LOSS

He once was quoted as saying: "I'm not good at future planning. I don't plan at all. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow. I don't have a day planner and I don't have a diary. I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future."

I mourn his loss. There are some people who believe an actor's death should not be front-page news when there are soldiers and civilians who are dying in faraway lands for greater causes. I don't know a single soldier or a single dead civilian. I do know a lot about war. I've read about it. I've written twenty page papers on the roots and causes of international conflict, the reasons for genocide and ethnic violence, the clash of civilizations. Reading and writing about something isn't as real as mourning the loss of something you know.

I feel that I knew him. You might feel like you knew him, too. That's because we did.

When I was fourteen years old, I watched a movie called "10 Things I Hate About You". It was one of those typical teenage romantic comedies: boy meets girl, boy courts girl, boy hurts girl, and boy takes until the end of the movie to make everything right. They kiss, followed by the rolling credits. It's one of those movies that touched me. The kind of movie you stay and watch, everytime you see it playing on some obscure television channel. Even if there's only twenty minutes left, you stay and watch. For me, it was just to catch a glimpse of his brilliance.

To me, even in the role of a teenage heartthrob, Heath Ledger, named after the legendary Heathcliff of Wuthering Heights, was always destined for greatness.

I knew it when I was fourteen and I watched his air of confidence as he sang for the girl he was trying to woo in front of a crowd of fellow highschoolers in that dreamy voice of his, "You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you.."

He broke out of the teeny bopper image (which I never agreed he had) with every passing film choice that he made. Heath was one of those special actors, and it pains me to speak of him in the past tense. Like Christian Bale, who picks and chooses roles that have meaning and show acting growth, Heath was only getting better and better.

He starred as legendary lover, Giacomo Casanova, in 2005. While the film was not necessarily embraced by audiences, it was well-liked by fans and leading critics. In it, Heath portrayed a man who was accustomed to having the love and adoration of all women. When one woman came along who didn't give him the time of day, his whole world came crashing down around him and he had to win the heart of the first woman who did not requite his love. His voice, his eyes; brought emotion and life to a man who was fabled to have lived centuries before ours.

Not afraid of his choices, that same year, he stood by his bold decision to star in Brokeback Mountain as a homosexual cowboy. He was rewarded for his fearlessness and his understanding of the skill of acting with his first Oscar Nomination in 2006. While he did not win the Oscar, it served as a hint of what was to come in his career. Of what would have come.

Another notable role was in the cult classic film, The Lords Of Dogtown. Again, he showed us another layer of himself, and his skill. He was one of those few and far in between actors who come along and become the role they are portraying. They take the character and turn themselves into him, making it so believable that you find yourself referring to the character as Heath and Heath as the character, as if they were one and the same.

None as much as me have been as eagerly anticipating Heath's latest two films.

In I'm Not There, Heath was one of a handful of actorsto play different facets of the character of Bob Dylan. I was listening to Dylan last night, listening to the words of one of his greatest songs "How many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man..the answer my friend, is blowin' in the wind. The answer is blowin' in the wind." The song is "Blowing in the Wind" and while the Kingston Trio may have added their own unique twist to it, the truthful and deep-hitting voice of Dylan is the voice that was meant to sing it. Heath was not only a man, he was destined to become as legendary as the great romantic literary figure that he was named after. Now, the answer of how great he actually might have been is just a "what if" that is blowing in the wind.

Most of all, as half the country can agree with me, I have waited to see him play the role of "The Joker" opposite Christian Bales' "Batman". To many, it is a mere comic book tale, but to me, this will be the medium by which two of the greatest young actors of our time are to be displayed to the world. They say that Heath was so engrossed in his character that he found it hard to sleep at night. His mind was entranced in Joker's world. While Jack Nicholson may have brought the role to the movie screen first, it will be Heath Ledger who will bring the character to life...to reality.

I mourn him, in a way I cannot mourn a nameless face across the country. To me, their deaths are equal, as is the loss of any human being's life. But, a soldier chooses to fight. He signs his name, says goodbye to his family, and leaves to fight for a cause, knowing he may never return home save for in a body bag.

But Heath: He had so much to give this world. So much pleasure to bring to his fans as they watch his continued and steady rise to greatness. After all, he was the man whose acting skills had been compared by the harshest of critics to those of Sean Penn and Marlon Brando (on their best days!).

When I think of him, and his passing, I think back to my years as an innocent teenager, and the stupid grin I would have on my face when boy finally wins girl's heart and her forgiveness. Forgive me for being "shallow", if that is what you think I am. But, I cannot turn my back on the death of a young man, a little older than me, who dreamed of touching the world and making it to Hollywood and greatness. It was an honorable dream, and he made it a reality. Not only did he make it as an actor, but he made it as a respected and well loved actor.

The world is a darker place for me and many others today. Hollywood, that land that can help you escape your mundane life if only for $9.00 and a bucket of popcorn, has lost a shining star.

But I will not cry, even in my mourning. I will look at the sky tonight, and look for the brightest star, knowing that he is there, finding warmth and solace in the thought that so many knew what he was truly worth. And, knowing he will live on in our hears as we watch Ennis del Mar sitting by the fireside, as Patrick Verona gets paid to date a frigid girl, as Casanova prepares to woo his sweetheart at the ball, and as we root for the bad guys he portrays, like the Joker. Heath lives on his work, through us, the moviegoers...his fans!