How Many Friends Do You Have?

msabaye
by msabaye
29-Jan-2010
 

"I have 386 friends." Someone told me.

How do you keep count? I wondered. How many letters/emails does she have to write? How many birthdays, occasions,... And above all, how do you remember what you said to whom? Was I worried over nothing?  I remembered that she often repeated so many things that she had told me before. So, this seemed like a real issue.

It turned out there was no danger of any issue as these were mainly people whom she had connected on Facebook. So basically, she didn't know the names, the actual names of most of them. Someone responded to a comment, and that was the beginning of a friendship which had not gone further than a line of comment since it started two years before.  

I suppose I take things seriously, perhaps too seriously. But I often thought friends were special people whom I cherished more than so many things in life. They were like relatives only better because we mutually chose each other. There was no biological imposition, no family consideration for having a relationship with its never ending and often unilateral responsibilities. With friends, we chose to listen to each other, to worry about each other, to care, to hurt and get hurt a minimum number of times (with family it can be a lifelong), to criticize, to forego, to forgive and so much more...   

Friendship, for me, takes time. I think I am blessed as I still have friends, very close friends, from my childhood and my adolescence. I keep making new friends but I doubt if I can make those types of friendships ever again. Friends who know me sometimes better than I know myself. And I know them. Those I do not have to explain, or explain so much. They are nowhere near 386, or 300, or even 100, but a handful, a precious handful I intend to cherish for as long as I live.

 

How many friends do you have? 

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more from msabaye
 
Princess

Facebook

by Princess on Mon Feb 08, 2010 01:20 PM PST

 Thought you might be interested to read this.

 

//www.nybooks.com/articles/23651


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yolanda

....

by yolanda on Fri Jan 29, 2010 01:12 PM PST

Hi! BN,

I agree with you that:

It is sad to see that some people's lives are so empty of real friends
that they just grab any name or face in the cyberspace to call friends. 

thanks,


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Monda

Anahid jan, FB contacts rather than Friends

by Monda on Fri Jan 29, 2010 01:02 PM PST

Off FB people can decide where they want to take those connections, right? Would you like to be my FB friend?  My request is coming in to you :o)


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Anahid Hojjati

Hamsade ghadimi,I agree teenagers having 1000 friends is curious

by Anahid Hojjati on Fri Jan 29, 2010 11:18 AM PST

 

Dear hamsade, I have seen teenagers having hundreds of friends and in this case, I believe most of these fb friends of these teen-agers are actually acquaintances not friends.


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hamsade ghadimi

just a hermit :)

by hamsade ghadimi on Fri Jan 29, 2010 11:05 AM PST

anahid,  i did not make up the term facebookemon.  you can look it up in the urban dictionary.  i've seen many people in facebookland (i think i just made that one up) with over thousand friends.  i'm guessing a regular person cannot have a meaningful freindship of more than 100 (just an arbitrary number but certianly less than 1000 or so).  actually, i think a few dozen.  based on that, i'm assuming many of these (i said great majority) so called friends are facebookemon.  i did not intend to knock facebook and i'm sorry if i hurt anyone's feelings.

my nephews have thousands of facebook friends.  i've clicked on their friends and they all have more than 1000 friends.   i'm talking about teenagers.  it that real?  do people really have that many friends as the author of this blog is asking.  maybe i'm just a hermit!  or maybe i have a different definition of a friend, acquaintance, old classmate, relative, etc.


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bajenaghe naghi

msabaye jan

by bajenaghe naghi on Fri Jan 29, 2010 10:53 AM PST

It seems to me that most things these days have become disposable, temporary and shallow.  Friendships are no exception. 

In the past when you called a person your friend, you meant a very strong and deep relationship. These days people call even quasi acquaintants as friends. This happens on Facebook all the time. 

Some monts ago I received a friendship request from a very young and attractive woman. I had not heard her name and did not recognise her face. I wrote to her and asked her if we were long lost relatives or if we knew each other. Her response was a definite no. She had just joined Facebook and wanted to have a lot of Iranian friends. I guess any tom dick or harry would do!

It is sad to see that some people's lives are so empty of real friends that they just grab any name or face in the cyberspace to call friends.


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Anahid Hojjati

Facebook friends are not something to belittle

by Anahid Hojjati on Fri Jan 29, 2010 10:33 AM PST

 

I have to disagree with hamsade ghadimi.  The way he writes about facebook friends, he makes them totally worthless.  Truth is that facebook is just a tool and you can use it however you want.  Through facebook, I have started communicating with cousins who were babies when I left Iran.  Also I have found old classmates from more than 30 years ago and by writing about our lives in US and Iran, we have started a new friendship.  Then there are weird cases in facebook such as friend requests that seem fishy since you have no clue who the person is. But allthogether I rate my facebook experience positive. 

By the way, if you want to be my fb friend, make sure you are using your real name.  I am not going to accept friend requests if I see that it is from khar, shepesh, no-fear, etc.  I chose these names to just illustrate my point.  I have nothing against writers with these names but point of facebook is to know your friends by name and face.

 


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Monda

True friends

by Monda on Fri Jan 29, 2010 08:58 AM PST

Mine are a handful and I consider myself blessed for having them...., without strings attached as you say, way more genuine than relatives (excluding my daughter and my dokhtar ammeh who just called me from Boston to edit my comment here :o), certainly not over a 100 as my facebook shows. I take friendships very seriously too. The most valuable ones do take time and very special space in my soul.


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hamsade ghadimi

facebookemon

by hamsade ghadimi on Fri Jan 29, 2010 07:04 AM PST

as princess explained "facebook friends" are different than friends.  facebook friends are much like pokeman cards.  i'm talking about the worthless cards that kids are tricked into buying, thinking they're valuable like old baseball cards.  the great majority of facebook friends are actually facebookemons, a cheaper version of actual friends and the more one collects, the more important the person think (s)he is. 


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The Phantom Of The Opera

.

by The Phantom Of The Opera on Wed Apr 07, 2010 02:53 PM PDT


The Pahlavis, all mullahs, and all public figures associated with the Green Movement  must disclose the source and the amount of their wealth/income.


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Princess

Facebook Friends

by Princess on Fri Jan 29, 2010 05:50 AM PST

Your friend should probably have said "386 facebook friends". That is a phrase commonly used now-a-days and is not the same thing as friends. 

As for friends, I don't think many people would argue with you. Personally to me friends are those who come visit you when are in the hospital. 

 


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Ali P.

:-)

by Ali P. on Fri Jan 29, 2010 05:33 AM PST

I would not want to be friends with someone, who'd take me as a friend!


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yolanda

......

by yolanda on Fri Jan 29, 2010 05:13 AM PST

I don't know the exact number of my friends.....I have to say that I have very few enemies....


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