Responses to Iran's blockade threat

Top 10


Responses to Iran's blockade threat
by bahmani

I was about to write a long winded typically "bitter-bahmani" introductory paragraph as an equally long winded explanation of the purpose of this Top 10 list. Then as usual, I was planning on poking Trita in the ribs just to try and make him giggle.

But then I replayed the whole idea in my head and decided I should just shut up and get right to the point. So I put the bitter remarks at the end instead.


ANSWER 1: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Heh! Heh! Heh!

Ha! Heh!

Ah! You guys! That was a good one....! bahmani was right, Iranians do have a great sense of humor."

ANSWER 2: "Go right ahead boys. We don't import any Iranian oil anyways, but may we remind you that you export ALL of it through the same straits, so if you want to do that, by all means, go right ahead, actually you can consider this as the next US sanction that you impose on yourself."

ANSWER 3: "Unfortunately the Vice President of Iran, along with Iran's Navel commander, even in combination have less power than the Mayor of Tehran, who like the President of Iran (a Navel engineer), among many other things he has no business speaking or thinking about, also does not control Iran's military. However when Khamenei wakes up this week, tell him what you said, and if he agrees and after he has taken his monthly shower, if he actually concurs and signs the military order, then we will refer you to answer #2 above. Or better yet, see answer #1."

ANSWER 4: "Yawn."

ANSWER 5: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Yawn."

ANSWER 6: "Ha! Ha! Yawn."

ANSWER 7: "Ha! Yawn."

ANSWER 8: "Hmmm?---- No just kidding, Ha! Ha! Ha!"

ANSWER 9: "Ha! Hmmm?---- No just yawning."

ANSWER 10: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


The next move, like always is up to Iran. Basically (and as of this morning according to Abbas Milani too) this is all a big bluff by Iran. As I have tried to outline in a previous article (No, you look it up!), Iran's entire US strategy revolves around numerous examples of taking "hostages" (1979, Hikers, UK embassy, and now the Straits), and merely holding them for ransom. Preferably US Cash, but Oh alright they will take Euros, in a pinch.

As you have seen the main reason Iran has given for this latest taunt, is the recent bout of sanctions coughed on it by the US. Essentially threatening to close down the straits next, if the US even sneezes just one more sanction on Iran.

Now to paraphrastically if not parenthetically poke Trita in the ribs: (Because he is a public figure, and I just found out that the Kardashians and Andre Aghassi aren't actually Iranian, so who else am I going to chide and chastise? Wait! There is Googoosh... talk about doing nothing with all that power...)

This proves 2 things:

1) Trita is right (What?) on the one hand, because if the US misplays this, and pushes Iran to the brink of losing face in having it's childish tantrum bluff called and then they don't actually follow through and block the straits after all, and then everyone on the block now thinks Iran is nothing but a bunch of panty-waisted, ninnies and noonoors, and loos bacheh koonie bitches (no offense to bacheh koonies), that might in fact high-school-locker-room-shove Iran into a whole different level of crazy.

2) Trita is on the other hand wrong, because in spite of NIAC's position against them, the sanctions are in fact working. In an apocalyptic-hellfire-upon-earth-evoke-the-second-coming-of-the-seriously-pissed-off-Inca-Gods sort of way. Nothing but nothing has so far quite gotten a response and indeed the very dialog going, that Trita has also correctly suggested, is sorely missing from this pie-a-la-ghalamkash. Even inflammatory rhetoric is still better than no rhetoric at all.

"I Hate You!,....because I Love you!"

As the famous American poet Spike Jones once said, "You always hurt the one you love"

Don't get me wrong, Trita Parsi is the "Abbas Milani" of his day. At once they are both the most prolific sound-policy thinkers that we have, and at the same time, no one in power ever seems to actually want to listen or talk to them. Except NPR, CNN, Fox, and Al Jazeera. Wait, Al Jazeera is Fox.

Vali Nasr on the other hand, is the "Chauncey Gardner" of his day. May I remind everyone of Nasr's genius, for it was the great Vali Nasr who recently said, “Today, America’s Iran policy looks to be in disarray.”

Nah Baba! Jeddi Migi? Genius! Sheer Genius! Give that man a beer, then give him a fellowship!


more from bahmani

On bluffing and having nothing to back it up. Very Smart Policy

by amirparvizforsecularmonarchy on

This was predictable considering bluffing with nothing to back it up is how their entire religion is taught and run.  As far as its impact on the world Markets, the closing hormuz war cry worked wonders for the IRI which depends on oil sales for most of its revenues. 

As for bluffing and losing face being a bad policy, I disagree, it's in the IRI's interests to keep doing this bluff in their media, again and again with no action for the next several years.  Consider it a bluff copied out of the US/Israel Play book.  Just upon the threat the price of oil has gone up 8% in less than a week, thats not bad work at all.  If these IRI officials got paid based on performance (by raising their oil revenue, increasing world prices and screwing the tepid recovery of the USA) they would be very rich. 

Unlike the Banksters in the EU and US who get paid huge bonuses for producing poor results the IRI actually turned a true profit for their clan of thieves.  For IRI it was a smart move, oil prices are up, their income is up, the US/EU is inching towards a depression.  Now they just need to repeat over and over ever 4-6 months.

This Policy is good for Iranians that want a secular democracy for Iran too, because if IRI does this for the years to come and continues its nuclear program and the USA continues to do less than nothing to remove the IRI like the last 33 years, more people will clearly see who brought religion into power and why the USA loves Islam for Iran and wishes to keep it.


Correction ...

by Harpi-Eagle on

About Firouzabadi, the "Fat F***" is actually a major general in IRGC and the highest ranking turd in that pseudo military organization.

Payandeh Iran, our Ahuraie Fatherland


Answer #11

by Fesenjoon2 on

And just how are you going to block the strait with your speedboats and jet skis? Oh wait,'re gonna drop brigidier general Firuzabadi in the middle of the shipping lane! Jesus, we're fucked. (lmao)

Maryam Hojjat

Bahmani, Hilarious

by Maryam Hojjat on

& very true in a very precurious situation.

G. Rahmanian

Chauncy Gardner Syndrome!

by G. Rahmanian on

Poor Chauncy didn't even get paid for what he said.


IRI is putting itself in a

by vildemose on

IRI is putting itself in a box. once a threat is issued, it has to be backed up. Ok, idiots, how do you want your military bases and army cooked?? Sunny side up?

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.--Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.