R2-D2

A New Version Of Deklame' Of "Koocheh" By Fereidoon Moshiri

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Yolanda,

I just received in this e-mail a new version of Koocheh (The Alley) - I'll post it right above this comment :)

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 Hi R2-D2,

     I played your new "The Alley" video this morning and also left a comment on you-tube. Wow! You and your friend started to make personalized poem video, that is nice! I don't want to post my comment above your new video, so I decided to post my comment here. I hope you can still find it. I noticed that your blog has over 500 hits. That is nice!

Thank you for adding the new video!

take care!

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It seems to me that the video images match the poetic verses!

Dear Yolanda

Thank you very much for your wonderful comment .. To be honest with you, I am partly to blame here :) I should have made my comment clearer earlier on ...

The Very Best For You,

R2-D2

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Dear R2-D2,

    I am deeply sorry that I misunderstood your post and my post made you feel uncomfortable......I really wanted to revise my comment....I hope you can accept my sincere apology for writing an inappropriate comment.....Thank you for all your blogs and videos...apparently you have tons of knowledge in poetry, Persian music, culture, and politics......I have learned a lot of things here...I am very appreciative of that!

sincerely,

yolanda

Yolanda :)

I just uploaded the blog for Rumi and Shamloo .. This is the link for Google search on the poem .. On top you see the poem in Farsi on the search results .. Next to the result, it says translate this page .. If you find a good translation of the poem, post it in the new blog .. Otherwise just post some nice videos:)

Yolanda :)

I would like to encourage you to try and see if you can teach yourself Farsi :) Based on what I have seen from you, you are indeed a very smart lady - It would be a huge shame if someone like you, with the love and affection that you have for Persian Culture in general, and Persian Poetry in particular, not to learn the Farsi Language :)

Think About It .....

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Hi! Anahid,

I agree with you...but the thing is that it is not easy for a person to master 2 languages plus poetry-writing skill. If one of the 3 skills (native language, 2nd language, and poetry writing skill) is lacking, the translation will not be great! I know you, MPD, and some other people are able to write poems in 2 languages, that is awesome! Thanks for your insight!

Dear Anahid :)

That's a very good and interesting point that you have raised .. Unfortunately, as you indicated, our Great Poets are either gone and not with us, and those living, most do not have the Mastery of both languages :)

Dear R2-D2, best English translation is if poet translates

Dear R2-D2 and yolanda, I have writen poems in both Farsi and in English.  There are few poems that I wrote first in Farsi and then I translated to English and vice versa.  In my opinion, the best translation of Farsi poetry to English is when poet does it.  I understand that for our poets who are gone, this is impossible and even for living ones, most poets are not able to do thisbut if a poet can do it, they should.

Yolanda :)

I have read the works of almost ALL great Persian Poets, both the Classical ones, such as Hafez, Rumi, Sa'adi and others, and Modern ones, such as Shamloo, Moshiri and others, and I am yet to find a good English Translation of their works which gives the same degree of satisfaction, as the original works in Farsi!

If you really love Persian Potery, then you should try and learn Farsi :) It's really that simple .....

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Hi Mitra,

   I am glad to hear that Franak's version is closer to the original poem.... I like her version a lot. I have saved the poem! It is super cool! You must be bi-lingual and know poetry very well. Thank you for your input! 

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Hi! R2-D2,

    It is interesting to know that female translator did a better job translating the love poem! I noticed that Franak translated other Moshiri's poems and did a great job, too. Yes, it is very hard to have translation as good as the original poems in meaning and rhymes.......I heard that Persian poems rhyme very well, but a lot of time, the English versions don't rhyme anymore........it is a shame! People said that the #1 pastime in Iran is barbecue (kebab)...I think #2 pastime is probably poetry! I read a couple of weeks ago, that some Iranian poets have been nominated for Nobel Prize for literature more than one time......just a matter of time, an Iranian will win the Nobel Prize for literature!

Thanks Mitra :)

Your point is well taken - However, to be honest with you, I always try to read Poetry in its orginal language :)

If one doesn't speak the language, then of course one has no choice but to read a translation .....

"Faranak Moshiri" has more beautiful & more faithful translation

Faranak Moshiri's translation is much closer to the original poem.  Bashiri's poem takes much liberty with Moshiri's poem.  On top of that, Faranak's translation is more beautiful.  So for me, there is no question that "Faranak Moshiri" has the better translation. 

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Yolanda, let me share with you a secret that may guide you a bit better regarding the translations:

Franak is a woman, and Iraj is a man .. When I read the translations, it is very clear when a man translated the poem (in Iraj's case), and when a woman did (in Franak's case)

I really believe that it's extremely difficult to get a perfect translation .. Poetry, unlike prose, is very difficult to translate :)

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Hi R2-D2,

    Thank you for your blog! Yeah! Moshiri was great! I personally prefer the version translated by Franak Moshiri. I was wondering if the translator is related to the poet 'cause both of them have the same last name. Franak's translation flows better and sounds very natural. I can tell that the translator also made effort to make the poem rhyme. Bashiri's version sounds a little unnatural & fragmented to me, so it does not impact me that much....but it is possible that Bashiri's version is more faithful to Moshiri's original poem. I am pretty sure that you can judge which version is closer to the Farsi poem 'cause you know both languages! Without knowing Farsi, I am pretty much like a blind person, who can only visualize how beautiful this world is, but I can't see it! The most touching part of the poem is:

A prairie deer am I, you the hunter.
Round your traps I wander and wander,
For to be captured by you, to surrender.

OMG! It is just incredible that a guy talked like that! The word "captured" & "surrender" really shocked me! Of course, it is also very romantic! LOL! I have to say that this is a sad poem 'cause it is about unrequited love!

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This poem by Moshiri is also great, it should be read at weddings:

Forever with You

Being with you,
Near, far,
Starving or well-fed,
Free, captive,
Full of sorrow or joy,
The essence of my existence.
A moment spent without you,
May there never be!

To die for your glory,
By your side,
The purpose of my death.
The purpose of my life.

Being with you,
Always with you,
Existing for you,
The meaning of love.
The pathway of my fate.

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Thank you for your blog and videos!

Two Additional Recitations (Deklame') Of "Koocheh"

Recitation (Deklame') by Maziar Moghadam:

Recitation (Deklame') by Unknown Friend:

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Thanks For These Videos :)

They're Great .....

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Thank You Yolanda :)

These are beautiful translations of the poem into English :)

I hope that one day you would learn Farsi so that you can read the poem in its original form :)

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The Alley

On a moonlit night, once again
Through the alley, I wandered, without you.
My body, an eye gazing in search of you.
My soul, a cup teeming with anticipation
Of seeing you,
Now, I became the mad lover, anew!

Deep in my soul’s treasure-chest,
A flower, your memory, gleaming.
The garden of a thousand memories, smiling.
The scent of a thousand memories, beaming.

That night, I recalled,
Through the alley, we wandered, side by side.
Wings wide-open, in cherished solitude, soaring.
For a time, by the brook, resting.
You, all the world’s secrets in your black eyes,
I, by your glances, mesmerized.
Clear skies, quiet night,
Faith smiling, time tame.

Moonlight, grapes pouring down into the water.
Tree branches, fingers reaching up to the moon.
The night, the meadow, flowers and rocks,
Silently charmed by the nightingale’s song.

Your words of warning, I recalled,
Avoid this love!
Behold this brook for a while!
Water mirrors timid love.
Today, you care for a glance of your lover,
But, tomorrow, your heart will belong to another.
Leave this town,
Forget this love.

How would I avoid this love,
I do not know how, I said.
How would I leave your side,
I can not now, nor ever, I said.

That first day, my heart became a bird of desire.
Like a dove, I perched on your roof,
Rocks, you cast at me,
I did not fly away.
I did not fall apart.

A prairie deer am I, you the hunter.
Round your traps I wander and wander,
For to be captured by you, to surrender.

How would I avoid this love,
I do not know how, I said.
How would I leave your side,
I can not now, nor ever, I said.

From a branch, a teardrop, falling.
A bitter moan, an owl, flying.
Tears in your eyes, gleaming.
Moon, at your love, beaming.

You fell silent, I recall.
Covered by a blanket of gloom,
I did not fly away.
I did not fall apart.

Many a night have passed in melancholy darkness.
You have abandoned your tormented lover.
You would not set foot in that alley again.
Oh, but how, but how,
Through the alley, I wandered, without you.

Translated by Franak Moshiri
Fall 1997

copyright © 1997-2009

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The Alley

Without you
On a moonlit night,
My thoughts aflight,
I visited that alley again.


My body,
transformed into eyes,
Craved to actualize,
Another meeting with you, in vain.

Sweet anticipation,
Of love's rejuvenation,
Overflowed
My mortal cup.

In that sacred locality
Outside all reality,
The crazed lover with me
Caught up.

Thorns of your being blossomed,
In every recess of my soul;
Recollections of your laughter,
Echoed from pole to pole.

The perfume of lost memories,
Permeated the whole;
As I recalled that night,
The alley,
The realm of silences,
The brook,
And the glance I took.

Your black eyes,
Full of mystery,
Full of the elixir of life,
Enchanted me. What magic, what strife!

The sky was clear,
The night calm,
Luck happy,
Time tame.

Moonbeams poured into every nook,
Lighting up the branches in the brook.
And the night
And the fields
And the flowers,
And the rocks that hasty day forsook.

I recall you say, "Avoid this love.
Heed the current,
The mirror of transient life.


"Today my looks,
Whose tomorrow,
Would please you most, my dove?

"Forget me." You said.
"Leave this town a while,
Preserve that God-given smile."

But,
"Avoid your love, I shall not," I said.
"I will not, till dead."

"The instant my heart--my love partridge,
Lit at your roof,
You threw stones to force me leave,
But I did not. Neither did I grieve.

"You are the hunter," I said. "I the game,
Forcing my way into your trap
To make me tame.

"I shall not abandon you
I will not go away,
Not until you do the same."

Droplets oozed down a branch.
With a bitter groan,
The bird of night took to flight.
Tears gathered in your eyes,
The moon's laugher at my plight.

Reminding me of the response I never received.

Sadness engulfed me,
I persisted.
I did not leave.

That night,
The next night,
All my nights,
Joined the darkness that only nights perceived.

You no longer recalled,
The heart-broken lover you had.

You never walked,
Down that alley,
That alley so sad.

Only if you knew,
The distress I went through,
Walking down that alley,
Without you.

Translated by Iraj Bashiri