Contacted by my childhood prince!


by Monda

Reading JJ's Two Prince and a Princess, the other night, inspired me to contact my two surviving childhood crushes. The last I heard through mutual friends, one lived in Iran and the other in UK.

I used the word "surviving" because the other two most loved of my childhood princes died in freak accidents, few years apart, at very young ages. They were both about 10 years older than me. One threw himself in the Mediterranean sea at age 26 and the other overdosed on morphine after battling cancer at age 28. Both were my cousins, from different aunts. Both were some of the most interesting, accomplished and charismatic human beings I ever met. I miss them dearly...but those are very different stories.

After reading JJ, I went to my old draweres in the attic energetically digging out my childhood memorabilia. I knew exactly what I was looking for but I was taking my sweet time while I silently debated if I should contact them after all these years? what would they sound like? more improtantly what would I say?!.... I thought in the worst possible scenario they may think that I had turned into a neurotic perimenopausal woman in search of old love fantasies. And what was wrong with that I thought. Isn't that much better than being a psychotic one? One thing was certain, I wanted them to know that I was once in love with them. Why? So in the event that one of us died the secret would not be eternelly buried! In other words, just for the heck of it! What better reason to contact by phone or email, childhood friends or second cousins after oh so many years to see how they were doing, and by the way have they heard anything of Bobak or Morad?! One call to an old friend in Paris was specifically productive as I found both of these old princes by their emails and home phone numbers. And the latest news was that one's daughter was an accomplished businesswoman and the other one just had a third child with his second wife. These details were interesting but irrelevant. I also heard that one had a heart attack not long ago and the other has retired from practice and occupies his time with snow sports. And both were bald. This was most irrelevant to me as I know I am not the one they remembered either.

So I emailed Babak and Morad (separately but cc'ing each other) with JJ's story link and a short paragraph letting them know that having experienced a profound childhood feeling towards them, I was wondering how and where they each were.

My memories of Babak include the small framed Fifth grade football player with Beatles haircut and the darkest eyes I had ever seen stare at me. I used to get goosebumps every time I looked at this boy. Our dads being colleagues and friends, occasionally I would see him with his family. Babak and never talked. We would sit right there with the grown ups in absolute silence. Just hypersensitive to the other's presence sitting across the living room pretending to listen to our parents' conversations. Few times out of the blue, Babak dropped in front of me, these cool stickers of sailing ships, made in UK. He would not say a word. After a few seconds, I would pick up the gift, hide it in my clothes. After smelling the stickers for many minutes and admiring the details in different lights, in different rooms and then outside, I'd safeguard it. I gave a couple of them to my stepson long time ago but kept my favorite sticker with my other nostalgic gems, photo albums and sketch pads, old letters and such, in the attic.

Just tonight when I checked my emails, I saw a reply from Babak! My heart was pounding, I was confused and looked at his name for a few minutes then opened to see a long email in Farsi! What a treat! He thanked me for remembering him, the efforts it took to find him and for sending him the link to JJ's sweet childhood story.

He started his email by asking about my mom's coping with my dad's death many years ago. He was at my dad's funeral in Tehran, where I was not. He also wrote about the excitement of thinking about me from Fifth grade until Nineth! High school?! (I was to another crush by My high school!) He wrote that he can never forget the smell of my long hair or the shy look in my eyes behind my glasses when he passed by me. He wrote that it is a mystery to him how we never talked to each other. And finally hoped to see me again if and when I visited his part of the world. I am touched. Especially about he and his family attending my father's funeral back in early 90's. Attached there was a photo of him holding his beautiful little granddaughter.

I am no longer shy or silent. I am thinking about emailing him back, not immediately, attaching my family photo, inviting him to contact me when he travels to my side of the world.


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Iranian Reader joon

by Monda on

You posed a great question here! What would I have wanted to do with my crushes back then? You got me thinking now. I guess the feeling of being in love was enough for me!  I was happy with feeling my the intensity of it all! heartbeats and the rush of blood to my cheeks and ears, so forth! I guess that's why my crushes and I didn't talk. I for one was clueless about the basics of human contact which one could include vocal communication  as an integral part of. You know when I read JJ's piece, I envied him for playing all those games and tricks to be near his love. He was one gallant  lover if you ask me. messle man bi orzeh nabood :o)

Please let your son know that we did not go on a honeymoon either. My daughter may have been around your son's age when she asked where we went on our honeymoon. When I asked her why honeymoon is necessary, she said people fall in love, get married and go on honeymoon. She wanted us to go to Hawaii with her.   


Monda jan kheili lotf dari

by IRANdokht on

me? brave? well not when it comes to "les affairs du coeur", usually I am in complete denial in that department and things haven't changes since I was in elementary school (ouch) ;-)

we spent a lot of times together with both our families and I was supposed to be friends with his younger sister, but I had more to talk about with him. His father taught us how to swim when I was about 7. I didn't know if Kourosh saw me as a girl or just a buddy and I still don't know....

Maybe some day I may actually talk to him. But I think I'd rather keep the sweet memory of the crush. 

Iranian reader, sweet suggestion by your kid!  I never had a honeymoon either. Maybe next time :0)


rosie is roxy is roshan

It is true, it was more than a crush, and it's a funny thing

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

because I think there is a significant cultural element here. I used the word "love" because I truly believe I was in love with Allen, yet at the same time I used the story in response to your blog about crushes. Every American I have ever told the story to has denied that could be love, I think Iranians (in general) have some insights here which I share (very outside of my culture and part of why I am drawn to Persian culture...)

Allen was different from everyone I grew up with. In Forest Hills Queens we had lots of rockers (Ramones and Simon & Garfunkel all came from my high school, e.g.) but they did not have a cosmoplitan je ne sais quoi about them like Allen did. I found out later that he was the son of a very important editor of Stanley Kubrick's and had travelled back and forth with his dad to be with Kubrick in London and LA while growing up. Allen now works for a major film studio in LA and also makes his own films.

I think Allen struck very deep chords in me about my own goals and potential and the person I would become at the time when I was leading a rather parrochial life in our little semi-suburban neighborhood. I think there was a great depth to my feelings for Allen because I intuited that he held a key to my own evolution and self-understanding. So yes I think it was a kind of real love. But I don't think Americans can "get it" and that is probably the reason for the contradiction you sort of caught me out on--that I called it "love" while classifying it as a "crush"... Americans have "rules" about what constitutes "love" must develop first this way then that..all else is obsession, addiction, etc., in other words it is psychologized away...anyway...

as for Donny, no, for me he was the essence of not cool and Bolan was the essence of cool. His death was tragic. Donny flourishes as a star in Vegas.

And when I remember Laurel (mystery girl) in her cheap polyester pastel-colored highwater pants with Allen somewhere in between Bolan and Kubrick...well..what can you say but that life is a (tragi-) comedy of errors? "And all these years I thought she hated me.." What if I'd just once been able to crack him a smile?

Thx for the reply here and on my thread.

Iranian Reader

This got me thinking...

by Iranian Reader on

My secret crushes were all imaginary. I invented guys and fell in love with them. Believe it or not, one I named Jahanshah...! And there was always skiing involved. In fact -- I wonder -- what did we all imagine doing with our crushes?

Recenetly my son asked me what his dad and I did for our honeymoon. We hadn't gone on a honeymoon so he said maybe now the three of us should go on a honeymoon. So I asked him what his idea of a great honeymoon is. He said, pitch a tent by a lake and go canoeing together!

I imagined going skiing with my Jahanshah, dangling our legs from the chairlift and chewing gum. I think I was influenced by Tom Sawyer and Becky Thatcher!


Dear t

by Monda on

You said, "His reponse was that he loved me too.My thoughts, "I still want to be with you". His reply "me too". So many years, so many events but we were in each other's heart and mind." And what are you willing to do with that? Sounds like a huge responsibility...But wait were those in your thoughts or vocalized? Thank you for your comment.


IRANdokht aziz

by Monda on

khasteh nabaashee khanom! you are a maniac! i so enjoyed your selection of poems...i'm surprised that you and Nazy even noticed my blog!

WOW be khodet were talking to your prince on the balcony at age 12... now that speaks of better than average self esteem at that age. Wouldn't you say?! Well in my book anyway. khosh behaalat, afarin.

Why not tell Kourosh about your feelings for him all those years ago? zarfiat nadaareh? por roo misheh? Only you can decide.  Depending on the man and how you want your storytelling to be interprested, right? I'm sure as wise as you are, you have clear reasons for not telling him. Some people take these things too seriously and they may have good reasons for doing that.

Now back to your moshaareh before someone posts theirs :o)


Nazy aziz

by Monda on

It's wonderful that you are in touch with two of your princes. (Naagholaa how many were there?!) Isn't it about getting to know ourselves more completely by ackowledging each part of us at different stages of growing up? 

p.s. Nazy i'm really impressed by your knowledge and hozoor zehn at moshaaereh lady! how did you have time to leave me a feedback? :o)


I did the same

by t (not verified) on

There is something to be said about vocalizing your love to a past flame. When I did it, I felt liberated. Like you Monda, I didn't want to take what I felt for him to the grave with me.

His reponse was that he loved me too.My thoughts, "I still want to be with you". His reply "me too". So many years, so many events but we were in each other's heart and mind.

So to all others thinking about it, try it. At a minimum you get it off your chest and move on. I think Iranian women of our era and older think it is improper and not lady like to mention that they loved someone in their youth. There is nothing wrong with loving someone and more importantly sharing the thoughts and feeling you had/have for that person with that person.


but Rosie that was bigger than a crush!

by Monda on

and I'd probably leave it be in my head like you did..or maybe not I don't know. Hey I was very much into both T Rex AND Donny Osmond! I wonder which group I'd fit into if I was here back then. In Iran of mid 70's I used to watch Donny & Marie on thursday nights @8 because I had nothing better to do unless we had family gatherings! I was not not allowed to date or even play tennis with boys until age 19. So Donny was a big event in my life. Hey he was cute ok? T Rex on the other hand does not need one bit of justification for having been one of my all time favorites, I used to play their LP's over and over until the needle would skip, in which case I'd save my money and order another one from this huge record store called Beethoven in Tehran.  


rosie is roxy is roshan

Incredible...I found the boy I was madly in love with...

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

 in junior high school and my first year in high school in Queens, NY on the Internet a couple of years ago. He was my best friend's next-door neighbor. He was so hip, so popular, and I was scared to death of him and every time I'd see him I'd freeze.. I never talked to him. After suffering for two years I got another close friend to call him for me and without telling who she was or her connection to me, to tell him the few things I knew about him from being so close and yet so far. She was the biggest nerd on earth, she was in love with DONNY OSMOND and Allen was this major rocker and I was into T Rex and Yes but out of the loop of the cool crowd. He was intrigued by her and asked her to call back and started calling her his "mystery girl",  After a few weeks he asked to meet her and they became a couple. I almost had a nervous breakdown, a real one. Then I had to become friends with him and hang out with them next door. She told him everything and she told me all he said was, "And all these years I thought she hated me."

I found him by I'net in a couple of places with direct contacts. He works for a major film studio and has been happily married for 25 years. I wanted very much to contact him but an experience my sister'd had with a high school friend she'd dredged up on I'net had been disappointing. And so I decided to leave the past past so I could remain true to it exactly as I'd held it in my memory all these year, and keep him as he'd been. And keep that time of my life in all its pain and magnificent beauty. 

And so I have.  But that's just me.

Free Spirit


by Free Spirit on

How amazing! Wish you the best.................



Jahanshah Javid


by Jahanshah Javid on

... is beautiful, no? This is so sweet, and human, Monda.


Monda jan

by IRANdokht on

Yes I am still awake and all wound up and just finished reading your blog! 


You are one brave lady Monda. I don't know if I would do this. I know my childhood crush (the boy next door) lives in San Francisco for the past 32 years. He was older than me and he left for US before the revolution. Our bedrooms had a common wall and we used to knock on the wall and then meet on the balcony to talk. I don't even remember what we talked about!! I was 12 at the time we moved away. Our fathers are still friends and I have even spoken to his Dad on the phone as recently as last year.

I think I'd rather die with the secret than talk to Kourosh about it.

Thanks for sharing your story


Nazy Kaviani


by Nazy Kaviani on

That's really great Monda! And what a great story you wrote! Afarin! You should write more. I can't wait to hear more about your new-found old friends. What a brave thing you did, though I'm not tempted yet. I am in touch with two of them and that's enough for now!