Iranians in Psychotherapy

Respect

Thank you.

Nazy Jan

My pleasure.  And thanks for being such a great advocate.

Thank you

Dear Mina:

Thank you for putting this thoughtful blog together for our community. Iranians in diaspora continue having a hard time coping with this new Iran. News and images of the cheating and the subsequent brutality have left many feeling outraged and helpless. On the upside, I don't believe Iranians in diaspora have felt this proud to be Iranians in 30 years. The new generation of Iranians has given many of us a sense of pride and admiration in the people of Iran; a pride which we had had a hard time promoting for decades in the face of how western media previously portrayed Iran and Iranians.

Thank you for accepting the invitation to write.

Mr fozolie Aziz!!

I suggest reading Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. This is a brilliant and inspirational story of Dr Frankl who was imprisoned at Auschwitz and other concentration camps for three years.  He not only survived the horror of his imprisonment, but also went on to become one of the most eminent Psychiatrist in the world.  He is the founder of logotherapy and has written twenty nine books which have been translated into twenty one languages. The book that I am recommending has sold three million copies in English language editions.   I think it might help you with "keeping hopes alive".

Dear anonymous fish

Sounds like exhaustion and stress of a working mom with an infant.  I hope are not under that kind of stress anymore. 

errrm okay I should have explained better

Mina jan

By this is not going to help I meant in terms of keeping hopes alive. 

Dear A. Fish

Of course I would like my HamMihans to be free but I cannot expect them to pay the heavy price for that. It is easy for people who are not facing the batons and bullets to come up with lofty statements about price of freedom. As for revenge stuff Huffing and Puffing and sending a Tiwitter or two does not do it for me. Unless I am prepared to go down there and do what they do, the best I can do is support whatever they decide to do and publicise their plight. I have focused my efforts to writing to my representatives and publicizing petitions to International Institutions (the UN and International Court of Justice for example).

Mr. Fozolie

yes, he was an infant.

We finally had to go the tubes route... not fun.  I remember driving home from work one particular rough day.  It was about a 45 minute commute then and Bass was crying the whole way.  My nerves were unraveling by the mile and I had absolutely no way to sooth him.  By the time we got home I think I was crying louder than he was and all I could do was just hold him and kiss him.  Not sure what scared him most...:-).  Sorry to degress from your subject but any opportunity to talk about him or think about him is a highlight in my day. :-)

Dear anonymous fish

I do not think that your fantasies are violent.  I did not think about it one way or another.  My point was that even those who do have such fatasies, are normal/healthy people.

I do not know, how old your son was, when he had an ear infection.  In my work with mothers who have newborns, I frequently  hear  the same type of fear/concern.  Not once, I have seen any of them actually, hurting their babies.   So your child's Doc is right. 

Mina

This might sound worse than it really was, but when my son was very young he had ear infections ALL the time.  I was infinitely patient with him but every once in awhile I would just about come unglued.  I mentioned to his doctor one time that I was a little afraid of myself... what I might do if I just couldn't take it anymore.  I knew in my heart I could never ever hurt him but I was still afraid.  He said that it was the ones who denied ever feeling that limit to frustration that he worried about... not the ones who acknowledged it and feared it.  Fear provided a pretty effective form of control.  :-)

My thoughts of revenge don't actually involve blood and gore.  I'm not quite that bad...lol. It's more a nebulous form of wishful thinking.  Maybe a kind of transferring what their worst fear is upon them.  Mine is biting into an onion sandwich.  Far worse than maim and torture. 

Ebi Jan

You are welcome.  You fall under the category of the talented ones who write beautiful poems. And most probably more.

Dear anonymous fish

Fantasies of violence is very natural.  It does not mean that the person who is fantacizing about/expressing them is evil/violent.  Quite the opposite,  I strongly believe that  "the only evil is denied evil". 

The revenge fatasy that I mentioned in my blog, is actually a very clean and polite version of what I have either heard and or read.  The others are too graphic.  When I ask people about the reason for having such fantasies, they respond  "Because it helps me calm down. I feel a sense of relief".  Very similiar to yours.

Thanks. 

Mina Jaan

Sepaas

Ebi aka Haaji

Mr. Fozolie

Is that "all" you want?  Just the killings and beatings to stop?  Do you not want freedom for your hamvatans?  Freedom to speak their minds?  Freedom to live their lives their own way?  While no one WANTS bloodshed, do you not think there is a cause... any cause... worth it?  I'm just curious... and not trying to argue the point... just wondering what you do see as worth fighting for.

Mina.  I'm solidly in the "revenge fantasies" group myself.  I believe it saves me from actually committing physical harm. :-)  Some might feel that revenge fantasies are just latent violence.  I disagree.  I believe revenge and violence are perfectly natural sensations or characteristics or feelings.  It is the ability to control them that separates us from the beasts.  I just conclude my fantasy with the knowledge that what goes around, comes around. It's not my job to make evil doers suffer.  There IS an infinite plan.  :-)

Dear Mr Fozolie

My summary is based on what I have been hearing and reading for the past month.  The most common approach seems to be "revenge fantasies", followed by acting as advocates.  I personally believe that whatever, gives people a sense of empowerment and   control is helpful.  However, the reality of the situation should not be compromised. Otherwise, we might be setting ourselves up for more disappointment,  leading to helplessness.

I am not quite clear what you mean by stating "this probably not going to help".  If the itemized techniques don't help you, then you need to think about what might.  Wanting something badly is good, but not good enough to help you cope better.

This probably not going to help

But we are deluding ourselves, as Nabavi said transforming yesterdays villans into heros of today. It will only come to a bad end.

The idea of benefiting from somebody else fighting is pugnacious at best. So I cannot and will not expect anything.

All I want is for the killings and beatings to stop.  The blood of Nedas and Sohrabs is too precious to be lost for a faction fight within the Mollafia.

Mr. Fozolie