Free Prescription for Married Men … post 9/11

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Free Prescription for Married Men … post 9/11
by Shazde Asdola Mirza
09-Sep-2011
 

Disclaimer: The following items are for external use only! Also, repeated application may cause dizziness, itching and excitement. If it lasts more than 4 hours; consult your pharmacist for a refill.

1.       Never look happy – there is nothing more despicable to the eyes of a wife, than a happy husband.

2.       Behave towards your wife as you’d behave towards your boss. For example; when she is around – look busy.

3.       Avoid long (>5 minute) conversations with your buddies, or use a payphone. Cell phone records are traceable!

4.       When she asks for something to be done: Do Not Argue! Just mumble in a low voice and look very disturbed. Doing the task will then become optional.

5.       Melancholy is your key to success, and cannot be overemphasized. Just like at work: If you seem to enjoy what you’re doing – boss may kick you out … for cheating!

6.       At any occasion for small talk (social events and parties); do not sound any wiser than your wife, her friends, or their dogs!

7.       Always wear neat, clean and smart attire - and be on your best behavior. Just because you’re tired and it’s your home too; doesn’t mean that you can get comfortable.

8.       First golden rule: wife is always right! 2nd golden rule: if not, see the first rule.

9.       Stupid domestic pets are cute and on-average live longer than your marriage. Treat and care for them, like your marriage depends on it.

10.   If all fails; fake a chronic disease. Unlike men, women have mercy on the weaker species.

11.   Notwithstanding any of these points – be always at top shape, when your services may be required (typically day 10 to 20 of her lunar cycle).

12.   Keep some magazines handy, for when your services are not required and your advances are just yucky (60% of the time).

13.   Go to the gym and exercise regularly. No one likes a couch potato, who kicks the bucket, before his full pension kicks in! More importantly, gym is a legit way for getting out of the house.

PS: all of the above best apply to a barren relationship. If you’re married with children – may god have mercy on your soul!

PPS: 9/11 may have changed the world … but nothing can change the marriage.

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more from Shazde Asdola Mirza
 
Shazde Asdola Mirza

Translate you may, but please provide link to this.

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Sat Sep 10, 2011 03:22 PM PDT

Thanks Rea for your seal of approval. If you provide a link to this version, then JJ and I can split the attention ;-)

AmirKabir: you seem to have become really excited. Can tell a fellow under-ball-and-chain brohiem anywhere!

dear GB: you guessed it ... that pussy cat is a killer ... lol.


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Rea

If you allow me

by Rea on Sat Sep 10, 2011 03:12 PM PDT

I'll translate n distribute.

Your best ever. ;o) 


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amirkabear4u

one more

by amirkabear4u on Sat Sep 10, 2011 01:16 PM PDT

if you are young and deciding what to become, become a medical doctor. No Iranian wife questions you if you go out at 10pm. All you have to say is going to hospital !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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amirkabear4u

and also

by amirkabear4u on Sat Sep 10, 2011 01:12 PM PDT

14- if you are good in acting, act gay !!!!!!!!!!

15- try to earn a lot of money and this gives you good reason to go home late.

16- pay her protection money every week, in cash, NOT by bank transfer. !!!!!!!!!!!


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amirkabear4u

I agee

by amirkabear4u on Sat Sep 10, 2011 12:54 PM PDT

Thanks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  LOL

 


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G. Rahmanian

A Good Blog!

by G. Rahmanian on Sat Sep 10, 2011 12:02 PM PDT

A Good Blog for those who couldn't/can't kill the proverbial cat! Enjoyed it.


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Truthseeker9

Reminds me of this article

by Truthseeker9 on Sat Sep 10, 2011 01:16 PM PDT

//leilouta.blogspot.com/2006/03/how-to-make-your-husband-happy.html

Especially useful when dealing with those with an attitude. One to teach your daughter(s) when they marry the Iranian man of their dreams.


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Shazde Asdola Mirza

دکتر جان

Shazde Asdola Mirza
Sat Sep 10, 2011 07:12 AM PDT

Thanks for # 15, but that may simply be too much to ask from the average guy!


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M. Saadat Noury

Well said Shazdeh, and ...

by M. Saadat Noury on Sat Sep 10, 2011 06:49 AM PDT

15. At least 3 times/ day (morning, noon, night) tell her you love her and make her feel comfortable with your romantic kisses


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Shazde Asdola Mirza

Divaneh dear

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Sat Sep 10, 2011 10:13 AM PDT

That's a great addition, even though many of us can't use it anymore.


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Shazde Asdola Mirza

فرامرز جان

Shazde Asdola Mirza
Fri Sep 09, 2011 06:53 PM PDT

Seek new friends!


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Shazde Asdola Mirza

pfft ... yuck ... ewwew ...

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Fri Sep 09, 2011 06:52 PM PDT

I'm right there with you, love.


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Shazde Asdola Mirza

جناب کاپیتان

Shazde Asdola Mirza
Fri Sep 09, 2011 06:47 PM PDT

ده تا تقویم هم که داشته باشی‌، بازم اونا کار خودشون رو می‌کنن.


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divaneh

Thanks Shazde

by divaneh on Fri Sep 09, 2011 06:23 PM PDT

14. Make sure you never call your mom.


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Faramarz

More Prescriptions!

by Faramarz on Fri Sep 09, 2011 05:44 PM PDT

I once asked a good friend of mine how he gets himself excited about his wife after 15 years of marriage. He smiled and said, "I just close my eyes and touch my own ass! It works like magic!"


  •  
Tiger Lily

Pin-up oookie pantzzzzz

by Tiger Lily on Fri Sep 09, 2011 03:23 PM PDT

ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHH

 

EWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW

 

YUUUCKKKKK

 

PFFFTTTTT

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUC

 

"I love you" 


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پندارنیک

Of hormonal cycles of marriage....

by پندارنیک on Fri Sep 09, 2011 03:19 PM PDT

You wanna keep your marriage going? Keep a calendar ............tick her cycles on your calendar, my friends. and learn how to act accordingly. Those are in fact the cycles of your life, like it or not............Be prepared for those days that logic fails and reason breaks..........the days that you keep asking yourself what the eff is she crying for? The days that you just wonder what on earth is happening....on those days, be prepared to remember ( or pretend to remember ) an instance which took place, say five or even ten long years before.....and then you just apologize for whatever you did or did not on that day in that distant past.........

Just have a calendar for yourselves my newly wed friends........Just a calender.........


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