Namaz Khooneh


Namaz Khooneh
by Parchin

Of course I wanted to go to heaven with Muhammad and the crew, but it was quite difficult to resist making fart noises when the Principal went to Sojdeh.  And who wouldn't savour moments in which you shift your weight on your hands and attempt a high kick in your friend's head praying behind you? Yet most exciting was sneaking away and running down the stairs 5 steps at a time to hide underneath the stairwell to avoid getting caught. Yes these were the moments that provided the 8-year-old me with utmost excitement and pleasure during Namaz everyday.  By the time I was 10 however, it had gotten old.

While hiding under the staircase on a gloomy winter's day, i decided to spice things up.  I was a senior at elementary school and had to prove my superiority to everyone if not myself!  I realize now what they mean by mid-life crisis; I think I was experiencing mine! Since sports cars and face lifts were nowhere in my imagination, and I had no money to splurge anyway, I decided to practice my deviant nature and prove to myself that I am indeed still young and quite alive. I looked around, fixed my maghna'eh, grabbed my bangs and pulled them out to make sure I look the part! So hair showing and all, I came out from my hiding place and was faced with row after row of shoes. The smell of racks and racks of shoes made me drunk and I started humming a song. Our school being a mansion confiscated during the revolution, it was surrounded by emtpy land with overgrown acres of weed. I threw the first shoe I could find from the top rack, my teacher's, but it wasn't the last. Practicing, I realized that my pitch became perfect, resembling that of a baseball player, though not so American.

The feeling was nothing short of exhilaration and ecstasy. No one could mess with me now, and from then on I made sure everyone knew of my powers. Looking back I believe I must have assassinated about 40 pairs of shoes if not more, though no one could prove it. I was the original Shoe Thrower, and I never prayed a single day. If I was unable to escape because of someone standing guard at the door, I would recite Shahram Shabpare or Sandy and would spit gum into the crowd when it came time for Rokoo. If I had gotten a great grade in Religion that day, I would recite Yadegare Doost to show respect.

I'm glad I went through my existentialist phase at ten, so at 25 I need not worry about life and husbands and children.


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more from Parchin

Thank you all. Ranting has

by Parchin on

Thank you all. Ranting has never been so much fun!


Very funny! I'm going to host a namaze jamat at my place and

by Anonymouse on

Very funny!  I'm going to host a namaze jamat at my place and "attempt a high kick in your friend's head praying behind" me! 

The 25 year olds I know, know not much about soojood and rookoods and I can easily dupe them to get a "high kick from behind" out of it! LOL! 

Everything is sacred.

Ari Siletz

Wow, a new kafsh!

by Ari Siletz on

I mean kashf. Very funny story. I must have assassinated about 40 pairs of shoes... That's 80 soles!   Thank you, and more please. Your point of view is quite fresh and interesting :)

persian westender

I think you were very sheitoon, (and may be still you are!)

by persian westender on

You reminded me of my uncontrollable laughs at the ‘emam jamaat’s way of spelling “asssshhhhhado an la..” in school’s namaaz khooneh. You know, the pronunciation of the word should be such that it comes from depth of the pharynx, otherwise it wouldn’t be accepted by god i guess, so the guy used to repeat it several times until he felt it is pronounced rightfully (Such eloquently-called god we have!). I mean no disrespect to praying, but it used to give me the impression that the guy is making himself to puke by force.... I was not as agile and smart as you to get away from the crime scene, but I was enough lucky to be sentenced to banning from namazkhooneh due to my interruptive and scandalous laughs and spreading it to others.


Thanks for sharing. 

Nazy Kaviani

A new writer!

by Nazy Kaviani on

How exciting! I would like to welcome you as someone from the new generation of Iranians, someone who has obviously lived through the Islamic Republic's educational system! I am delighted to have someone from your generation blogging here. Your writing brims with life and mischief! Did you really throw all the shoes out the window?! How did you get away with it?!

Please write some more and make it soon! Tell us about other aspects of contemporary life in Iran. Writing skills are obviously important, but it's infinitely more important to have a story to tell. I think you will go far Parchin, for you have stories to tell. Thanks for this page of your diary.