POETRY

آقا داریوش، شکسته نفسی‌ میفرمائید

تا شما بزرگتر‌ها تشریف دارید که نوبت ما جوونا نمیرسه!

به‌هرحال قطعه جالبی‌ است، که بنده را هم به قافیه پردازی انداخته. شاید جناب جاوید بپسندد و "شعر" شود.

Soosan Khanoom

this is a long discussion. I don't think I can cover it in a comment or two.

Ahahid jan I believe anything that a poet writes is poetic

regardless of our preferences ...

If she feels that way then so be it. Still is poetic . there are many branches in poetry ... for example,  love poetry, erotic poetry, dark poetry ...etc 

Too funny .. loved the song ... thanks Faramraz

I was reading the comments on the you tube as I was listening to the song and this one  got my attention ..

manam donbale ye mardam 30 be bala narese be 80

na donbale pol bashe na visa

khoshgel,khoshtip,biparva

Faramarz,

tha song from Ziba Shirazi was simply brilliant. Performance of that song by Ziba Shirazi in April 2009 IC concert brought the house down as they say.  However, I think the difference is that Ziba's song had a strong sense of humor and Nilofar's poem is more critical of men.

مرد ایده آل!

این شعر شما منو یاد آهنگ مرد من زیبا شیرازی انداخت.

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-Rp-_u46Gw

من به دنبال یک مردم

پنجاه و پنج سال به بالا

که که بشمرم اما سنش از شصت نره بالا

نه بلند نه خیلی کوتاه خوش قد و قواره باشه

جورج کلونی نه ولی خوب کمی خوش قیافه باشه

من به دنبال یک مردم که طلاق گرفته باشه

نه که با رسیدن من بخواد از زنش جدا شه

بچه ها شو داشته باشه نخواد دیگه بچه دارشه

مردیکه بدونه حالا بهتره که نوه دار شه

مردیکه با من بمونه قدر لحظه رو بدونه جمله یه دوست دارم رو بنویسه و بخونه

مردیکه با من بمونه قدر لحظه رو بدونه جمله یه دوست دارم رو بنویسه و بخونه

My grandmother used to say ..

مرد ها هیچ کدا مشا ن آ دم نیستند؛  اگر مردی را پیدا کردی که آدم بود بدان که مرد  نیست 

lol

of course she loved grandpa to death and she was just joking ! 

Nilofar jan

In my opinion, some words are just not poetic. As much as possible, try to avoid them or refer to them in a more poetic way, for instance following lines have these kind of words:

مردی که

روی آلتش نیاستد

روی سرش نیاستد

روی ماتحتش نیاستد

روی محاسنش نیاستد

روی پشت گرمش نیاستد

روی تخم هایش نیاستد

Cheshm baseerat mikhad

We got plenty of them around I just mention one ,our great shazdeh .

baba to ham hoseleh daree, een roozha Mard koja peyda meeshe

LOL

The perfect man is gentle,
Never cruel or mean;
He has a beautiful smile,
And keeps his face so clean.

The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a darn good father
And a husband to his bride.

The perfect man loves cooking,
Cleaning and vacuuming, too.
He'll do anything in his power
To show his love to you.

The perfect man is sweet,
Writing poetry in your name.
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.

He never makes you cry
Or hurt in any way.
Oh, fuck this stupid poem...
The perfect man is gay.

author unknown 

Liked the main idea

Of standing beside a woman. I would cut out many parts though, just to make it shorter. The shorter the stronger. Nice Poem Niloofar.

oh oh oh oh.....

Why are you so angry Niloofar jan? :)