احوال پرسی‌ از خواهر و مادر آخوند ها

احوال پرسی‌ از خواهر و مادر آخوند ها
by Shazde Asdola Mirza
06-Jan-2012
 

مجری: سلام حاج آقا ... حالتون خوبه؟

آخوند: ای، به حمد الله بد نیستیم.

مجری: خانم والده چطور ... خوب هستند؟

آخوند: نعوذ به الله!

مجری: صبیّه مکرّمه که سلامت و سر حال هستند؟

آخوند: لا اله الا الله!

مجری: حاجی از این سوالات که دلخور نمیشی‌؟

آخوند: شما چرا خواهر و مادر ما رو ول نمیکنید؟

مجری: آخه آقا، گفته بودند که آمریکایها دارن ترتیب شون رو میدن.

آخوند: نخیر، اصلا صحت نداره ... ما خودمون داریم ترتیب آمریکا رو میدیم ... ما سی‌ ساله که داریم داغونشون می‌کنیم.

مجری: پس صحت نداره که ناو‌های آمریکا دارن تنگه رو گشاد میکنند؟

آخوند: ابداً و اصلا ... نیرو‌های دریایی سپاه به کلیت منطقه خلیج اسلامی تسلط دارند!

مجری: حاج آقا، دلار چرا گرون شده؟

آخوند: شایعه پراکنی نکنید ... این گرونی‌ها موقتی است ... بزودی یک دلار میشه معادل یک ریال ... انشا‌الله.

مجری: پس چرا با عهد و عیال و چمدون تشریف آوردید فرودگاه؟

آخوند: و الله، این دختر کوچیکم یه ذره دل‌ پیچه داشت، داریم میبریمش تورنتو، واسه چک آپ.

مجری: سفر بخیر حاج آقا ... به آقای خاوری هم سلام برسونید!


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Oon yaro dear: I had pre-empted your question, two comments below yours.

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dear MPD: all daring stuff happen in the airports, or airport securites.


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Good questions,,,


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-دختر خطیب در نکاح میاورید تا ناگاه خر کره نزاید.

 - دختر فقیهان و شیخان و قاضیان و عوانان مخواهید. و اگر بی اختیار پیوندی با آن جماعت اتفاق افتاد عروس را بکونسو برید تا گوهر بد بکار نیاورد و فرزندان گدا و سالوس و مزور و پدر و مادر آزار از ایشان در وجود نیاید.

دو پند از رسالۀ صد پند عبید زاکانی

شازده جان چنانچه می بینید ما از مصاحبت دختران آخوندها که بجز کره خر چیزی نمی زایند منع شده ایم. امریکا اما گوشش به این حرفها بدهکار نیست. 


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Dear Shazdeh Thank you! What's Montazeri looking at in the photo

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No leotard for you Faramarz

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Checked with Guzzi of Rome--the famed designers of men's wear-- to order a leotard for you. I was shocked by their response. They wanted to know if the intended party has a bloated belly. Well, I had never seen your belly and much as I admire your person, it is my hope that the occasion for seeing your exposed belly is never materializes. Yet, just to place the order, I decided to do a bit of fibbing, not a full-fledged taqyyeh. I mumbled something to the effect.

Things got complicated. The sales VP took over and began more in-depth interrogation. He demanded to know: "the party for him you wish to purchase our exclusive leotard, has the physiognomy suited for our top of the line exclusive leotard, you say?"

I, again, mumbled something to the affirmative hoping to make good on my promise of getting you one. I didn't want you pacing back and forth forever in front of your home flagging every passing UPS and FED X truck to see if your leotard was on board.

You know what the man said? He said that huge bloated bellies like those of our models posted by Shazde without our authorization are required. Again I mumbled something to get this deal consummated and frankly I was getting a bit hot under the collar. What the dicken is it to him. I'm going to pay him and he just should box it with a lovely bow and ship it forthwith.

And here is the deal buster. He said, the intended party not only must have the bloated sumo wrestler size belly, it must have been certifiably acquired by100 percent MOFTKHORI.

Dear Faramarz sorry to disappoint you. I know that in no way are you willing to begin MOFTKHORI after a lifelong of earning your livelihood by ARAGHE JABIN honest work. But, if you are willing to settle for knock offs, a Chinese factory in Chosoon will have some in a week or so. And they don't ask any fool question. Just the greenback they want. I hope you understand that I tried my level best.

So, stop pacing back and forth and get back to your keyboard and keep on making IRDC a worthy place to visit.


Shazde Asdola Mirza

بیچاره منتظری ... هنوز دنبال "ولایت فقیه" خودش می‌گرده

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فرامرز جان - لطف داری و صفا آوردی.


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Faramarz

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Don't act so envious. I'll be glad to send you one of these outfits gratis in care of Jahanshah javid. But I'm afraid he might confiscate it and wear it himself.

Dear Shazde KHOSH SOKHAN VA KHOSH ZOGH. Thanks for clarifying things. So, should I continue forking over my honestly earned nickels to the dishonest mullahs? What do you advise? I certainly want to be on the Allah's good side. I dread his bad side, since it was his bad side that gave us the mullahs, I'm told.


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Thank you Shazde.

Great humor and funny picture. I love the outfits!


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Red Wine dear

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جای شما خالی‌، دیشب در محفلی نقلی ولی‌ سرشار از مهر و محبت، چند فروند چایی شیرین ترکی‌ (بیوک) همراه کوکو سبزی  و کوفته تبریزی، صرف شد ... انشا‌الله بزودی و در خدمتتان.

اوقات به کام و سال نو به سلامت!


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"امام زمان در جبهه دیده شده" - امام خمینی

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Bahram dear,

The very last time that I heard of Agha Emam Zaman, was when emam khomeini told us that Agha was seen riding a white horse in the fronts of Iran-Iraq war. Apparently, he wanted us to follow him into the marshes of Iraq and into the Faw peninsula.

Before that, we had taken a Koran to emam khomeini's palace (Jamaran) and asked him, if he would put his hand on the Koran and say that he is not the Emam Zaman. Emam Khomeini smiled and said: "Not so fast, children! Be patient and pay your dues in money and blood."

Before that, we were told that Allah would never leave this earth empty of his guidence, and that Emam Zaman is one way or the other, always present and directing the whole world affairs ... so keep paying the Khoms and Zakat to the mullah.

Before that, we were told that Emam Zaman needs our patience and support in these harsh times of "absence"; and we should demonstrate our support and followership by paying our money to Mullahs.

...

Before that, we were told: "The 12th Emam is not dead, just hidding and will soon come out with a Big Bang, to blind and kill all the infidels ... just keep paying your dues and subscription fees to his representative."


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...

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جنابِ شازده محترم،آخر این چه معنا دارد ؟ سور و مهمانی میدهی‌ اما ما را خبر نمیکنی‌ ! آیا ما لیاقتِ به کامِ گرفتن چند عدد شیرینی‌ خامه‌ای تهرانی ،به نیش کشیدن چند کبابِ ترکمن و نوشیدن چند لیوان چایِ ترکی‌ را نداریم ؟! نزدیکِ محلِ آقایِ میم پ دال بودیم که از بختِ خوبمان،شما را یافتیم .نبودید ،دلتنگ شدیم،سراغ گرفتیم ... :) .

چه جالب این بار نگاشتید. خواستیم چند عدد ناسزا به شیخ و دار و دسته محترمه حواله دهیم،گفتیم بی‌ خیال که زن و بچه مردم در اینجا هستند،شما که دیگر کار را تمام کرده ای‌د .

با سپاس از لطفتان .

 


Bahram G

Dear Shazde

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Thanks for the report. I'm not calling it TANZ or parody, because I have no reasons to jump to such conclusion. What I have every reason to say is that this report brought a smile to my face the size of Strait off Hormuz. I'm still smiling and no threats from RISHOO PASHM is going to close it.

Now, since you are a reporter of impeccable credentials, with inside information about the event in what used to be Iran and presently is the colony of arabophiles, would you kindly tell us if there is any truth to the report that Mehdi Farari, aka Mehdi Chaahi, has finally emerged from the well to lead the forces of righteousness against the infidels?

A problem immediately presented itself. Having been in the darkness of the well for centuries his eyes were virtually blind. And get this. The first thing he said was he wanted to be taken to top of the line ophthalmologist to bring his eyes up to speed, so to speak.

His devoted companions put him in a car, which startled him since he had never seen any means of transportation other than camels and occasional horses. The second shock came to him when they headed toward Tehran. He started screaming that he wanted and needed the top experts and they should take him to America. His RISHOO PASHM cychophants were shocked. One of them, the one with the hugest belly and biggest nerves spoke up saying that can't be done. That the IRI is almost at a state of war with what it has discerned to be the Great Satan.

The Mehdi was greatly dismayed and peppered the fatso with some choice Arabic curses and said in an astonishingly colloquial American English: okay boys, then take me to Toronto.

Now, dear Shazde, do you see my bewilderment at this report? Would you, if you find it in yourself, either confirm or dispel this rumor. Thanking you in advance for your edification and for your past eruditions.

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مریم خانم ... هوشنگ عزیز

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Dear Maryam: thanks for your continued support.

Hoshang jan: Seyed Ali is currently being sacrificed by the god of stupidity in the alter of idiocy ... Tabrik va Mobarak.


Maryam Hojjat

great Tanaz with Truth

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Thanks Shazdeh. 


default

بادا، بادا مبارک بادا، سید علی مبارک بادا

Hooshang Tarreh-Gol


میرزا  جان به ما گفتن که میخواستند برند به عروسی  (یا  شاید هم داشتند در میرفتن از زیر  عروسی). به هر حال قراره که سید علی مبارک بشه.
نظر آن عزیز چیست؟ مبارک بشه یا  مبارک نشه؟