Soosan Khanoom

MM,

Good idea ... Perhaps I should try it ...  LOL 

SK - take it from Monda; "Taking a Break"

Sound like you need a break.  Take it from Monda; Taking a Break.  You may see things in a new perspective, otherwise, there is always the second/next marriage.

Anahid jan .  

Thanks for your kind comments ... 

By the way , Atheists & fundamentalist .... LOL .... I do not think so they even cross each other's road yet alone get married ... 

here some old stuff i've just posted which is fun to read... 

Kids' Ideas About Love 

Dear SK, avoid pathological liars

Some people are honest, admitting to their shortcomings, be it bad finances, ill health, whatever. Others are not like that. They take credit for the work that they have not done. A person who freely talks about their shortcoming is not a good fit for someone who takes credit for work of others. You seem to be very accomplished person but some people are not as accomplished as you but pretend that they are.

Thanks Soosan Khanoom.

Soosan jan, marrying someone just because you share common politics is wrong. However, both sides should share some common ideas. For instance, it is hard for a liberal atheist person to be married to a fundamentalist.

Anahid jan .  

If you marry someone with whom you do not have much in common , for sure you can not have any common future as well ... 

putting this aside .... I should add that that our generation because of revolution had another factor in mind when it came to marriage and that was our political point of views ....

Many of us got married during revolution or the early years afterwards having only politics of the time in mind... Married to somoene with same ideology and now after all these years, with our politics down the drain, we are finding ourselves with spouses with whom we have nothing else in common ... perhaps our ideologies and politics are not the same anymore either  and that hurts the most ..... the fact that we did not took the time to see what is it that we want from an spouse other than just some passionate revolutionary ideology that came overnight and now is gone ........ 

Dear SK, you asked me what I meant

by Forward Looking. I meant that marriage should be to build a future together. So no matter how a relationship is or has been, if two people get married, focus should be on building a common future. Obviously, each person has their own interests, ideas and I don't mean that two people become so attached that they lose their individual points but as a couple, their future becomes intertwined.

Bottom line

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. 

~Mignon McLaughlin

اقای محمد علا

Anahid Jan .  

Forward looking ?? 

Could you please explain ? 

Dear SK, Forward Looking Unions

Such as marriage can be good but then all unions are forward looking :).

I agree Mohamamd

I mean I agree with you on the coffee part ... : )

but I also agree with what you said about western cultural problems but that does not make the other one OK ... both are wrong...

We can actually apply the listens learned from the west to our dysfunctional traditional settings ..... 

By the way since you brought it up .... I should say that you should not love your spouse the same way you love your mother or father or any family member which it seems to be the case with traditional marriages as i mentioned in this blog ...The sensual love is different and each person needs to experience the difference .... otherwise you are right we love everything form plants to our grandmothers....  lol

Thanks for the full of wisdom poem that you posted....  

It is easy to be in love . . .

Susan khanom;  as you write more, you make less sense.  It must be more than coffee that you drank, unless it was Turkish coffee.

 If one follows those who have been divorced, for example in the USA, she or he will find out the divorced women have become “slave,” in different form (or hands).  Which is worse to be slave of your husband and your own children or slave of Walmart or SavOn?   

It is easy to be love.  It starts from childhood, family.  If one loves family members (mother, father), nature (flowers, creatures), etc., she will love her partner.

Here something in Persian:

زندگي بافتن يک قاليست؛نه همان نقش و نگاري که خودت مي خواهي.   نقشه را اوست که تعيين کرده!تو در اين بين فقط مي بافي   .نقشه را خوب ببين!نکند آخر کار،قالي زندگيت را نخرند

Dear Comment

You are happily married and you are in love with your wife and yes that happens even with khastergari style marriages.....

My concerns is more of the general rules that should be reconsidered in our culture because the probability of it to happen or I better say the number of lucky ones is not that high.  

Now one may argue that with all these falling in love cases in the west still people get divorce. I should admit that there are many other factors involve in a marriage to keep it going.

One may also bring up this point that the rate of divorce is lower in the traditional societies.  That is true but not necessarily because they are more happily married.  It is just because to get divorce is much harder in those societies especially for women.  Not to mention that it is even a taboo.  

Besides women in traditional marriages are financially dependent on their husbands and have no choice but to stay.   It is worse than slavery ... 

Dear SK.

I don't think it's the coffee. 

I think the reason is the difference between us.  You have never felt in love (how insAlting assumption:)) and I have felt in love several times.  I still love my wife, never showed to anyone (even not the person) my feeling for another person and pretented they were fake love because I have always aimed stability, security and productivity as you mentioned somewhere else.

I suggest you watch "Shabhaye Zayande Rood" by Makhmalbaf.  Since it never came on big screens it was the worse quality movie that I had ever seen.  Yet, I loved and watched couple of times.  Relevent to the subject, the actor of the movie said: Our heart has different corners.

Comments

I have hard time understanding you ..... 

As soon as I am going to understand your point then you say something that I can not reach any conclusion ...

I do not know what is it?

Is that me?

Is that the coffee I am drinking?

Is it because it is Friday?

So some people fall in love more than once, but, unless one is a love addict, that should not be a problem. Things happen ...

life is too short to spend it with someone that we have never fallen in love with .  To not fall in love at all is worse than to fall in love more than once ...

now I have started to make myself confused ....  I am pretty much sure it is the coffee ....  LOL 

ok.. ok .. MG

I am just kidding !

You are right. There is such a thing as soulmate.  That is why I pointed out to the mirror part of the Shamloo's poem ... 

But one has to find his or her own soul first and then find the matching piece. 

And it is not easy ... And not everyone gets to end up with the right one ... And there are lots of missmatching out there ...  :(

I think to fall in love is the initial requirement.  There is a hope if we enter the marriage through the path of love but there is not much hope of ever finding a soulmate if we enter marriage through any other path... It does not necessarily mean that the marriage is not working. It's just not as sweet and as natural as it should be .....

...

SK your cynicims is entering new levels. There have been, are and will be happy couples that are each others best friends, lovers, spouse and soul mates. Just recall that poem by Shamloo for Ida, that you liked so much. He lived those words till his dying day. There are many many more insatnces, not as famouse as Shamloo and Ida, but as genuine. It all depends on  one's SOUL.

Comments: In sociology of literature there's a concept called "Structure of Feelings," which I thought is very close to your idea  of 'emotional structure.' Had you heard of that concept before? or you just came up with your idea?

Dear SK, I mentioned "emotional structure".

Dear SK, I mentioned "emotional structure".   I meant emotional structure of both parties depending on timing, mood, location, common background, shared memories and etc. 

Since love is not physical (e.g. like sex) it doesn't mean to ignore love addict or love oppressed people.  Some people never fell in love, and some fell in love frequently.  For example, that's one of the reasons for divorce.  Trigers for one's love attraction at his 20s probably is different from when he is 50s.  Only because love is spritual or from mind-set it doesn't make it sacred or acceptable.  Similar to sex, love has a critical threshold that has to be strongly controled.  It all depends on the level of one's hormon, mood, location, timing and emotional needs at that moment. 

It's not acceptable to assume a human being fells in love just once and once in his / her whole life.  Do we live in a silver dream land wherein there is only one and one lover for each individual?  Shopping more than once a day :)   

......

Fawzia married another guy after Shah, she has one girl and one boy! Haha!

I did not read Shah saying that he carries a torch for Fawzia.....apparently he could only carry one torch, that is for Soraya!

Thank you for the discussion and the blog!

Yolanda

I have heard it was because the first born was not a boy ...... which is funny ... 

I think the best person to ask is  the IC's very own Royal Historian, MR.  DK ... whom hardly ever shows up on the commoners blogs  ...

I think you can ask him when he is posting a link on Shah or Farah or Pink Panther or some other royal related items .. : )

Maziar

I think soulmate is a fairy tale ...

: )

And so

* personal opinion*

I think it's all depends on the definition of LOVE on personal level ,is it a "aalage shaddid ghalbi" ?

or is it a lust .

the rest sits within our cultur and is not a discriminatory.

soosan khanoom nice article and hope you've found your soul mate already.                  Maziar

...

you're welcome. Free Love is first and foremost an idea of Women's movement: it might deserve a blog of its own?

I agree

about many marriages being sustained by fear of unknown. However, it depends on type of people too. Some people if they are in an unhappy marriage, they would prefer to end it but some couples just prolong it.

 Dear Anahid: It's not

 Dear Anahid: It's not from me. And you are right; however, many unhappy marriages are sustained by the fear of unknown.

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." - Groucho Marx

Dear Vildemose, is this from you

or someone else wrote it? You wrote it as if it is a quote. Some relationships are obvious since it is a marriage, engagement, serious boyfriend/girlfriend. But some relationships, to one person it may look like a romantic relationship that he/she wants to break and is wondering why the other one is persisting. However, if it is not a serious relationship, may be the reason the other one is not endng it is because they don't know that they were in a serious relationship to begin with. May be they just thought it is some kind of friendship. My point is that unless the two sides have an undertanding based on discussion about nature of their relationship, the two might view it very differently. That is why communication is so important.

 "Why do people persist

 "Why do people persist in a dissatisfying relationship, unwilling either to work toward solutions or end it and move on? It's because they know changing will lead to the unknown, and most people believe that the unknown will be much more painful than what they're already experiencing.”

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." - Groucho Marx

.........

Fawzia, the 1st wife of Shah, is 89 years old and still alive! They did not mention why they got divorced!

Faramarz, good observations

Thanks for sharing.