Shadow Art


Shadow Art
by Monda

The people who touch us leave in us more than we or they are aware of. Do you agree? My beloved Carl G. Jung wrote many years on these types of phenomena. But no matter how much I am trying to stick to my left-brain and CJ who is eternally stuck in there -- right at this moment, I still catch myself very much into the right.

I am aware of sitting here on this soft green sofa in my office, messle borjeh zahr e maar, with my sweet dog snoring right by my left brown boot. I am thanking all the flu-stricken people who could have had me to themselves for part of today, but couldn't. I feel outwardly focused on things that obviously matter, I am even convincing my colleagues that I am focused on many topics and issues.

But deep down I'm left with this "thing" that has been lingering for weeks. This "thing" that I can't completely make sense of or put a name to. And it has different qualities than those other "things" that ever mattered which I finally made sense of. Left brain time, Jung says " Enlightenment is not imagining figures of light but making the darkness conscious." Okey Dokey CJ, but go away for now! Let me be. This is what borje zahre maar must feel like. I cannot imagine those who are constantly afflicted by this attitude. I have seen many solid borj e zahr e maars in my life-time; the earliest image is that of my dear maternal grandfather as a perpetual borj. Jung said (again) Shadows are the aspects of our self that we chose to disown. Ok really digeh dastam be daamanet CJ, velam kon!

On another level I know very well what it is. It's the Loss thing. It's always the loss thing. It's always getting hit in the old wounds that triggers these sort of existential chaos. As someone commented (when "Catastrophe" hit - we Iranians have had loss for breakfast during the past 30 years - but I for one still can't get used to it. Some one passes by or away, I immediately experience all the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's stages in her seminal "Death and Dying". Recently, I have paid attention to my denials of some of the things that were on their way to leaving me. Translation: I was in Denial!

Now I'm just downright angry. This is the proper direction on the stages of grief. Then comes the acceptance....Okhhh the darkness of that and this. CJ has many things to say about darkness. I'm taking him with me to the sun today.

I think my shepherd mutt is experiencing seizures in her sleep, not only dreams - one dominant symptom of aging.

I will miss her too. Dearly.


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more from Monda

lil aziz,

by Monda on

I aim for ravan as I can effortlessly be. I so appreciate your comment and your joining me here.



Agar borj bashi, bayast beshkani

by lilyaz on

Agar borj bashi, bayast beshkani

Agar ghatreye ab, hamishe ravan.

Monda jan, don't be the dam that holds the water, you must become like the drop of water and "go with the flow" so that you can find life and beauty in anything, even loss.

Life without change is like gandab, you must be ravan to stay alive and be life-giving.



Princess aziz,

by Monda on

We all have our own versions of it, you're right. Also right you are about "sitting with" rather than pushing it away. I too choose to feel smack in the middle of it, letting my loss hold me gently but firmly, completely.


Monda jan,

by Princess on

You have had some nice comments on this. I will only add:

I think I know the sense of 'loss' you are talking about. At least I know a version of it. If I remember correctly, in one of your comments you mentioned you were a student of mindfulness. Use all that and sit in the middle of it, sit with whatever it is, pain? grief? fear? Face it, you will find that it will help enormously with acceptance and with acceptance it will disappear.



bajenagh jan: you're so right!

by Monda on

I do take your suggestion and will sit with this thing until it goes away. And I will do my darnest to be the best/worst borj e zahr e maar that I can be :o) 

Thank you for understanding.


MPD jan: it only matters that you liked it!

by Monda on

Since when do we need PhD's to like or dislike some one's idea? No matter how convoluted it may sound :o)  


Nazy jan: Thanks for reading and your words of wisdom

by Monda on

I am exactly trying to make sense of this loss as I normally do. It takes time and at the end of the day I will be a wiser person. It's not about losing but the loss itself. Loss to me simply means "being without". If I stay with this goh morghi attitude (longer than needed), then I will be the Loser not anyone else :o)

Thanks for sharing about your divorce. This blog however is not about my divorce - it's merely about my feeling of loss at different levels.  Right now it's very appropriate to feel sad. 

Thank you for your beautiful wishes Nazy jan. I'm glad you like my writing. 


bajenaghe naghi

Monda jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

Very deep blog. It my be too deep for me to fully understand or comment on it. But I am going to give it a try and tell you what I think of the bits of the blog that I understood.

First of all let the sleeping  dog lay.

As for you, I think whatever mood you are in try to feel that mood, live it, experience it as long as it lasts.  I think your body is telling you what to feel for a reason so enjoy the occasion even though you may sit, brood and be a borje zahre maar. Try to be the greatest borje zahre maar you can be because once that mood is over, you will feel so much better.

I hope what I have written makes sense.  If not, then forget you ever read it. Aji maji laataraji! Poof.


Multiple Personality Disorder

Okay, I didn't understand a word you said;

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

...maybe it's because I don't have a PhD, but I enjoyed reading your blog.  It's an interesting way of writing.

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Monda

by Nazy Kaviani on

I don't feel qualified to talk about Jung. It's a good thing you told him to leave for a while so he won't intimidate me here!

We know loss because we have lived a while, because we have moved from one part of the world to another (some of us a few times), and because we have loved. Unless you have loved you would never know loss.

As is the way with loss and those who have lost us (sometimes we call them Losers!), we must make sense of them before we go on. I have a theory on how to make sense of them and it has worked for me in most cases. Post acceptance, I no longer remember the experience as "loss" or what led to the loss. The "loss" turns into an "experience," a "memory," something that had many good things associated with it.

In the case of my failures in love, for example, it is so easy and sometimes even expected that we blame, or keep on reminding ourselves of all that was bad or inadequate about the person we left or divorced. Well, that is not a good thing, because it makes us bitter, it makes us weak, and it somehow casts doubt over our judgment and abilities for having selected such a person in the first place--all wasteful and disappointing activities. The truth is that when I was with those men, it wasn't all misery! On the contrary, it was mostly love and joy, good memories, laughter, and love. Towards the end it got ugly and unbearable and we dealt with it. With enough time past beyond "acceptance," I enjoy remembering a table for two, hands held on the marina, watching a funny movie, and dancing to a familiar tune. That is so much more accurate and befitting of deliberate and thoughtful adults that we were, than portraying a villain or a victim.

Anyhow, I hope I am making sense to you. I hope your days are filled with sunshine everyday, and you have a wonderful soft and loving dog by your feet and on your lap everyday. I would like to thank you for writing for us again and for getting better with every blog. I also want to thank you for provoking thought in your every contribution. You are a gem.