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Kopol vs. Topol IV
Battle of the bulge
Parts (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)

June 18, 2002
The Iranian

Broken scale
By Siamack Salari

This diet business is tough. I spent 300 pounds on the latest Sony MP3 player so that I could jog and listen to music at the same time. Something I had been doing regularly but using an older Minidisk player instead. I needed music to keep me company on my long, lonely runs in the wet English summer.

So I persuaded Varinder to let me spend all that money, load my favourite tracks onto it, charge the battery (which will give up to 10 hours play time) and I have never gone running since! I have not used the MP3 player ONCE! Why is it that just as I get seriously into something and decide to gear up for it I stop?

I will be the first to admit that I have never kept to any regime for more that a few weeks. Whether it be running, joining the scouts as a 10-year-old or attending dance classes as a 7-year-old. But my diet has to continue and is continuing. And the only way I will succeed is if I don't think of it as a regime.

So yesterday, for example, I had some baklava and the day before that I cooked some pasta with loads of melted cheese over it. Feeling that I don't have to adhere to a diet allows me to easily and quickly return to my healthier way of eating. If I felt I was dieting, however, I know that every time I bit on a baklava, I would let myself go for the rest of that day.

So how much do I weigh? I'm not sure. I broke the scales today. NOT FUNNY!!! I gently stepped onto the scales like I do every other morning and suddenly I heard a twang sound under my feet. The needle was pointing to 107kgs. I stepped off it again to have another try because there is no way I weigh 107kgs. The minute I took my weight off it I knew it was broken. The needle was stuck fast at the wrong weight.

Varinder was incredulous:

"You broke the scales?"

"They were old anyway."

"You broke the scales?"

"We need a new one."

"You broke the scales?"

"It could have been anyone."

"What are you going to write to JJ?"


"Why don't I email JJ instead and tell him that you have wasted a whole lot of money on a stupid MP3 player that you will never use and that to cap it all you have broken the scales because you are such a large tub of lard!"

My serious concern now is that since no two scales are alike, my true weight loss can longer be measured. I can categorically say however that I am not an ounce over 103kgs according to the old scales before they broke. I will replace it this week with a super accurate digital one and report back next week.

I deserved it
By Jahanshah Javid

I lied down on the floor in front of the TV last night to watch the World Cup match between Japan and Turkey. I was feeling good. Real good. "I'm going to eat," I told myself. And boy did I eat.

I took a bagel and spread tons of cream cheese on it. Mmmm mmmm mmmm! God it tasted good. Then I went and grabbed the corn chips from the top of the frig and finished it off one crumb at a time.

I was on a roll. I took two more bagels, sliced them in half and made myself bacon and tomato sandwiches. Oh I was in heav-ven!

Varinder was incredulous:

"You had WHAT?"

"Three bagels, cream cheese, bacon, tomatoes and corn chips. Oh, and I had two beers at the Pub."

"That's ridiculous. What kind of diet is this?"

Oh relax. I was celebrating.

Just before the feast, I weighed myself. I put the scale in the bathroom, adjusted the needle, and stepped on the scale. I stared at the needle for a very long time. At first I couldn't believe it was showing 185 pounds -- 13 pounds less than the start of the diet. Gradually my doubt turned into elation and I couldn't stop staring at that beautiful, bold number: 1 8 5.

So I thought this calls for a celebration. I deserved it.

Today, everything is back to normal. I'm going to go jogging for an hour around the block, as I do five days a week, and I eat less than 1,200 calories a day (I think, although I don't count.).

There's only one more month left. July 18 is coming up. You better start using that MP3 player, Siamack :-)

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By Siamack Salari
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