Monda

lil aziz,

I aim for ravan as I can effortlessly be. I so appreciate your comment and your joining me here.

Hugs! 

Agar borj bashi, bayast beshkani

Agar borj bashi, bayast beshkani

Agar ghatreye ab, hamishe ravan.

Monda jan, don't be the dam that holds the water, you must become like the drop of water and "go with the flow" so that you can find life and beauty in anything, even loss.

Life without change is like gandab, you must be ravan to stay alive and be life-giving.

Hugs!

Princess aziz,

We all have our own versions of it, you're right. Also right you are about "sitting with" rather than pushing it away. I too choose to feel smack in the middle of it, letting my loss hold me gently but firmly, completely.

Monda jan,

You have had some nice comments on this. I will only add:

I think I know the sense of 'loss' you are talking about. At least I know a version of it. If I remember correctly, in one of your comments you mentioned you were a student of mindfulness. Use all that and sit in the middle of it, sit with whatever it is, pain? grief? fear? Face it, you will find that it will help enormously with acceptance and with acceptance it will disappear.

bajenagh jan: you're so right!

I do take your suggestion and will sit with this thing until it goes away. And I will do my darnest to be the best/worst borj e zahr e maar that I can be :o) 

Thank you for understanding.

MPD jan: it only matters that you liked it!

Since when do we need PhD's to like or dislike some one's idea? No matter how convoluted it may sound :o)  

Nazy jan: Thanks for reading and your words of wisdom

I am exactly trying to make sense of this loss as I normally do. It takes time and at the end of the day I will be a wiser person. It's not about losing but the loss itself. Loss to me simply means "being without". If I stay with this goh morghi attitude (longer than needed), then I will be the Loser not anyone else :o)

Thanks for sharing about your divorce. This blog however is not about my divorce - it's merely about my feeling of loss at different levels.  Right now it's very appropriate to feel sad. 

Thank you for your beautiful wishes Nazy jan. I'm glad you like my writing. 

Monda jan

Very deep blog. It my be too deep for me to fully understand or comment on it. But I am going to give it a try and tell you what I think of the bits of the blog that I understood.

First of all let the sleeping  dog lay.

As for you, I think whatever mood you are in try to feel that mood, live it, experience it as long as it lasts.  I think your body is telling you what to feel for a reason so enjoy the occasion even though you may sit, brood and be a borje zahre maar. Try to be the greatest borje zahre maar you can be because once that mood is over, you will feel so much better.

I hope what I have written makes sense.  If not, then forget you ever read it. Aji maji laataraji! Poof.

Okay, I didn't understand a word you said;

...maybe it's because I don't have a PhD, but I enjoyed reading your blog.  It's an interesting way of writing.

Dear Monda

I don't feel qualified to talk about Jung. It's a good thing you told him to leave for a while so he won't intimidate me here!

We know loss because we have lived a while, because we have moved from one part of the world to another (some of us a few times), and because we have loved. Unless you have loved you would never know loss.

As is the way with loss and those who have lost us (sometimes we call them Losers!), we must make sense of them before we go on. I have a theory on how to make sense of them and it has worked for me in most cases. Post acceptance, I no longer remember the experience as "loss" or what led to the loss. The "loss" turns into an "experience," a "memory," something that had many good things associated with it.

In the case of my failures in love, for example, it is so easy and sometimes even expected that we blame, or keep on reminding ourselves of all that was bad or inadequate about the person we left or divorced. Well, that is not a good thing, because it makes us bitter, it makes us weak, and it somehow casts doubt over our judgment and abilities for having selected such a person in the first place--all wasteful and disappointing activities. The truth is that when I was with those men, it wasn't all misery! On the contrary, it was mostly love and joy, good memories, laughter, and love. Towards the end it got ugly and unbearable and we dealt with it. With enough time past beyond "acceptance," I enjoy remembering a table for two, hands held on the marina, watching a funny movie, and dancing to a familiar tune. That is so much more accurate and befitting of deliberate and thoughtful adults that we were, than portraying a villain or a victim.

Anyhow, I hope I am making sense to you. I hope your days are filled with sunshine everyday, and you have a wonderful soft and loving dog by your feet and on your lap everyday. I would like to thank you for writing for us again and for getting better with every blog. I also want to thank you for provoking thought in your every contribution. You are a gem.