ATTN: Men, are your bathrooms clean?

And for some reason, I am seeing my ex-boyfriend. Let me tell you a little bit about this Persian "chunk of hunk". If I was to name him, I am sure 99% of the girls on the west coast would look down on me and raise an eyebrow. Lets just say that over the years, he has earned the label "virgin surgen", you know Mr. Womanizer.

Anyway, so the other day we are sitting in his living room watching a sitcom, who's title isn't relavant, because the show itself is over, in fact it has been over for about five years now. SO over, that I did not need to be "shushed" when I asked him if he could share the blanket more because I was freezing.

Pissed that this guy was into the stupid sitcom more then he was into me, I tuned him, the show, and the fact that my legs were shivering, out and started to think. I began to think of breakfast and how I had drank about a gallon of tea. Then I began to think about the bottle of water I had consumed while driving to meet Persian Hunk for dinner. The three glasses of water I drank while eating at the restuarant with Persian Hunk seeped into my thoughts as well. "Oh Sh*t" I thought, "I gotta pee."

So, by now the sitcom had gone to commercial, and Persian Hunk was getting horney or bored, I really couldn't tell since I was lost in thought of all the liquid being held in my bladder. I felt a hairy arm reach out from underneath the blanket and slide underneath my shirt, stopping right on my stomach, centimeters away from my bloated bladder. His hand never felt so heavy before. I felt like if I didn't make a sidden move soon, I would have no choice to release and stop all resistance.

I sat up straight, and he asked "What are you doing, Shabnam?"

As I stood up, under my breath I said " I need to use the bathroom."

Suddenly, he flinched and looked straight in my face. He threw the blanket off of him and called my name right as I was passing by him.

"Come here," he said.

I turned around. "Huh? Come where?"

He pointed to the spot right in front of him.

I walked over. I knelt down and was now level with him.

He came close to my face, and started to kiss me. I didn't hold back, and kissed him too. But, I was so confused. It was almost as if he was apologizing for something. I couldn't place my finger on what the heck it was exactly. He tugged at my dress and played with my necklace. I looked up at him and he just gazed into my eyes. Staring. I began to walk towards the bahroom, still puzzled.

As I turned on the bathroom light and closed the door behind me, I felt a rush of thankfullness come over me. Finally I could release myself.

I walked over to the toilet. I wish I hadn't. I was probably aout five feet away, and that was still to close. Too close then I ever wished I ever was to the five million pubic hairs stuck on that toilet seat. Way too close to the semen film, and the yellow drops of urine infesting the base and floor surrounding the toilet.

At any instant I almost expected him to come barging in through the bathroom door and grovel at my feet, apologizing about the sight I had to witness. I didn't even hear a knock at the door.

I swallowed the pint of vomit that had developed in my mouth and made my way toward the door. As I turned off the light, and made my way back toward the living room. Persian Hunk was sitting stiff and staring straight ahead. I took a seat next to him, but this time, a litter further away. He continued to stare at the television screen. He didn't say a word.

The sitcom was not at commercial. So I never figured out if he was actually really into the show, or if he was thinking about the pubes.

I guess I will never know.