Wishing Us a Better 2011 (post menopausal rage)


Wishing Us a Better 2011 (post menopausal rage)
by Monda

So, one day, two days ago I left my funniest comment for Faramarz on his Manwich blog, which I immediately noticed deleted/ missing/ not there, whatever... I got so Pissed* that instantly experienced all the following emotions:

1. WTF?! I spent 3 mins typing that comment (leading to #2)

2. Doesn't JJ have any RESPECT for MY Time?! (at this point I was fuming, ooooh, totally sent to my fight or flight center of my brain, otherwise known as dyno-brain/ limbic system),.... calmed that one down a bit, but then reaction #3 occured

3. Full-blown Narcissistic Wound/ RAGE in Action - WHO Does He/ JJ think HE IS?!! How Dare He (JJ)??!! After being the biggest fan of his site for all those years (probably even added My Life at the end of that sentence)?... I even thought him a Friend?... yada yada yada...

4. Mr. JJ, Deactive Me from your site!,... kinda sounded like "give me back all my photos, memories of my relationship with iranian.com, rambled on and on... (btw all this happened with sound off at home 'cause I was sick with a flu from hell, and my daughter was still asleep, otherwise she'd point out my nonsense outrage). Let's just say, the poor thing has experienced "it" first-hand,... sometimes reminding me Not to apologize for my anger, "you are entitled to your anger mama, you keep things inside incredibly too long"... She knows. She's 18 but wise beyond her age. She's studying journalism.

Speaking of which, back to poor innocent (?) JJ:

5. Is This what HE calls Free Speech???!!! What if I wish to express a genuine bonding moment with another reader (Faramarz that was), should I be censored because I am a) a Woman? b) middle-aged? c) at this point I was too angry to make any Sense... so c could've been, I didn't cook the food he liked at Nazy's party?!

There were also #'s 6, 7, and 8... but currently do not wish to relive the trauma any longer than I should. Simply put, I do not react well to Anger. I get instant intense headache, followed with throwing up sometimes, I get uncontrollable shiver and chills especially in my extremities (my iranian.com cup fell out of my numb hand, my ringing cell phone dropped on the floor, twice, then I get into hot big drops of tears.... I Said don't wish to relive the trauma, but Cannot Pretend those never happened either.

What does all this have to do with my wish for 2011 - you May at this point ask?

I declare: 2010 was the Worst year of my life! (besides 1979, of course). Where Frustrations accumulated daily, when images became more deadly and dialogues turned the most desperately confusing and meaningless. So many Substantial moves affected my personal life as badly. At times it felt like experiencing a parallel universe. Events inside Iran, the World, never felt so closely associative and transfered into my personal life. Enough said.

I wish us All to have one Better 2011 - with many Positive, Heartwarming Resolutions. Inside and outside of ourselves. But mostly inside, that is where it all begins. Michael Jackson sang it in "The Man in the Mirror", ages after Molana and Khayyam delighted us with the big Wisdom... and as Zohreh Ghahremani mentioned a "portable spiritual place" in one of her articles,... I hope we all find our near-perfect place of serenity in our minds and hearts. Where we can voluntarily tap into trust, joy, warmth and love... Then take it with us, no matter were we go in life...

One place I am taking mine, is Argentina and a U2 concert :o)

yeah yeah jj, i will blog that one, even if it won't come anywhere close to yours or others on your Wonderfully Liberating site. Also, JJ Jan, (your travel requirements - allowing) Would you please add a nice peaceful photo for this blog, if you do feature it and IF you're not totally rightfully turned off by my rants of the other day? :D

* in real life, i could show those symptoms oh about dozen times, but way more in 2010.


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more from Monda

... Red Wine

by Monda on

Your comments are always important to me. Thank you for sharing you fabulous blogs, artwork and comments.

Red Wine


by Red Wine on

I am glad you read my comment,that was important to me,Thank you for being so kind... we need more people like you...You are so lovely lady .

Thank you .


Dear Red Wine,

by Monda on

I deleted that blog, thinking that some wishes are better kept inside. Especially the ones that are not appropriate for a large forum. My apologies to you and other friends who kindly left their feedback. 

I did read and truly delight in your well written comment. I do hope your wishes come true, especially the one about seeing your parents. Best to you.  

Red Wine


by Red Wine on

Dear Monda,why you deleted your last blog ?!


No blaming Sex or Sexes : )

by Monda on

Please read my reply again, when you can:Your comparison of sex to nicotine addiction is interesting - IF one suffers from sex "Addiction"... but if it's a genuine Normal attraction (yeah define normal in sex... good luck with that, Hah! :o) - that comparison cannot be valid.

And my cross-addiction bit was both humorous and non. 


Monda jaan "cross-addiction"?! That's blaming having sex!

by Anonymouse on

Everything is sacred


Anonymouse jaan, and I said...

by Monda on

watch out for cross-addictions! : ))


Monda jaan I didn't mean sexual "additction".

by Anonymouse on

I meant when you're suffering from the physiologiocal aspects, one way is to divert attention by focusing on other thoughts (like focusin on having sex at hand instead of complaining and raging :-) like you divert attention from a nicotine urge when you are an ex-smoker.

Everything is sacred


Dear Anonymouse,

by Monda on

I agree with you here: "Joking aside I think whether you're a man or a woman as you age you'll have to adapt to changes in your sexual desires and functions .  Otherwise you'll be missing out on a big part of your life - sex. " 

And agree with you again here: "It all depends on your level of health and well being, like being obese or heart problems or not exercising, etc., the usuals." I do not believe in cosmetic interactions either. No hormone therapy or meds required in very intimate human exchanges. 

Your comparison of sex to nicotine addiction is interesting - if one suffers from sex "Addiction"... but if it's a genuine Normal attraction (yeah define normal in sex... good luck with that, Hah! :o) - that comparison cannot be valid.

Also true is your explanation of dysfunctional rage loop. The longer we stay in it, the worse it gets. So, any cognitive behavioral intervention matters at this point. Quality of the Distraction matters too though. 

Some urges can be mediated in the moment but depending on the roots and real causes  (vs imagined) not always and all interventions would help one to save themselves from the function of the rage.

I much appreciate your elaboration on your initial comment. 



Physiological vs Psychological

by Anonymouse on

Monda jaan isn't it true that women always complain about men not being attentive and romantic enough and just want to get in and get out?  Even when men try to be attentive and romantic they are again criticized for not doing it right or too quickly.

Well these complaints starts with women in their 20s and goes all the way through menopausal and post-menopausal! Right?!

Joking aside I think whether you're a man or a woman as you age you'll have to adapt to changes in your sexual desires and functions .  Otherwise you'll be missing out on a big part of your life - sex.  

Men can adapt by taking ED pills and women with some other medications and hormone therapy.  It all depends on your level of health and well being, like being obese or heart problems or not exercising, etc., the usuals.

But I don't think these pills and medications are the ultimate solution.  I think ultimately you'll have to stop "thinking" about other stuff and "focus" on the task at hand which is "trying" to enjoy sex as much as possible while you're doing it!  Complaining will only get you less enjoyment than what is already available and probably the reason many give up on having sex as they get older.

It's true that some (negative/rage) reactions are physiological but the more you focus on them the more you'll be dragged in.  It's like quitting smoking and then getting the nicotine urge.  What do you do?  Do you keep thinking about the urge or do you try to think about something else to get rid of that urge at that moment?

Everything is sacred


men as well as women do it, Anonymouse

by Monda on

You are right, thanks for bringing that piece up! 

Say more about what you mean by "don't think it's all physiological"? - Would you please?

Btw I noticed that the hyphen in the blog title is at the wrong place. Should have read: post menopausal-rage rather than post-menopausal rage. See the difference? I am menopausal not post-menopausal. My maman is post-menopausal. 


Menopause, Manopause and Mentalpauses!

by Anonymouse on

Monda jaan as the i.com's largest demographic (born in 50s and 60s) we're ALL entering or been in this uncharted territory!  It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, the effect affects us all one way or another!

I hope we can see more articles and blogs about this subject and not necessarily in the medical related areas.  We need more discussions and experiences and recommendationa from a personal perspective.  We could all use the guidance and sharing of information!  I don't think it is all "physiological".

May 2011 (not the month of May 2011 ;-) be the end of the generic-mental-pauses! 

Everything is sacred


More Thanks: Mr. KS, Hajminator and the pot tree Artists

by Monda on

Wish that tree Was mine! I would've been more than happy to share it.

Hajminator, I share your hopes for the new year(s). 

The photo-shopped tree was posted on FB by a dear friend of an old friend of mine. Both, very accomplished artists. The ornaments were all handmade by Maryam S. in late 80's. 

Cheers to a very sober 2011, however disappointed I have felt since prop 19 did not pass! 


Monda jaan

by Hajminator on

I think that 2010 was the bad year you described for so many Iranians. Internal Iranian affairs really affected our lives, letting us live in a semi-parallel hallucinating world.

I wish you and all suffering Iranian friends a happy new 2011 year. May God assist us to manage well this opposition and to get ride of these mullahs shepeshus for the sake of our reasons. Amen!


Monda Jaan...

by Khar on

I love the picture, let's roll up and smoke some of your Christmas three, we will feel better ;o))



by Monda on

Yolanda, I have Death Valley in spring back on my schedule, all because of you!

MM, Glad I made you laugh for a change : ) Your contributed jokes on my joke blog have lightened my load many times. 

Mehrban azizam, You can't picture me angry?! Hah! Trust me I can get there full force, maybe not as easy as some people but certainly much easier than some others. Bu the way, jury's not completely out on the impact of Cortizol on cognitive clarity. I mean to some extent, it is proven that anxiety in general helps performance. Does that translate into clarity? Hmm good question. Yes it does take clarity to have improved performance but also we should bear in mind that performance in a particular task can be improved by repetition of the task. So, I'd say - clarity could improve with Anxiety, maybe even Anger, depending on the task. Let me check into my Dan Siegle Bible on that. Dan Siegle is the "Performance researcher" who could forecast an olympic athlete's performance, to the second, based on the athlete's problem solving resources, personality type, anxiety level, optimistic or pessimistic view of life ... 

divaneh, Let's just assume that my Rage felt very real and justified at that moment. vagarnah mageh maraz daashtam?! baasheh be ham miressim : )

Hoshang Targol, Your suggestion is an excellent one. Unfortunately, my current place has bad acoustic design. So it is impossible to isolate myself through walls. The only way I find serenity is to be outside, or play music in my ears when I'm not working. At work, I am absolutely focused, despite turbulence prior to an enagement.

My friend, 81-88 was very long... I hope you have recovered, or are on your way there. shoma ham sabz baashi, at least some of the times.


Hoshang Targol

Those green leaves look so lovely

by Hoshang Targol on

Monda jan thanks for the picture and the text. A great refuge from family and holiday: next room, when you've had just enough home cooking, and relatives and... and the 'holiday rage' is building up!

My worst years were 81 and 88, (maybe we could start a blog on comparative study of disasters!) though this year was kind of mixed. I liked that "portable spiritual place" a sort of a virtual spirituality, if you will. And more greens of all kinds for you, sabz bashi

atb in '11.    


I am so angery now.

by divaneh on

I have just read your deleted comment. They deleted that? aarrgh. Rage, rage. I am fuming. Bang, crash (that was the wine glass against the wall), damn it. Someone give me a gun. Aaaahhh, Aaaahhh.

Haaah, Haaah, I feel better know. Thanks for your method Monda Jaan, it does wonder.


You deserve what you get. What is wrong with big wine glass? hah? I am starting to get angry again. Aaaahhh.


Monda jaan e khyli aziz

by Mehrban on

I just can't even imagine you angry.  They say when we are angry we are most lucid or maybe that is when we are "mad" :-)????  

Loved your blog, happy healthy and free 2011 to you and all IC dot comers.   Much love!

Jonny Dollar

Yolanda, Hebrew and arabic are semite languages (cousines)

by Jonny Dollar on

Racially and language are cousines with a little differences. Like portugese and spanish.

"God is love!"


Very funny Monda,Thanks

by MM on

Very funny Monda,

Thanks for the laugh.  I agree with the comments that you never have profanity and foul language (well, maybe in your joke site for good laughs) and I do not see any reason for your comments to be deleted.

Have a merry x-mas and a happy new year.



by yolanda on

Hi! Mr. Dollar,

  LOL! Thank you for the push/bush joke plus the language lesson! "Barack" is an interesting word.....Israeli Defense Minister is Ehud Barak......so "Barak" can be a Hebrew word also.....not sure what "Barak" means in Hebrew!

Happy Holidays!

P.S.   Actually Mobarak speaks pretty good English......I heard him talking on TV.......very talkative guy!

Jonny Dollar

Yoland, just want to tell you that "Mobarak" doesn't mean happy

by Jonny Dollar on

it is more so "Auspicious." when used in Happy b-day, it is interpreted as happy to rime with english. However, it is derived from Barak(et) as in BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA.

I know my post has nothing to do with this subject, but I couldn't find your posting last night when you responded to me. remember the joke i told you when Mobarak came to visit Bush? when he went back he ordered to put "Mobarak" on all the doors saying that in America they have put Bush(push) on all the doors so he wanted to do the same! ARAB!


"God is love!"



by yolanda on

Hi! Monda,

      Very humorous blog.......your deleted post triggered and unleashed so many different emotions....LOL...thank you for sharing! I stared at your blog photo for a long long time and I also did a little research on Internet.......the green plants in your blog photo look like Marijuana to me or maybe it is a new species of Christmas tree.....LOL!

 I hope you have a great 2011........we had 6 days of rain here in Southern Cal.....I was hoping it rains in Death Valley also, so we can have a lot of wildflowers.....unfortunately, at this point, not enough precipitation for widespread wildflowers in Spring......

take care!

P.S. If you go to Argentina, please take some pictures....I love your last photo essay.....you are a great photographer......maybe, you can do another photo essay.



Dears, Redwine, Bavafa, Abarmard va Farshadjon

by Monda on

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and commenting.

Your Nice wishes back at You and Your Loved ones!


Great blog and comments

by Bavafa on

Merry Christmast and a very happy holiday to you and your family



Hi Monda

by Abarmard on

2011 will be a great year:)



by farshadjon on

 Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all IC friends!


Red Wine

عید خارجیها و سال نو فرنگی‌

Red Wine

ما مسافریم و چند ساعت دیگر.برای ۲-۳ روز به مملکت دوست و برادر..مصر می‌رویم و نمی‌دانیم جریان چه بوده است،سواد زبان خارجه را نداریم تا مطلب را جویا شویم، حضرت شازده و فرامرز خان هم ما را تنها گذاشتند،دیدیم ماندا خانم پنجره خانه‌اش را باز گذاشته و آمدیم سلامی عرض کنیم و اگر شد شرابی با دوستان قبل از رفتن بنوشیم.

به هر صورت عید خارجیها و سال نو فرنگی‌ را پیشاپیش به دوستان تبریک عرض می‌کنیم.

بزرگتر‌ها عیدی ما کوچک تر‌ها را فراموش نکند.




Faramarz I am relieved : ))

by Monda on

No true virtual friend of mine Would fall for flute-shaped breasts! I saw my confusion, thank god you don't drink champagne out of jugs.