Dad has had a cancerous lump , growing on his liver for the last 5 years. He got chemo for it on a regular basis. Sometimes it worked and it shrunk, some times it didn't.
Recently he has totally failed to respond to medications. He was totally independant until about a month ago. Now we have to help him walk, or use the bathroom. In all possibilities, with all the love and care my Mom's giving him, he may have another month or two to live. I wrote this to an Iranian.com friend tonight. I am sharing it now with the rest of you (The picture is my Dad, some sixty years ago):
* * * * * *
In all probabilities , this is the last time I am seeing my Dad. He is here in Germany and I live in the U.S.
He asked me today "Why can't I die?"
I have talked to people whose loved one just left suddenly. They never got a chance to tell them what they meant to each other.Here I am, and I have the chance to talk to him about love, but it is so incredibly hard to bring myself to speak to him about all he has been to me all my life. And I do not know what to tell him...where to start...where to end..
The superman, the giant of my life, now needs me, to keep my arms around him and to help him go to the bathroom.
Everyone is used to his condition here by now but me... My tears roll down my face every time I think I can hide them... We are men, and we are Iranian men, and we're not supposed to cry. He doesn't want to cry in front of me, and neither do I, in front of him. At the same time, I believe, by having our last talk, he may find the comfort and peace he wants , and would let go.
The selfish bastard in me does not want him to let go. Not yet. I want to keep him longer. For me.
But I only have tomorrow here. I am biting the bullet, and I am going to talk to him, tomorrow. About the little boy ,the soon-to -be-all-alone Ali P. and his Dad.
Tomorrow is going to be one of the toughest days of my life.
Pray for me and my Dad.
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