* This is satire. If any of the mentioned posters objects, please let me know and I will delete their name.






Secular Democratic Republic


JJ, Supreme Leader

Ahura, God

Aynak, Minister of Interior (Vazir Keshvar)

P_J, Speaker of Majles

Red Wine, Mayor of Shemiran va homeh

Mehman, Minister of Tourism

Khar, President

Ebi, Rais of the Imam Reza Shrine and its Endowment, Rais Hajj

Veiled Prophet of Khorasan, Imam Jomeh of Mashhad, Deputy Rais to Imam Reza Shrine

Majid, Minister of Wit and Happiness

Fair, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, Minister of Defense

Shifteh Ansari, Head of DINA (Democratic Iranian News Agency)

Ghormeh Sabzi, Rais Seda va Sima Melli Iran

Mehrban, Spokeswoman of the Government

Fred, Our ambassador to Israel

Suri, Our Ambassador to Russia

Shazde Asadola Mirza, Minister of Culture, Permanent Representative to San Francisco

Divaneh, Minister of Health

Artificial Intelligence, IT Chief of the country

Amir 1973, our Ambassador to the UN

OnlyIran, Our Ambassador to Iraq

Lale Koopal, Youth Minister

David ET, Founding Father of the Constitution

MM, Representative of M&M in Iran


Yasari, Minister of Literature

Khers, Head of Iran National Zoo

Khaleh Mosheh, Deputy Head of Iran National Zoo

Monda, Minister of Nice and Random Acts of Kindness


Fooladi, Minister of Heavy Industry

Roozbeh Gilani, Head of the Socialist Party in Majles

Hoshang Targol, Head of the other Socialist Party in Majles

R2-D2, Head of Iran NASA

Anahid Hojjati, Our Ambassador to the Democratic Republic of Palestine

Maziar 58, Our Ambassador

to the Democratic

Republic of


Mardom Mazloom, Head of Bonyad Mostazafan, Minister of Social Welfare

escape, Minister of Emigration

Amir1973, Our Ambassador to the UN

Nadia, U.S. Ambassador to Iran

human being, Israeli Ambassador to Iran

rosie, U.S. Ambassador to the UN

Reality Bites, Chair Commission to Prosecute Crimes Against Humanity












Rafsanjani becomes the next Supreme Leader


marhoum kharmagas, Minister of Intelligence

anonymous8, Deputy Minister of Intelligence

Mamad, Chief Nuclear Negotiator

Haji Agha, IRI Ambassador to Canada

Sargord Piroz, Professor of English at Islamic Azad University, New York campus

IMF, Minister of War

Molla, IRI Ambassador to Saudi Arabia,

Mollah’s Shotor, Deputy to IRI Ambassador to Saudi Arabia

Moosir va Piaz, Deputy to Shotor

Azita Shafazand, Minister of band-andazi and Epilation

No Fear, defects to Syria

JalehO, defects to the U.S.

Ahmadinejad, defects to Taliban

Mesbah Yazdi, joins the al Qaeda

nilofar al-farsi, joins al qaeda




Reza Pahlavi becomes King

Dariush Kadivar, Prime Minister

Farah Rusta, SAVAK Chief

comrade, Deputy SAVAK Chief

simorgh5555, Minister of Defense

mahmoudg, Commander, Air Force Surgical Air Strike Command

Fatollah, Mayor of Qom

Benross, Head of Rastakhiz Party, Chairman of the "Office of Mass Extermination of Liberals, Democrats, and Socialists"

Pastor Bill Rennick, U.S. Ambassador to Iran

Shushtari, Mayor of Shustar

seannewyork, Ambassador to the U.S.

Kaveh Parsa, Deputy Prime Minister




more from Masoud Kazemzadeh

Absolutely agnostics and atheists!

by Monda on

Massoud jaan, we have our individual spiritual practices as well...  Glad you enjoyed some of my suggestions.

marhoum Kharmagas

Tzipi Livni, Ann Coulter, Mammad, and Nuke issue

by marhoum Kharmagas on

"Mamad, Chief Nuclear Negotiator"

Kazemzadeh, I am not sure if I agree with you on that. You imagine they put a team of Tzipi (*) and Ann (**) with a lot of green makeup on them to negotiate with Iran. I suspect Mammad might loose his objectivity and compromise too much!

Mammad jaan, I must confess I'll do much worse under the same circumstances if I become the Chief Nuclear Negotiator, I have a strong weakness with blonds, very likely I will betray Iran, and definitely betray my wife!

(*)  //,24...

(**)  //

Hoshang Targol

کاظم زاده عزیز

Hoshang Targol

کاظم زاده عزیز  شما بسیار لطف کردید و این مخلص را " رهبر" حزب و وکیل و  از این حرف ها. از خدا پنهان نیست از شما نیز پنهان نباشد ، این حقیر مقداری برای این قبیل کارها بیش از حد پیر و مسن میباشم.عرضم به حضورت که راستش پس از مذاکرات طولانی با "رفقا" قرار بر این شد که این حقیر در سمت : سفیر در ایرلند، اسپانیا  یا یونان، به خدمات ادامه داده ، و در ازای " ماموریت برای وطنم " بسیار مست و لایعقل شود. خدا  پیرت کنه جوون ، مقدار زیادی ثروت به تو ، انسانیت و جنبه مزاح به دشمنانت ، و مقدار متنابهی ویسکی اصیل ایرلندی و Guieness به  این حقیر ، زنده باشی  -هوشنگ



by AMIR1973 on

I am an Engineer

Ajab savadi dareh een mohandes keh kalameh-yeh "nope" ra balad nist dorost "spell" koneh. Bekhand beh een "engineer". Cheers  :-)

Masoud Kazemzadeh

Human Bring and Roozbeh jaan

by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

Dear human being,


On the wine and fusion champaign, you should talk with the Mayor of Shemiran. 




Roozbeh jaan,

I fully agree with you.





by humanbeing on

i know you did not make light of occupation. i also don't. it's just that i saw by briefly going through the comments that some people take things the wrong way.  so i was being cautious even while trying to keep the humourous mood. i always get it wrong.


Masoud, funny that your witty yet harmless humour can

by Roozbeh_Gilani on

bring foam of anger to the rabid mouths of the Islamist rats from  "al_farsi" to "pino Q", and invoke them to write numerous page long anti_iranian hate filled messages of personal insult to you and other members!

I guess one needs to have at least traces of intelligence to appreciate humour! 

hamsade ghadimi


by hamsade ghadimi on

my humor was intended to expose hypocrisy and not making light of building new settlements on disputed land.

marhoum Kharmagas

Kharmagas the clown and "JM" comedy show (to Q)

by marhoum Kharmagas on

Q says to Kazemzadeh: "But the fact remains I'm prefectly willing to tolerate your satire alongside mine."

Q, that is the Crux of it all, it appears that in this comedy show even when a clown such as this Hagheer jumps in, the satirical support crew  (AbdolAIPAC, Frau Blukher and the other Todehi sister, Doctor noise, Mirza Doost Ali.....) and a bunch of others jump on him EVEN when he shouts very loudly: Hey Khalghollah/KhalgholMossadegh (*) I agree with you!

Just go over his other satire:  //

and SEE how many times I agreed with him an thanked him!

Massoud/Mossad jaan, again I love your satire, I am a Clown buddy, just let me in, call me intelligent agent, non intelligent agent or whatever else you want, just let me in, I am a clown buddy!


(*) Please note the difference in spelling of Mossadegh versus Mosaddegh: //

(*) Khalgh=people


ps hamsade, vildemose

by humanbeing on

AN was already issued an israeli passport here on icom a few months ago. can't find the link. but at the time i posted a welcome clip which i repost: willkommen, bienvenu, welcome


when AN makes aliya, he will not only get a good house in a settlement,

but a cushy job at yad vashem holocaust memorial museum. he'll be head guide for holocaust deniers sent for turn-around reeducation tours.

(occupation and holocaust are no laughing matters, but we're in the world of humourous imagination, i hope) 


attache for wine import/export

by humanbeing on

thanks masoud for the appointment.

in the capacity of ambassador, or under cover of apparent capacity as such, i would promote import export of local wines and other produce. it is in the case of a secular government. and maybe work on co-production of a new regional fusion champagne. 

all in good humour.

i'm afraid i don't have enough tact to be an ambassador of anything, but i would be delighted to be ambassador of goodwill and academic cooperation.

Masoud Kazemzadeh


by Masoud Kazemzadeh on


I simply do not get your humor (or attempt at humor). I defend your RIGHT to say anything you so desire although I might disagree with the content of your assertion. I would point out why in my opinion, your assertion was wrong.

You think what you said was funny. I did not. If I do not think it was funny, why in the world I would say it?????? I did NOT touch ANYthing you wrote here. I defend your right to write any satire you want about me right here and anywhere else. If it is funny, I will state that it is funny (and laugh). If is not funny, I will state that it is not funny, and I will move on. I will not ask you to delete it.

If I did not find your joke funny, that does not make me a hypocrite. I defend your right to make as many attempts to make satire about me as you wish. If I thought it was funny, I will let you know.

I think what I wrote about you was funny. And I think what Khar wrote about you was hilarious. I laugh at what I find funny. You have the right to laugh at what YOU think is funny.

It would have been authoritarian of me if I demanded that you delete what you wrote about me. I defend your right to make any satire about me whether I find it funny or not.



Masoud Kazemzadeh

Monda jaan

by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

Monda jaan,

Wow, absolutely wonderful. I LOVED reading your suggestions.

I hope to see your roaming musicians pleasantly surprising people in the post-fundamentalist Iran. Our music, our cultural heritage – from bandari music of the south, to Gilaki music of the north, to the Azeri music of Azerbaijan, to our pop and others -- reflects the souls of our people. I would love to see our people smile again, sing again, and dance again, free from the harassments that are too common since 1979. Once in a blue moon when we see the people get the opportunity to do so, we are all so happy. A normal condition around much of the world (people singing and dancing) is a "monumental relaxation of control" in Iran under the fundamentalists.

And the graffiti suggestion is also wonderful. And the ecumenical gatherings too (and don’t forget our agnostics and atheists as well).

Dream and dream. They will become reality soon.





Responses to Kazemzadeh: here's a satirical question

by Q on

Are you the king of hypocrisy or just the ousted prime minster of it? ;) Purely satire!

Your suggestion is neither accurate nor funny. I would have been glad to add a suggestion by you if it was true, or at least contained an element of truth, or was remotely funny.

Interesting how you can all of a sudden detect his when it's your name on the line, isn't it? Funny you should say that about my suggestion. You're right of course, it's not "accurate," but then again satire isn't really about accuracy as technically none of your post is accurate. "Funny?" I think it's very funny, given your JM affiliation and your numerous writings about what "really" happened in 1953 and Mosaddegh's legacy.

But the real question is how is "Ministry of Truth" any less appropriate than what you had called me in your blog?

Remember that I offered to you not to delete my line but instead simply add yours (that I suggested), but you did not accept, and chose to delete my line. (which I appreciate you following through by the way.)

But the fact remains I'm prefectly willing to tolerate your satire alongside mine. But you are not, preferring to have neither if you don't like just one of the two! What does that make us?

How did you put it? Let me recall...

Democratic personality:
accept diversity; tolerance of dissident views; pluralism; accept the rights of those with whom one disagrees; accept the rights of others to criticize one’s policies;

Ah... there it is!


Masoud Kazemzadeh aziz, I appreciate the appointment!

by Monda on

However, please bear in mind that as Minister of Nice, I would need to collaborate with raah o saakhtemaan (whoever that is) in building a mega mosque/ temple/ place of prayer for ALL hamvatans, ALL religions.  As such, this project would require serenity (of diverse climates/ provinces), panels of architects (heading Princess) and a decent director to oversee the finances (Foaad comes to my mind)...

As the second half of my Ministry, Random Acts of Kindness, I will have musicians and artists to gather chorus groups and dancers of all ages, and all musical talents to travel around random areas, singing, drumming and dancing, Randomly (eg any day or time of the day)... As director of this project, Dirty Angel comes to my mind.

And I will appoint Graffiti artists and street artists to turn existing structures or objects into their creative art projects.  I would be most honored if Omid Hast (in case Mana Neyestaani is too busy) would oversee this monumental achievement. 

Here's to That day, Let's All Dream On :)



Masoud Kazemzadeh


by Masoud Kazemzadeh on


I deleted one sentence regarding you in one of the responses. 

I have also asked JJ and/or Foad to delete the reference to you.  As soon as they delete the said phrase, I will also delete the phrase from my response.  If I make ANY modifications to the blog, it would remove the whole blog from the front page and sent it to the netherlands.  If JJ and Foad do not delete it in 24 hours, I will  delete it myself.





Masoud Kazemzadeh


by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

Maziar jaan,

Hee heeee.  Thanks, that was funny. 




Masoud Kazemzadeh

Dariush, Doctor X, Majid

by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

Dariush jaan,

estakhforellah. Kofr nagoo.

We already have a God. He likes to be called Ahura in Persian.








Doctor X,

That was funny.







Majid jaan,

I LOVE your sense of humor. Well, the jobs of God, Supreme Leader, President, and Director of hajj are already taken. Whatever you want, just name it?


Best regards,



maziar 58


by maziar 58 on

massoud khan  if some body don't like the emam jomeh position in tehranjeles then you're authorized to demote him to district manager of all "99 cent"  stores in L.A            Maziar

Masoud Kazemzadeh

Urgent for JJ or Foad [modified]

by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

Dear JJ or Dear Foad,




Masoud Kazemzadeh


by Masoud Kazemzadeh on


Your suggestion is neither accurate nor funny. I would have been glad to add a suggestion by you if it was true, or at least contained an element of truth, or was remotely funny.

What I have done is to quote from top scholars in order to counter the propaganda of powerful rich regime that oppresses and brutalizes the Iranian people to the best of my abilities. Any time, I was in error, I immediately corrected that error.

What I have been doing is precisely what George Orwell did in his great works Animal Farm and 1984: standing up to brutal dictatorship and expose their lies. What Orwell did to Stalinism is what I have been doing to Khomeinism. This is what decent people do: stand up to dictatorship and for democracy.

Therefore, I will have your name deleted from this satire, shortly.




Masoud Kazemzadeh


by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

Dear Mammad,

Please call me "Masoud."

I have read only two of your articles there. I read others in payvand. I will read your article on Dr. Zeidabadi and Saharkhiz shortly.





دست نگهدارین............




من تازه از سفرهای استانی (سیب زمینی مجانی پخش کنی) برگشتم در حالیکه صد ها میلیون نفر اومده بودن به استقبالم!

ببینم..... این کابینهء شما هیچ جای ترقّی یی چیزی نداره؟ یعنی من همون وزارتخونهء دو سال پیش رو دارم؟

ما تو این دوسال کلّی زاد و ولد برامون پیش اومده! اینارو چیکار کنیم؟ باین کور و کچل ها کلّی وعده و وعید دادیم! به یکی گفتیم «هلو» به یکی گفتیم «لولو»! کلّی «خس و خاشاک» و «بزغاله» علم کردیم! واسه «مدیریت جهانی» داریم آماده میشیم!

یه کاری نکنین که بزنم زیر آراء همه تون ها!

اصلاً نمیشه دو تا رئیس جمهور «موازی» داشت؟ یکی به کار های مملکت برسه و منم مسئول «هالهء نور» و «غسل تعمید» کوروش و کاوهء آهنگر و چمیدونم «چاه جمکران» و اینجور شیّاد بازی های دیگه باشم و عره و عوره و شنبله غوره هام رو بیارم سرکار؟


Ookay now

by Doctor X on

A great Analysis on the Fundamentals of Satirical science and the Philosophy behind it.

Thank you very much....

Darius Kadivar

Gee I'm Dissappointed ... I Modestly wish to apply for the job

by Darius Kadivar on

Of GOD Himself ! 

How about something more original for a change ? ...

I want to go for the Real Job Itself :



Forget Kingship,President or Prophet ...

That's been done before.

But GOD !

Now That is a Cool Job for Eternity !



You're not funny. Try again!

by Q on


You are missing the crucial story ingredient necessary for fictionalizing anything "satire".

Since all you seem to be able to do is judgementally project onto what you perceive as rival political positions, leaving yourself and your own ideology out of it, it's clear this is not real satire. Instead you appear to be deriving great enjoyment out of what little "control" this affords you over other people (how is that for indication of "authoritarian" mindset?). Either way, it shows this is not your field. You obviously haven't mastered the art of satire, and clearly need to "try again." I mean it sincerely as a writer!

This advice you should appreciate becaues I'm secure enough to tell it to you as it really is, rather than to "laugh along" as to "fit in" like in grade school. The latter being the very typical Persian reaction, clinically so, unfortunately.

* This is satire. If any of the mentioned posters objects, please let me know and I will delete their name.

Yes, it's rather lame and inaccurate but I will make you a deal: Either remove my name, or add the entry below which would actually make the whole post somewhat funny, redeeming at least a measure of satirical quality.

I'll leave it up to you which one to choose:

Masoud Kazemzadeh, chief strategist for the Ministry of Truth*, in charge of Mossadegh legacy marketing and re-appropriations.

* //


Dr. Kazemzadeh

by Mammad on

Thank you. You are kind. I must say I am surprised by your reaction and Souri's because, in my view, my reaction should be the norm, that of anyone who truly believes in democracy and freedom of expression, and in this website everybody claims to be one such. In other words, the way I reacted is not a big deal at all (noting your kindness and Souri's), but that of those who reacted negatively is.

I agree with you regarding Dr. Zaydabadi. He is a deep thinker, a true patriot, and one of the best journalists of the post-revolution era. Just in case you have not see it, here is a profile of his and Saharkhiz's.



P.S.: While I truly appreciate you refering to me as professor, please call me Mammad, which is the name (abbreviation of my first name, as you know) by which I post comments here.

Masoud Kazemzadeh

Suri, Anahid, and Professor Mammad

by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

Dear Souri,

I agree with you. Professor Mammad’s reaction to this satire was very wise. It shows that he possesses what is called a "democratic personality." If I could squeeze some time, I would post something on this. This is significant in contrast to Nilofar who possesses an authoritarian personality (actually, I would say "Stalinist personality"), and Farah who possess extreme authoritarian personality (I would say Hitler personality). I disagree with you on kharmagas. You are wrong, he is not nice. Even he himself stated that he is not nice. In the past 2 plus years, kharmagas (aka anon 7) has been harassing those who oppose the IRI. He could not be nice and do what he does.






Anahid jaan,

Volek, you are Abadani too. THAT is why you are sooooooooooooo great. BTW, Divaneh and JJ are Abadani as well.







Dear Professor Mammad,

You possess what is called a "democratic personality." Although I disagree with you on about 50% of your positions, I respect your great contributions here and elsewhere.

I did mean you in the blog. Was just teasing. And your response was great and indicative of your ability to hear satire and criticism and not go nuclear.

On a serious note, if Dr. Zeidabadi was President, ANYONE serving as the nuclear negotiator could convince UNSC and IAEA in 10 minutes to cancel all the sanctions and trust Iran. The problems is the likes of Khamenei and Ahmadinejad and whole gang ruling Iran.




Masoud Kazemzadeh


by Masoud Kazemzadeh on

Hamsadeh jaan,

You have a wonderful sense of humor.


I would NOT agree that Mojtaba Khamenei would date Paris Hilton. I would say that Mojtaba would briefly date Snooki.

Yes, Abadan RULES.

I liked your ahmadinejad prediction.






Reality jaan,

Of course, there will be remuneration with monopoly money.






Dear Professor Mammad,

I did NOT mention you. You have 2 "m"s. I used 1 "m."





ahmadinejad: converts back

by vildemose on

ahmadinejad: converts back to judaism after 2 generations of being muslim and relocates to israel in a brand new settlement (under democracy or monarchy).

Most imaginitive position for An...It could very well happen. you never