EQUALITY
به زبان فارسی
PICTORY
LATEST MUSIC
SEARCH
How do men feel?
25-Oct-2008
Translated by Mehdi
I got in the back seat of the Taxi. There was a young man who got on before me. He was talking loudly on the phone….”Yes dear Hamid. These medications have affected my hearing and eyes. Sounds are louder and everything is brighter. Note all the changes I tell you. Take care and good bye.”
After a while a girl got into the Taxi and sat on my other side and we drove off.
I immediately took out two notepads from my bag and gave it to both of the passengers. The girl thanked me and started reading it. The young man also shook his head in appreciation. A little later he asked: ”Oh, are you the same one million signatures campaign?” I got excited that once again I had met someone who was familiar with the campaign. Happily, I asked: “then you know about it? Did you sign it? How do you know of it?”
”Your friends were collecting signatures at a seminar. I did not sign” he said. He continued: “and I still wont sign. So don’t bother yourself!” “It’s your choice!” I responded with some hesitation. While waiting for the girl to finish reading the document, another young man sitting in the front seat of the Taxi, turned to me and said “it’s nice to meet you!” I was shaken. I wondered what he meant. He continued by explaining that he had heard about the Campaign. I got excited again and took a booklet out of my purse and gave it to him. But he refused to take it.
He explained that: “I used to collect signatures in support of the Campaign’s petition, but no more!”
"Why is that?” I asked.
After taking a deep breath he said: "I was arrested for collecting signatures.”
Amazed, I asked “really? So, why wasn’t there any news on your arrest? You should have informed your friends at the campaign to get their support.”
"It wasn’t just in relation to the Campaign. When I was arrested, besides being involved in collection of signatures for the Campaign, I was also involved in the student movement as a student activist. They detained me at Evin Prison for three weeks.” He explained. I bit my lips and leaned back.
The other young man sitting next me started reading the booklet, all the while making sarcastic remarks.
“Divorce! So what? Polygamy! You mean that women should have 4 husbands as well! Blood Money!” you mean you want to kill the husband and not pay compensation for his life?" He kept on going. Finally when finished he turned to me and said: “you know you can’t fight the divine laws of nature.”
I looked at him with my eyes wide open, hoping that from my expression he would understand that I did not want to respond to his comments. But, he had his arms pointing up in the air as if miming a question. I finally decided that I had to respond, so I said: ”I recommend that your read a little bit more so that if you do offer criticism they are more logical. If you would like, I can even recommend some books to you.”
He said nothing and continued going through the notebook. After a few minutes, the nagging boy next me started talking on the phone again: “Hi dear Hamid. Do you remember in the conference in June someone gave us a booklet about women? Yes the one I did not sign. And I had thought that these medications would impact my judgment, but they haven’t. I am still strong on my word. I want you to note this in your research paper. OK dear. Tell Ali also. Bye.”
He was talking so loudly that no one else in the Taxi could carryon a conversation.
When the phone conversation was over, the young man sitting in the front seat said: "Yes. Evin is a very hard place. What you hear in the media is only one tenth of it.”
Again the guy next to me said: ”yes Evin is a very tough place and you were there for only three weeks.”
I asked: ”then you were at Evin as well?”
He nodded his head saying no!
After arriving at my destination, I started exiting the Taxi to rush to my class. I was very late. The young man sitting in the front asked: “Are you a student?” Again the discussion began and I decided to forget about my class and we started talking. As soon as we began walking, I noticed a green car that belonged to the morality police—charged with arresting women for lack of ’appropriate’ observance of hejab or the Islamic covering. I turned the other way and noticed another one. ”Well, they’re going to arrest me probably!!"
My head scarf was very thin. "Don’t worry, let’s take the back streets, I know the way. It will be very bad if they arrest you with those booklets in your bag," said the young man.
Finally, we managed to distance ourselves from the morality police and the young man turned to me to say goodbye. ”It’s a crime to be a woman in this country. I commend you. Give my regards to your friends.”
After we parted, I remembered I should have invited him to the Men’s Committee of the Campaign. I started looking for him, but he was no where in sight.
First published in change4equality.org
RECENT COMMENTS
IRANIANS OF THE DAY
| Person | About | Day |
|---|---|---|
| نسرین ستوده: زندانی روز | Dec 04 | |
| Saeed Malekpour: Prisoner of the day | Lawyer says death sentence suspended | Dec 03 |
| Majid Tavakoli: Prisoner of the day | Iterview with mother | Dec 02 |
| احسان نراقی: جامعه شناس و نویسنده ۱۳۰۵-۱۳۹۱ | Dec 02 | |
| Nasrin Sotoudeh: Prisoner of the day | 46 days on hunger strike | Dec 01 |
| Nasrin Sotoudeh: Graffiti | In Barcelona | Nov 30 |
| گوهر عشقی: مادر ستار بهشتی | Nov 30 | |
| Abdollah Momeni: Prisoner of the day | Activist denied leave and family visits for 1.5 years | Nov 30 |
| محمد کلالی: یکی از حمله کنندگان به سفارت ایران در برلین | Nov 29 | |
| Habibollah Golparipour: Prisoner of the day | Kurdish Activist on Death Row | Nov 28 |
American wife
by Miss Fish (not verified) on Tue Oct 28, 2008 04:38 PM PDTDear American wife,
I don't belong to a specific organization. I am a full time medical practitioner and unfortunately don't have enough time to be involved in any organization. As a woman I feel strong about women's right in Iran & when ever I get the opportunity I stand up for them.
Iranian.com website is mostly accessed by People living outside Iran, I am not even sure if people in Iran can access it! If you haven't seen any bad comments here it doesn't mean much, since it is not a representative of Iranians LIVING in Iran. Even here on Iranian.com there is one person which publicly speaks about women in a very bad tone (His name is Hajagha!).
I am not bashing Iranian men here. The title of this article is How do men feel? I have written an honest response based on my understanding of the bigger Iran and not just Tehran & the capital cities!
Miss Fish
by American Wife on Tue Oct 28, 2008 11:33 AM PDTI guess I'm a little confused. I too got the impression you were speaking from personal experience about your situation in Iran. As you've read yourself, many or most of the responses have come from men who HAVE experienced first hand the treatment of women in Iran. I'm looking at these again and again and I'm not sure where you're going with this. It seems like the more someone agrees with you, the testier you get. There isn't one person... one rational person anyway... who would disagree that treatment of women is substandard. But it almost seems like you're going off on a mission against men. Maybe my opinion is irrelevant because I AM American. In your fight for equal rights in Iran, what organization do you belong to? The more we know about your specific efforts and cause, the more awareness can be brought to it. In my visits to Iranian.com, I don't think I've EVER heard one comment from a man that was not supportive of women's rights in Iran or more critical of the regime that imposes these restrictions.
I was just bouncing around the internet and saw this... I'm printing so I can take home and read at leisure.
//www.iranchamber.com/society/articles/divorce_social_suicide.pdf
smhb.... GREAT comment. I'll be reading that again and again.
Change for equality
by Miss Fish (not verified) on Tue Oct 28, 2008 05:31 AM PDTIrani7777,
You need to improve your reading skills! In previous post I mentioned that 90% of Iranian men that I know of are supportive of women's rights. So I don't know how you deducted that what I am saying comes from personal experience. I don't even live in Iran, so my fight for equal rights for women in Iran would not even benefit me in anyway.
What's the deal with STRICT criteria set for marrying more that one wife in Islam? I know what they are, but I wouldn't label then as strict at all!
----------------------------------------------------
American wife,
Once again you are talking about America and not Iran! Money might be number one reason for divorce in USA but certainly not in Iran. Have a read of the following article: //www.radiofarda.com/Article/2007/11/27/o2_di...
-----------------------------------------------------
smhb,
At least a woman in USA can be a presidential candidate, but in Iran a woman can't! It's sickening to have such discriminating rules against a gender in a country & anyone defending these rules is sick!
-----------------------------------------------------
KouroshS,
Yes I agree, Tehran is different to other parts of Iran. But the problem is that majority of Iranians don't live in Tehran. That "Lori wedding clip" is a good symbol of life after marriage for poor girls in rural & regional areas of Iran.
-----------------------------------------------------
My broader understanding of women's rights in Iran comes from reading stories published on sites such as the following : //irwomen.net/ , //www.forequality.info/ , and not personal experience like many of you! If I were to put my understanding based on my personal experience then I would be out in the clubs having fun instead of fighting for those who less fortunate than me!
Miss Fishy, thank you for
by irani7777 (not verified) on Tue Oct 28, 2008 01:25 AM PDTMiss Fishy,
thank you for bringing the issues facing you into the spot light. i hope that women's rights improve all over, including in the west. however please be aware that the notions you are mentioning here seem to be rooted in your experience or/and of your close circle of friends. therefore by generalizing the males of iran or females will not be helpful. it is more constructive to communicate with the male population and hear them too and with finding common ground, move forward. additionally in Islam there are strict criterias set for marrying more than one wife, therefore it is important that you educate yourself on the religion and its beliefs, not on emotional tendencies and judgements. either way i am happy to say that my father always says, "once you have married once, you do not want to have a second wife"
how do men feel
by smhb on Mon Oct 27, 2008 04:44 PM PDTComplicated issue. A lot of societies are dealing with gender inequality at their own pace. Iran is no different.
What I can say from my own observations from my family and friends is that Iranian women are very well educated, strong and determined. They are great mothers and wives and the backbone of the family and dont like to be pushed around.
Thats my personal experience within my family and circle of family friends.
However when you move to the more traditional parts of society you can get different blends of gender realtionship. Father and daughter, husband and wife and etc....
I have several very close female Iranian friends who are in Iran, very well educated, 2 or 3 college degrees, want to be financially independent and have different typa realtionships within the household.
One speaks 5 languages and is completely under the control of her father and brother. Cant decide for herself. If she disobeys her 32 yo brother, he hits her and the father fully supports the brother. Her brother is not religious, drinks alcohol, watches porn with his friends at his palce and since the dad is mega rich the son doesnt even work for a living.
The other one takes no BS from anyone and does what she sees appropriate for her future and stands up for herself. She has 2 degrees.
The other 2 are somewhere in between these two examples depending on family norms and culture.
Most bazaries or kasebs or tajers who come from traditional backgrounds have a totally different approach to raising kids than the middle class or upper middle class.
When you move from large cities to samll towns and villages the situation also changes.
Do remember that Iran as a society is grappling with the issue of modernity and identity. Living in large cities and dealing with social, economical, cultural and ethical issues associated with modern city life is a phenomenon that most traditional Iranian families are finding it hard to deal with and they face identity crisis at different levels.
Having said that please be advised that before the revolution we had less than 100,000 college students for a population of 36 million people. Today we have close to 70 million people and there are 2.5 million univ students that 60% of them are female students and most of them are from traditional, conservative and religious families. These families would not allow their daughters to attend college prior to the revolution and its been only after the revolution that they feel comfortable to let their daughter go to university and get a formal advanced cademic education. This is a huge change in Iran.
I guess you can see the trend. As more female college students get advanced degrees and enter society and the work force they will want to change things when they face male biase and chauvinism and discrimination. This is an inevitable trend and it will take time for it to bear fruit and there will be male resistance no doubt.
As far prostitution is concerned Iran is no different from other societies and cultures and when there is poverty there are all sort of challenges that men and women face.
Here in the US there are a lot of young women who turn to porn or nude dancing or internet activities to support their college fees or their livelihoods. Is that right? Obviously no, but to highlight women selling their bodies in Iran to survive as moral depravity of women or Iranian society is absurd.
Also whats even more interesting is that in this election cycle in the US, when Hillary Clinton was a candidate for president a very disturbing question was raised over and over by the media and the pundits regarding the readiness of American society to accept a woman as president.
This is from the same people who always have an accusatory finger pointing to others.
Iranian women will bring changes to Iran's society and the more progressive type will challenge the more traditional and ultra conservatives on every issue and the interesting thing is that the sons and daughters of the traditional Iran are either leading or participating in this change and that by itself has major ramifications in the long run.
Either way I think the natural evolutionary process under way in Iran will bear fruit and Iranian society will reach an equilibrium state where most if not all people will figure their place and identity and role.
What I didnt mention was that sexual harrasment at work palce in Iran is a major problem and the interesting thing is that most of the stories I hear are attributed to non-conservative, non-eligious males some of whom have gone back to Iran from europe or USA after a long time and started their businesses and have a free reign on unsuspecting females.
I missed alot
by American Wife on Mon Oct 27, 2008 10:01 AM PDTwhile I was gone...:-)
Couple of points from various comments:
Kourosh. I absolutely agree with you on this issue. Just as young men should be raised to participate/help/share in a marriage, young women should be raised to be more financially responsible. Alot of young women were raised as "little princesses" and expect to be maintained "in the style she has been accustomed to". I don't know exactly traditions of Iran except what I experience here or learn from my husband. Forget the media...lol. But here, it's only fairly recent that woman truly became independent. In the 50's (my parents first married years), Dad's worked and played golf, Moms raised the kids, cooked and cleaned. Hardly ANY women worked. Late 60's and early 70's, women were going to college but it was expected that they marry "well", stay home and have babies and join the Country Club scene. It's the same even now! Less so every year but believe me, that's every mother's dream to have their daughter marry well and have the perfect marriage. The balance is between men and woman is slowly coming about. But it wasn't all that long ago that women were just as subsurvient here as in Iran, just not as brutally. We slow gained our rights. Hopefully the women in Iran will as well.
Miss Fish... the number one reason for divorce is actually money. Cheating is a close second... followed by the others you listed. But it's a commonly agreed upon fact that finances are the biggest issue in marriage.
Preaching to the choir, aren't we?
by KouroshS (not verified) on Mon Oct 27, 2008 01:09 AM PDTMiss fish.
Right. and i am all for it. MY objection was to you, basing your assertion on so-called facts that even to this day Culture and Religion Plays a big role in how men behave, and treat their wives Of course we, or actually I am talking about the majority of them here.
Islam may allow men to have up to 4 wives, but honestly can you hold the majority of them Liable and do you see a great % of men in iran really doing that?
The same with the culture thing. How many men in iran still believe in beating their wives and expecting to be able to order them around and get away with it? Truth is that Not many and at least NOt in big cities and as i said and as we witnessed in The recent" Lori wedding video" on this siteit only takes place in small villages and communities with the high rate of uneducated people.
IF you want to talk about equal rights then fine, i agree with you that most definitely things should change in iran, But if you want to put men on the spot and basically blame the way the were raised as the major causes of future marital problems, Then you are so out of line.
This is even a bigger picture!
by Miss Fish (not verified) on Sun Oct 26, 2008 11:47 PM PDTKouroshS,
For your information top reasons for divorce are the following:
Infidelity, Financial problems, Poor communication, Change in priorities, Sexual problems, Addiction (drug abuse), Physical, emotional or sexual abuse, Physical/mental health, & Family interference.
Divorce rate in Iran is not higher compared to aboard. The problem we have in Iran is that woman don't have the freedom to divorce their husbands easily but men have this freedom! What we are fighting for is : FREEDOM irrespective of gender!
This is the Bigger Picture!!
by KouroshS (not verified) on Sun Oct 26, 2008 09:43 PM PDTMiss fish
That was just one example.
I am not talking about the actual concept of having money and spending it. I am talking about a lack of proper and adequate upbringing, a parent who would let their daughter do as she pleases without any repercussions. Lord knows we have a lot of those kinds girls around nowadays. Just as you expect a boy be taught to help out around the house and when he is not, his future wife would have to deal with so much crap the same goes for a woman who is not properly educated on this matter. In fact that is a leading reason why there is such a high divorce rate both inside and outside of iran.
Dear KouroshS, We need to
by Miss Fish (not verified) on Sun Oct 26, 2008 05:37 PM PDTDear KouroshS,
We need to look at the bigger picture here. Those whom we are concerned about & are the majority don't have enough money to live an average life, let alone spend lavishly! To get a better grasp of what I am talking about have look at the following article: //news.gooya.com/politics/archives/2008/09/07...
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Dear Amir Nasiri,
Your comments are posted in the wrong place. I can't see any connection between your post and our topic!
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Dear NK,
As you have mentioned your calculation is a rough estimate. If I were to do the same calculations based on my family and friends in Iran, 90% of men I know would agree with women's freedom. But unfortunately both my estimate and yours are misleading. Our friends and family don't represent the majority in Iran, but they are the minority!
So Once again lets not look at this issue personally & instead have the bigger picture in mind when talking about this issue.
Did you know that you're delusional?
by Anonymous121 (not verified) on Sun Oct 26, 2008 11:40 AM PDTOh, and women prostitute themselves far more in the United States. Have you checked craigslist erotic services, or the thousands of other prostitution websites for say, New York City?
Same Thing goes for women
by KouroshS (not verified) on Sun Oct 26, 2008 11:22 AM PDTMs Fishi.
There truly is a significant difference between the mothers of previous generations and the young women who are becoming mothers in this day and age. Having access to the internet and etc is just a small part of what is affecting that change!
I think that as spoiled and lazy some (or most men) can be, there is an equal number of women who behave in the same exact manner. Thinking that way, In my opinion, based of the way they have been brought up and the things they were told and taught a woman should or should not do.
It is an absolute generalization to use Culture and Religion and hold them against men. as we both know too well, Most men don't even follow such obsolete principles and those day are gone. unless of course you happen to be living in a small community where those concepts are heavily cherished.
For every young male who is not being taught how to help with the household chores, there is a young woman who is not being taught financial responsibilty, i am using this as just one example, and who starts spending lavishly and sadly that will become an ongoing trend throughout the rest of her single and married life.
Helpless, shamefull, disgusted, humiliated
by Amir Nasiri (not verified) on Sun Oct 26, 2008 11:05 AM PDTIt is not only the questions and issues that are committed by IRI and the fascist entity in that regime against the Women but their crime and oppression agains Iranian people.
Please watch that clip that is currently on Iranian.com abut "Did you know?"
I want to add several things:
1. Did you know that Iranian women are prostituting in Iran in order to go to University?
2. Did you know that more Iranian women are been harassed and oppressed in Iran thatn any other Islamic country?
3. Did you know that Iran's inflation rate and unemployment rate figures surpasses all the countries in the middle east?
4. Did you know that the brain drain is costing Iranian governmnet billions of dollars every year?
5. Did you know that most these students who leave the country are working in call centers in Pakistan and India?
So tell me what you think?
Thank you
American Wife
by Miss Fish (not verified) on Sun Oct 26, 2008 08:34 AM PDTAmerican wife your name says it all. You are VERY different to Iranian wife! Being an American wife you have as much freedom as your husband does if not more. Your husband is not allowed to have 4 wives at a time. You don't need to cover up (Hejab)&...
It's good that you you are in a loving relationship with your husband, hope it continues. The sad thing is that this is American wife's story and not Iranian wife! From what I gather from your writing, your husband is the king of the castle and you are the queen. In Iranian wife's case, the husband is the King but the wife is the servant.
Personally I don't like kings and queens. I believe in Democracy!
After reading this piece
by NK . (not verified) on Sun Oct 26, 2008 07:38 AM PDTAfter reading this piece I just had to sit down and make a list of the males in my family and also male friends that I know "well enough" to decipher who thinks what towards this issue.
My husband, 2 brothers, 4 male cousins are alll for freedom of women.
My dad has passed on, may he RIP, but he would have agreed too.
My 3 uncles on my dad's side: NO -- would probably not agree, since one of them had 2 wives anyway and they were all kings of their castles.(2 have passed on, one is still alive)
My 1 uncle on my mothers side, although he is younger than my other uncles and still very hip in his ways... would NOT agree. (he'd pretend that he does... but I know for sure he does not agree!)
Most of our male friends I can say 6 out of 7 (our generation 40-50)would agree.
So out of 19 males that were considered*:
13 would agree that women should have freedom
(1 -rare one from the older generation among them)
4 would not agree (all 4 are of the older generation)
and the 1 friend I still cannot decide which side of the fence he's really sitting on. ( what he does and what he says are very contradictory, so I really go by what he does)
* Just a rough estimate, not considering location and socio-economics.
So... MOTHERS and FATHERS, "TEACH" YOUR SONS And DAUGHTERS what they should be TAUGHT NOW...NOW, don't wait till TOMORROW!!!!!
If being a woman is a crime, then why isn't she arrested?
by Mahmood2 (not verified) on Sun Oct 26, 2008 07:32 AM PDTAnd don't worry, thanks to your anti-Iranian propoganda soon all Iranian men and women will be bombed. I'm sure you'll be happy.
my 2 cents
by Masoud Kazemzadeh on Sat Oct 25, 2008 10:31 PM PDTThere are different kinds of men as there are different kinds of women. The photo accompanying this report is excellent. There is a right-wing anti-feminist fundamentalist FEMALE member of the gashte khaharn-e Zeinab (or whatever hell they are called nowadays). This FEMALE member of the fundamentalist coercive apparatus is enforcing the patriarchal and oppressive rules on another woman. There are reactionary right-wing anti-feminist MALE IRGC thugs like the dude on the right side of the photo. And the reactionary jerk in the taxi. And this thug in this video: //iranian.com/main/singlepage/2008/groom-slaps-bride
And there are also feminist MALES who respect women’s equality. Like the other man in the story who was arrested and sent to Evin.
I see the main division to be between those who want a more equal, feminist, decent, free, democratic, just society and polity on the one hand, and those who want to continue discriminatory, reactionary, misogynist, oppressive, traditional society and polity.
My 2 cents,
MK
miss fishy
by American Wife on Sat Oct 25, 2008 10:01 PM PDTI have to agree with one thing you said. The actions of mothers towards their sons rarely make progressive sons...:-)
Men, don't start jumping on me!!! I'm not anti-male in any way. I'm just stating the truth as I've seen it. I'm one of 3 girls with 2 brothers...one my twin. I remember when we were...oh, probably 15 or 16. My brother walked right by the refrigerator and sat down. He then asked for a glass of milk. And who jumped up and got it for him... moi! I learned from my mistakes though and raised my son to be responsible for himself and respectful of women. I'm proud to say that I will "give" him away to some lucky young lady with pride. My dad is THE king of his castle and to a certain extent I do the same thing with my husband. I take much MUCH pleasure in feeding him his favorite bastani noone by hand. But I don't do this as his servant, I do it as his appreciative and loving wife. Jeez... that sounds a little sickening even to me...lol. But he does the things I WON'T do... like take out the garbage and kill the spiders. ICK. So if I can pamper him a little bit, it's simply my way of showing him how much I love and appreciate him. You've heard the saying.... "have him eating out of your hand"? LOL
Time for a change!
by Miss Fish (not verified) on Sat Oct 25, 2008 08:35 PM PDTHow do men feel?!
Most Iranian men can't care less about women's rights in Iran. Unfortunately in that society men rule! All they think about is marrying a nice girl with lowest 'Mehr' , using her as a servant, and divorce her when he feels like or even add another woman to his collection whenever he desires! That's what their fathers have done in the past and they see him as role model. What they are missing out is that we are different to their mother's generation! Compared to their mothers we are more educated, have access to the internet, have more knowledge about our rights as women, & most have a job outside the house. We will not go through what our mother's generation have gone through and we will not let any other women suffer no matter what.
The are 2 main issues in Iran which contribute to unfair treatment of women:
1. Culture:
Women are seen as men's servants. Someone with job description as follow: cook, raise children, please your man as he wants, listen to your husband, let your husband do what ever he wants, never question him, basically: shut up and do what your told!
2. Religion:
Islam gives men the freedom to have up to 4 wives at time & as many "Sigheh" as he wants!
Men have the right to divorce their wives very easily while women have to meet certain requirements and go through hell to get a divorce!
Hijab- no comments!
Even without the "1 million signature campaign" we can make a big difference in the way woman are treated by just changing our "out of date culture". One thing that gets on my nerve is the way mothers treat their sons. Its very unlikely that a mother would ask his son to wash up dishes or clean up the dinner table. But the same mother would complain that her husband doesn't help her in the house! Do you see any double standards here??? My answer to this woman is : "Your husband has been treated the same way as you are treating your son! he has never been asked to help out in the house! It might be a bit late to change your husband's habits but you can save another woman from going through what you are by asking your son to help out in the house. By doing this your son will learn to help out his future wife in house work."