West London afternoon


Peyvand Khorsandi
by Peyvand Khorsandi

1.30pm I'm in Hanger Hill park in Ealing. A cyclist brushes past an old couple. They huff and puff. He stops and confronts them, American accent. 'In England you can't cycle in parks' they say. 'That's just racialist,' he says. (Though he's white.) They exchange words. Then as he's about to make off, he says: 'You're lucky you're not my age or i'd beat the shit out of you.'

At this point I step in and say: 'You're out of order mate, they're right, you don't cycle in parks.' He looks surprised and gets off his bike -- 'You ARE my age' -- and offers me out. Ten years ago, twenty years ago, I would have lunged at him, slipped in the mud, gone home with a black eye and bloody nose (back then the rule was 'go for the balls', but assessing him today it would be 'smash the iPod'). Instead, I was calm and said: 'I have no problem with you,' and took a step back. The couple and I then walked on together. 'We're so sorry,' they said. 'That vocabulary.'

'It's not your fault,' I said. 'He's clearly disturbed.'

Then he cycled past us hurling a few Fs. I chased after him out of the park. 'Pick on a couple of old people son.'

'Fuck off paki,' he said.

'You're an unhappy wreck mate,' -- not quite as effective as paki -- 'pick on a couple of old people.' I made sure to smile, which i thought was nice, but I was hit.

'Terrorist,' he said. 'Terrorist-paki.'

'Kiss my arse you prick.'

'Around the corner,' he said. 'You come here mate,' I said -- the middle of a street is the safest place for a fight -- cars will eventually arrive to break it up.

He cycled off -- 'Terrorist, paki...' (the US foreign policy mantra). I went to my car, intent on surprising him and running him over. Then I noticed the couple.

'Are you alright' they said. 'I'm fine,' I said. 'Best not to think about him and let him spoil your day.' Easier said than done though.

The last time someone called me paki it was also in Ealing, where i grew up, twenty years ago -- another cyclist. It was night, I got angry, chased him a good few hundred metres. This time, however, i was more riled. If I'm gonna suffer racism, it should come from an English person, not a bloody foreigner.


Recently by Peyvand KhorsandiCommentsDate
Fantasy fatwa
Jul 01, 2012
Living Dead
Apr 19, 2012
Not one for breakfast
Mar 06, 2012
more from Peyvand Khorsandi

Retarded Americans in London

by unregistered headless chick (not verified) on


kir to fucking Londan and all british

by Anonymous6 (not verified) on

If can hve one of the in Iran I will fuck them if I have chance to back in Iran
make sure they did not have sex with you those gay


This sounds atypical

by Anonymous8 (not verified) on

Americans don't use "Paki". I have never heard it in the states. Also, the ones who travel and "cycle" in Europe are the world-conscious, liberal minded ones, especially if they're young.


is this for real?

by Ara (not verified) on

what profound perception! so now the writer of this piece feels mature because he didn't beat up a guy. who's really disturbed here? what's wrong with being called Paki any way? are you against Pakis? do you think you're superior to them being an Iranian? and if you think Americans are the only ignorant racist m..ther f...rs in the world, try the Brits. Read some history man. good luck.


Have you noticed!!

by Anonymous-Patriot (not verified) on

Have you ever noticed these Americans only fight when there is 10,000 of them to one of you. So I wouldn't worry about chasing any of their racist pale asses out of any park as long as it is a one-on-one finght or if there are no "nuclear weapons option on the table!"


In London

by reeseh (not verified) on

In London, "not a bloody foreigner!" coming from an Iranian, being called a Paki, by an American! Lol! --Good one! :D


When I was in high school,

by n.zanincanadai on

When I was in high school, a few "ham kelaasi"s had that attitude with me. "But I'm whiter than you, little prick" I used to think. Then I went to Iran at 16. I came back with a lot of confidence. I caught one of the boys alone one time. With my new found confidence, I went up to him. I got close, way close. Too close for comfort. I looked him in the eyes and very quietly, I said LOSER (pronounced LOOHOOZER).

Needless to say, all of the losers are still losers. It sucks to peak in high school!


He was lucky

by XerXes (not verified) on

He was lucky I wasn't there, kick his ass