Niki Tehranchi

I usually have a pretty strong radar to stay away from big stinkers. That’s why I have managed to avoid such obvious choices like Gigli, or Fantastic Four. But sometimes my guard is down and I get dragged into or stay up late at night watching some horrendous entity that never should have seen the light of day and will haunt my nightmares for the remainder of my days. These are my ten most hated films of the 2000s (in no particular order):

Obsessed (2009)

2 words: Beyonce Knowles?

LOLTASTIC!!!

I liked it MUCH MUCH better the first time when it was called Fatal Attraction, the story actually made sense, and the directing and editing were flawless. This doesn’t even qualify as a “bad movies we love” a la Showgirls or Plan 9 from outer space. It is just plain bad.

Anything starring Ben Stiller

And I am not even a Stiller hater. At least I didn’t start out that way. I immensely enjoyed him in The Cable Guy and Reality Bites both as a director and as an actor. He did a great job. But I ‘m sorry, Night at the Museum? Meet the Parents and sequels? Along came Polly? Duplex? Heartbreak Kid? Starsky and Hutch? Thanks to hubby who dragged me along to those horrible movies, I now am allergic to everything this creepy little unfunny actor touches. Please stay away from the silver screen. Just take a break man, enough is enough!

Pretty much anything starring Owen Wilson

I am cutting Stiller’s buddy some slack because he did make it into some decent movies in the 2000s like the Royal Tenenbaums plus nobody who could collaborate on Rushmore should be totally written off. But I can’t forgive him for such stinkers as Wedding Crashers, Starsky and Hutch, and You, Me and Dupree,

Tropic Thunder (2008)

Very overrated. And not just because it stars Ben Stiller. I still have a headache from all those exploding bombs and gunfire.

The Informant (2009)

It is trying to be funny but it just fails. First Soderbergh film that disappointed and actually bored me.

Lady in the Water (2006)

You have to understand, I have never EVER walked out of a movie theater in the middle of it before in my life. M. Night Shymalan, thanks for putting an end to that lucky streak: You almost did it once before with the Village but this took the cake!

Silent Hill (2006)

What the hell is Rhada Mitchell doing in this nightmare? Come on girl, you’ve been in a Woody Allen film, you don’t need this crap! As a huge horror film fan, this, to put it simply, BLEW!

The Spiderman Franchise

I am not against popcorn blockbusters. I can check my brain at the door and jump into an escapist comic book story as well as anyone. Now Tim Burton’s Batman is a good example of that. But at least for Pete’s sake, entertain me! I wanted to blow my brains out I was so bored by each of these terrible movies. And I couldn’t stand Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst. Thank god at least there was James Franco who made some moments of the movies more bearable than others.

King Kong (2005)

Memo to Peter Jackson: Just because you received accolades for Lord of the Rings does not mean that you can just wake up one day and make the STUPIDEST, LONGEST, MOST CRINGE-INDUCING movie that makes the old King King movies look like Citizen Kane! Jack Black, stop messing with your face. Your overly botoxed and pulled face distracted me more in the entire movie than all those “cool” graphics of the dinosaurs and other monsters on the island. Not to mention this is such a racist story idea that NEVER EVER should have been remade in the first place. What’s next: Birth of a Nation, 2012???!!!

Mystic River (2003)

Terrible, over-rated, over-acted movie. I have seen Law and Order episodes that are less predictable and better acted. Laura Linney, what the heck ? A usually good actress doing this campy Lady Macbeth thing. And Sean Penn, don’t get me started. From the “Look, Ma, I’m acting over here, I’m ACTING MA!!!’ school of thespian skills. You wanna watch a non-cliché, superb film about a grieving dad seeking revenge for his slain daughter, go watch The Limey starring Terrence Stamp, and directed by Steven Soderbergh.

Dishonorable mentions: Good Luck Chuck, The Strangers, Norbit, anything starring Cameron Diaz, Pirates of the Caribbean, Intolerable Cruelty, Insomnia.

Feel free to add your own nightmare to this list…