WOMAN

To Aynak

Thanks for your comment. You made me laugh a lot by your last sentence: مردی که زیاد ضر می زند

یعنی زیاد ضرر می زند؟

I actually pay attention to what my readers have to offer, good or bad. I believe that my readers are very intelligent and do not think they are talking too much or talking nonesens.

Thanks again for your reflection. I will surely reflect on your reflection.

Nilofar

Moving and revealing

It highlights rebelious noncomformity of women who are not understood ...They are the women who can challenge the imposed and unfair social norms...

Thank you for sharing 

زنی که آب بینی اش را پاک نمی کند

Dear Nilofar,

Wiping ones nose has nothing to do with others expectations, nor is it gender specific.  This Zan, should comb her hair and wipe her nose as that is expected of any human.   Then there are contradictions:   Why  would a woman who does not comb her hair be having make up on, that is running all over?  (why would she even care to put on make up?).

As a general rule, the verses that are not gender specific would simply depict a disagreeable individual (regardless of sex)  those could be left out.  For example the  non-gender specific part of your poem can easily be extended to a guy:

مردی بود کوتوله  و  و بد  دهن  و زشت رو با ریش های نتراشیده کثیف و 

که از خود زنی هایش ترس ندارد

و از سکندری خوردن هایش ترس ندارد

و از به جوب افتادن هایش ترس ندارد

و از تنه زدن هایش ترس ندارد

و نه مادر است، نه بالش زیر سر می خواهد،

نه سایه سوسک روی سرش

نه خواهری می کند

و نه می خواهد دختر بماند

/

زنی که  سرویس نمی دهد، کولی نمی دهد،

از رو نمی رود، کوتاه نمی آید،

مثل زیباها عشوه نمی آید

خودش را لوس نمی کند

که تا مرز گریه

رویین تن شده است

Not that you would care what I think, but just my 2 pennys worth.

 (مردی که ضر زیادی میزند.) 

beautiful. thanks

beautiful.

thanks

thanks Nilofar jan

my visit if it happens will be part of a reunion with some high school friends so i will just "zahmat you" with a visit not actual stay. but thanks so much.i believe it will be in july if it happens. 

To Anahid

Great News. Please come and visit us. It would be my pleasure to be your host and show you around. I am away from May 25 to June 23rd but will be in Vancouver the rest of the summer.

Thanks Nilofar jan for taking the time

and writing more about your poetry and your goal to introduce more literal sense into your work. Your last comment was helpful.

It looks like there is a chance that this summer, I may visit your city. Perhaps we can have some coffee and discuss more about poetry.

To my dear readers

Thanks JJ and Monda.

Thank you, dear Anahid. Please do not be shy to leave comments on my work and say your opinion out load. I will think about your feedback and pay attention to your hints. Each reader's responses, such as yours, is important and valuable to me.

Thanks a lot, dear Mehraban. I guess by the paragraph before the last, I was trying to describe a crying  woman in a street who might beat herself, run against pedestrainas, hit the walls, stumble, etc. etc. She might be pregnant or stressed out and puke as a result. Perhaps I was not able to capture the scene. I meant these things in a very literal sense, not in metaphorical sense.

And this is to Anahid: I understand that Persian poetry relies so much on metaphors, but I am trying to diverge from that tradition andintroduce real actions and things in a very literal sense to my work. Of course, this is to some great degree the infleuence of English modern and contemporary poetry on me. But I have tried to make my learnings my own and craft the literal into my "voice." I am sure you know what I mean by my voice. There is a voice there in my poetry (one can call it my poetic signature), even though each individual poem has its own speaker who is not me. I acknowledge that this is not the way we Persians interpret poetry. foroughh's poems can be read in the same way. For example, in the poem "kesi miayad" which is also a very literal poem, the speaker is a child. Yet, the poem bears Forough's voice, or her artistic signature, if you will.

Best,

Nilofar

Our culture needs a poet like you so badly.

Your work in Persian is truly a departure, it is smart and defiant.  And it is not afraid.

The next to last stanza is unsettling -not a problem in itself-  is it describing self destruction or is it the inevitable fate of the non-conformist woman or neither?   I am just not sure what you are going after there.  

Nilofar jan, nice poem and since this poem is about a woman

who says what she thinks, I am overcoming my hesitation and give you my feedback. It is a nice poem but you overdid it and made the woman in the poem caricature of a much more interesting woman. Honestly, a woman can be outspoken, careless about her appearance, but not to the level that you described it.

If you just mean an azdeh, brave woman who is not shallow, you would have to tone it down. I like the general idea though very much. You also need to use some elements of poetry like imagery, metaphor, otherwise, it is many statements which I have done it too but a better poem would have some imagery and metaphor, and preferrably musicality.

ناب، بی‌پروا، شجاع و زیبا

عمرت، عمرش، عمرشون زیاد... کلا مورمورم شد. مرسی‌

ماندا

اشعار قبل از این هم عالی‌ بودند به نوع خودشون. ۱۳۹۱ - سال بسیار هیجان خواهی‌ داشت.

bah bah

excelllllent!